February Sucks, YAAE

Linda was taken aback by his snapping, crude question. She looked down and softly said, "No, I'm sorry, we didn't. But he's a professional athlete, so he must get tested, I'm sure he's clean."

"Linda, you idiot, he's a professional athlete, not a porn star. I'm sure the league tests players for steroids and banned substances, but not for STDs. But hey, maybe you're right, did you happen to get a copy of his latest STD report before you jumped into the sack with him? If so, I'd be happy to take a look. Otherwise, there is no way I'm going to jeopardize my health by taking your word that he's 'clean.' We all know how much your word means these days, don't we? And I certainly don't trust the word of some Asshole that preys on stupid, married women."

"But Jim, how are we supposed to put all this behind us if you don't take me to bed and reclaim me? I'm your wife and I love you more than you'll ever know. What do I have to do so you'll love me again and make love to me again in our bed?"

"Well, for starters, you're going to have to get tested for every known STD and either get a clean bill of health or get treatment for any surprises Asshole gave you. And, just so you know, some STDs can remain dormant for a while so you can't just run out and get an STD test tomorrow, you have to wait for the STD incubation periods to end before the test will even be able to indicate that you weren't infected."

"STDs, incubation periods? What are you talking about? How do you know so much about STDs anyway?"

"Well, at night after the kids went to bed, I sat up with my laptop researching things. One of the things I was concerned about was any gifts Asshole may have given you and that you could unknowingly pass along to me. For many STDs, the incubation period is just two weeks, but for HIV and hepatitis the incubation periods are significantly longer with some remaining dormant for months. Given Assholes propensity to have unprotected sex with women he doesn't even know, who knows what he might be carrying around. You might be willing to risk your life to be his slut, but I'm certainly not willing to risk my life not knowing what might be swimming around in your cesspool of a body."

"Fine, I think that you're being unreasonable. You're only saying these things to hurt me, but I'll get tested and show you that I'm not going to give you any STDs. How long do I have to wait before I can get tested so we can get back to making love?"

"I'd say you could get tested in another week or so, many of the incubation periods for the more common STDs would be over by then. Then, you'll need to get tested again in about six months to make sure you're still clean and you don't test positive for STDs with longer incubation periods, like HIV and hepatitis."

"To be honest, however, right now, the thought of climbing into bed with you after what you pulled last Friday night makes me want to puke. I have absolutely NO interest in 'reclaiming' my wife, or even touching you for that matter. I thought my wife was already mine until she willing gave herself to another man. I'll sleep in the den for now, I'm sure we'll have more talks over the weekend."

"Jim, PLEASE, don't do this to us! We can't start rebuilding our lives if we aren't even sleeping in the same room. I'm SO sorry that I did this to us, I'll regret my actions until my dying day, but I NEED you back in my life. I want to be your wife again in every sense of the word. I know what I did hurt you, but I promise that I didn't leave with Marc to cause you pain. He just swept me off my feet and I just had to follow through with the experience. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You didn't even think about me that night, did you?" Linda looked down without answering.

"Look, I'm not going to make any promises because, as we know, unlike some, I keep my promises. I might consider returning to our bedroom before your first batch of STD results are back. However, understand that there's absolutely No WAY I'm having sex with you until I'm a sure that you're not going to infect me with something, so don't even think about it. I've told you, I'm not risking my health because you 'THINK' some unprotected Asshole that you fucked is clean."

"I was hoping you could just hold me for a while, would that be too much to ask? Maybe rub my back a little like you used to? I could go down to the 24-hour pharmacy and buy some condoms if you want to play it safe, or I give you a blow job if you want, you wouldn't even have to reciprocate. I just need to feel close to you."

"I'm just thinking about the last cock that passed through your lips. It wasn't mine, was it?"

Linda started to cry, lowered her shaking head and quietly said, "no."

"And I'm certainly not going to wear a condom to have sex with you all because you let some NFL Asshole fuck you repeatedly WITHOUT one!"

