All Comments on 'Down Around San Antone'

A nice sensual story of a business partnership coming to fruition. I hope there is another chapter to this story

Great start but we all know this has to continue.

Riverside Ranch?

The one and only! Hey Y'all. Be sure and vote for the stories. It's half the fun of writing here.

I’m sorry but the author’s inability to keep to one tense was distracting beyond belief.

While this story fits inside the "Nude Day" contest and is most definitely exhibitionist/voyeur, it's confusing many times over with very disparate elements thrown together with no apparent reason nor explanation.

The story mentions this place and it's now the Vista Ridge RV Park and it's on the San Antonio River at Elmendorf. I lived in Southside SA for a long time, so while I never heard of the "Riverside Ranch," I knew it was most definitely Elmendorf once I read a little more. Problem is one part of the story mentions going to the west of SA, which would be going toward Lake Medina or Castroville; the story compounds the error by insinuating China Grove, which is east of town. Those were major mixups!

While the story fronts Jan as the driver and going for her Masters (as well as being an exhibitionist)...when she disrobes feels very random at times; although her character suggests he "wants her," there's zero chemistry between them. Some could argue there's plenty of lustful moments, but about every instance feels disjointed and gratuitous--just like surprising the pizza guy--who could have contacted the constable and reported public indecency and really thrown a sabo into their plans. Him getting naked and masturbating or even having sex with her was also just kind of "there." I don't know if those items were more confusing or just throwing in "China Grove," which talks about a town east of SA, known for being extremely backwards and out-of-touch even with the general area; we always joked about China Grove residents and especially those from "La Hernia (La Vernia)." To throw out that song just because part of lyrics say "down around San Antone" wastes the song, because the Doobie Brothers specifically sang it to a very hip and ahead-of-its-time layered presentation and execution, like Tom Scholz and his guitar tone and playing for Boston: the Doobie Brothers employed the very forward-looking music of the song as a counterpoint to the very hick nature of China Grove. Finally, it would be considered exceptionally unprofessional to present ideas with so much gratuitous nudity (vagina, butt)--and especially to float ideas to "partners," as the idea of such "marketing" is to draw in generalized investors. IF the story presented this place to only be marketed to extremely rich and very eccentric investors, it needed to stipulate that, which it did not.

The story title attracted my attention, but did little to keep it, nor did anything to develop the characters and to explain the why of the piece. 1

Comentarista82 - thank you for the intense review.

As far as heading West, that was when we got off the toll road in Seguin headed toward San Antonio.

Does Jan ever need a day off? I have a drivers' license, and I couldn't say no to a Jag (or.... wouldn't).