All Comments on 'Fucking the Bridesmaid'

Nice finish but narrative needs some work. Few instances of saying the same thing twice in different ways. No mention of which newlywed they were there to see. 3.6*

Nice ending!

5

Nice... A loving couple fucking like teenagers!! The world needs more of that!! 5- Stars

Good idea but the big reveal at the end was abrubt. Perhaps the husband should have asked the wife to call the sitter and tell them the where running late getting home

Nice twist. It made up for one of initial complaints. Give main characters a name. You could have said the one bridesmaid was Carol. That would not have hanged the story a bit. I gave this a solid 4. Congrats on a first story.

HAHAHAHAHA Great end!

Good story! Congratulations for your first one!

5 stars from here!

Congrats on posting your first story, enjoyed it.

Don't give up your day-job just yet, son!

Glad she went home with her husband. Some things bugged me, if his wife was a bridesmaid why did he sit separately instead of with his wife as her plus one? Why would he feel good for the groomsman? Why was she flirting with him? Did she conceal her married woman status? The groomsman should have been mindful of his p's and q's if he knew she was married.

So what was the story here???

love the surprise ending.

The couple getting married were his friends from college so why was she a bridesmaid and he wasn't even an usher? I how the author was struggling to find a twist but in my opinion, he just didn't get the job done. He has the bridesmaid flirting all night with a groomsman and apparently ignoring our mc. Nah, the narrative thread just got lost.

It was nice, and a worthy try at originality, but the narrative could have used some tweaking. The only way it makes sense is if they were roleplaying, and if that's the case, it wasn't really illustrated.

nice, something different for a change.

Nice twist at the end.

Hmm, she ignores hubby all through the reception and flirts and drinks with a groomsman. Then leaves horny with hubby but hubby reasons she is still thinking about the groomsman. But he still takes her offering because he's weak and justifies her flirting to himself. Actually, he was ready to leave without her (reread that part). Feel sorry for the young daughter.

Good first story but I hope you will expand your effort ( longer writings). Good luck.

Awesome

Fun!

Lame

You need a good proofreader.

I enjoyed the take, but the abrupt last sentence fell short. That could have been handled more adroitly, giving the same message, but without the ball bat. In fact, the paragraph before the last sentence could have finished the tale better.

JPB

Four stars

JPB

Could have landed the twist a little smoother. Not the first time the scenario has been done, but it's always a nice feelgood story when done well.

The lead-up to the end was clearly written as if couple did not know each other. You can't write one story and then just throw a bomb at the end.

It was good but for the last sentence - omit it entirely, make the reader understand the previous sentence with "our daughter" meant to give the twist.

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Otherwise very well done for a 1st - but your twist became anti-climatic with the last sentence bluntly stated.

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4.4**** Hooyah, Salutes.... expecting more good stories.

Enjoyed the carefree, reckless sex with the hottie...while wondering how she was planning on dealing with the inevitable pregnancy.

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So your twist at the end was refreshing to me.

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Welcome to the site.

Nice twist

Written for the readers, rather than the plot. Hope it was fun for you.

Not bad.

Just ok. The so called twist is old and lame. 3 stars for contributing.

Fun little short, which could have been better with a little more thought. Short stories are harder to write than long ones.

4 Stars. Some of the other commenters are right, you need to either carefully reread what you're going to submit or get someone that's knowledgeable to proof your stories. It'll go a long way to getting you better feedback scores.

@DickSnugfit

RE: Don't give up your day-job just yet, son! -

Would only have been said by someone with no stories to offer. Show us how it's done.

Jeez, take a chill pill anonymous with all caps and exclamation marks.

It's only a story. Not the end of the world.

Not a bad story, ignore the moron further down, post where you like the Mods will guide you.

@anonymous perhaps you are right. I’m just a dumb construction worker sharing my experience. Probably why I’m not an Author. I won’t delete because I take criticism however it comes.

You got to love the "idiots" who always advice the author to ignore other readers. Why the fuck do you think this site has "public feedback"? If authors can't take the feedback they shouldn't allow them. It appears some readers need to learn that.

Damn that anon back a few with the caps and asshole shithead rookie remarks sure has his panties ruffled up . Getting under his skin to the point that his criticism comes out in over-the-top rantings infused with utter hate proves that you’ve done something right to spark that tirade ! Lol ! Anyways Jayelee , I found your story an enjoyable read , no matter what category it’s in ! Hope you keep publishing more stories . Thanks for writing

Reeled me in like a damn fish.

EXCELLENT!

Tralan69er, my dude, you offer copious advice to other commenters everyday, but your stories seem to be missing too?