February Sucks, YAAE

Linda bowed her head. "Jim, you are such an attractive and sexy man. Amber and so many others out there would jump at the chance to have you, even for one night. I'm not at all surprised that a beauty like Amber tried to seduce you. I'm also sure that there have been other women that have tried to seduce you that you haven't told me about."

"Your story makes what I did with Marc even more despicable. You resisted a beautiful woman in another city where no one would have ever known that you cheated. I, on the other hand, slipped out of a club to cheat with another man right in front of my husband and a table full of our friends, all because he was a famous football player. I really wonder what the hell was wrong with me."

"Now you know your answer of how you'd feel if I slipped away with another woman right in front of you. You'll never know, because it will never happen."

Linda smiled and looked up at her husband, wondering what she did to be married to such a loyal and faithful man.

"One other thing that I need to know before we put this issue to rest. Did you and Marc do anything that you haven't done before with me? Anal or anything else a little kinky or a bit different that we've never thought of? Anything that one of us suggested in the past and the other refused?"

Linda's eyes widened when she heard Jim's question. Jim had tried to convince Linda to try anal sex a few years back, but she refused saying that she wasn't interested.

"No Jim, we had sex in different rooms, in the shower, and in a quite a few positions, but it was always straight sex or oral. At one point, Marc wanted to put a small toy in my ass, but I told him 'no' and I also told him that I wouldn't do anything with him that I hadn't already done with my husband. Marc respected my wishes and didn't try anything like that again."

Linda thought that maybe she could entice Jim back to her bed with the promise to try anal sex or something else that she had never done with anyone else. "Jim, I know that you wanted to experiment with anal sex a few years back, but I was always too reluctant to try it. I admit that when Marc wanted to play a little with my bottom, a part of me wanted to let him. However, I actually thought of you at that point and how it wouldn't be at all right to give Marc something that I had refused you. I'm glad that I had at least had that tiny bit of resolve and some thought of what I was doing with him that night."

"I've read more and more about normal, married couples enjoying anal sex and, I have to admit, I am somewhat curious. I'd really like to resume having sex with you, I really miss us making love and being close to one another like that. I promise you that, when we resume our love making, I will have a more open mind and will try to play around like you wanted in the past. I can't promise you a full-bore anal romping like you might see in porn movies. However, I can say that I'd be willing to try some new things out, maybe start with some small toys, and see where things end up. I'd love for us to have something new and special that is only between us. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like you're trying to bribe me," Jim said with a smirky grin.

"Well, maybe I am. I'm desperate for you to make love to me again. Sometimes I feel like a dog in heat. Would you be willing to be with me once I get my clean bill of health? I should be getting it in just a few days."

"I told you I'd do my best. However, I'm going to need to you be extra patient with me. I might have a lot of thoughts racing through my brain when we first try again, so I'm not promising any fireworks right off the bat."

"I understand, no expectations or anything, I promise. I'm happier now just sleeping in the same bed with you, spooning each other, holding each other, and falling asleep in your arms. Just looking over at you while you're sleeping makes my heart sing."

"When we try again, I'll be fine if neither of us has an orgasm our first time. Then again, I've got to warn you that as wound up I've been lately, I'm likely to explode the first time you touch me. But I promise you -- absolutely no pressure or expectations. I just want you to feel good being with me again."

"How about we see if Mrs. Porter can babysit the first Saturday after you get your test results back? Maybe we could go out for a light dinner and then return home and see what happens? Maybe she can watch them overnight so we don't have to watch the clock?"

"Oh Jim, that sounds wonderful. I just can't wait to get those stupid results back."

---------- o ----------

The next session with John Saunders went fairly well. Jim and Linda reported that their at-home session went exceedingly well and that they had a good discussion, and may have even resolved, Jim's 'inadequacy' issue. They told John that they planned to resume their love making over the weekend as Linda had received her clean STD test results that morning before their session.

