Discord Pt. 02

Cupcake_Domina: God I wanna eat you so bad

Vy: that sounds awesome to me!

Vy: id cum in seconds :)

Cupcake_Domina: Already ahead of you there

Vy: fuck now I want it even more!

Sylvia grinned, lazily petting herself with one hand while texting with the other, and went on teasing Violet with how awesome her orgasm had felt. Violet put up a show of being flustered, but Sylvia knew she loved it. Being pleasing was Violet's biggest thing about being submissive, and knowing she'd given her dominant an orgasm pretty obviously had her delighted.

So, it was a bit surprising when Wednesday came and Violet went silent.

Well, mostly silent. She didn't respond to Sylvia's traditional wake up message, didn't seem to see anything she sent throughout the day, and only appeared online long enough to send a few words.

Vy: really sorry, cant do any play today

Sylvia was annoyed at first, mentally running through punishment ideas, but that gave way to worry as Thursday came and went with nothing else from Violet. Had something happened to her? Was she okay? Or was she fine, and it was something else? Was she angry at her? Had she done something to piss her off? Sylvia scrolled through their messages, trying and failing to find any hints. What should she do now? Keep messaging Violet? Or would that make her seem desperate, and she should give her some space instead?

She decided for a middle ground, to pretend everything was normal and keep sending Violet little nothings about how her day was, but still she didn't respond. It was an emotional roller coaster, and despite her best efforts, Sylvia could barely hold her worst thoughts at bay. Was this it? Was she being ghosted? But no, Violet would say something. Wouldn't she?

Nothing she tried to distract herself worked. Everything she'd become accustomed to doing felt connected to Violet somehow. She couldn't settle into practicing piano without thinking of playing for Violet. She couldn't plan any tasks for her, couldn't lose herself in The Witcher, couldn't even chat with other people on Discord without feeling Violet's absence.

By Friday night, Sylvia was kind of a wreck. Which was to say she felt like a total wreck, but she still credited herself with the 'kind of' because she had managed to log into work and answer a few emails between obsessively checking for anything new from Violet.

Nothing, again. Same as the first hundred times that day, but somehow, it still felt like a fresh disappointment.

Jane nuzzled her hand where it had fallen lifeless on her desk.

"I'm not moping," Sylvia said to Jane's look. Clearly unconvinced, Jane draped herself over Sylvia's arm, as though trying to comfort her with her furry warm belly. Sylvia sighed and grudgingly admitted, "fine, maybe I am," then gave in and pet Jane with her free hand. "It wouldn't be so bad if only I had any idea what was happening."

But it wasn't just not knowing. It was realizing how happy she'd been. How much of her emotions she'd invested in this working out. She'd thought -- or hoped -- that Violet felt the same way. At least a little. Did Violet know that? She had to, she seemed to know everything else about her.

Sylvia shook her head hard, hating how useless she felt. Powerless. Like all she could do was sit here and hope her heart didn't get broken.

It was the same feeling as before she'd met Violet, when she'd thought about how to find somebody and felt paralyzed inside her own body.

That stirred something inside her. No, not that again! Not now that she'd finally gotten a taste of how good being powerful could feel! She could do better -- had to do better, had to trust herself and trust Violet enough to put herself out there a bit.

"Sorry, I need my hands back," Sylvia said, trying to work her way out from under Jane without disturbing her.

It took a while to write the short message, and a while more to work up the courage to hit send, but when she did, she finally felt better.

Cupcake_Domina: Hey, you've been really quiet, and I'm worried. I don't know if it's something I did, or if you're hurt, or what, but I want to help. I really like you. Like, a lot, but I don't know how to help you if you don't tell me. Please, can we talk?

-------------------

Violet looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and red like she'd been crying, her hair was all up in a mess and her pajama shirt looked like it'd been lived in for a few days.

"Hey --" Sylvia started saying, but was cut off by Violet.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry," she sounded as bad as she looked. "I didn't mean to ignore you like that! I just... I didn't think -- didn't realize how much time had passed."

"It's okay," Sylvia said, trying to sound soothing, her own emotional trip seeming trivial faced with whatever Violet was struggling with. "Forget it, just tell me what's wrong."

Fresh tears welled up in Violet's eyes. "Mrs. McGraw passed."

It clicked into place. The old patient friend Violet told stories about. No wonder she looked like she'd rather be dead herself. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I know you two were close."

Violet slowly shook her head, her hair passing over her face for a second before she reflexively tucked it away. "I feel like such an idiot."

"What? No, Violet, why?"

"I guess I wasn't ready for it. Like, we all knew she was going to pass soon. Hell, the way her body was going, it's a miracle she didn't pass weeks ago. Still, she was always so... I don't know... so happy and bright..." Violet trailed off, then continued in almost a whisper. "I guess I thought she'd never go."