"Let's get this straight. The thought of having you blow me, or even touch me, for that matter, makes my skin crawl. You need to give me some time to even be in the same room with you without wanting to scream at you."

Jim's voice started to crack as he followed, "Why, Linda? Why did you have to do this to us, to our family? Your selfishness broke our happy home into a million pieces, and I can't figure out a way to put it back together again," as he hung his head and began softly crying.

Instinctively, Linda stepped forward and wrapped her husband in her arms. "I'm so very sorry Jim, I'd do anything to take it back..." she started to say more but felt Jim aggressively widen his arms breaking off Linda's hug. He took a step back and glared at her, "Don't you DARE touch me again until I tell you that I'm ready for that."

"Jim! I'm I'm sorry," she stammered, "I just wanted to comfort you, nothing more."

"Fine," Jim replied, she noticed some of the aggressiveness out of his voice, "I'm going to need some time Linda. You need to know, if it wasn't for the kids, I'd be long gone and never come back. Even with the kids, I really doubt that we can make it. You were the one person that I trusted implicitly, and you dropped me for a total stranger, without a single look back. And on our special night of all nights. You should have seen the look of pity on the clerk's face when I checked out of the hotel without even spending the night."

"Linda, I might have been able to forgive a drunken mistake if you were alone and out of town. Sure, I'd be angry as hell, but maybe I could understand the alcohol and the circumstances caused you to make a huge mistake. But Linda, I was there and watched this happen right before my eyes! You weren't drunk, you were sober. You even planned ahead and used Dee and a restroom excuse as a diversion to mislead me so that you could duck out and go fuck that Asshole just because he's a famous football player. A marriage can't survive without trust and, right now Linda, I have absolutely NO trust in you! How am I ever going to be able to trust you again? How?"

On hearing Jim's version of the evening and his complete lack of trust in her, Linda crumpled to the floor and sobbed. "Oh Jim, what have I done? I can't say it enough, but I'm so so very sorry for the way I treated you and our marriage. I wish we would have just stayed home and let Mrs. Porter watch the kids for the night and we could have made love all night long. You and the kids are the best things to ever happen to me, you are my life."

Looking up at her husband, she continued, "Please promise me that you'll at least try to let me earn back at least some of your trust, PLEASE? We can go to counseling! While you were gone, I researched therapists that have excellent reviews and really helped couples that were struggling. I've got a list of names on my phone, maybe you could look at them and pick one out? I would have stored the list on the computer, but I discovered that you changed the password so I couldn't use it."

Jim helped Linda off the floor, she realized that it was the first time that he had reached out and touched her since they were at the club exactly a week ago. He assured her that he would look over the names of the marriage counselors and try to find one that he would be willing to try. Both of them seemed exhausted after the heightened emotions and outbursts. Linda knew she had an uphill road to climb for her marriage, but she was willing to do most anything to keep her family intact.

---------- o ----------

The next day, Saturday, Jim was at the family computer and asked Linda to join him. She asked him what he needed and he asked if she'd like to go over her list of marriage counselors. She agreed and grabbed her purse and her phone from the kitchen and rejoined him at the computer. Jim let her know that he had changed the family computer password back to what it used to be.

They sat side by side and reviewed the list of names that Linda had compiled. Linda realized they hadn't sat this close since being at the club over a week ago, just being physically close to her husband made her feel happier. Together, they went through reviews of the various counselors and Jim nixed several from her original list for one reason or another, eventually leaving them with a set of three counselors with very good recommendations -- two were male and one was female.

"I'd be happy with any of these three, at least for starters. Why don't you make the final selection and we'll make an appointment?"

From the reviews, Linda felt a little more affinity for the female therapist, but thought that Jim might be more comfortable with a male, so she picked the male therapist that she liked the most, not really knowing why she liked him more than the other guy.

"How about this guy, John Saunders? He seems quite experienced and his clients really had nothing but good things to say about him."

