Daniel and Sara Pt. 12

"About two years after your mom died, I felt I needed to feel a woman close to me. I wasn't looking for love or a relationship. But a man gets tired of just jerking off. So, a few times when you were sleeping over at a friends house.....I....I went to see a, um, professional. You understand?"

Sara was shocked. "You went to a prostitute?"

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry honey. I went to this woman 3 times back then. I thought it would help me. But it just left me feeling empty. Like still being lonely while with someone." He was crying now, deeply ashamed. "I'm sorry, baby."

Sara's heart went out to her father. "Why are you sorry daddy? Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything to me. You didn't do anything that hurt anyone, right? She wasn't like a streetwalker with a pimp controlling her, was she?"

"God no, honey. She was a very pretty, and self employed, woman, working strictly for herself. She was kind and understanding."

"So why are you so upset? I know it was illegal, but I'm hardly one to judge that, all things considered. And it's something I don't even believe should be a crime, not as you describe it. A situation with a pimp should be illegal, a man who abuses a woman, takes most or all of what she earns, uses violence to keep her in line. Totally should be illegal, for the pimps and the johns. The women are victims. But...what was her name, dad?"

"Claudia. So she called herself. Certainly a professional name."

"But Claudia sounds like she was nobody's victim. She was making a living performing a service. You said she was nice, right? So she was helping men like you. So really, why are you feeling so guilty? Tell me, Daniel. Tell me, like I'm your best friend in the world. Which I am." She was stroking his hand.

"Sara.....I used to call her Hannah. I missed your mom so much, I wanted a substitute. Someone to be her. But no one could ever be her. No one could take her place."

"Daddy..." Sara tried to soothe her distraught father, reaching to touch he cheek. "It's ok, really."

He jerked away from her. "Don't you see? I betrayed her, and I betrayed you! It was like cheating on her!"

He felt inconsolable. Sara's heart ached for him. "Daddy, you did no such thing! Did you see Claudia when mom was still alive?"

"No, of course not. That would have been cruel."

"Then get your head out of your ass, dad! Two years....longer probably, right? Mom was pretty sick for a long time before she died." He nodded his head. "So close to three, without any sexual or emotional connection with a woman. Not me; I was a girl and I couldn't give you what you should have had. I don't blame you at all. I'm just sorry it wasn't what you needed. Do you know how terrible I felt for you the last couple of years? When I really started to understand the needs of men and women? After Claudia, it was another five years before we connected. I don't know how you did that. I know why you did it. You're my hero, daddy. Always have been. And you have nothing to feel ashamed about, for being human. Stop being so damn hard on yourself."

Daniel still was feeling shamed in front of his daughter, but it was getting better. "Can I ask what made you think of this? What made you think I had been with a woman in some way?"

"I kind of thought it was something very casual, like a fuck buddy, not a relationship, obviously. I would have met someone if you'd been at all serious with her. I asked because you were saying I was sucking you like a whore would. Like you'd been with someone freaky. But I really didn't suspect a pro. That caught me off guard. Again, under the circumstances, I really do understand. And I'm glad you told me, that you didn't lie about it to me. I love you, and I know you love me just as much. That means we're always honest with each other. You can always be honest with me, dad. I'll be the same with you."

Daniel let her hold his hand. She's something else, he thought, far from the first time. My daughter is an amazing young woman. Without saying a word, he took Sara in his arms and kissed her with pure love. They kissed and held each other for what seemed like hours. "I love you sweetheart. With all my heart. Thank you honey. You keep saving me."

"You saved me a long time ago, daddy. I wouldn't have gotten though losing mom without you. I could never pay you back for all you've done for me."

"Now who's being silly? You owe me nothing, honey. It's been my pleasure being your father. You've never let me down, not once. I love you, and I'm proud of you."

They stared into each other's eyes. Love is forever.