Freshers Week

Outside it seemed that the same crowd had gathered. This time a little of the awkwardness of the night before between the groups had melted. I could see some people moving between groups chatting with friends they had made already. Some groups merging as introductions were made.

As before I attracted more than a few stares as I walked through the groups on my way to join the queue of people entering the building. Each one sending a tingling sensation over my exposed flesh. I couldn't tell if the goose bumps on my arms were from the looks directed my way or the cool evening air.

Always before I had scorned women who went out of their way to attract attention, never understanding why they did it. But tonight, I drank it in like a drug and I could completely see the appeal. Feel the power that being desired bestowed.

Looking around at all the people gathered, I could not help but spot the two girls from the night before. They were standing together not far from the doors a little apart from everyone else. I couldn't help it, my eyes just seemed to focus on them as if I had been searching for them all along. If they noticed me I saw no sign. They were obviously absorbed in each other, talking quietly, their heads bowed together.

Last night I had thought them beautiful but there was something about them tonight that was almost magnetic. Before I had even registered what I was doing I had left the queue for the door and walked right up to them.

At first, they did not see me and continued talking in an almost conspiratorial way. As I was about halfway to them one of the girls looked up and spotted me heading their way. They giggled slightly as they saw my approach, and both went bright red the colour. Rather than marring their magnetism, the embarrassment on their faces heightened it, humanising them somewhat.

I could feel my face beginning to burn in response to their look, but my steps did not falter. "Have a good night last night?" I asked them, a big grin on my face. At least this had come out sounding confidant unlike my mutterings to John earlier in the evening.

At my words they both turned a little redder and smiled sheepishly. Looking at them now it was hard to believe these were the same girls I had heard screaming out each other's names in ecstasy in John's room.

They simply nodded in response to my question and moved off to join the queue to enter the warmth of the building. Despite my initial confidence we stood in the queue in awkward silence, talking only occasionally about small little things. I found that apart from my first question I really was not sure what to say. There were more than a few times I considered bailing, but I had been the one to approach the girls and despite the awkwardness that had descended I didn't really want to abandon them.

After a couple of minutes, that seemed to last a whole lot longer, we made it through the doors to the union. All of us seemed to need a drink after our awkward silence outside. So without saying a word we moved as a group to the bar. Once again the inside seemed to be dominated by people standing around on their own seemingly lost for what to do. Right then I could relate.

At the bar we got served quickly, the bar men almost tripping over themselves to serve us. I could see that the bar men were not the only ones. The three of us together were attracting quite a bit of attention. Once again, I could feel the tingling in my skin of all those eyes on me and my confidence started to return along with it.
Still not sure what I could talk to these two about, I headed to the table I had had lunch at earlier. Just looking at the table reminded me about my lunch date and I searched the room with my eyes wondering if my companion was here somewhere. If his were some of the eyes, I could feel on my skin even now.

Sitting down I watched as the two girls got their drinks and made their way over to join me. Dismayed slightly at a possible night of stunted conversation but also thrilled that they still seemed to want to spend time with me. I simply sipped my drink and watched the rest of the room while they made their way across from the bar.

It did not take me long to see the guy I had chatted to that morning deep in conversation with a leggy blond girl, his hand on her arm in an affectionate manner. It seems he had not that interested after all. I searched my feelings for any response but found none. He had seemed nice, the sort of guy I normally went for, but I knew even at lunch he could never be more than a friend.

The Two girls sat opposite me, side by side on the surprisingly comfy bar chairs. Sat like that they were blocking my view of the rest of the room somewhat. Normally I would have felt trapped not being able to see the room but I did not mind. Not after seeing the guy and his blond companion. My desire to watch the crowd had vanished, instead I wanted to know more about my new companions.

With drinks in their hand they seemed a lot more relaxed. For a while we sat in silence. The awkwardness seemed to have passed and instead we all sat sipping our drinks companionable as if we had done this a thousand times before.

