Healed Shoulders

I really don't know why I had added 'sister' to the equation, because in truth I was referring to her flirting with Ben (even though I'd told Emily that I specifically didn't want to talk about him).

Emily took a breath, it was almost as if it was rehearsed. "Fifty years ago, homosexuality and lesbianism was banned -- but look at where society is with that now. I don't think society is yet ready to accept Incest as an acceptable act and I don't know if it will in the future. In truth, most reasons given for it to remain illegal are null and void. Yes, pregnancies can occur -- but these days there are so many options for contraception. Not like in the dark ages when Incest first got banned."

I smiled at her, genuinely impressed with her statement. But then I told her, she still hadn't said what SHE felt about it. Emily's eyes narrowed, perhaps gauging how much to divulge.

"If you're asking whether I'd fuck Ben, the answer is NO." she added pointedly. "Sure it's fun to flirt with him and to tease him -- and yes, I admit in hindsight that things probably went too far this weekend." She admitted.

I was about to add a comment of my own when Emily continued, and I really didn't want to stop her when she was in this verbose mood.

"But that's the whole point, isn't it? Of anything that's taboo. It's the wickedness and thrill of imaging it happen. The feelings of dark depravity and disgust that goes along with the sense of guilt and shame." She intoned.

I stared at her, maybe a bit too sternly -- and I asked her directly, if she felt it was 'wrong'. Her response surprised me, when I didn't think I could be. Emily admitted that it was huge turn on for her.

"Christ Sis, who wouldn't want to be fucked by Ben. And if ..." she paused as if weighing up her revelation "... if I thought I could get away with it, and that no one would ever, ever find out -- then hell yeah, I'd fuck your son."

The statement rocked me back, I hadn't expected such a candid and honest answer. But Emily was quick to mitigate her comment, saying that the risk of being caught or found out was too much to overcome. She said how such revelations had ruined lives and families. As a journalist, Emily said she had covered such stories and added that they seldom ended well for the participants.

I asked her about that, I asked if there had been incidents of incest in our nearby town and Emily said she couldn't comment but left me in no doubt that there had been.

"What if it was only me that knew." I teased, smiling at Emily. Her face changed to one of study as she tried, I guess to figure out if I was serious.

"No." she answered flatly. "Because if you knew, you'd never forgive me and I wouldn't be able to cope with Ben knowing. But if there was some way for it to happen, and only I was to know about it -- well, that might be a different matter." She giggled suggestively.

"That's the whole appeal." She continued. "Walking around each other day to day, only the 2 of you knowing you'd fucked. That feeling of total decadence and wickedness. That excitement and anticipation of when it might happen again, and yes the delicious anxiety and angst about whether you might be caught. It's like fucking outdoors, in public -- a part of you secretly wants to be caught."

"You'd want to be caught fucking Ben?" I questioned, knowing that that was not what she had meant.

Emily explained, and went into some of the psychology behind it. She said that keeping secrets was 'exciting' and exhilarating. We all remember our school days she said, when we ran around the playground shouting 'I know something you don't know'. We used to do it as sisters, just to wind each other up.

"I wouldn't WANT to be caught, but it's the thrill of the thought that I might be. The thought of what everyone would think of me -- a disgusting horrible and wicked aunt that fucked her nephew." She laughed.

I knew Emily, and I knew that it didn't bother her what others thought of her. In fact, I knew that she actually enjoyed shocking people.

"You still haven't told me how you FEEL about incest." I reminded her, adding "You haven't told me if you think it's disgusting or depraved." I fixed her with a stare. Her reply was surprisingly quick and pointed.

"It's no more depraved than women being tortured for pleasure or men shoving god knows what up their arses. I've seen some of the painful things that a person can do to another -- physically and verbally. I've seen tits with needles in, cocks with their ballsacks nailed to a board. I've seen women and men spat and pissed on -- all in the name of pleasure. If you're asking me whether I think Incest is more depraved than that -- then the answer is No, I don't." she intoned flatly.

I took a gulp of wine, and Emily decided to go on the offensive. "OK. I've told you what I think, so what do you think about it." She asked, every hint of excitement clear in her voice. Whatever it was that Ben had told her, Emily knew there was a story here.

I coughed, clearing my throat as I considered what I was willing to divulge. Emily's words had hit the nail on the head. I did get turned on knowing I was keeping secrets, and I had to admit I was also aroused at the thought of being discovered. I remember how I had felt when Amber had hinted her knowledge of what Ben and I had done. On the one hand it had frightened me, but I recalled there was a part of me that felt strangely excited and exhilarated.