Linda was so excited when she received the results from the lab's internet portal that she printed the results on a piece of paper. She then wrote in big letters "Guess what we're doing tomorrow night????!!!!!! I can't WAIT! I love you so much!" She took a picture of the report with her handwritten note and texted the photo to Jim's phone while he was working.

Jim was in his office when he got the text message and had a small laugh to himself. He figured that the test results would probably be clean. However, he figured that forcing Linda to go through with getting tested for STDs would drive home the gravity of the situation. It also let her know that having sex with someone else while in a supposedly monogamous relationship could be a very risky proposition, in more ways than one.

Jim told John about Linda's phone call with Dee that he overheard earlier in the week. Jim expressed that he felt happier upon hearing Linda's side of the phone conversation than he had felt in a long time.

John turned to the couple's set of issues that they introduced during the last session. "Well, it looks like you're making good progress on the 'inadequacy' issue. I'm happy for you and I'm really hoping the next week or so really helps you check that one off the list. I get the feeling that the past week has also helped Linda some with her issue of feeling unloved?"

"Yes," Linda replied, "I think we still sometimes walk on eggshells around each other, neither one of us wants to say the wrong thing and cause a setback. We haven't had many, if any, harsh words for each other over the past week. Jim also moved back into our bedroom and we've been sleeping together since Wednesday, but agreed that there'd be no sex until I got my results back. I'm so glad that I got the results back today. We've got a babysitter all lined up for tomorrow night. I think when things return to 'normal,' or even 'better than normal'," Linda said with a quick look and grin towards Jim, "we should both be happier, I know for sure I will."

"How about your issue of guilt that you brought up last week Linda?"

"I still have flashes of guilt from time to time. Last week, Jim recalled something that happened to him last summer in Dallas when a beautiful woman tried to seduce him when he was away on business. Jim rebuffed her advances even though they were in another city and there is no way I would have found out if he cheated. I felt guilty because I fell for an NFL jock right in front of my husband and a table full of our friends. That really isn't the person that I thought I was or the person that I want to be."

"I understand," John replied. "I hate to be a party-pooper, because your past week sounds like a really good one, but the issue on your lists that is probably going to the most difficult to resolve is Jim's issue of 'trust.' If we work together and overcome that issue, which I admit won't be easy, I think we'll be on the home stretch. Overcoming the issue of 'trust' will also convince Jim that his time wasn't wasted on these sessions, and will also help Linda with her issues of feeling unloved as well as with her feelings of guilt. What do you think?"

"I agree," Jim replied, "I think you're right about how the issues are largely related, but as hard as I try, I keep drawing a blank on what we could do to repair my lack of trust in Linda. We were together for almost ten years of marriage, after a few years of exclusive dating, and she walked out on me to have sex with a complete stranger without even a thought about me or our marriage. I know the guy is a famous football player, but we'd never even seen him in person before that night. After that, I really don't know what she could say or do to make me really trust her once again."

"Jim, I've been a wreck seeing what my decisions that night have done to my you and our family. The past few weeks have been a total nightmare. I know my words don't mean a lot right now, but do you really think I would do anything to cause us to go through something like this again?"

"No, I doubt you'd do anything so blatant again like you did that night. But how do I know that you won't cheat again if the opportunity presents itself and I'm not around? I don't plan to keep you prisoner or watch over you 24/7, that's not a marriage I'd want for either of us. On top of that, you've already said that you plan to go back to work this fall, a decision I support by the way."

"Jim, please try to understand that on that night with Marc the stars aligned, but unfortunately for us they aligned in a bad way. A famous NFL player, a hero and heartthrob to many, walks over and picks me out of a room full of women and then he proceeds to dance with me and seduce me back to his place. I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I'm certainly no supermodel. For Christ's sake, I'm a 35-year-old married housewife with two kids. Having a character like Cinderella's 'Prince Charming' sweep me off my feet was like getting struck by lightning on a clear, sunny day."

