Deep Down Inside Ch. 21-24

"I know it's complicated. But... Look, you are so out of my league that every friend I have is jealous of me. Being with you makes me feel like I'm worth more than I am. But if he thinks he can have you then I feel like nothing again. And I've been feeling that ever since the whole shebang up north."

"Oh my god, Alex. He can never be a replacement for you. I can barely stand the guy most of the time."

"I know, I know."

"I've slept with other guys, babe, but I've never given them what I've given you. If you want to take pride in something then take pride in that."

"You're right. I know it. But you have to trust me that this will help. This will be the last game we play. I swear."

"I dunno... Why is showing it to someone so important if they don't even know who they're watching?"

"I..." My hands were trembling. She was so close to agreeing. I waited for a loud plane to fly along the shore towing a banner printed with, "Bring the world into your home. RCA". "OK, you have to believe me that Kaden stole some of my pride back there. A movie scores some of my pride back. Don't ask me to explain how, it just does."

Drawing out every word, she said, "And you are sure nobody will ever be able to trace this back to us?"

"I've gone over it a thousand times in my head and it would be totally untraceable."

"So if I understand correctly, you are into me being hot for other men, into them wanting to fuck me, maybe actually doing it or at least the thought of doing it, but you're also hung up on this wounded pride thing?"

"That's... That's exactly it."

"Can I say something about that without you getting mad? It sounds like pride is turning you into a big chicken."

I laughed.

"I'm serious. Your pride cares more about what will be thought of you than following your own desires. And I'm the most proud of you when you're chasing after your desires. And when you do, you satisfy me in ways I.... You make sex feel like an adventure. I've never had that with any other man. Half the time I'm worried I'm too boring for you."

"You could never-"

"I really couldn't ever conceive of anyone else as my husband, Alex. You know that, right?"

"Hey, you know without your support and without you pushing me past my comfort levels I really would be too chicken to chase after any of this. For as much as I love about you, that's the part of you I cherish the most."

"OK, but you have to realize this won't be the end of it. You won't be happy until I sleep with the guy, and I'd honestly feel better about doing that than continuing with these manipulative little games."

"But you'll do it. You'll let me show this movie to him?"

"I'll consider it."

"You'll actually consider it?"

"We'll see, OK."

"What did this wild woman do with the uppity woman I married?"

"Sweetie-Pie," she began in the same breathy, husky voice, "that woman and I are one in the same."

Chapter 22: Enter Lewd

8:00 PM on a Friday night and Penelope was still in the office. She was young and pretty, how could she not have a date or something. Alright that was awful of me, she was talented and ambitious, and had moved more work in the last month than Javier and I combined.

I sat at my desk, my noise-canceling headphones covering only one ear, simultaneously listening for Penelope and the soundtrack to the movie playing on my laptop. I was positive there was a moment during filming last week when we made a reference to The Beast, and I needed to ensure it was cut before Saturday night. After all the promises I made to Camille before she'd agree to any of this, I didn't want to even suggest I had a concern for our anonymity, and so I'd been combing through the movie in the office after hours making sure nothing could reveal our identities.

As the night had settled in, the darkness allowed people outside to see in through my office window, and so I had my laptop facing away from it towards the hall door. Our offices had an eighteen-inch wide pane of glass beside the door so the inside of my office was always visible from the hall, and as a result Penelope, Javier and I tossed out the idea of privacy altogether and just kept our office doors open, hence the reason I was listening so closely for Penelope. If she were to walk by... Well she'd never be able to unsee what I had going on on my laptop.

I'd reached the part in the movie where she'd gotten carried away and said, "Oh my God, honey, put The Beast in deep like that!" We'd started out fairly tame for a sex tape, but this movie wouldn't be for our eyes only, and just knowing that had turned me into a real sexual deviant. We'd rented a hotel with an ocean view off PCH in Capistrano Beach. Camille had brought her own sheets and towels, covering the surfboard themed comforter in freshly washed six-hundred thread count sheets. The white sheets had been a blank canvas for us to perform on and that we surely did. Our sex tape had gotten real dirty real quick with lots of vocal encouragement on her part. Only those who'd fucked Camille would ever recognize her sexed-up voice, her crisp words smothered by creaky moans into husky, labored mumbling.

