All Comments on 'Gaming the System'

Like all harem stores, 4x as long as it needs to be, with a bunch of boring, repetitive fodder.

It was a decent story, but you went full nerd more than once - it gets convoluted and difficult to follow. There were also some items a good editor would've caught, but not a bad premise.

Yeah half-way decent story but several mistakes were made. The Story needed more Chapters to flesh out the details that don’t have anything to do with Computer Science, the College Girls and Barb were incredibly rushed, the glorification of Canada when it’s currently under a Dictatorship disguised as a Democracy, calling Republicans and basically anyone with Conservative Values Racist and Sexist, and calling Feminist Values Equality are big Mishaps.

There were the bones of a good story here and the Premise of Learning Technology that messes with the Brain is a good one but you definitely need more work as a Writer that’s for sure. Hopefully your next story can take some of these Criticisms to heart whenever you write what you write next. Have a good day!…

This story has a premise that is better than most of the mind control harem pieces I've read. I appreciated the use of a decent vocabulary, for once, even if it felt at times like a thesaurus was being used to artificially inflate the intelligence of the intrapsychic interlocution. That said, and knowing that this is a fiction piece that may or may not have any bearing on the true political considerations of the author, the story did get extremely heavy handed towards the end. It felt a bit like one of those extremely annoying TLDR pieces stuck on rather than something intrinsically interwoven into the story.

I am both American and Canadian and this felt very much like some of the discussions I've had with misinformed or under-informed people that believe the Canadian system is far superior to the American one. Without going into it the discussion in great detail, my grandparents go to Mexico to get their dental work done rather than getting it in Canada, and even though they are retired and not that well to do, and veterans, they still have issues getting necessary medical procedures done in a timely fashion. The medical situation in Canada is not the panacea that many across the border think it is. Free universal healthcare is a lie - it isn't free, and never has been. The wealthy in the US do pay a significant amount of taxes when they draw on their wealth, particularly if they are self employed and own their own company. Most of the taxes in the US are paid for by the rich which is something most people here either refuse to acknowledge or admit even when the evidence is laid out in front of them. There are a lot of conservative Republicans that think abortion is murder (the child isn't at fault for either of the parents decisions) and contraceptives are a fantastic tool to reduce unwanted pregnancies, after all we aren't all practicing old time Catholic beliefs, a lot of us are Protestants, even if we don't always act like we should. I agree with polyandry, the Bible has plenty of it after all, and David was described as a man after God's own heart. Christians didn't ascribe to the monogamy only marriage with the level of furor until after the Romans got their monogamy preference toes in the mix. Paul is at the heart of a lot of problems and many things he said contradict what Christ said or did.

The problem with the last bit of this story is it takes people out of the world of the story and for some people, like me, leaves them going, hey wait a moment - that's wrong on so many levels it isn't funny, and obviously is the author getting on a soapbox. Fine, your choice but it does invite comments in your comment section like mine.

this is a really awesome story, though it could have done with separated chapters, which would have allowed you to fully flesh it out, as well as a few other things I'm too dead to articulate. also lol cringe to the 3rd commentor you missed some stuff

Halfway through,but during the college dorm scene, you swapped out Tina's name and started saying Alice, one of the high school band members.

Good story. Smoother the GFH Kevin. The epilogue was great.