All Comments on 'Fooled Me Twice Pt. 04'

by greenday0418

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  • 3 Comments
servant111servant111almost 2 years ago

You are an outstanding even epic level author...and I love your work. That said I found a strange dichotomy in this particular installment. I am definitely NOT a fan of dominatrix male humiliation torture whatsoever. The rather extreme De Sade level of humiliation and pegging was way over the top to a level I found personally disgusting...so depraved and offensive that I found myself skimming through a cess pool rather than enjoying your normal good read. That almost sunk me right there. There simply is NO way to recover a relationship from that level of depraved humiliation and torture in my opinion... I think you also found that disturbing to write as I note you lefft Liz's "recovery" from that level of depravity so ambivalent that it leaves us hanging. You framed it so that the reader is left believing that Liz is deeply disturbed...even to the psychotic level with a real split personality of the worst type, You smooth it over in a rather clumsy transition...which I think is purposefully left ambivalent, hinting that Liz is really a ticking psychotic time bomb that will explode into all kinds of psychotic nonsense up to and possibly including Anthony Hopkins level of disorders.

Then you move into a rather polyunsaturated Bedford Wives rest of the episode...which frankly highlights a real cognitive dissonance with the earlier depravity of the earlier parts. In short..the whole chapter just does not work for me...Its like having someone insert death metal into a Bach Brandenburg Concerto... The two parts create so much disconnection that I find myself failing the test of suspending disbelief... None of these story parts fit together at all,,. It is so bad that here I stand dumbfounded because you have utterly failed the basic test of story logic...your story logic is so broken here that I as a reader cannot suspend my disbelief. The unexplained disconnect and rather lame reconciliation after Liz's utter De Sade meltdown and the revelation of her utterly evil split personality half leaves me injecting my own common sense because this tale just doesn't make common sense anymore.

I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop...for the crashing almost apocalyptic epic failure of this relationship which frankly you have foreshadowed in your disconnected description of their decision to let good sex overcome the very real discordant notes in their "relationship..." Further, the Liz character shows as a really entitled princess, narcissistic even sociopathic nutcase who uses sex to dominate,.. That would seem to doom any real marriage as a true sociopath can never place anyone before themselves...as others exist as nothing more than walking tools to gratify their own momentary emotional impulses. Liz also shows distinct amoral traits...which further lead one to believe that disaster and frankly betrayal is coming for these two...

I thoroughly loathe the first part...and find the second part so utterly disconnected that it seems saccharine...

3 stars

dc6370dc6370almost 2 years ago

I like reading your stories, but this chapter was hard to swallow. You had your MC raped and he took it? I don't know of anyone who would subject themselves to this. I am lost believing they didn't break up at that point. Your MC wouldn't have been able to walk, or lay on his back for a few days. I really like your story but this chapter seemed to be more about BDSM than anything else. Why hasn't he approached Liz over her personality issues?

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New story submitted for ON THE JOB 2023 in Romance. This one took me two years to finish. New meds seem to help. Still no cure, but there is hope for Alzheimer's treatment to slow down the disease.

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