All Comments on 'Fuckdolls Ch. 01'

Some plotting is needed, i think. It's a perfectly good, hot idea, but it was written like a fevered masturbation session - all action and no tension, moving too quickly, crashing through taboos as though they were wall of tissue paper.

If you continue, slow down a little.

This is a story with a great deal of potential, but unless you are careful it will be nothing much more than a premature ejaculation, a disappointment to both your readers and yourself.

Slow it down, build your characters; remember the old joke about the young bull and the old bull and the field of heifers!

4 *s for a good idea - but it needs more careful work if it going to get any more than that with the next chapter.

Don't know if I like this or hate it. It works as a parody of a porn story - if that's what the author intended it's a success - if not, it needs alot more work to work.

I really Do like your story so far. And would like to know where its going .

This is a great start to what promises to be an excellent series. My only criticisms would be these #1: Too short. It got me turned on but there just wasn't enough. #2: It would be super hott if we could hear more of what is going through this girls brain. How does she feel about the prospect of becoming a sex-slave?

I find it somewhat bizarre that the parents are completely aghast at the mention of sex slavery, but see absolutely nothing wrong with railing their own daughter