Fever 02

[Beep, beep]

"Hold please."

[Holds up dainty hand in a "stop" fashion]

"[click, click] FireFever102 to base, requesting code 7726GGT1, over [click, click]."

"What you talking about, sugar?"

"[Click, click] base for FireFever102, Ruben says that's a myth, over [click, click]."

"[Click, click] base, I have two perfectly green shaded eyes on a black diamond driving a mint 2008 Black Bullitt Stang, 4-speed, over [click, click]."

"[Click, click] base, Ruben passed out. Sending valet parking attendant in golf..."

"[Click, click] base, base, base, do not send Pete Sakes on golf cart! I repeat, negative on Pete Sakes in golf cart, negative, [crackle, malfunction, crackle]."

"[Click, click] FireFever102, you cut out. Pete Sakes is on his way in golf cart for Black Diamond and valet car parking, over, [click, click]."

"Hey, sugar, what the hell?"

[Golf cart quietly rolls up, Henry the valet parking guy jumps out]

"Holy black diamond in a black bullet! Ma'am, ma'am, I'll drive it like a baby and park it like a newborn and wash and wax it and hand dry it and tee he, may I leave my number inside of the glove box, huh?"

"Crazy white peoples! Sugar, what's this all about then, hmm?"

"[Click, click] base to FireFever102, is subject tall? Looking for a Moto Cross Race Heat Announcement board specialist, over, [click, click]."

"[Click, click] base, slender legs are like infinity, end at impossibly small and tight intersection, multiple customers close to passing out, over [click, click]."

[And Henry the overwhelmed valet parking guy is still at it]

"And if your momma doesn't kill me for being a white boy, we can have a picket fence and three kids and a 3-car garage and..."

"Sugar, someone had better start explaining something to me! And give me this cry baby's name, but only because I like to torture men!"

"[Click, click] FireFever102, can subject perform code 4484YY26, over [click, click]."

"Sugar, what did that crazy lady say?"

"(Can you make it clap in a moto cross romper and make men pass out?)"

"Stupid fucking white peoples! I mean, sugar, don't ever under estimate a black woman's booty [rib punch], but [mwah] thanks for noticing my legs and my tight butt [other rib punch], sugar [just because the black diamond likes to torture men]. Hold the mic, wait, you're FireFever102?"

[Twerk, clap, smack, twerk, smack, clap, twerk, clap, twerk, smack, twerk, clap, clap, smack, clap, clap]

"[Click, click] base to FireFever102, we heard that and it woke Ruben up, over [click, click]."

Well, I passed out.

"[Click, click] base to FireFever102, please respond, over [click, click]."

"[Click, click] black diamond to base, FireFever102 passed out, over [click, click]."

"[Click, click] base to black heart stopper, FireFever102 is our favorite, please revive immediately using FireFever102 fault code 1212TT4, over, [click, click]."

"Stupid white, [click, click] black bullet to base lady, what the hell does that mean, over, [click, click]."

"[Click, click] base to black beauty, straddle passed out FireFever102, unsnap your bra, shift one boob, re-snap bra closed, do not let boobs out for fear of heart attack, just unsnap, shift, re-snap, over [click, click]."

[Straddle, bra latch un-snap, shift left, re-snap bra]

"[Groggy] oh, did a bus hit me? Or was it the T-Rex's pimp squad? Where am I? And why do my ribs hurt?"

"Well, I'll be damned! [Grunts while lifting stupid little white boy off of the ground] snap out of it, FireFever102! Your people are worried about you, sugar!"

[Oh, Pete Sakes slides in to take over]

"Ahem, I got him, Miss Black Diamond, so, come on, FireFever102, shake it off."

[Pete Sakes steadies and provides a vigorous rub down, um, shake down]

"OMG, sugar #2, is that how you steady all of your fellow employees? Hm, hm, hm! That's sex in my book, sweetie. OMG, you two hooked up before!"

[A mad scramble for proper presentation]

"Tee he, come on, Miss Black Diamond, Ruben is waiting inside of Stage Door B to personally help fit you into a moto cross rumper suit, so, tee he, we should get going then, so?"

"Mm, mm! That's right, Boy Toy, you better get me inside of Stage Door B and on the way, you can tell me all about the sex percentage history that you have had with FireFever102 and you should know, honey, I automatically subject 19% from every white person sex story, so make it juicy, hm, hm! And FireFever102, as soon as black people start hanging out on the Strip, well, I'm going to kill you with my tongue! Drive, sweetie."

"Oh, okay, Miss Black Diamond, um, wait, isn't the funny and corny movie line "you're going to kill me with your thumb" then, um, right?"

[The golf cart begins to glide away]

"Not in my case, FireFever102! Now, Mr. Pete Sakes, let's hear all about it then, okay? LOL, and to think all I did was to make a wrong turn going to the mall, tee he. Also, what's a moto cross anyways? Is that some kind of goth thing?"

Well, the signs out front seem clear to literally everyone else, so.

[Beep, honk, beep]

"I know, I know, you're straight8, but [add stupid stuff here]. Keep the traffic moving, oops, Jason and tee he, Jason, pull over to shoulder and don't ask me why I just said that, wait, turn to the left and park and come back to talk to me, wait, turn around and go home because I'm willing to go 31% with you, wait, turn right and use parking lot B, wait, you came forward with me a couple of times, so you're not exactly straight8, wait, Jason #2, take my employee door pass and use the restroom, wait, tee he, I went forward with you a couple of times, wait, put your trans in "park" and get out and run around doing the herky-jerky, wait, I don't even know what the herky-jerky is, wait, do the hokey-pokey, wait, that's just stupid, wait, are you going to pressure me, Jason, wait, I never asked that, wait, I mean, hey there, hey, Jason, so?"

And the pre moto cross race activities hadn't even started yet.

End Fever 02