Getting My 'What If' Answer

Erin's eyes were still hurt. I sat up a little and continued. "In a vacuum, I'd love to sleep with you. But I could never live with myself if something happened between us, and I lost you as my friend. I value you too much to risk that, no matter how desirable I find you."

She sat there quietly for a bit. The outline of her nipples was visible through the material of her top. My best friend was nearly naked in my bedroom, offering herself to me, and I was turning her down. I came to the conclusion that I was insane.

Erin tentatively broke the silence. "What if I said I wasn't sure what I felt right now? What if I said... I think I might love you like that?"

It was my turn to be silent. I processed her words slowly, sensing that my reaction would have repercussions.

"I'd be open to that, but I'd want you to be certain. And we can figure it out together."

"How would we do that?" Her voice was so quiet I could barely make out the words.

"Let's sleep together tonight," I suggested, with more resolve in my voice than I actually felt.

Her wide eyes found mine instantly.

"I mean that in a literal way. Sleep in here with me tonight, in this bed. Lie here next to me. Let our bodies touch in random places. Let's see how that feels in the morning when we wake up together. And then, we can figure out the next step."

Erin looked at me, eyes starting to sparkle. Her taut lips slowly blossomed into a smile.

"Deal," she said. Before she climbed in, she paused. "I think I'd like to go change first." She demurely crossed her arm over her tits.

"What do you mean?"

She gestured at the sheer camisole, "this is designed to be taken off, not necessarily slept in. I want to be comfortable."

"What do you usually sleep in?" I asked.

"I usually just wear a t-shirt."

"You can get one of mine out of the dresser if you want. Second drawer."

"Okay." She stood up, turning around and bending over as she pulled one of my older shirts from the drawer. I couldn't help but stare at her shapely ass before she stood up. Erin had her back facing me as she pulled the camisole off over her head.

Her bare back was visible, along with just a teasing glimpse of the side swells of her large, naked breasts. I took in the sight, staring again at her round ass, partially covered by the lacy panties, as she slid my t-shirt over her head and down her amazing figure. I felt my heart skip a beat.

She faced me again, grinning. I slid over in the bed and patted the mattress.

"You aren't naked under there, are you?" she said as she pulled the blanket up slightly and peeked underneath.

"No. I have some boxers on." I grabbed the hem of them and tugged it upwards slightly.

"Just checking." Her voice was a little playful. That was a good sign.

She slid into bed and pressed her warm, sexy body against mine. We laid face to face, our noses were mere millimeters apart. I draped my arm over her and looked deep into her eyes.

"This is nice," she said softly, putting her hand on my chest. "You're a good cuddler."

"No, I'm an expert cuddler. I give some good spoon too."

Erin laughed lightly, and her eyes lit up like they used to do all the time. She smiled a wry smile. "I bet you do."

She gave a contented little sigh. "Who would have thought our first kiss would happen on our wedding day?" she asked plainly.

That drew a little laugh from both of us. "I never thought I'd be kissing you ever," I said softly, "much less today,"

"I don't know how you did it, or if you felt it, but that kiss was more intense than any other kiss I can remember," Erin said softly.

"Thanks, I guess?" I didn't know how to react.

"I mean, it was short and sweet, but I felt little jolts when your lips pressed into mine."

"That description was longer than the kiss was," I noted with a smile.

She grinned. "I'm sorry. It just really threw me for a loop."

"I could tell something was on your mind for a while," I confessed "I was hoping you weren't regretting your decision."

"Not even a little. Thank you." She ran her hand lightly down my arm.

Erin closed her eyes, then giggled to herself. "You should check your camera notifications from last week."

Well that's random, I thought to myself. The sudden smirk on her lips was intriguing. I leaned up and reached over her to the nightstand to grab my phone. I opened the camera app and scrolled through the notifications.

What day had she made dinner? Last Monday? I scrolled right to that day. I saw Erin going in the house, Erin going back out. Erin in the backyard, then facing the camera and...

Oh my.

I looked at her, my face full of surprise. Erin blushed and covered her head with the blanket. I looked back at my phone and replayed the short clip again.