"He looks good to me too. I'll call him Monday from my office and make an appointment once I see how my work schedule looks. Are there any conflicts for you over the next couple of weeks?"

"I've got an eye exam on Thursday afternoon and a week from Wednesday I have a hair appointment. Other than that, there's nothing that I can't easily reschedule."

"Alright, I'll text you with the appointment day and time, assuming he isn't too busy to see us."

On Monday Linda received a text that the counselor had an opening on Friday at 2pm and Jim had reserved the spot. Linda texted back her confirmation and thanked Jim for setting it up. We're finally making positive steps to putting our marriage back together. God, I hope this really helps us, we could really use a break.

That night, after dinner Linda asked if having her first test for STDs the Monday after their first meeting with their new counselor would be too soon. At that point, it would be over two weeks since she spent the night with Marc.

Jim stared at Linda for a moment. She worried that bringing up Marc and STDs might set Jim off again. After a moment, Jim's eyes softened and he said, "that sounds about right for the most common STDs. You'll have to wait for about six months before you can be cleared of HIV and hepatitis."

"I know. Do you think you might be able to rejoin me in our bed once I get a clean bill of health?"

"I might, but let's take it one day at a time. After you do the blood draw and provide whatever other specimens they need, it will be a while before you get the results back, maybe another week or two."

"Oh, I didn't know it took so long." Linda dropped her head and said quietly, "I really miss sleeping next to you in our bed."

"Well, you'll want to use a reputable lab to make sure the results are reliable. It might not take that long, but who knows what the backlog might look like."

Over the next few days, Jim and Linda settled into a new kind of normal. Sleeping in separate rooms, but having family dinnertime together and spending time together with the children. Since the kids went to bed earlier than their parents, they didn't seem to notice that Jim and Linda were no longer sleeping together. Jim noticeably softened his demeanor with Linda and his angry outbursts towards her all but disappeared.

Jim gave her a new credit card to replace the cards that he had canceled. She wondered why she only got one card when he had canceled three, but she chose to ignore it. Jim was responsible for paying the bills and managing their money so, while she wondered why the checking and saving account balances remained pretty low, she decided not to press the issue so long as she could use her credit card and occasionally get cash from the bank's ATMs.

---------- o ----------

On Friday they had their first marriage counseling session with John Saunders. As introductions were made, Jim asked "what do you prefer to be called? Dr. Saunders, Mr. Saunders, John?"

"Well, don't call me Dr. Saunders because while I've got a Master's Degree in counseling, I certainly don't have a PhD. Please, just call me 'John.' I'll call you Jim and Linda, assuming that's what you prefer?"

"Yep, Jim and Linda work fine for us."

"OK, so in this first session, I'd like to learn about the two of you, how long you've been married, your family life, and finally why you decided to make an appointment to see me."

Linda took the lead and talked about how they met, how long they'd been married, and their two children. John asked a few additional questions and found that Linda was a stay-at-home mom for the time being, at least until Tommy started school in a couple of years, and that Jim owned his own small business that was doing pretty well. Once the background information exchange had taken place, John asked, "OK, I have a pretty good idea on the two of you, your kids, and your family life. Now, lets talk about why you decided to meet with me and how I might be able to help you."

At this point, Linda looked over at Jim. "I think you'd be better at telling John what happened, would you mind?"

"No, of course not," Jim said, as he started retelling the story about leaving the kids with a babysitter and having a grown up night on the town at a nice hotel with a group of friends until Linda abandoned him to spend the night with a famous football player who was a complete stranger to them before that night. John looked a bit startled at the revelation, but didn't make any comments.

Their appointment time was just about up, so John asked them to each think about the two or three top issues that they were facing and they'd start by discussing them at the next session. They settled on meeting each Friday at 2pm for the foreseeable future.

"Sometimes, after we meet, I might have some exercises or things for you two to work on together. However, for this next week, I'd like you to keep the issues you want to discuss to yourselves until our next meeting. The next meeting might be a little tough as I'm sure emotions and feelings are still, understandably, raw. Over the years, I've found that discussing these initial issues during the session time helps keeps things more civil and allows for a more productive outcome."

