All Comments on 'Dinner Party Pt. 02'

Use less

Sure. If you're paying me. Otherwise, no.

Thanks for having the drive to write and post here on LW. I assume you'd like constructive criticism, so I'll offer a bit:

#1 You really need to proofread better.

#2 You surely draw us a word picture of your characters, and that's good; but it also cost you a lot of words--words that could be better used showing some action. An instructor once recommended I shoot for cutting a third of the first draft. Seemed a bit drastic at the time, and still does, but the idea is something you may want to adapt.

#3 This is an erotic site--sure hope you have something erotic in mind before we slog our way thru too many more pages.

Having said all this, let me assure you that are better than a lot of first timers, so don't give up. I'm looking forward to Ch 03. cd

You may indeed be disagreeable, I dont know you. But I have read a couple of your stories and they are surely disagreeable. No question about that.