by Mrfavo
I really enjoy the story when it is told in the first person, from the writers perspective but it is distracting when it changes to being told in the third person, where the writer is telling the story about other people.
Thank you for writing and posting here.
Enjoyed your story so far but you do need to work on making better connections as you continue. The storyline has great potential and I am interested in seeing how you develop as you continue it. Keep up with your story I will enjoy reading more future chapters.
This time, a much better experience for the reader thanks to the time put into proof reading. Great story