Gay-only-for-you

"What happened? Somebody tell me the truth."

River sighed. "Ron stopped me in the corridor. Asked me if I would consider meeting with him, since he heard I've had some argument with Skyler, and we were in a bad place..."

I looked straight into his golden green eyes. My face was impassive.

I noticed Maria and Monica were trying hard to insert themselves into the room, but Jose halfheartedly stopped them, Maria being his girlfriend was probably the reason for that. The girls were peeking over his shoulder, pushing on the door wing.

"I said that I didn't want to date him. He asked why. I was in a bad mood, and I just told him that he wasn't my type. He got mad, said If I could fuck with a Chad, I could surely mercy-fuck him," River continued.

I growled. The others looked at me with curiosity from the doorway.

"I'm gonna kill the fucker..." I muttered and swore under my breath.

"Hey, calm down, Skyler. Nobody is killing anybody. Cops are on their way and also an ambulance. River, what happened then?"

"He grabbed me and attempted to kiss me as I tried to resist, he pushed me inside the storage room, I almost fell, but before I could even blink Skyler stormed in and stopped Ron."

"So romantic!" Monica blurted out. Marc glared at her, furrowing.

"Well, we'll let the police deal with this mess." Marc sighed. "Jose get them out of here, for God's sake, it's a private matter..."

"I can testify." Monica interrupted, pushing aside Jose's arm. "Ron was in love with River since she started to work here. He was obsessed with her. I'm really not that surprised he made his move. He had no chance with a Chad. He was desperate, obviously. Poor creep."

"Stop calling me a Chad." I snarled. "And he's not some poor idiot. He is a fucking rapist, stop feeling pity for him!"

Marc grunted in irritation. "Enough, we have a situation here, but I want to avoid disturbing the guests... There's possibly been a sexual assault, that can be very damaging to the hotel's reputation, so we all need to be discreet..."

"Wait, what? She was almost raped! We can't hide it or whitewash it!" I fumed.

"Hey, hey, hey! Nobody's hiding anything. I called the police. Ron is out anyway, not returning to this job. We have to deal with this by the book. I just don't want to cause ruckus on the main corridor, okay?"

I frowned, but said nothing. My eyes locked with River's eyes. I just could not stop looking at him. Finally, Monica successfully forced herself under Jose's arm and got to River to hug him. I swallowed, seeing her at River's side, not me. It should be me. It should be me... But I was too upset to do anything.

But then River opened his mouth and whispered voicelessly: "Thank you."

Five minutes later the police came.

A policewoman asked me what happened. We all headed to the MC and I showed her the camera record. She asked me for my version of the events. So, I repeated my statement, looking at River all the time, without even glancing at other policemen, and paramedics, who went to check on Ron.

"My girlfriend was attacked. He attempted to rape her. I had to save her."

As we have been told, Ron was in a bad condition, with a severe concussion, broken nose, jaw and cheekbone. So for that reason, we were both taken to the police station to give our statements there.

And...we were there, separated. We didn't see each other until the end of the interrogation.

After they released me from the station I went straight home and to my bed. Didn't call River, but my head was working like crazy. And the decision was becoming clear.

I woke up with a clarity, suddenly knowing what I should do. It was six a.m. I went to the basement and found my old boombox. I didn't even care what the song was on the CD.

I drove over to River's place.

I got out of the car, and jumped over the fence.

And then I took the boombox, pressed play, and held it over my head. It was an Abba song. 'Dancing Queen'... I cringed inwardly. Fucking cliché! River probably wouldn't even get the reference, holding a boombox over your shoulders. These days, people would much rather watch TikTok videos than old 80s movies.

But I braced myself and hoped for the best, while approaching the white fence of River's grandma's house. Talk about irony...

I fell on my knees on the path to the stairs, and held the boombox high above my head. The song was badly recorded, there was a bit of noise in the background. But I didn't care.

After turning the sound to the max, it became really loud. So, I was kneeling there like an idiot, with this ancient tape recorder and finally... the door opened up.

The old lady, very short and thin, came out from the house. She had sharp, green eyes and furrowed eyebrows. "What are you doing here, young man?! Stop that now!"

"No! Not until I see River!"

The lady frowned, and she shook her finger at me. "Stop messing with River's head! You better go now..."