Jim and Linda both nodded their head and agreed to think about the major issues that they'd like to work on during their sessions with John. Since Jim had come to the meeting from work, they had driven separately to John's office. They walked to the parking lot together, both a little subdued and quiet from the initial session. In the past, Jim would usually hold Linda's hand or have his arm gently on her back or shoulders. Now, however, they walked out without any body contact whatsoever. In the past, when they drove somewhere separately, Jim would insist on walking Linda to her car, opening her door, and making sure she was safely on her way before going to his own car.

"Where are you parked?" he asked. Linda's heart skipped a small beat as she replied, "Oh, I'm a few rows down, over there to the right."

"OK, well I'm right over here. I've got to go back to the office for a couple more hours, I'll see you at home later tonight," as Jim turned to the left and ambled towards his car. It was just a small gesture, or actually a lack thereof, but it spoke volumes to Linda. Jim no longer considered her special, no longer cared for her safety and well-being the way he cared before she screwed everything up.

"Hey Jim?" Linda called after him. Jim stopped and turned back to her, "Yes?"

"I just wanted to thank you for setting this up and going through counseling with me, I know it isn't easy or fun but I really appreciate the fact that you're trying to work with me on putting our marriage back together."

Jim paused and just looked at Linda for a few moments. Finally, he replied, "You're welcome, Linda," as he turned and continued walking to his car.

---------- o ----------

The following Friday the couple had their second session with John Saunders. Upon arriving in the waiting room before their session, John noticed a bandage on Linda's arm where she had obviously had a blood draw.

"I see you went in for testing today."

"Yes, as a married woman it was embarrassing requesting an STD panel, but I got the impression that the nurses see all kinds of cases and they didn't say anything that made me feel bad. They asked if I had any physical symptoms and I told them no. A doctor gave me a physical exam, looking for any redness or signs of infection and said that she didn't see anything that looked suspicious. They took blood and I gave a urine sample and they also took swabs from my cheek and vagina, so they were certainly thorough. The good news is that they were pretty sure that they could have the full results back to me within a week."

"That's good, glad you're getting that taken care of." Just then John opened is office door and ushered them inside to start their second session.

Not surprisingly, Jim's major issue was that of trust. He explained how his trust in Linda had been completely broken, and that he feared that he would never be able to trust her again, at least not as much as he needed to be able to trust his wife. His second issue was that of inadequacy. He explained that they were talking about resuming intimacy soon and that he had just recently returned to sleeping in their marital bed.

"I am very apprehensive about being intimate with Linda again. She spent almost an entire day with a professional athlete that, in her own words, was extremely talented and played her like a well-oiled instrument. How am I ever going to be able to compete with that? Also, I'm sure that I will wonder if she is thinking about her time with him when she is making love to me. I can't help it, but I think that most guys in my position would feel the same way."

John was pleased that the couple was able to discuss some very difficult and emotional issues without resorting to name-calling and angry shouting. Many of his clients weren't nearly so controlled. John could readily understand Jim's major issues, and frankly expected them, but he felt that with time, understanding, and love they could indeed reconcile. Maybe not be the same couple that they were before the infidelity, there were certainly some chinks in their armor now, but they could likely return to a state of love and togetherness, if they could work and find a way past their issues.

"Thank you, Jim. I assure you your feelings and issues are not unusual, given the circumstances. Do you have any other 'major' issues you want to put on the table before we hear from Linda?"

"Just one more for now. I'm not really sure what to call it, maybe anxiety or apprehension. I feel kind of trapped. I feel like I might be wasting my time in this marriage since I don't see a path for getting past my first two issues. I've already told Linda that the ONLY reason that I'm trying to patch things up and reconcile is because of our kids. I can't imagine living apart from them, the thought terrifies me. If it wasn't for them, I'd already be gone."