All Comments on 'Fog'

Kikiprin, you have the basics of a good story here, but you would really benefit from an editor. Try reading your story aloud to yourself— you have a couple of paragraphs, for example, that appear garbled and make no sense.

I did wonder how Heidi/Alice could have been surprised to discover that Dev was a faun. When they first meet, he’s described as ’striding into the firelight’, and a bit later she noticed that his tunic went down to his knees. It seems that if she’s looking at where his knees are, she must surely have noticed that, well, they were facing in the opposite direction!

You have a good story idea, and a nice voice— work with an editor for awhile, and you you’ll be a great addition to Lit!

Good first story.

You will learn that how good your story is is only part of the reason you get the votes you do. Some people hate human with non human and will likely down vote for that reason .

A story like this could also fit in the up coming geek contest.

i loved it. there were some things to be addressed or expounded on but other than great. would love to know what happens next.