She'd been on her back, her head rolling over the bed, pressing either cheek into the fake blonde hair that fanned out from her wig. Costume cat ears had been set over the wig, black fuzzy triangles fastened to a plastic headband. A black party mask had concealed the top half of her face with the exception of her big, fashion-model eyes, which she'd gone heavy on the cool eye shadow and thick with the black eyeliner. She'd also had a few hits of pot prior to filming and that. coupled with the make up, resulted in eyes tranquilized by lust. She had wet red lips like glazed cherries, which matched the nail polish she'd applied on both her fingernails and toenails the night before. With all that makeup and the blonde wig I'd hardly recognized her, and she'd looked slutty and sexy as hell.

Using my knee I'd had her right leg pinned back while her other leg stretched to the side, leaving a gratuitous view between them. And it was there The Beast plunged inwards, eliciting cries of pleasure from her glossed up mouth. I'd had a hand on the dildo and the other hand on my camcorder, filming back and forth between her face and the monstrous dick intruding into her wet snatch. Her pussy had weeped its natural juice over the hard shaft, catching light in long white swaths. And that wetness had added a sticky gurgle as the thick shaft slid deep into her vagina. It was loud, but the lubed-up visceral assault hadn't drowned out her out-of-control arousal, and if Kaden heard the amateur porn star call out his dick by name he'd surely become suspicious.

As I dragged the program's cut tool across that section of the sound channel my laptop screen seemed larger than ever, projecting a peach colored light throughout my dim office. From my open office door there would be no missing the close up of my wife's engorged vagina, stretched to the limits by the huge dark dick. I heard Penelope's chair squeak and reflexively made a grab for my laptop to shut the hinged screen over the keyboard. But then I heard her settle back into her chair and cautiously brought my screen upright again.

I clipped and snipped the small incriminating section from the soundtrack. My dick was hard and getting harder. I hit play, hunting for any more incriminating references to Kaden's cock. The thought of Penelope two open doors away as I watched a movie of my wife getting severely fucked by a massive dildo made it seem even dirtier in the wildest way. I thought about rubbing my dick just one time through my pants, just one quick rub. Instead I bit down on my thumb, completely consumed by the sight of my wife fucking a big dildo. The guys were going to freak out when they saw this.

The movie came to a long shot up the front of Camille's body, starting with the big dildo appearing extra massive in the foreground, beyond it a foreshortened view of her writhing torso that ended with her face peeking over her tits. The Beast was withdrawn in its entirety, so slippery her tight pussy practically ejected the last couple of inches while the ruby red tunnel closed up behind it. I'd then dropped The Beast's full weight on top of her pelvis with a thud. The thing extended to her belly button and I'd slapped it down a few more times in a very domineering way. It was so mesmerizingly erotic that I failed to hear Penelope, who stood at my office door.

"Whatcha watching?"

"Fuck," I said, scrambling to slam the screen shut.

The swiftness of my reflexes didn't matter at that point, her question and its playfully scolding tone meant she'd seen plenty before making her presence known. "Fuck, Penelope! Sorry! I'm so sorry!"

She was smiling, that was good. Her long red hair had short bangs cut in a straight line across her forehead, framing her eyes in a half square. The gentle crease under her bottom lid revealed both amusement and sympathy. She crossed her arms and leaned her hip against the door frame, her flimsy green dress twisting as she did so.

"It's alright." She then drew her fingers across her lips, zipping them shut. "Our secret."

I'd been watching the movie on my editing software, the same one Penelope used in her work, so she knew it wasn't some porn streaming off the internet. Camille's cat ears, mask and fake wig also made apparent it wasn't professionally made, not to mention the jerky handheld camera. I'd gone to extra lengths to make it look like an anonymous homemade movie untraceable to us, but the same amateurish aspects were a dead giveaway in my current situation. Why else would some guy be editing an amateur sex movie unless it was of a personal interest? The logical assumption to be made was of course the correct one—Penelope had to know the instant she saw my laptop screen that it was my wife's dripping pussy stuffed full of a massive dildo and it was my hand doing the stuffing.

