All Comments on 'Gwen's Bliss Pt. 01'

So, you just decided to drop in for a quick troll, huh? Don’t worry, so few will enjoy your “style” that you’ll be lucky to get two stars. Please take this shit to the right category.

Wrong category, poorly written.

Wrong fucking category you stupid cocksucker.

BDSM or Lesbian or any fucking place else but here.

I don’t know why you hate women so much; but I’m betting you’re nothing more than a piece of shit incel who hangs off every word spoken by Andrew Tate.

Go get help.

Who's Hilda?

If you're going to change the names or characters between drafts, at least do a find and replace

Please at least get the names correct. Gwen's name changed to Hilda on the way home, then back to Gwen as she entered the house.

Sorry, but that was stupid. Making them all female was a decent try at making it unique but ultimately failed to be worth reading. I'm not sure if you could have flushed it out into something better or if it would have just made the pain of reading it last longer, but it was too short and rushed as it is.

Also, you need to decide if the main idiot is Gwen or Hilda and stick with it. Forgetting names in such a short story with only three real characters is a really bad sign.

Kind of original. Except for changing her name from Gwen to Hilda and never really completing thoughts, kind of interesting.

Who is Hilda?

A first time story meant it had to be a ridiculous rendition of nearly every other first story. Tropes and cliche from beginning to end. I ask the question once again. Where are the writers?

Leaving aside Hilda/Gwen issue (minor, correctable), the piece is too short for what you try to achieve with the storyline. We gain some insight to Gwen, but others not enough. Her relationship with other women not my cup of tea, though you created some surprise for your readers when Gwen arrived home and certainly captured the feeling of humiliation that accompanies modern day cuckoldry. For me an interesting development would be for Gwen, who just enjoyed a huge success professionally, to carry that over to her personal life. But, hey, it’s your storyline, your characters. Hope you continue to share your writing.

Place any following chapters in Lesbian category please.

Just bloody awful, no real characterisation. No real story, implausible to say the least.

You hit most of LW’s low points in this one.

Wrong category, should be BDSM.

Well, I don't know where to start, so I won't. Suffice it to say that it was really very bad. Wrong category to begin with. After that, it was just a sad, poorly written and developed read. Read some 4.5 star and above efforts and look at the way they are written. I have 7th & 8th grade students that develop plots and characters better than you did. And they do not write protracted dribble such as what you posted. Consider all of the comments as building blocks and use the suggestions and observations constructively.

Here is your first line:

"Hey all, first time writing smut. If you like my writing style I will be considering commissions in the future."

Because you asked, I will let you have it.

Your style is OK!!!

Nothing wrong with it!!!

However... Your composition of the subject matter, WELL THAT IS ANOTHER STORY!

In simple terms:

Your writing method is good, but subject execution is shit.

Keep it up, you will get better, or end up with mentally ill cuck crap. (your option)

What was this lesbo-bdsm-pseudo placebo cuck crap about?!

How to make a soup?

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