Healed Shoulders

I let go of Ben's cock briefly and brought my arm out to grab a cushion, with a pretence that I was going to hug it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amber look and she seemed quite content with things so I just smiled back. I pulled the cushion back under the blanket -- then moved it slowly so that it now formed a natural looking 'tent' in the blanket. It looked innocuous but it allowed me a bit more room to jerk Ben's cock.

I knew I couldn't make the long quick jerking movements with my hand as Amber would see them. So I concentrated on slow movements, and sensual touch. My fingers worked to tickle and tease his frenulum and to pull on his balls slowly. I doubted if Ben would come in this way, but it was certainly turning me on and, Yes I was getting wet.

I felt Ben shuffle slightly and saw his right hand slide under the blanket. My mind did cartwheels, because I really and truly hoped it was going where I really wanted it to go. I spread my legs slightly, and bit my lower lip in anticipation as I felt his fingers slide under my skirt, up my thigh and onto my panties.

I'll be honest -- I almost came on the spot when he pulled my panties to one side and rubbed my clit. His fingers felt insanely good on my little nub and I had to fight hard not to moan my approval. I was aware I was squirming and I worried that Amber might say something -- but she was completely immersed in the film and I doubt had little reason to suspect anything.

Finally, after what seemed like an age of him teasing my cunt hole -- he slid a big finger in. This time I did groan despite myself and my only saving grace was that it happened to coincide with a particularly violent bit of action in the film. I felt sure Amber was going to say something, and she did.

"I know, gross right -- but she must have known that was coming." She blurted, her eyes fixed on the TV.

Now, in my defence -- I'm not stupid. But Amber's words alarmed me. It carried more than a little hint of a double meaning, and I honestly thought that she had rumbled us and was somehow, either endorsing it or maybe even enjoying it. Again, it seemed insane and incredulous. Why on earth would Amber do that? I mean, she knew I'd given Ben a blow job -- so why not tell me that she was happy for me to do it again? Maybe she got off on the whole 'secrecy' of it -- the belief that we didn't know she knew.

I really didn't know and to be honest, so while Ben continued to drive his thick fingers (yes, by now he had 2 inside my sopping cunt) into me -- I wouldn't have cared if Amber had actually pulled the blanket off us. But she remained oblivious, unaware of what was going on just feet away from her.

I'd already had a small orgasm, when Ben had inserted his second finger and I was feeling the next one rumbling up my body. They weren't earth shattering nor particularly intense -- but very nice, nevertheless.

We continued this 'light touch' mutual masturbation for about 7 or 8 minutes and then, in the film -- the sound changed, and I could tell there was an intense scene coming up. I made my mind up that moment, what I was about to do. Sure enough, as soon as the drama started and things began getting gory I yelped and pulled the blanket over my head.

I was scared and wanted to hide from the gruesome scene. Yeah right. You guys all know what my intention was.

"EEeeekk. Tell me when it's over" I semi-screamed in a childish voice.

In one swift movement (so as not to arouse Amber's attention) I dove down put my head in Ben's lap and took his cock into my mouth. Again, I knew that I couldn't really suck him up and down, so I contented myself on just rolling my tongue around his cock head and teasing his frenulum with my tongue.

After about 2 minutes I guess, Amber declared that it was safe to look and I was about to (reluctantly) take Ben's cock out of my mouth when Ben yelled out.

"Not yet. There's more to come." He declared. There was no doubting the double meaning in his words and I really couldn't believe that he was going to come. But one thing we do know about Ben, when he says he's going to come -- he does. I felt his free left hand drop on his groin, and he pushed my head right down on his cock.

I struggled only briefly before feeling the familiar spurts as Ben came down my throat. My mind was exploding with pleasure and my head was doing cartwheels. My cunt was spouting juices so hard that I feared they would soak through the blanket. I don't know if it was the unexpectedness, the spontaneity or just the incredibly risky situation but it felt incredibly pleasurable and intense. I swallowed hard, several times as Ben finished his spurting. Fuck it felt like he had a whole gallon full of cum for me.