My stomach knotted up and I thought I was going to be sick. I wanted to lie, but what lie could I have told? Instead, I sat there with my mouth hanging open, dumbstruck by her coolly posed form, like some fashion model cop on a totally implausible TV show.

Sensing my unease she spoke again, "So how long have ya been in the movie biz?" It was how she asked the question and how she cutely bit her tongue that made her position clear—she was deliberately making light of the situation and doing her best to let me know I didn't need to be as embarrassed about the ordeal as I obviously was.

Oddly her attempt at soothing me only nudged my embarrassment into anger. The heat already in my veins became suddenly pressurized under tensing muscles, and I blurted out defensively, "I don't know what you...". I caught myself mid sentence and stopped. Instead, I softened my tone and conceded with, "I don't know what to say."

"She's beautiful, Alex. It's OK, you don't have to explain."

It was exactly what I needed to hear. The anger unknotted and I sank back in my chair. My wife was a goddess, not a fucking slut. I had even more respect for my wife because of her hedonism, and Penelope just hinted at being of a similar mind.

"Honestly," she went on, "that shit is kinda hot."

"Thanks." My mouth had grown dry and the words scrapped over my tongue. "I didn't mean to bring it here. I just... It's not cool, I know."

"Relax, Alex. No foul. It's just the three of us."

It was true, our meager office consisted of three people renting space together, there were no policies to abide by.

She still had her hip against the wall and pushed out her perky tits to form modest tents in her sweatshirt, which featured the cartoon image of Rick and Morty being sucked into some kind of spiral time warp. She was going for the quintessential, sexy gamer girl and pulled it off to perfection. She didn't move as she glanced down the hall and then back to me. Not only was she OK with what Camille and I had done, she was turned on by it. Admittedly I can be slightly uptight around women, so she was likely having a total revelation about my affinity for homemade porn.

I suddenly found myself drawn to her glossy lips and the frame of red hair around her green eyes. On another level she was having wild success, her colorful cartoony art on point with the current zeitgeist, and with her artistic talents being duly recognized she'd gained a sparkly star quality. Having myself chased after EA's business only to learn the whole project was canceled I found that sparkle as alluring as her slender exhilarating body.

"I think I'm done for the night," she sighed, and the way her eyes thinned as she smiled made my dick throb. She was halfway out the door, with a hand floating inside my office, a gesture somewhere in between a wave goodbye and an invite to follow.

I imagined shoving everything off my desk and taking Penelope right there on the white laminated top. I'd start playing the movie on my laptop, drape Penelope's legs over my shoulders and fuck her as she watched my wife taking that huge dildo deep and hard. It was a wild, outlandish thought but then Penelope seemed awfully OK over my homemade porn.

Instead I offered to walk her to her car like a real gentleman. I packed up my laptop and grabbed my jacket. We shut off the lights as we exited the short hall and entered the common lobby and then headed out to the parking lot. I peered into Penelope's slitted eyes as I locked the door behind us, and I wondered if women weren't as different from men as I'd been led to believe.

We reached her car, and I gave her a hug goodnight. Having her soft body pressed to mine caused my body to respond with a euphoric warmth. With my hand on her back I spun my wedding ring by rubbing it with my pinky.

I broke our long hug and let her go. Moths circled the tall light overhead and their shadows made her face appear underwater. She drove off as I sat alone in my own car, thinking ahead to the next night and giving my laptop a slap.

Chapter 23: Man Down

I stood by Noel and Jimmy behind Kadiin's couch as Noel swigged his beer and semi-slurred, "I'm surprised so few of us married. I'm not fucking complaining, you know, but it's like what, four?"

"Yeah, in the tight circle it's four," Jimmy confirmed.

"Only four!" I repeated. "Camille's right, my friends really are all single."

Noel punched me in the shoulder. "It's because of you, motherfucker. You were the first and you set the bar too fucking high with your hot-ass mama."

Outside the house, Kaden verbally worked over our soon-to-be groom in front of a bunch of his buddies who'd squeezed into the jacuzzi. Calvin, the soon to be groom, grew up north of Huntington so a lot of faces were unrecognizable. He was half Filipino, and there was another guy who had the same complexion, features and even the same long, black surfer's hair, and I assumed him to be his brother.