"That's the problem, Linda, it did happen, and whose to say it couldn't happen again? I've got a couple of thoughts in response. First, I agree in the adage that 'once a cheater, always a cheater.' You've already shown me that you have the capacity, and willingness, to cheat. Maybe only when the right set of circumstances come along, but still you've cheated. I've known guys that cheated on their wives and it became an addiction. They might try to hide it, maybe only cheat when they away on business, but once they got started, they couldn't stop. Some of them even expressed the desire to stop, but it was like kicking any other addiction, they just had to have a little bit more."

"Second, whose to say that another 'Prince Charming,' isn't going to set eyes on you? Yes, you're a 35-year-old wife and mother, but anyone can see that you're also a very attractive woman. There's something about you that attracts men, me included. The Asshole from the club, your own personal 'Prince Charming,' obviously enjoys preying on married women. I seriously doubt that he's the only guy, or even the only 'Prince Charming' out there, that has an appetite to seduce married women and make unwilling cuckolds out of their husbands."

Linda sat back in her seat, eyes somewhat widened and mouth slightly agape, absorbing Jim's thoughts on the matter. What scared her most was that she couldn't really disagree with him. She had blatantly cheated, that was a fact. She never would have fathomed that she could so quickly and callously walk out on a romantic night with her husband to have a night of animalistic sex with a man that she just met. But it happened, she was guilty as charged. How could she know that she wouldn't do it again? Like Jim said, if the right set of circumstances were present, would she be able to resist and stay true to her marriage?

"I, I, I don't know what to say," Linda sputtered, suddenly at a loss for words. Looking down at her hands, clasped in her lap, she muttered, "I didn't realize you thought so little of me, that I was that disgusting and weak."

"I don't think you're disgusting and weak. I'm just saying that on that night you showed me, and yourself, that you have a vulnerability, call it a weakness, to cheat on me and our marriage just as I just described. What assurance can you give me, or yourself, that this vulnerability won't raise its ugly head again? How do I know that you won't do something similar ten years down the road and completely destroy our marriage?"

Linda and Jim went back and forth for the rest of the session with John interceding only occasionally to keep things civil, trying now and then to offer ideas and suggestions.

At one point, Linda suggested having a GPS installed in her car and in her purse, in addition to the FindMyPhone app she had on her phone, so that Jim could always know her whereabouts. While Jim thought that it was something worth considering, he countered that he didn't plan on being her jailor or keeper and wasn't interested in having to keep track his wife's every location to make sure she didn't cheat.

At the end of the session, the couple stood and embraced each other, at first tentatively, but then more enthusiastically until they were in a full-on embrace. Linda spasmed slightly as she started to sob. "Honey, I can't say it enough, but I'm so very sorry for what I've caused." John lovingly patted her back and soothed, "I know sweetie, I know."

After drying her eyes with a few tissues from John's desk, the couple took their leave. This time, on the way to their cars, Jim held Linda's hand as they walked together. Linda thought of the embrace and realized that it was the first time that she had called Jim "honey," or any term of endearment, for that matter, since he had admonished her a few weeks back. He had also called her "sweetie," something he hadn't done in weeks. The realization made her heart feel light.

Jim seemed to know where her car was this time as they walked towards it. Like after the last session, Jim held her door opened for her and Linda gave him another kiss on the lips to which he responded with a tad more vigor than before.

"I love you honey," she said. "I know," he responded, "you do know that I love you too, right?"

"I know, sweetheart, you show it just by being coming to these sessions with me," she smiled. Jim nodded as she got behind the wheel. He closed her door and then waited until she was safely on her way before heading to his own car.

Up in his office, John looked out his window and watched the couple leave. He smiled at their interaction. They were a good couple, he really wanted them to make it.

---------- o ----------

Saturday, Jim and Linda walked the kids over and dropped them off at the Porter's house, complete with their ensemble of pillows and over-night accessories. Mrs. Porter greeted the group in her usual bubbly, happy manner. From the entryway, Linda glanced towards the family room and met eyes with Mr. Porter. She hadn't interacted with him in the past several weeks, ever since her last scornful encounter after being dropped off by Marc LaValliere.

