All Comments on 'Flash Fiction: Becky'

The last line of the first paragraph mentions she had to wear a dreaded ONE piece bathing suit. Then the very next paragraph has her losing her BIKINI TOP. If your going to take the time to write something, proofread it and make sense.

POOR!

I think "Anonymous" has misunderstood. I think the author was saying that wearing a one-piece would have been the only way to avoid revealing her body, but doing so would have made her a social pariah and it was therefore not an option she could take.

Sorry you feel that way. The sentence you are talking about references that she would be mortified IF she would have worn a one piece, not that she had opted to wear one.

Also: not only is that sentence in the second paragraph, but you mistyped “you’re” in your comment about me not taking time to proofread for accuracy. Sorry if this comes off as snarky, but I appreciate constructive criticism.

"At the water park, there was little she could do though, save become a social pariah and wear a dreaded one piece."

If you look at the placement of punctuation you will notice that the response of (save become a social pariah and wear a dreaded one piece.) Is all one statement of what she'd have to do in order to save her modesty.

If it had read (, save become a social pariah, and wear a dreaded one piece.) Would imply that she'd have to become a social pariah and that she has worn a one piece that day. Without that second comma, it is quite clean that she would dread wearing a one piece, and therefore is wearing a bikini.

It's ridiculously short, but what was there was good. Draw it out, add adventures in multiple places. Maybe have some boys or creepy old man following her around. Then later, when she decides she like the attention, she can give them/him a better show.

It was a fun short story about flashing. Intended to be short by design. Does no one pay attention anymore? And all these comments about commas, word order etc are stupid. While a bit awkward the sentence was correct but who care. Please continue, maybe take the highest rated story and expand.