All Comments on 'Fucked in the men's toilet'

Love this!! He needs to let the following men abuse her in other ways!!!

Hello :-) What would you suggest? I may write a sequel ;-)

Fantastic piece, Angel Sub. Well written. Intellectual and opulent. I love the initial details about the restaurant, the imagery, the specific reference to the champagne. They authenticate your story. I have special feelings about this piece because I've had sex in an eclectic restroom setting such as this. It was at the Hermitage Hotel in Nashville TN - the men's room. The place is quite famous. You can look it up.

And much like your story, the sex wasn't with my husband, though he was there in the restroom. In fact, he was sitting in the shoeshine chair in the middle of the facility... drunk as shit. The sex was actually during a weekend job interview with my husband's soon to be employer... or one of them. (Not a business associate) Long story.

So, I wanted to mention, based on experience, that you'd have to be a public sex junkie to have no trepidation whatsoever about screwing three strangers in a public restroom stall. We had the door stall door closed, and I was still anxious. Your reader expects some hesitation, regardless of Leila's dedication to her dom husband. Furthermore, trepidation adds to the excitement of the situation. You have surprised your reader with Jasper's intention on this bathroom adventure. Who would have thought the guy was such a voyeur? As a writer, take advantage of what you've done and emphasize your protagonist's reaction. It should be the same as the reader's.

Anyone would have expected Jasper to clear the room and take the girl for himself, not play her out as a common whore for the community. The realization of Jasper's plans upon entering the restroom should actually take Leila's breath away. Don't forget, you've established she was nervous when the two couples met and that she's never done anything like this before. How could she then be so apathetic towards being manhandled by strangers publicly? It's hot, for sure, but her response is inconsistent.

This little part in your story about the guy undecided, frozen in observation and unable to leave, reminds me of something that happened to me in college. I was having a completely unexpected tryst with a varsity baseball player from my English class when my much smaller and timid pre-med boyfriend walked in us. I lived in a three bedroom off campus rental with two other girls who were both in class at the time.

The athlete was working me over on the kitchen table while I was lying on my back in perpetual orgasm. My steady strolled in unannounced and became catatonically fixated on our fucking. He was much too small to physically challenge my suitor and yet irreversibly magnetized to the scene. Bless his heart; he watched the whole show in a state of emotional purgatory until the baseball player finished up. The guy made quite a mess of me. Then, he pulled up his jeans, collected his things, and patted my soon to be Ex on the shoulder as he walked out the door. This guy was easily a foot taller and built like a Greek god. "Sorry, man." That's all he said.

Anyway, thanks for taking me down memory lane. This is a really hot short. I could see it converted to a novel, actually. I think it's important to include details about context. Lots of erotica writers get swept up into describing sex when they need to pay more attention to setting the scene and situation. You've done a nice job with that. Sometimes, when it comes to sex scenes, less is more. You are better off describing the situation and elaborating on dialogue than trying to come up with some new sexual position nobody has considered. Not that I mind a well elaborated sex scene, but context is huge.

I love the end of this where Jasper is explaining how his goal is to have every man in the restaurant screw Leila. That's a nice touch. People are not oblivious to their surroundings or nearby conversations. By the end of all this, Leila should be a headline. Perhaps the manager will add her to the menu.

Really enjoyed your piece!

Hi :-) Thank you for writing, I really appreciate the engagement. Your comments are so astute. You're absolutely right (on reflection) that Leila's reaction is missing, in that moment when she realises what's about to happen. At the risk of alienating my readers, I have to stress that these are just fantasies (obvs) and also I don't always feel entirely at ease about what I'm writing. I write what my imagination creates, but I don't always approve of it, lol (I'm sure this makes no sense!) I think that inner conflict between 'this is really hot' and 'this would be so awful in real life' sometimes comes out as a particular objectification of my protagonist(s), where they just don't come across as real (because they're not, thankfully - I would hate to see a real life woman mistreated the way the central characters in my stories are - but, in stories and imagination, those are all very hot scenarios, at least to me). It's almost like by keeping a bit of distance from her emotional reactions, I'm able to quieten the cognitive dissonance that arises in me from my writing (maybe not cognitive so much as emotional - emotional discordance, or something like that, we need a new phrase).

Your own real life adventures sound fascinating though!

Thank you again for writing and I'm very grateful for the thoughtful comments. I'll bear your feedback in mind with the next story. Have you read 'Gang pleasure - the sub's first CNC'? I wonder if Francesca's emotional reactions are more realistic in that narrative.

All best wishes

Angel