Linda suspected that Jim had talked with Mr. Porter in the intervening weeks, but wasn't sure. Mr. Porter stared at her for a moment, like he was assessing her, before he gave her a slight smile and nodded his head. The brief interaction, without words even being exchanged, lifted her spirits tremendously, making her almost feel like she had been 'pardoned' for her sins by the older man that everyone seemed to respect.

The dinner at the upscale restaurant was wonderful and Jim, as expected, was a perfect gentleman -- holding doors and helping her get seated at their table. How could I have thought that Marc was a gentleman when my own husband is the very definition?

The dinner was wonderful, sharing a dozen exquisite oysters flown in from New England for an appetizer along with a fresh garden salad for each of them that was accompanied by an amazing vinaigrette dressing that the waiter said was made from scratch at the restaurant from the owner's own recipe. For entrées, Linda chose a grilled branzino fish, while Jim elected steak.

The waiter had recommended a nice Napa Valley pinot wine that he thought would pair nicely with everything they had ordered. He must have been a sommelier; his recommendation was perfect. Her fish, the wine, and everything else, had been absolutely superb and their waiter was a class act -- attentive without being annoying. Jim had commented that his filet was fantastic and cooked to perfection. Jim usually went for the full filet, but tonight he had ordered the petite cut. Linda was hoping that he chose the smaller cut so that he wouldn't overdo it and feel too full when they returned home to 'reconnect.'

Just the thought of making love with her husband again was making her slightly moisten, tingling with anticipation, causing her to have to scooch a little in her seat. She found that she had been staring at Jim's face while the thoughts had been going through her head.

Jim smiled, "I don't mind if you stare, especially with those beautiful eyes."

With everything finished, the couple sat and enjoyed the last of the wine, having finished a bottle of the recommended vintage. Normally, Linda enjoyed lingering after a fine meal at a nice restaurant, appreciating some quiet, adult conversation, maybe enjoying a small desert, a coffee, or an after-dinner drink. Not tonight. Tonight, she was impatient. She wanted their dinner to end and for Jim to take her home for some very anticipated and long overdue love making.

Their waiter returned and asked if they were interested in desert, coffee, or an after-dinner drink. He recommended a few special deserts that sounded delectable, and she saw that Jim's face registered interest.

Jim looked at her and asked, "Some of those sound really good, would you like to try anything, we could split something if you'd like?"

"They do sound very good, but I'm so full. I don't think I could eat another bite. I'd rather wait and maybe have a little something when we get home," she said looking him in the eye.

Jim was no dummy, he knew what she was saying. He smiled back at her and then looked at the waiter, "Everything was wonderful, but I'm afraid we're both too full for desert or coffee. I'll just take the check whenever you're ready."

The waiter smiled, he'd been around a while and likely knew the message being conveyed between the couple. "Certainly, sir. I'm happy that you enjoyed your meal. Please give me a moment and I'll be right back with the check," as he left their table to finalize the bill.

Linda fought hard to contain herself, willing the waiter to hurry back to take care of the check, and allow them to dash home for the main event. She looked at Jim's face, noticing a gleam of anticipation in his eyes and a smirky smile on his face. God, she loved this man! Why did I ever jeopardize this wonderful husband and our life together, all for a cheap roll in the sheets with a narcissist that probably doesn't even remember my name?

Finally, the check was processed and Jim left a sizable gratuity for their waiter. Leaving the restaurant, Jim gave the valet their parking stub and they waited outside for their car to arrive. It was now late March, the snow had all but melted, but there was still a definite chill in the air. While Linda had thought to bring a shawl, she didn't bring a coat as she hadn't expected to be outside for very long.

Sensing her chill, Jim wrapped an arm around her, bringing her closer to his body and his warmth. Linda basked in the warmth, and love, of her husband. The chill, Jim's warm embrace, and the manly scent of his cologne, combined and invaded her senses as a powerful aphrodisiac. If that valet doesn't show up with our car soon, I'm going to attack my husband and have my way with him right here on the sidewalk -- damn the consequences!