Slowly, shyly at first, we started to talk to each other. We did not mention the previous night. What had happened seemed to hover between us like. None of us seemed to want to go back to the awkwardness and embarrassment from before, so we deliberately ignored it. We instead talked about ourselves, little things at first but building into a picture of who we all were.

The first thing that I found out that night were their names. I couldn't keep calling them the girls after all.it felt a little odd asking them, after everything that had happened I felt like I knew them already. The girls just laughed when I asked, that reaction telling me that I was not alone in feeling that closeness.. It seemed that Eve and Susan had been friends for a long time. They both come from the same town about two hours' drive away. Somehow they had managed to arrange it so that they shared a hall of residence.

I wondered what that must be like to have come to uni with your best friend. None of that lonely first day getting to know people. They would always have each other to talk to. Thinking of them in their hall, left me reflecting on my lack of housemates and the loneliness I felt there. Ok I had John to keep me company, but if anything, he made things worse not better.

As the conversation developed, I told them about myself, where I came from, and my family, all the usual things. I didn't usually like talking about my life feeling it was so plain and ordinary that it would bore people but Eve and Susan listened with interest.

As the night wore on, we all drank more and more. I remembered my promise from that morning, telling myself that I was not going to drink too much, but I ignored it as I knew I would.

The more we drank, the more comfortable I felt around them. My wild feelings from earlier had seemed to die down and once again I felt like I was just a normal eighteen-year-old chatting to two new friends in a bar. Ok I was dressed a little showier than I usually would have been but here that did not seem to matter, in fact by the standards of the other girls in the room, I was still overdressed.

All three of us first got tipsy, then merry, then out right drunk, simply enjoying each other's company. The longer we talked the more the previous night felt like a dream.

After a couple of hours some guys came and asked us if we wanted to dance. Which of course as drunk as we were, we accepted immediately.

Out on the dance floor face to face with a reasonably hot looking guy, I felt the rhythm of the music guiding me. It pounded through my body and I soon lost myself to the beat.

The rest of the night passed in a drunken flash of dancing. I remember at one-point dancing with Eve while she was dancing very close to two boys. Other times dancing with various people, their faces flashing past so quickly I couldn't hold on to them.

All too soon the time came to head home. I looked around the room disappointed that the night was ending. As my eyes roamed what remained of the crowd, I spotted John for the first time.
I had not noticed him there at all that night. He was just on his way out of the door, and he was not alone. He was leaving with a girl I did not recognise, his arm draped casually around her shoulders. From the way she was leaning into him it was clear that she was more than a little drunk and just as clear what she had in mind for the rest of the evening.

Knowing what was likely to be happening back at the flat a small part of me wanted to hurry home and listen once more, but I knew that that way madness lay. So when Eve asked if I wanted to continue drinking back at theirs I jumped at the chance.

Their halls were so much closer to the union than my own, and in no time at all we were falling through their front door to get out of the chill night air. Leaving the union had been a shock.

As soon as the cool night air had hit our skin, we felt as if we had just had a hundred drinks all at once. Within a few feet we tripped over each other almost unable to walk and had to support each other through the dark streets for fear of falling on our back sides. Of course, this had us all in fits of giggles almost the whole way. I dread to think what anyone passing us thought.

Looking around the room it was immediately clear their Halls were much better than mine. The community area did not seem much different but the room itself was much larger, and it had an on-suite shower room.

Susan half fell, half climbed over the bed, flashing me a view most men would give their right arm for on the way. She pulled out a nearly full bottle of vodka from beside the bed.

Flopping back onto the bed, her back leaning against the wall she simply sat there for a second. As she did, I managed to sit on the other end of the bed, well I tried to but instead I missed the bed and landed on the floor with a thump. For a second the world span around me and I wanted nothing more than to just lay there all night.

Laughing her head off, Eve hauled me up off the floor and pushed me down onto the bed. Sitting herself next to Susan at the head of the bed facing me a silly grin on her face.

