All Comments on 'Five of Spades Ch. 02 - The Costume'

I thought this started well but why did she think this was acceptable? I would have divorced her for the disrespect shown.

Technically well-written, your tale needed a better ending. It just seemed to peter out. but the idea was rather fresh and original and that's sorely needed in LW.

It's your story and your characters, do with them what you will.

As it's your first story I think it was really good and you have promise as you delve more deeply into the characters you create.

R.

Well that was a bit of a surprise!

Didn't find any reason to bail, nor did the story drag.

that story is technically well written. I think plot is good. I am giving you a compliment in saying you do not write the woman’s voice or communicate the wife’s thoughts and emotions. You are so obviously a man.

So far each chapter has been short but not concise. There is no “why the wife has this desire “. No what “is the marriage situation.” No emotions are displayed just described.

Then she just stands around naked talking to another guy. Really. You are such a dude. Talk this over with some women and get their perspective.

Wrap this up in one last post. Your chapters are too short. Get it over so you can try again.

Greetings Readers,

Sorry it’s taking so long to get chapters 3-5 posted. I was wondering why the chapters were in the “pending” category at Literotica for such a long time. I just found out that my chapters need to be rewritten to conform to their standards. Fortunately they told me what the problems were and I will get to work on the corrections needed.

I will also combine the chapters at the same time making them longer.

Please be patient with me. This is still my first ever attempt at writing a story like this.

Thanks

Willupboss

Why would anybody think that was acceptable behaviour in front of their daughter

a flesh coloured body stocking with an open gusset and a pair of black panties would have the 5 of spades effect from the front and back without any restrictions if she wanted to have some fun

Good chapter. I didn't think she would be naked. The surprise was well received. Your readers may have wanted more background, but then the story would have been longer than the short story you had in mind. I have also submitted stories in the first person feminine without any complaints. Keep at it.

I like the wild-child in your heroine.

Wife sharing and voyeur equals cuckold.

With tits and Bush (& pussy lips, if prominent) exposed, you are not "almost naked", you are functionally naked.

5 Star for your first story. You have pulled the gender character off. Good job

naked is the surprise