All Comments on 'Forget About The Wife'

You're a very pretty girl. This story was nicely written although it could've been improved upon with more qualitative heat.

I mean, your bio states that you're into everything. Baby, you should be utilizing this all the more, i.e.,

A lil menage, anal, some swallowing, internal pop shots,

messy facials, etc.

The imagery could've been intensified a bit more. I

love the name you go by, its clever, but with a name like horny 24/7, you really have to bring it.

I look forward to more submissions from you. As always, I hope this constructive input will help inspire you to

enhance your creative gifts in some fashion.

I'm a firm believer that we all learn from one another and can stand to improve our writings.

BTW...best wishes on your marriage. Keep up the good work.

Peace!

While the story itself is overused, 'guy bangs hot 18 year old babysitter', you were doing well in making this interesting.

You seemed to forget what you were writing though. She 'hadn't put out' and thus the reason for her breakup, yet you compared the sizes of the hot soccer star and her ex-boyfriend. You led the reader to believe initially that you were setting her up to be a virgin.

Plus, it seemed weird as to why she 'just got mad' at him, and started to storm out, then he grabs her.

Why? Did he tease her about her breakup or her inexperience? Did he tease her, embarass her about how she looked as if she wanted him?

It just seemed as if you couldn't decide if this was a first time, an erotic coupling, a mature, genre.

Plus, you rushed thru their experience! Readers want to be there...you need to place them in that scene. She is reluctant, she tries to push him away, he is forceful, he demands she stay...whatever it is you want us to feel.

The other thing that seemed 'off' is she wasn't set up as someone who would just be rubbing her breasts on him to get him off. She didn't seem that sexually aware initially.

The point is, a bad story, doesn't even warrant corrective criticism. You seem to have a great base to work from, you just need to perhaps edit and outline the story more. If you had gone on further to develop the character's profiles, who they are, what they look like, what attracts them, how they feel, how is she seduced, then this would have been more successful. You started then stopped.

Try again soon. It's too good an attempt to give up!!