Erin had gone out to the back porch that day, turned around, calmly unbuttoned her blouse, and pulled it wide open, flashing her bare breasts towards the camera. She stood there for several seconds, her amazing boobs on full display, swaying slightly, nipples hard and proud. Without warning, she pulled her shirt closed and dashed back into the house. The recording cut off abruptly.

I was speechless. In all our years together, I'd seen her in bikinis and skimpy clothes countless times, but never any outright nudity. Erin popped her head out from under the blanket, face still flushed.

"Wow," was all I could muster.

"I'm kind of embarrassed now," she admitted.

"What possessed you to do that?" I couldn't help but smile.

"I don't know," she said, looking back up at me demurely. "I was feeling a little frisky that day. I had gotten the good news about my boss quitting, and had been thinking about how sweet and caring you had been to me throughout this whole ordeal. I remember thinking that you deserved a little... treat, I suppose. It was a spur of the moment decision. I'm sure If I had thought about it for more than a second, I would have chickened out."

"I would have never imagined you would do something like that," I said, hitting play once again. Erin watched herself on my phone with me.

"They're not as perky as they used to be," she said sadly, looking from the image on the screen, then down at her body.

"Nonsense. They're amazing. Now, just let me get a screenshot of this to set as my phone background really quick."

"Lucas! No!" she squealed, giggling and swatting my phone out of my hand. She put it back on the nightstand. I laughed at her sudden bout of modesty. Erin then flipped to her other side and backed her body up against mine. She pulled my arm over her and wiggled up against me.

"That was a nice surprise," I said softly.

"I told you it was in plain sight the whole time."

"I'll have to watch those cameras a little closer from now on."

Erin laughed and wriggled her body even closer. I slid my other arm under her head. Soon we fell asleep in that same position, our bodies touching, pressed firmly together.

When I woke up, Erin was still in bed beside me. My dick was at full mast and pressing right into the cleft of her ass. I tried not to disturb her, but when I started to shift around and pull away slightly, she whispered, "Don't go."

I relented and stayed put, rubbing her arm. Eventually, Erin rolled onto her back. I leaned down to kiss her, but she pulled away before I could.

"I haven't brushed my teeth or showered yet," she said defensively, putting a hand over her mouth loosely.

"I don't care," I said, leaning forward. I moved her hand gently and kissed her softly, but firmly. It took less than a second before I felt her kissing me back. Time stood still. I felt the spark as the tips of our tongues touched for the first time. We both sighed simultaneously. I broke the kiss off.

"Better?" I asked, smiling at her.

"Yeah," she replied with a soft smile.

I got up to use the bathroom. I put on some gym shorts and a t-shirt. Erin went to her bedroom and emerged wearing some skin-tight yoga pants. She still had on the t-shirt of mine she had slept in, and the combination looked sexy as hell on her. We headed to the kitchen together for some coffee and breakfast.

"I liked feeling you pressing up against my butt this morning," she said with a wink.

It was my turn to blush a little bit. Erin chided me about it.

We cuddled up on the couch and talked for a while. I told her I'd had feelings for her at times in the past, but was satisfied with the way our relationship had developed. She said she cared for me a lot and had seen me in a different light after talking with Brenda, and then again after we'd kissed during the ceremony.

"I felt like a switch was turned on in my head," she said, leaning back into me, "and it let my heart feel all of the things it had always needed to feel."

I reiterated that we weren't in a quid pro quo situation, and that if she didn't actually have feelings for me, I didn't want her to feel obligated or forced to do anything she wasn't willing to do.

"I get it, Lucas," she said, taking my hand in hers. "I really do. I'm discovering that these feelings were right there under the surface all along, and I am just now understanding them."

"You've always been that 'what if' in my life," I confessed. "Every so often I'd want to take the chance to find out, but then for one reason or another, I'd lose my nerve and just let things stay as they were with us. I never could take the leap."

"No one else has ever made me feel as safe and loved as I have always felt around you," she said. "I think that's why none of my marriages worked out. I was comparing them to you without realizing it."

"Things have a tendency to work out the way they're supposed to, I guess." I kissed her on the forehead.

Erin leaned her body into mine. "My mother is going to be so happy the next time I get to talk to her. She always wanted us to end up together."

