All Comments on 'Harem Master - RPG story Ch. 003'

Passable concept, but please get an editor. The spelling and grammar issues really detract from the reading as it's so jarring. The occasional typo is ok, this is just painful. That said, it's a decent re-design on the cuckquean skill-boost sub-genre...let's see what else you have to add.

Great idea and good start with the plot. It's clear that English isn't your first language, and I would strongly recommend finding a good editor to help with grammar, or spend extra time correcting it yourself. The mistakes and missing words distract from the world you are building, which is a shame.

Please read more English texts. Pay attention to words that you consider to be not important, like 'a' and 'the' and 'his' and 'her' and 'their': they are important in English.

The dialogue sentence often consists of the dialogue plus the dialogue tag. There is no point between both as it is considered to be one sentence only. Consequently the dialogue tag never starts with a capital letter, unless the first word of the dialogue tag is a name, because names start with a capital letter.

For example: "I'm really fine. Everything was under control." She assured him.

In this dialogue sentence 'She assured him' is the dialogue tag. Since there cannot be a point between the end of the dialogue and the dialogue tag the point after 'control' must be changed into a comma. Consequently 'She' must be written in lower case.

This is the correct dialogu interpunction: "I'm really fine. Everything was under control," she assured him.

Hi

I like your idea a lot, and understand not using your native language could be tough

If you accept a rookie editor, please get in touch

I loved this!! Very excited to read more!!

Such an interesting idea. Please do more!

Very interesting story can't wait to read more

Sad to say the grammar and syntax took a step back with this one, not as bad as the first, but a step back to be sure.