Then I used my skirt to wipe my mouth before bringing my head up above the blanket with a lame "Has it all gone now." Ben gave a little laugh, an acknowledgment to the double meaning in my comment.

My heart was still beating twenty to the dozen and my breathing was shallow and fast. I kept my words to a minimum with just yes or no answers for the next few minutes as I slowly felt my body return to normal. I couldn't believe how aroused I'd been, how turned on I was -- doing that to my son, practically within touching distance of his girlfriend. But we had, and we had got away with it.

Some of the 'usual suspects' of feelings and emotions began to ruminate in my head. So much for wiping the slate clean, what a disgusting mother I was. How desperate did I have to be to do that. I should be ashamed of myself. I'd risked Ben and Amber's future and possibly messed up his entire life if Amber chose to go public. Who knew what a scorned girlfriend was capable of? Well, yes of course -- I knew full well. Vengeance wasn't an unknown feeling for me and so I knew it's power and prevalence. None of it really touched the edges, such was the intense feeling of pleasure for what I had just done.

Ben and I sat there in silence more or less, until the film finished. Perhaps Ben was considering the implications of what we had done. I know I was. Did I want more, you better fucking believe I wanted more. It was as if this experience had woken up a huge volcano inside of me. It was as if the lava flow from the last time Ben and I had had sex was now erupting in a huge lava flow -- and that flow was most definitely between my legs. My cunt sizzled and hissed with desire, while my clit burnt with anticipation and expectation.

The film finished and Amber declared it to have been most enjoyable. Ben smiled at me and declared that he had enjoyed the entire evening and I chipped in by saying we should do it again. I hoped I had disguised the lust and passion in my voice -- though I doubted it to be honest.

I gathered up the blankets, not wanting to give Amber the chance to possibly smelling or seeing any juices that may have been soaked up by the material. Ben picked up the Pizza boxes and took them to the kitchen and I followed him into the utility room to put the blankets in the washing machine straight away. Ben followed me in and then leant close to me and whispered.

"Fuck Mum, that was ... incredible." He moaned lowly.

I shushed him and pointed to the lounge where Amber was. Ben shrugged, once more telling me that something was not right. Ben tried to tell me I think, but I stopped him. Amber could have walked in at anytime and now the realisation of what we had done was beginning to dawn on me.

We cleared up the lounge and then went to bed. Ben and Amber of course were sleeping together so went into Ben's bedroom whilst I retired to my own. Surprisingly, I had expected the headboard banging to begin almost immediately. But then I realised with horror that I hadn't licked all the cum off Ben's cock so that, when Amber sucked it -- she would taste the cum. Then she would no doubt start asking awkward questions. A part of me almost expected her to storm in my room and ask me what was going on? Thankfully she didn't and I drifted off to a nice sleep.

As I drifted off -- my mind did begin to fill up again with doubts and misgivings. Nice though the evening had been, I realised I was not being fair to Amber -- or Ben for that matter. Every relationship goes through difficult times and new relationships all the more. If this was their first real tiff then what did it say about Ben that he immediately came running back to his mum for sexual gratification? And what did it say about me as a mum, that I gave it to him.

I hated myself for it, I bemoaned the speed with which I had given in. I chided myself that my resolve had dissolved so quickly and berated myself for being so weak, and giving in to temptation so easily. I went to sleep with a little tear in my eyes and with my hands firmly between my legs.

Sunday morning broke and the sun was streaming in through the curtains. I felt somewhat refreshed and felt I'd slept quite well and was ready to face the day. Then the memory of the previous night hit me, and I once more began to rue my actions.

Ben and Amber rose about a couple of hours later and seemed to have sorted their disagreement. Amber was much more 'touchy feely' on Ben and he seemed content with her physical contact. We had Sunday lunch and then shortly after that Ben announced they were going to leave, as Ben needed to catch the train back to Uni. Amber said she would drop hm off and so, we said out goodbyes, then Ben and Amber left. It seemed a little early to go for the train, it was barely 3.20pm and the train journey was only 3.5 hrs. I had expected he would be catching a train around 6pm maybe but then I figured that maybe they were going to go and enjoy some 'alone time'.