"Wise woman, that Debbie," I mused.

Erin smiled and shook her head. "She told me years ago, right after Lee and I had gotten married, that she wished I had given you a chance. She thought you were such a nice young man and were 'real husband material.."

I squeezed Erin's hand. "At least you got it right eventually."

"Her last email said they were flying back to the States in another week or so."

We sat there quietly for a minute, just holding one another. Erin broke the silence. "I was pretty shocked when you turned me down last night," she said with a wry smile.

"I should probably have my head examined," I said.

"True," she said with a wink. "But that's beside the point."

"You looked so hot in that little white outfit. If I was thinking only with my other head, I would have definitely taken advantage of the situation."

Her eyes caught mine. "And what if that was what I wanted?"

"Fair point," I said, nodding. "In my defense, you looked so vulnerable and timid when you walked into the bedroom last night. I wouldn't have felt right making a move with you in that state of mind." I squeezed her tightly. "We've always had a strictly platonic friendship. As much as I may have always wanted you, I couldn't have lived with myself if we'd crossed that line, then something had happened, and I'd lost you."

She kissed my cheek. "You are so sweet. I always knew you were a great guy, but I never imagined you'd still feel that way after all these years."

"I am who I am I guess," I replied, kissing her forehead. "And you were always worth the wait."

She snuggled in closer to me. I held her tightly, savoring the sensations.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked.

"Well, I was going to go take a shower and go to the grocery store at some point today."

"No, I mean, about us," she said quietly.

"I don't know. I guess we do whatever feels right." Erin sighed as I spoke. "And we make sure to talk about what is happening."

"Okay then." She turned around, facing me and positioning herself to straddle my lap. Her arms went around my head, and she kissed me deeply. "This feels right," she whispered.

I did not hesitate to kiss her back, letting my hands rest on her hips. She let out a gentle moan into my mouth that I felt all the way through to my soul. My hands moved on their own accord, gliding up her ribs and under the t-shirt of mine she had on. She started grinding her hips into my lap, making me realize my dick was hard and straining my shorts.

"Someone's getting a little excited," she whispered, her soft lips never losing contact with mine.

"I can't help it," I responded immediately. "There's a beautiful woman in my lap that I've always wanted to make out with."

My hands found her way under her shirt and on to her round, full tits. She moaned again. I was in heaven, savoring the feeling of her hard nipples under my palms. I took to pinching her buds teasingly between my enthusiastic squeezes.

Erin moaned again and kissed me deeper. I felt her grind her hips harder into my dick. I was keeping my hands busy with her boobs, rubbing and squeezing them, tweaking her nipples to my heart's content. Then, of course, her phone rang.

We both groaned at the same time. Erin extracted herself from my lap and grabbed her phone off the coffee table. She plopped down beside me and laid her head in my lap as she listened to whomever was on the other line. I ran my hands through her blonde hair while she assured the caller that she was fine. I gathered, from the portion of the conversation I could hear, that she was talking to Brenda, who was checking in on her.

I took a quick inventory of myself and decided to go take that shower. I tapped Erin on the shoulder, gingerly stood up, and headed through my bedroom into the bathroom.

I stripped down and stepped under the warm spray, reflecting on the last twenty-four hours: we'd gotten married and had had our first kiss. Then we'd slept together but hadn't had sex. I'd seen her bare tits, but only in pictures on my phone, and then had made out with her on the couch. An uninformed observer might have said those things were happening out of order. They'd probably have been right, but I didn't care.

I had the chance to be with a woman I had loved and lusted after since we were teenagers. I knew I loved her, and, for the first time, those feelings were being reciprocated.

I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my waist. I puttered around in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and running a comb through my slightly thinning hair. When I stepped back into the bedroom, Erin was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me intently.

"I was going to offer to wash your back," she said with a note of mock disappointment, "but you were already done."

"That thought almost makes me want to get back in there," I said, grinning widely.

She walked over and kissed me deeply. I put my arms around her, and soon we were making out once again, our tongues dancing, and hands exploring each other's bodies. I didn't feel it until it too late, but Erin had been slowly untying the towel around my waist. With a flourish, she tossed it to the ground and took my hard dick in her hands. I groaned loudly into her mouth. She expertly stroked my cock, her lips never losing contact with mine.