"No, I won't. You'll have to call the police to get me out of here..." I insisted.

The door cracked, and the second figure came out.

River...

It was River all right. But... so different from the person I had gotten to know.

The hair tied in a simple ponytail. No makeup. Gray T-shirt with a Star Wars logo. Olive green shorts, military style. Gray sneakers.

I put the boombox on the ground and shut down the music. For the first time I could see it.

River was truly a boy, a young boy.

Without the makeup, without the girlish clothes, he was just a beautiful young man with strong feminine characteristics. How could I have not seen it earlier? Now that I knew, I could see his manly features. Yes, it was a petite man, with a delicate frame, simply not a woman.

But...it was my River, nonetheless.

I was still on my knees. I didn't get up. "Hello, River," I said, my voice slightly trembling.

He looked at me with an inscrutable gaze. I could not read his face.

"Hello, Skyler." His voice rather neutral.

"How are you doing?" I inquired.

"Not so good, but what's new. Story of my life."

I clenched my jaw. The old lady put her hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to speak with him, River. Please, come inside. He should go, you know that. Nothing good will come of it," she pleaded.

River slowly shook his head. "No, grandma. Please wait for me inside. I need to speak with him."

"Are you sure, child? He will only hurt you more!" She was grimacing in irritation.

"I'm certain, please, grandma. Please wait for me there."

She shook her head, glowered at me and went back to the house, with her chin held high.

River came closer to me. I could see his eyes were red, a bit swollen. I swallowed hard. I felt bad. Did I take it too long? Was he hurt too much now?

"Why are you here, Skyler?" he asked, his face tired.

"Why am I here... Why do you think?" I asked ruefully.

"I really don't know. What do you want with me? What is this?" He pointed at the boombox.

I chuckled. "I knew you wouldn't know. It was in the movie. The guy screwed up, but he came back because he wanted to apologize to the girl. And he had... the tape recorder above his head..."

"But there is no girl here. Only two guys," he stated, tilting his head.

I scowled. "But there is still a reason to apologize."

He slowly nodded. "Okay. Apology accepted. You may go now." His lips were pursed.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, having an unpleasant, sinking feeling. It wasn't going well.

"River... we didn't break up. You are still mine." Another stupid thing for me to say.

"A technicality. You effectively broke it up, when you ran, and stopped communicating with me for a whole week. And said nothing to me during yesterday's situation. Not one word! So, we are not together anymore." He crossed his slender arms over his chest.

"No! I don't accept that. I'm not breaking up. We are still together, I won't let you go!"

He snorted. "For what?! You said it yourself, you would never be with a man! Remember? During our chat with Monica about the preschool kid..."

"Yes, but..."

"But what?! I'm a man, I won't change that! What could you possibly want from me?"

I bit my lips. "For one, you have the most beautiful ass I have ever seen..."

River burst out in a bitter laugh. "Are you serious? You really, actually, said that now? My asshole is what brought you here? Get out of here!" he raised his voice in anger. "Before I really call the police!" He turned around and started to walk toward the stairs.

"I want to be with you, River!!!" I shouted, weirdly 'walking' on my knees toward River. "It's you, the whole you. I fell for you, before fucking your ass. Sorry I mentioned it at all. It was stupid, but I'm so nervous right now, I can't think straight... The image of it was just... comforting to me, however crazy it sounds. It's like thinking about a beautiful moment, to feel better for a moment. I'm sorry."

"But it's what matters to you, isn't it?" He put his hands on his eyes. "You are a guy with an obsession over asses. But you don't want... a dick anywhere near it."

I grunted, and spread my hands to my sides.

"Fuck this! I want you, River. Okay, let me put it like that. You won't give me your ass. Like... never. You don't believe me that I want more than just your ass? I will prove it to you. Just be with me. Be my girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever you want. We can be together, even platonically..."

"C'mon, don't say things like that. Everybody wants sex, it would not work."

"Okay, okay. I get it. But if my interest in asses is the problem, then for sexual stuff, you can suck me off, or you can even fuck me. I won't touch your ass, okay? Does that sound good?"

He swallowed and looked aside with a weird look. Was it... a regret? But why?