Susan screwed the top off the bottle and took a deep pull from it grimacing from the burn before passing it to Eve. She took an equally long drink before leaning forward to pass the bottle my way, giving me a generous view down her top as she did, did these girls never wear underwear?

I had never drunk neat vodka before, but I was wasted anyway and I did not want to seem like a light weight, so I took a long drink directly from the bottle. A warm and not entirely unpleasant burn trailed down my insides igniting fires all over my body.

I had not realised how cold I had felt before that drink burned it way inside of me. I passed the bottle back to Susan before collapsing back onto the bed, my shoulders across Eve and Susan's legs.

With all of us lounging on it, the bed was more than a little crowded. We could barely move without elbowing each other or something. "How did you three manage all that last night on a bed as small as this? We can't all fit on here?" I meant it as an idle thought but somehow, I had forgotten how to think without talking and so blurted it out at almost full volume.

What I had said slowly filtered through my drink fogged brain. Within a second I was as red as a tomato. My mind filling in images unbidden of what it must have looked like last night. Just thinking about what had happened set small little fires all over my body that had nothing to do with the drink.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Susan had turned a bright red like I had and had looked away trying to hide her face. Eve on the other hand, the more drunk of the two, just smiled a cheeky knowing smile. She looked at me directly with an intense look I did not recognise burning it the depth of her eyes

"He had a double bed, we fit easily besides we were on top of one another for most of it" As she spoke colour rose in her cheeks but not the deep crimson of embarrassment, this was something else. Seeing the look in her eye, Susan turned a deeper shade of scarlet but no longer tried hiding her face fixing me squarely in her eyes.

I found that I was unable to pull my sight away from Eve's eyes. It could have been the drink, but I suddenly felt very hot. Finally I tore my gaze from Eve and looked at both girls in turn, sitting up on the bed and facing them properly. Looking at both of them, cuddled up like that on the bed, I suddenly had to ask the question that had been on my mind since I had started to get to know them.
At first, I could not get the words out right, my voice did not seem to work. All that came out were random sounds. But Susan passed the bottle back to me and after another long drink I tried again managing to force the words out, badly slurred but at least understandable. "Warsss that your firsst time youuuuu had doone someting like that?" There I had said it.

It was not the exact question I had wanted to ask but it was close enough. I watched the two of them share a glance, somehow that look was hotter than dancing with the guys earlier. "Weeeellll" Eve responded clearly knowing what I had wanted to ask and drawing out the answer to torment me or was that just the drink talking. "It's the first time that we shared a man..."

I could not help but gape at them. Some part of me had suspected that they were more than friends. I mean they had to be, but they seemed nothing like the lesbians I had heard about. They were all butch and masculine nothing like these two. Then there was the fact that they had clearly had sex with John. I thought all lesbians hate men. Didn't they?

Belatedly I realised that I was staring at them both my mouth open. Susan, the quieter of the two, finally broke her silence "Didn't you realise we are a couple?" she asked in a nervous voice, almost as if she was afraid of my answer.

I just looked back and forth between them not sure what to say or think. I had seen lesbians on TV, but as far as I knew I had never met one. My parents would tell you that they are dirty, sinners, and that I should have nothing to do with them. But looking at both of them sat not three feet from me I could not see it as wrong. They were obviously happy with each other. It's not as if they were man hating monsters, they were just normal girls.
I decided then and there that it did not matter what they were, they were my first new friends here at uni.

Wow when did they change from being girls I had met to being my friends?

Quickly I realised they were waiting on my response. They both seemed a little nervous about how I would respond, and my shocked silence wasn't helping. Not sure what to say I just shrugged and lay back on the bed and let the room spin around me.

Eve leaned over me looking me right in the eye. Laying like that looking up at her, the room spinning around us, I was once again taken in by how beautiful she was. The smooth skin of her face, the shine in her hair, it all seemed to glow with an inner energy.