She pulled me by my throbbing member around to the side of the bed, where she sat down and put herself nearly eye to eye with him. She looked up at me dreamily and stuck out her tongue, lightly flicking it over my cock head. I shivered and moaned instantly. Her hand pumped the skin of my shaft slowly, pulling it taut as she stroked the base of my dick, then slowly loosening as her hand traveled up the length and rubbed the head again -- long, slow, tortuous strokes back and forth, all the while placing little butterfly kisses on the head and glans.

Then, she started to suck it in earnest. The sensations my cock was experiencing nearly paralyzed me. It was all I could do to stay standing upright. In and out of her talented mouth my dick slid. Erin eagerly sucked on the head and stroked the bottom of my shaft all the while. After a bit she switched tactics, bobbing her head back and forth rapidly on the tip and halfway down the length of me.

Erin pulled away and took a breath smiling up at me. "You like getting your dick sucked, don't you? You want to fuck my little mouth with this big, hard cock? You want to fill my throat with loads of your cum?" She kept the filthy talk going, and never stopped pumping my dick rapidly with her hands.

I guess it was too much stimulation way too fast. My orgasm hit me without warning. I couldn't have stopped it if I'd tried. As she was talking dirty and teasing me, the first few blasts of cum shot out and caught Erin on her cheek and chin. The ones that followed splattered on her neck and dripped onto the swells of her tits, soaking into the t-shirt she still wore.

Erin squealed a little at the unexpected facial. She took it in stride, pumping my dick steadily until there was no more load to give her. She lovingly kissed the head and licked the entire length one last time before looking up at me, batting her eyes innocently.

"Did that feel good?" she asked with a grin.

I smiled. I couldn't respond right away. My body still felt partially disconnected from my brain.

Erin licked some stray cum off her fingers, then wiped them dry on the hems of her shirt. "You must have been really worked up to not give me any warning."

"Uh huh," I managed to grunt, unable to focus. My mind was still floating in the haze of a powerful orgasm.

"You made a huge mess all over me. I definitely need a shower now. Why don't you get dressed and then we can go to the store?" Erin stood up, squeezing my deflated dick playfully and kissing me on the cheek.

I all but fell onto the mattress. I laid there on my side, facing the wall, still unable to think straight. I hadn't cum that hard or that much in ages. The first coherent thought I could make was nothing more than, Damn, that was amazing.

The next thing I knew, Erin was leaning over, kissing my cheek, then patting my shoulder. "Hey, lazy bones," she teased. "You were supposed to be getting dressed."

My eyes fluttered open. Erin was wearing a frilly yellow blouse and some tight black shorts. Her hair was damp, brushed back into a ponytail. I was still lying on my side, completely naked, and now a little cold.

"I guess cumming that much took a lot out of you?" she asked with a smirk.

"It did," I said. "I didn't expect that." I stood up and staggered to my dresser for some boxers and cargo shorts. Erin watched me dress, an amused look upon her face. Her eyes glimmered when I noticed, and she grinned at me. I pulled on a polo shirt and declared myself ready to go.

We headed off to the grocery store, which was just a short drive away. We wandered the aisles hand in hand, talking about things to make to eat for the next couple of nights. I focused on finding some simpler meals, because I knew that, once she resumed treatments, she wouldn't feel like doing anything more than warming up something ready-made.

As we shopped, walking up and down nearly every aisle, Erin started to look a little worn out. I could see it in her face. Her eyes began to look very heavy. I sensed she was hurting. When I asked, she tried to dismiss it as just being tired, but I knew better.

By the time we got home, she confessed her head was indeed hurting her badly. She went straight inside and laid down while I brought in and put away our groceries. I popped my head into the bedroom to find her fully asleep. I covered her lightly with a blanket and kissed her forehead.

It had been all too easy to forget in the excitement of those last couple of days that she was sick and still not doing well. The week's events seemed to have caught up with her. I made dinner and ate alone, leaving her something in the fridge for later. After a couple hours of watching TV, I went off to bed.