Anyway, I wasn't finished:

"I want YOU, you!" I emphasized even more. "I... needed some time to think, true. I was wrong, I thought, you would understand. In an ideal world, I would have told you that no matter what your gender was. I probably should have. I wish I did that, I wish I held you, when you needed it. But I truly felt cheated. Betrayed. Can't you understand that? It felt like you had just been playing with me this whole time. It hurt me. It really hurt that you didn't trust me."

I clenched my fists and lowered my head. I fixed my gaze on the grass.

There was a dreadful silence around us.

"I don't know what else you want me to say, River. I was straight all my life. I was bi-curious, true. My fascination with Andreja Pejić is clear proof of that. But I was never with a real man, so this is hard for me. I needed a week to put things into perspective and understand what I really wanted. You had all the time to come to terms with who you are, I had it all thrown at me with such anger and animosity, I didn't even have a chance to answer you on the beach. Please, can you at least forgive me for running away? I was just scared."

I raised my gaze. River winced and looked aside.

"You know why I did that? I was tired, Skyler. I was tired of trying to find a normal boyfriend for such a long time. And I wasn't lying to them. I was telling them the truth right up front. And you know what happened every time? They all ran! Like you! So, all honesty got me was twenty years without even one serious relationship. I tried to meet some gay guys. They looked at me and said 'I'm not into girls', the straight men were saying 'I'm not into boys'. I even found a bisexual man. He looked at me and said: 'I'm not into the crossdresser kink'. Of course many of them offered to fuck me. But they didn't want a real relationship with a weirdo. And I didn't want to be a fuck toy or a one-night stand. I wanted to be special, to be adored. I wanted, ironically, the same thing as you to fall for somebody before sleeping with them. Stupid, isn't it? But... When it finally happened, and I fell for somebody, and had sex with this person... this person... still ran away." He looked straight into my eyes, his chin held high.

I stood up and grabbed his arms.

"But there is a difference between me and them, River. I came back! And I'm staying."

Just the touch of his arm was like an electric jolt. I felt a sudden stream of warm energy.

"River, baby..." I could not stop myself. I yanked him to my chest and hugged him with such a force that he was unable to free himself easily, but... he didn't even try.

We were standing like that for about a minute, in total silence. I could hear that his breath was shaky. I put my hand on his chin and lifted it up. Now we were eye to eye.

"River. Please -- listen to me. What I'm about to say is probably the most important thing I've said in my life. Yes, I needed time, but I made up my mind. I. Want. To. Be. With. You." I declared it with great emphasis. "I never wanted to hurt you, I was in shock. But I never rejected you officially. I never wanted to break up. And I don't want to. I want you to say you are still mine... I want it so badly!" I was holding him so tightly, I could feel his pounding heart on my stomach.

I could also see his eyes, open wide and oddly vulnerable.

"Jesus, Skyler." He sighed. " I'm probably crazy... But if you want me... I'm yours," he whispered, finally giving up.

Oh, God. The sound of it... like bliss.

I leaned and kissed him gently on his soft, sweet lips. I didn't deepen it, just wanted him to feel how important he was to me.

"Come home with me, baby, please..."

He looked a bit confused now, unsure and blushing. "But what about my dick?"

I chuckled, this sounded so absurd. "I don't understand. What about your dick?"

"I have a dick. It's not going anywhere. And you never... wanted that. You wanted asses, pussies and mouths..."

I hissed from between my clenched teeth.

"For god's sake, River! I had a whole week to think about this. I didn't forget about that. I thought this through, very carefully. It's a part of you, the person that I chose, the person who matters to me. I may not know much about handling another man's dick, but I happen to have one, so I have some ideas..." I winked. "If you think I'm gonna pretend that it doesn't exist, or avoid touching it, think again, River. I want you to feel good. So, I'm not planning on ignoring that important part of you."

His face blushed even more, and he averted his eyes. "You would really... consider touching it?"

"I may even consider doing more than touching it, just give me some time to get used to all of this. Okay, baby?"

He seemed very touched, his skin flushed, intensely pink.

"And now the important part. What are your preferred pronouns? I must say I'm a bit confused. You like to live like a woman publicly, but at home... you are a man? So, how should I address you?"

He chuckled. "Well, I really don't mind if you call me he or she. But the fact is I live as a woman in publicly, so it would be easier if you called me she. Less confusion. But I'm okay with both pronouns."

