All Comments on 'Golf Foursome, et al. Story 01 Ch. 01'

I guess she really did wind up with a "bazar" sex life. :-)

Loved it

Going easy on new guys, you start at 5. I took one off because it was over the top in places, and had a few LW stereotypes. I took another off because of the divorced dad telling his kids he is OK with his ex wife dating David. Really? WTF would do that? Maybe the ex hubby would say " I don't care what she does now" But I doubt he would condone it?

Thanks for the story!

This story had a lot of rough edges, in both point of view and in use of dialog. Putting the characters name in front of the speech is something done in scripts for stage/screen actors/actresses, not a story. Aside from the rough read, the core of the story was okay. Keep trying!

She had an addiction to sex in marketplaces in the middle east? LOL. Wow! That was really horrifically written. About two stars, I guess.

Five stars to you. It could use a little editing, otherwise well done. A good story with a very good ending.

You've offered a different plot line, albeit with a rather predictable sequence and outcome. I'm not critiquing your story (it's yours, after all!), so I can only offer my interaction with it. I'd like to see someone take a crack at exploring the woman's psychology in the multi-partner scenarios, especially when such is discovered later in a marriage. Do such things really come "out of the blue" ? Or are they dormant, triggered by something? How about some novel ideas to deal with "familiarity blues" rather than resoting to the porn route? Or maybe exploring the addictive element of porn (for some people porn can be as addictive as heroin!).

Having said all that. . . . .

You're a beginning writer and I don't know if you want to develop your craft or continue in an occasional amateur capacity. If you want to develop, there are two rather glaring problems you need to work on right away: 1. Your really need to learn how to correctly punctuate, especially first person speech and dialogue. 2. Proof read your work. Yes, it's challenging for anyone to proof read his own writing, so another set of eyes is always preferable. Better yet: Try to get an editor. He can improve your writing by challenging your construction, word usage, etc. For instance, in the Sandy Confession, your almost clinical style seemed to be much more like an oral history rather than a confession to a seriously harmed spouse from whom forgiveness is being sought! Not a very psychologically sensitive infolding, was it?

And punctuation is also as important to a story as plot for the reader's sake.

the story line was okay.but finding her cheating on such short notice and lining up the pi and lawyer ,this seem impossible to do in such short notice. Also changing locks and locking you wife of 22 year out is so illegal .you put yourself in legal jeopardy. So if the police were called you let her in or go with the cops. As far as all involved be escorted out of the law firm . No going to happen without a review by the partners. Also putting a love story with the lawyer also not realistic .

He should have burned the bitch. She turned into a gangbang whore, exposing her husband to all sorts of potential STDs. Yuck.

Sandy having a happy ending with one of the assholes that helped ruin her marriage was unbelievable and Dave defending the slut to his kids was even worse.

You already have received a lot of good advice, please take advantage of it. As for your story, I can truthfully say I've seen a lot worse plot lines used by new writers. However, the writing craft is awful! In future stories hold to one point of view, and make sure it's either 1st or 3rd. Read articles on punctuation in Lit's Writers Resources--matter of fact, read almost every article. I did and it sure helped me.

I gave you a 4 since you had guts enough to post in LW instead of one of the more friendly categories. Good luck! cd

You had a good idea, but let it die in the end. His abrupt forgiveness of the cheating wife , after hearing the details of her betrayal, didn't fit. He should have destroyed her as completely as she destroyed her family. See walked too easily, and then started living with one of the bastard lovers. If you're going to burn her, then burn, don't singe. Lastly, having the hot divorce lawyer fall for him is just too overused in LW. At least he got to keep the 35% fee in the family.

I rarely gave comments, some people were saying they didnt liked it so I am writing this to tell you I liked it. Sure there were some Cons thats why I deduct 1 star but important part is Its a 4 Star Story.

I would have liked to know more risky or adventures part on Golf or while playing.

For ending I totally support you, it was different than usual, but good usual not some Wimp type or Copy Paste work but real & different good.

So if you keep writing at least this good stories I would definitely read it.

Great story and hot action! Please ignore the no talents who insult the work of others without the balls to produce some themselves. Keep at it!

Love the HOT lawyer/shark aspect...

Make Andy a super cuck. Let him take his cheating wife back.

Tip #1 - if you are not a paranoid schizophrenic and you think you’re wife is cheating on you, but you have no evidence, she is!

Maybe delve into the actual sex she was having with these men. It would make the story erotic. As it is it’s just a stupid burn the bitch story. Only small dicked guys who’s wives have left them get off on those.