Sylvia had no idea what to say to that. Her mind raced, seeing the pain in Violet's eyes and desperately wanting to take it away, but unable to think of anything that didn't seem insignificant.

Violet eventually went on. "I've lost patients before, too. It sucked, but never like this. I dealt with it, it's kind of part of the job. I don't know -- I guess I just kind of assumed I'd be ready for this too."

"But she wasn't just a patient to you, was she?" Sylvia said consolingly, hoping she wasn't making it worse reminding Violet of that. "From the stories you've told me, she sounded more like your friend, and losing a friend is always hard."

Violet nodded, wiping forcefully at her eyes again. "They told me it had happened, but it didn't really hit me until I went to eat lunch. I always used to eat lunch with her in her room, and I went through the motions on autopilot until... well, of course, she wasn't there. They'd cleaned the room too, all her stuff was gone. It was like she'd never even been there."

"That's -- Violet I'm so sorry," Sylvia said, again feeling like it wasn't nearly enough.

She watched, helplessly, as Violet took a few big steadying breaths. "And I feel terrible for shutting you out too. I didn't mean to make you worry, I just--" Violet flashed the camera a quick, embarrassed look before letting her hair fall in front of her face again. "Just didn't want you to see me like this. Didn't want to make you deal with my emotional bullshit."

She sounded so low, Sylvia longed to wrap her up in her arms and squeeze her as hard as she could. Of course, Violet was used to being the strong one who could do anything she set her mind to. Even when she gave up her power as a submissive, she still had so much emotional strength, she seemed capable of rolling with any punch. For her, getting overwhelmed like this probably felt like some kind of a personal defeat, especially in front of her new dominant she was trying to impress. She'd said more than once that being pleasing was the biggest part of her subby identity, so feeling like she was a burden must be especially hard for her.

"It's really okay," Sylvia told her. "You were my emotional rock all through Juno, and we were only friends then. How many nights did you put up with my bitching?

"A lot," Violet admitted.

"Right! You've earned some time on the other side of the therapist couch."

Violet cleared her hair away again. "Are you sure? I'm--"

"Of course I'm sure," Sylvia said brightly, before Violet could be more down on herself. "Whatever you need, I'm here for you. Is it easier for you to talk about her? Or do you want me to distract you? Or do you just want some space?"

A little ghost of a smile played across the corners of Violet's lips, and she murmured something about her allegedly sadistic top showing her true colors once again that made Sylvia roll her eyes. "Yeah yeah yeah, make all your jokes now while your sadistic top is in a charitable mood."

"I think I've had as much alone time as I can take. What do you do when you're trying to not be depressed?"

Sylvia shrugged. "When I'm not dodging my sister's calls, you mean? I bake and then stuff my face with it."

Violet made a sound somewhere between a hiccup and a snort. "Of course you do, Cupcake Domina. So fitting. Well, can you show me?"

If anyone had asked how she expected this conversation to go an hour ago, giving a virtual baking class would probably not have made the list of possibilities. It was yet another loop de loop on Sylvia's emotional roller coaster, but it still felt right. It felt good to slip into the role of caregiver. Part of her felt a little guilty about how relieved she was while Violet was still in a bad place, but she couldn't help it. Her worst fears leaving her was a weight off her back.

Violet got another little chuckle seeing the contrast between Sylvia's desk space and kitchen area for the first time. The office was cluttered with half finished projects, sex toys, notes scattered on every surface, and Jane's cat hair marking her favorite nap spots. The kitchen, on the other hand, was spotless and meticulously organized.

It wasn't exactly a lively session, Violet mostly stayed quiet and watched Sylvia do her thing, but it didn't matter. If there was one thing Sylvia could talk about for hours on end without stopping, it was the intricacies of creating perfection from sugar, flour and eggs.

Talking her way through making the batter and getting the icing ready, it actually felt more natural than she thought it would. Maybe she was getting more comfortable with phone calls. Or maybe it was just all the practice she got being a crazy cat lady having one-sided conversations with Jane.

"You've got to make sure you don't overfill each cup. Too full and the top overflows when the batter rises, and the top parts gets dry and crispy. Not necessarily bad, but not usually what you're aiming for." Sylvia lectured as she filled each cup in the tray with chocolate goodness. "The secret to getting them gooey in the middle is to undercook them very slightly. It's a fine line to hit, they've got to be firm enough to keep their shape, but if you can get them like molten chocolate on the inside it's delicious!"

"Have you ever thought about making your own baking YouTube channel, or something?" Violet finally asked.