"Do people know? I mean, in the hotel?"

"No. Nobody knows. I have lived like that since I graduated high school. I like it. I'm a strange case. I don't want to be a woman in a physical way, you know... biologically. I just like to dress up as a woman, live like one of them. But I'm perfectly happy with my male anatomy."

"And are you gay?"

"Yes, I'm gay on top of that. Many crossdressers are straight, did you know that? But I'm gay, and I've always been."

"So... does that make me 'gay-for-you'?" I smiled.

He chuckled. "I don't know. Probably."

I sighed. "Believe me, River. I will gladly be gay... only for you."

River grinned helplessly.

I hesitated and added: "Come with me, River, please. Come home with me. Don't go to your grandma. Let me take you to my place, I want to hold you in my arms..."

He hesitated, looking behind him.

"I don't want to go like... this. Wait for me in your car. Let me change to my woman-alter-ego and I will be there. It may take some time, though." River winked.

Feeling happy, I returned to the car, but a few minutes later I observed an old lady storming toward me with a frown. She tapped at the window and I reluctantly opened it.

"Why are you messing with his head? You are going to play with him and throw him out of your life after you're done. Won't you?" The lady hissed.

"Does River know you are here?" I was slightly concerned about that.

"No, he is in the shower. I want you to leave him alone. Just disappear, please. I'm willing to pay you."

My eyes widened. That was new...

"What are you saying?!" I needed to be sure.

"I have money. I can pay you. Just leave him alone."

I couldn't believe my own ears. That stuff happens in movies, not in real life, right?

"Did you do that earlier? Did you chase those men away from him? How crazy are you?!"

"It's none of your business! I want you to go. Do you understand?!"

Her face was angry and wrinkled, and I just couldn't stand looking at her. So, I averted my gaze.

"No! I won't leave her, I may even marry her in the future! So deal with that..."

"Stop calling him her! Don't encourage his stupid games!"

"It's what she likes to be called, and I will respect that, sorry!"

She spit at me and turned around. I cursed under my breath and wiped my face with a kleenex. What a hag! How can someone act like that in this day and age, and in California, for fuck's sake!

I was waiting for another twenty minutes before River showed up, her face cheerful. It looked like the old witch hadn't told her about our conversation.

I wondered if I should tell her about her grandma's offer, but decided I need to think long and deep. I felt it would be better not to ruin River's relationship with the last family member, who wasn't at odds with her...

She looked stunning. White, silky dress, loose hair, silver, delicate flower shaped earrings, red lips and white sandals on small heels.

"You look angelic, River, so beautiful." I leaned and kissed her lips gently, not to destroy the lipstick too early. "But... I liked you also as a boy in a Star Wars T-shirt. I'd like to fuck both versions of you, would that be okay? I also would like to call you 'he' when you're a boy."

Her jaw dropped. "You... really liked me as I was, when I was a boy?"

"I like... you. It's that simple."

She blushed. "I... still can't believe that. That you just... accepted it? It seems impossible, no straight man has ever..."

"Hey! Stop it. You must know that I'm more in the gray area when it comes to my sexuality. You saw my Andreja Pejić photo. It was before transitioning. I've... had kind of a fixation on androgynous models. I've... found it weirdly fascinating, those beautiful faces, flat chests, lean bodies. I jerked off a lot looking at those photos." I glanced at her blushing face. "I was always aroused by that combination. Feminine faces and male, smooth bodies."

"So that's why you dated women with small tits... I was really puzzled by that. It's an unusual taste."

"Yes, they all had small tits, some very small. But none as small and beautiful as yours... You have the most perfect nubs."

She was almost gawking at me. "Do you really like them?"

"I absolutely adore them! They look exactly like the tits of these models. When I saw how tiny your nipples were, I was so aroused, I could barely wait for another part..."

She had a slightly mysterious smirk on her face.

"You mean... the ass."

"Yep... But... I... want you to know that even if I have some weird ass fixation, I can fight it. I can leave it alone if you want. I don't want you to be weirded out by it..." My tone of voice sounded much more sad than I'd planned.

She chuckled lightly. "It's really unnecessary, Skyler. I don't mind it. I... liked when you... licked it. I liked it a lot, actually. I'm very sensitive in that area. " Her cheeks went pink now.