All Comments on 'Hardcore (1st Time) Sex with Date'

Because if you puked, easier clean up.

Rushed. Slow down and add some details.

*perspiration*, not transpiration.

Well... Needs some work. Keep writing, by all means, but this story needs to be rewritten. Write more background on the main character so readers give a damn about who she is. Build up to your sex scenes. You have potential... Now you just need the practice.

Thanks a lot for the constructive observations in the replies.

Dear readers, given the chance, would you ever facefuck a girl like this? Do a pair of big feet also turn you on? What would you have done differently?