In truth, I don't know if Ben and Amber had had sex the previous night. If they did -- I never heard them, and I didn't' see a condom in the room when I went to tidy up. It could be of course, that Ben had flushed it -- or even that Amber was now on the pill. Whatever, I could sense that despite their early morning friendliness -- there was something Ben wasn't telling me.

During his first few weeks at Uni, our texts and calls had been sparse. I didn't want to overload him or come across as still 'mothering' him so I allowed him to more or less set the tone and frequency of our communications. As a result -- we had a call maybe once a week and then a few text interactions every couple of days. For the most part, the communications were light and casual, mainly dealing with the practicalities of Uni life.

Life continued to move onwards as I dealt with the day to day problems of running an entire house on my own whilst still trying to hold down a job. Juggling the finances was just as difficult as juggling the chores and cleaning. Added to that, I would get the occasional call or visit from Melanie and -- surprise, surprise -- she was a lot more conciliatory and understanding than she had been when she was living here.

Of course, I saw past her compliments and praises. Melanie wanted to borrow some money, saying she was struggling to pay her share of bills and bemoaning the fact that everything was so expensive. A part of me wanted to say no, that she had to learn to budget. But in truth, I didn't know if it was because she was spending her money frivolously or that she genuinely hadn't budgeted for the cost of things. Either way, I decided to help her.

Ben on the other hand, seemed to be coping admirably. He had got himself a part time job as a barista and was saving his money. In addition, following his bike accident -- for which the car driver took full responsibility -- Ben got a generous pay out from the insurance. Ben had always been good with money, even as a youngster he saved his pocket money diligently.

He told me that he went for night's out but that he never really drank too much because he wanted to be alert for the lectures. In addition, he told me he sometimes worked through the evenings to get his assignments done. It told me one thing, Ben was determined to get his Engineering degree and that nothing, nor anyone was going to get in the way. With a heavy heart, I suddenly realised that that had to include me. It certainly included Amber, as his mentions of her became fewer and fewer.

Then, about 2 weeks before Christmas Ben laid the bombshell on me. He wasn't coming home for Christmas. Amber was working several shifts over that period and Ben had been invited to a friends home for Christmas. I tried to find out more about this 'friend' but Ben was not forthcoming. I suggested he could come home for New Year maybe, but again Ben said they were having a big New Year party and that he really wanted to go.

I felt disappointed, of course I did. Disappointed? I felt absolutely gutted, totally devastated and distraught. It was going to be the first Christmas that I would spend away without my son, and the thought of it really upset me. Ben apologised profusely and, perhaps realising my disappointment he promised we would spend the following Christmas together. It didn't really appease me. It wasn't that there was anything special about this Christmas (other than what had happened between us and the possibility of what may happen) it was more that it was going to be our first Christmas apart and the realisation that Ben was now living his own life -- separate from me.

I'm going to skip over that Christmas, it still upsets me and it was possibly the worst Christmas ever for me. I didn't spend it alone -- my eldest sister insisted I spend the few days with her family, so I did. I tried to be as upbeat as I could -- tried to sound positive and happy. I'm not really sure if my sister bought it, she knew me too well. But if she did suspect something -- she didn't say anything to me.

As New Year dawned, I made my usual resolutions -- as we all do, knowing that by February most of them would be broken. My main one(s) of course, revolved around my son. In particular I drilled it into my brain that what I was doing was wrong, that I was confusing the lad and stopping him from moving forward with his life -- be that with Amber, or another girlfriend. It was stopping me from moving on too I realised. I assured myself that if I could just find a guy, a decent guy who would fuck me hard and treat me nice -- then I could move on. But that was always easier said than done. Plenty of guys willing to fuck me, but without that tenderness and intimacy I just felt I'd just be a piece of meat.

But I did resolve to update my Dating App profile and give it all another go. I told myself that I just had to let Ben go -- that I was risking his health, wellbeing and his Uni degree by screwing with his mind like this. I just had to stay firm, resolute and determined. There would be no more Incestuous incidents between us.