"You know, Emma keeps trying to get me to start one, but who would my audience be? There's already hundreds of them, how would mine be different?"

"I'd be your audience," Violet said, her voice sounding a little fuller.

"Great!" Sylvia laughed and turned her voice sarcastic. "Counting Emma and probably our mom, that'd make three clicks."

"Hey, that's three more than you've got right now." Sylvia looked up from checking the internal oven thermometer in time to see Violet smiling! "Those look like they're going to be delicious. How do you resist licking the spoon?"

"Um -- who says I resist?" Sylvia pulled the mixing spoon, still with a load of chocolate batter on it, from where she'd hidden it behind the big bowl out of sight from the camera. "I was waiting for you to be distracted by something so I could pig out."

Even though her eyes were still puffy and her nose looked like it'd been blown once too many times, Violet's continued smile warmed Sylvia's heart. "Would you share a lick or two with me?"

"Violet! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to sneakily make out with me."

"Only if we do it at the same time!" Violet laughed, then made a face like she realized what she was doing. "Thanks for this, it's really helping."

"Of course. Anytime you want. Just next time, please let me know before you spend half a week being miserable by yourself?"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Domina," Violet gave Sylvia a little eye roll, then sighed. "Maybe we can do something like this again next week? I'm probably going to need it after the funeral."

Sylvia bit her lip, hard, knowing exactly what she wanted, and trying to quickly persuade herself to stop thinking about it and just say it before the moment passed. "Um--you know--if you want--" She stammered as Violet's expression grew curious. Just spit it out! "I'll go with you, if it'll help."

Violet's eyes went wide. She hadn't been expecting that. "You're willing to spend 500 bucks to fly here, just to take me to a funeral for our first date?"

Sylvia felt herself blushing. "Well, when you say it like that--"

"No no, I'm just surprised! I like the idea, I'd really love to have you, but it's not the best time."

"Oh," Sylvia tried not to let too much disappointment show.

Violet started clicking around on her laptop and muttering about dates. "I just burned a few vacation days, so I need to show up for work for a few weeks before I spend any more... maybe first week of August? Or the 10^th? Yeah! Does that work for you?"

Sylvia hadn't even realized she was supposed to be following along. "What? Oh, August 10^th? Yeah, sure, what--"

"I think I'll come to you first. That way I can meet Emma and Jane. I'd like that, and we can do New York touristy stuff."

"Wait wait wait, you want to come visit me? Here?"

It was totally unfair how Violet seemed able to talk about what she wanted without getting blushy attacks like Sylvia always did. "Yes, I do."

Sylvia's world lit up with fireworks, and she tried to contain the high-pitched screaming welling up inside her, but then gave up and just let herself go.

-------------------

Epilogue -- Violet

11:13 -- pick you up from JFK

12:25 -- get home, drop off bags, make out

12:45 -- leave for lunch at Sushi Star

1:00 -- lunch, selfies with yummy fish

2:30 -- walk the Highline, selfies in the sun over the river, be obnoxious with PDA

3:30 -- The Standard Biergarten, drink more beer than Emma

Violet's eye ran down Sylvia's itinerary, barely containing herself from laughing. It was so Sylvia, she could practically hear it in her voice. The list continued through a bunch of different pizza places and local food, where they were scheduled to try one thing between them to conserve their appetites for all the stops, until they ended up at Emma's place.

6:30 -- give Emma a fucking hour to doll herself up for the theater because she'll bitch if we don't, threaten to leave without her if necessary.

8:00 -- Hadestown, Broadway selfies, post everywhere for max jealousy

She'd tried to tell Sylvia that she didn't need to spend hundreds of dollars to buy tickets for them, but Sylvia was having none of it. They were only going to get one first date together, and Sylvia was determined to make it amazing. In the end, it was easier to let her have her way, and besides, Violet did really want to see Hadestown.

Not every day was quite as detailed down to the minute, but Sylvia had clearly put a ton of work into this. She really, really wanted this to work out, and it made Violet happy in a way she desperately needed since crying her way through a funeral.

She still felt terrible for making Sylvia think she'd been ghosted for days, but it might be better this way. Like, now Sylvia knew she wasn't some kind of golden, perfect submissive partner. She fucked up just like everybody else, let her emotions make her crazy, and despite getting slapped in the face by that fact, Sylvia still wanted her just as much.

What a long way she'd come. Five failed relationships, months of hunting for somebody new, and she'd lost count of how many perspectives she'd ruled out, all leading to this. Five days in New York City with an awkward cutie who somehow believed she was the lucky one in this relationship.

Violet scrolled through the itinerary again, grinning broadly. Sylvia probably thought all this planning meant she was prepared, but she was wrong, because she had no idea how much Violet was going to rock her world.