Kaden stood on the edge of the sunken Jaccuzi like some kind of fearless general addressing his men down in the trenches. Jacuzzi lights lit him from underneath, as he paced through shadows cast by their soaking bodies. He'd started to grow his hair out again and had been straight up lifting weights to bulk up his rock climber's physique. He delivered a dark speech about how Calvin had better not go AWOL and he said it loud enough to hear inside the house.

"Women want to undermine our power and now we've got a man down." He spit into the grass behind him. "Trish is nice, Calvin, but watch how marriage suddenly gives her the right to tell you what to do. And she'll be inconsistent as fuck about what that is. But the one actual consistency in Trish and every other woman turns out to also be their Achilles Heel. They need dick." He paused to grab hold of his crotch. "Straight up need it! Trish plays coy but she'll do anything once you slay that pussy. Shit, Jane was on me about everything, but once The Beast was out she was all over it. Treated me like a king. And I know she regrets ghosting out. She's missing this dick right now. She's gonna come up a few inches short the rest of her life. So you'd better not suddenly disappear on us, Calvin, because you're the one with a dick, not Trish, and don't forget it."

There was one guy, about five-eleven, with the caked-on-muscle physique of a wrestler, who reached up to hi-five Kaden. The five other guys laughed, but I sensed some unease at the lack of jokiness or cohesion that pseudo-misogynistic, bachelor party speeches tend to have. It was a darker speech because Kaden had in fact ended things with Jane and he took it harder than I'd expected. He'd done it in a text, and then she ghosted him like he'd said.

He came back through the house and looked around, "Still no strippers?"

"It's not even nine yet," I said as he passed, and then added in a low voice meant only for Kaden, "Put on some porn or something,"

"Yeah, good idea. Why don't you put some porn on, Alex. Warm this place up for the strippers."

"On what? Can I stream it on the TV?"

"Yeah, I've got Apple TV and an iPad. Find some on the iPad and fucking mirror that shit!"

He directed me towards his iPad on the coffee table by the bookshelf full of small scale Camaro replicas. My hands trembled as I grabbed it and navigated to a webpage with the bold orange and black logo for Porn Hub. I went to the category drop down and looked at the list. Amateur. Anal. Asian. Blonde. Blowjob. Just reading through a list of sexual preferences and knowing an image of my wife was categorized under one of those hardcore headings made me want to take the iPad someplace private. I clicked just above "Anal" on the "Amateur" category. It took me to a scrollable list of thumbnails and I scrolled down it looking for the thumbnail of my wife. I tried to work fast, since my interactions were being displayed on the seventy-five inch screen and I really needed it to appear as if I'd made a somewhat random selection. I went to the second page and still didn't see it. I didn't know how the algorithm sorted the content, but assumed it attempted to find trending videos. I didn't see it on the second page either, which I thought was odd since I'd only posted it a few hours ago and newer content tended to trend.

Instead of going to the third page I skipped back to the first and scrolled through it a little slower. That's when I saw it, the thumbnail of a blonde Camille in a cardigan sweater, cat ears and a mask. I'd skipped over it because I hadn't thought to look in the very top spot. Holy fuck! My shoulders pulled inwards and my chest constricted as I saw the eyeball icon representing views and the 115K beside it. Shit! And it had only been up for three hours. I thought back on Penelope walking in on me at the office and catching me watching on my laptop. My panic at the time had been so fucking awful that I'd promised myself over and over I'd delete every movie we'd made. I even considered texting Camille and walking her through the process of removing it, because 115K, the thing was going to end up all over the internet if we didn't take it down quickly. But I didn't text her, I'd anticipated this moment far too long, my horniness on autopilot, and I tapped on the play arrow, full-screened it, and dropped the iPad like it was toxic. The giant seventy-five-inch screen in the middle of the room then lit up with an image of my wife standing in the middle of a hotel room unbuttoning her cardigan sweater. She carefully removed it from her shoulders to reveal a soft black bra. She tossed it aside and straightened up for a full length view of her beautiful body. Her youthful skin was a stark cutout from the dim interior, and its creamy whiteness was broken up with a black bra and V-cut undies that stretched tight across her feminine hips.