Laying there on that bed with Eve looking down at me I felt something my conscious brain could not get a hold of. Confused, I lay there just watching her trying to define what it was I was feeling, besides drunk.

Slowly I recognised the feeling, it was a slow quiet fire of desire, not the burning desire of lust like that I had experienced the night before, or the reckless fickle desire I had felt outside the union. This was a quieter less insistent fire that spread through my body not like a flame but more like a feather running slowly over my skin heightening my senses.

For a second a small spark of panic rushed through me at the feeling, but the drink and Eves stare bullied the feeling back into a distant corner of my mind. For the first time in my life I felt drawn to a girl. I wondered what it would be like to raise my head a few short inches, to press my lips against those soft lips, to part mine. To let her take charge and push her tongue past my lips, to feel her tongue upon mine.

The slow heat that had been building inside me ignited, pulsing through my body. It combined with the alcohol swirling through my system and together they drove all my inhibitions into a dark corner of my mind.

The excitement of last night rushed in to replace my common sense. In a sudden flash of insight, I understood that last night was as much about my desire for these girls as it had been for John. I could not lie to myself, I wanted her, I wanted them both.

The realisation shot through me like a thunderbolt. An electric pulse through my body that was both liberating and terrifying. Right then and there, it felt right to want these beautiful women, to want to kiss them, to be with them. I could even feel the muscles in my neck tense, getting ready to lift my head up and compliment the thought with action. But the movement was halted before it began.

As my head left the bed the room spun even faster, the drink surging through my system. Suddenly my stomach jumped up into my throat trying to escape my body.

Before I knew what I was doing I was up and running. I barely made it to the toilet before I exploded. What seemed like an impossible amount of liquid gushed from my open mouth into the toilet.

As I sat there my head hung over the now stinking toilet bowl my head cleared just a little. I could clearly hear Eve and Susan laughing in the other room, obviously amused by my gastrointestinal pyrotechnics.

Sitting there on the cool tiles I replayed the last few minutes in my mind, it all seemed so hazy, but I could feel the fear at what had so nearly happened. What could have come over me? I could not be a lesbian, I just couldn't be. It must have been the drink, it had to be.

Embarrassed and scared I hurriedly grabbed my things. I barely said a thing to Eve and Susan, who just watched from the bed. It was clear from the matched shocked looks on their faces that like me they did not know what to say. I left their room as fast as I could and began my cold journey home.

My thoughts were in turmoil, what had I been thinking?! Feeling nearly sober now I kept replaying what had happened over and over, each time amazed and disconcerted by what I had felt. I did not know what was happening to me. Only a few days ago I had been a sensible normal girl, but here I was walking home, in my most revealing clothes, and lusting after not only my hall warden, but the two girls he brought home for a threesome my first night here. I was turning into the sort of girl that my friends and myself used to bitch about.

Despite all my self-flagellation, for each point I raised there was a little voice at the back of my mind arguing back. Pointing out how liberated I had felt, how right it had seemed. No matter how hard I tried that little voice would not silence.

I slowed my pace and tried to push my emotions to one side. Always before when faced with a moral quandary I had gotten through it by trying to think logically and not let my heart sway my thinking. I tried to look at the facts. My reaction toward John made it clear that I could not be a lesbian, just thinking about him I could feel that little flutter in my belly that had nothing to do with the alcohol. But there was no denying the fact, no matter how much I wanted to, that I was attracted to Eve and Susan too.

Thinking back on it, this was not the first time I had caught myself looking at other women, appreciating their beauty. Always before I had put it down to just a normal appreciation of what was beautiful. But what if it wasn't?
As if a flood gate had been opened a slew of other instances where I had had similar experiences rushed through my mind. Dancing with my old friend from school, the thrill of hearing about when Gemma and Harriette had kissed in the club to get free drinks. Each one on its own a small and insignificant thing but when put in the light of what happened. They all came together to point to one quietly terrifying fact.