January and February came and went. Life continued as it had done before. Melanie kept popping in, hinting at more money trouble but not outwardly asking for money, so I didn't offer it. Ben's visits dropped off the cliff. His texts and calls became fewer, maybe a call once every 2 weeks -- although the texting remained reasonably steady, albeit a little shorter in content.

When I asked him, Ben just explained that his assignments were becoming due and he wanted to make sure to do the best he could. It sounded reasonable and I accepted it for what it was, Ben showing a determination to get his degree.

During one phone call I asked him how Amber was keeping, and that is when Ben told me the story. He explained about 'that night' and how he had originally planned to go to see Amber before coming home. But when he had turned up, and immediately tried to take her to the bedroom -- Amber had freaked out. Amber had accused him of treating her like a piece of meat and that she felt 'used'. They had had a big row, so Ben had come home. The following day, Ben had met Amber and talked it out. They had agreed a truce and Amber had agreed to still come over to the house that night.

Ben continued, his voice breaking slightly at times, and I felt for him. I knew he was building up to telling me that he and Amber had split up -- but I knew I had to hear it from him.

Ben told me that on that Saturday afternoon he had popped into a chemist to pick up some condoms (what he had done with the pack of 20 is anybody's guess). Amber had seen them and gone absolutely ballistic. Accusing him of being insensitive and inconsiderate. Amber apparently castigated him in the street, humiliating him -- by accusing him of 'assuming' they were going to have sex that night.

To my mind it was a reasonable assumption and certainly one that I would have made. Possibly, buying the condoms was a bit insensitive and I would have expected he would have hidden them or made up a story about getting some cough medicine or headache tablets.

Amber had stormed off, and Ben had chased after her -- apologising profusely. Finally, some hours later -- Amber had calmed down, and had agreed to still come over to the house (mainly due to the pressure Ben had put on her by telling her the effort I had gone to, to clean the house).

It explained a lot, hell -- it explained everything. No wonder Ben was so welcoming of the touch of my hand on his cock. I'm sure he must have jerked off at Uni -- but there could be no better feeling surely, for a guy -- than to feel someone else's hand on it. And when that hand was your own mother's then it was no wonder he got so hard, so quick.

Ben then told me that when they had gone to bed, they had talked and Amber had told him she would not have sex with him until his attitude improved and until he showed a little more sensitivity and consideration toward her. And that is how they had parted it seems, and the communication between them lessened until, over Christmas -- Amber had declared that she had put herself down for several shifts over the 2 week period, citing mainly -- personnel shortages.

Ben was upset, he told me. He said he felt that Amber had done it on purpose to 'punish him'. It had more or less made up his mind to not come home for Christmas. Ben told me he had felt a little lonely and unwanted and so that was why he had jumped at the offer to share Christmas with a (male) friend of his.

When Ben paused, I jumped in. In truth it was what I had suspected though I didn't know the details. I told him I understood about his decision not to come home for Christmas, that there would always be a place for him here but that I accepted he needed to move on and live his own life.

Then I addressed what we had done that night. I will confess to feeling my stomach churn with anxiety as I broached the subject. I needed to get my point across, whilst hiding what in essence was my true feelings.

I began by saying that, if he and Amber had had a disagreement about sex -- then it was up to them to sort it out. I told him that this would be true with any future girlfriend and that he couldn't keep 'running home to mummy for sexual gratification' (yes, I actually said it that way). I told him firmly that it was not a good way to deal with his frustration, and that I held myself partly responsible because I had more or less facilitated it. I told him that was wrong of me, that I shouldn't have done it and that I felt ashamed that I had put his relationship with Amber at risk.

Ben tried to counter by saying he felt he already knew it was over between him and Amber and I replied that that was not the point. What about his next girlfriend I asked him. What if we're in the same situation and I was to again grab his cock?

"It won't happen, mum." He declared firmly.

But I challenged him -- did he honestly think and feel that he could resist. I didn't mean it in a self-serving, arrogant tone but Ben laughed.

"You're not that good, mum." He chuckled.

The comment both made me laugh and hurt a little. On the one had it was an amusing response, but what if he meant it? What if he had found a girl in Uni that gave better hand / blow jobs than I did. A part of me felt the green fog of jealousy rise but I quickly suppressed it.