The rest of her words also resounded in me. If there was a way, to guarantee that no-one would ever find out. Well, that thought just blew my mind. I knew there wasn't of course -- but just imagining if there was, how things would be - well that was turning me on no end. Yes, my cunt was getting wet. OK? There, I've admitted it.

I coughed once more. "No one gets hurt I guess." I opened meekly. "I mean, of course there is the emotional and intellectual side of things to consider." I added trying to make myself sound every bit as thoughtful as Emily had shown herself to be.

I went on to say that, it was only society that dictated it to be 'immoral'. I asked, somewhat rhetorically -- whether it was any more immoral or disgusting that women having a 'rape' fetish or men having a 'cuckold' fetish. When I mentioned the rape fetish, Emily struck me with a stone cold glare. Yes, she knew about my past with Dave.

"Lot's of things are illegal, but we still do them." I added casually, hoping she wasn't going to interrogate me about why I'd mentioned a rape fetish. I continued quickly, not wanting to give her a chance to dive in. I mentioned about some of the illegal things we all do. Speeding, going through amber or red lights. Finding money or items on the street and not handing it in -- yes, that is illegal. Using our personal discount card to buy items for others. Accessing Netflix on someone else's account. It's all illegal -- yet we still do it, I concluded.

"Hardly crimes of the century." Laughed Emily, taking a sip of wine.

That was the point, I told her. In all those examples, nobody (usually got hurt). OK. Time out -- I'm not saying that speeding or running red lights doesn't harm people. It can and does cause great harm and destroys lives when accidents happen. I didn't need to tell Emily that, she understood what I meant.

Then I went on to point out that hitting someone else, causing them physical or verbal harm -- that was always wrong, and no-one had a right to do that to another person because it was illegal (unless that other person was consenting).

I explained that in my view, dealing with the aftermath and the emotions of it all -- well, that was up to them to resolve within their own minds. Presumably the people that indulge in these acts are fully aware of the emotional and intellectual scars they are inflicting on themselves and others -- and presumably, they are comfortable with that.

"It's the same with Incest, in my view." I added. "So, if an Aunt and her nephew decided to fuck -- then as long as both are consenting -- and are aware of how it might affect them in later life, and as long as they were accepting of that -- then why not." I smiled. I had deliberately used the Aunt & Nephew scenario. The Mother & Son version was still too close to home for me to even hint at.

Emily smiled wickedly and giggled. "Sis -- are you ... are you giving me permission to fuck your son?" she asked, sounding hesitant and cautious.

"CHRIST, NO." I yelled and Emily was immediately startled and shaken. "I mean, I wouldn't ever give you permission to do that." I clarified, horrified that my words had given Emily that idea. Of course, you guys all know why I was really horrified. If anyone was going to fuck Ben -- it was going to be me.

Emily looked at me bemused. "I'm talking in general terms." I said, trying to sound calm. "I mean, if a woman and her nephew, or son ..." I added cautiously, gauging Emily's response to the word 'son'. There was no visible response, so I continued.

"I mean, if they discussed it and agreed on it, and agreed they were willing to risk all the fallout, the scars and emotional trauma that might ensue from their actions then, all I'm saying is -- no one gets hurt, so why not."

"Most cases don't get prosecuted anyway." Intoned Emily softly. "The individuals involved are warned, and usually they move away to avoid the stigma. Unless there is physical evidence -- the CPS just won't take the case to court."

I smiled back at her, and nodded my head in agreement. "It's social media that's the problem these days." I added. "No where to hide on line, once a story like that comes out."

Emily laughed. "Hence the reason I said, if there was a way to do it where there was no chance of ever being found out -- then oh my god what a delight that would be."

I could see the excitement and exhilaration on her face and in her voice. If I didn't know better then I'd have said she was getting turned on by the discussion -- as was I of course, very much and ever so wet.

Despite Emily's previous declaration (that she wouldn't fuck Ben) -- I knew that given half a chance she would, knowing now what my view of incest was. And this gave me a headache on so many different levels. Because now I realised that the next time Ben came home, inviting Emily over was tantamount to telling her that I felt it was OK for them to fuck.

That's not how I felt of course, and you guys know. As I said, if anyone was going to fuck Ben -- it was going to be me. Of course, I hadn't really considered Ben's view in all this and a part of me wondered if we should arrange a 3 way discussion on the matter. I quickly dismissed that idea.

A part of me considered telling Emily the WHOLE story, every dirty disgusting part of it. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it had been the free and open discussion that we had had and the fact that our views (on incest) were almost the same. But I didn't. Instead I admitted to her that I had had 'thoughts' about fucking Ben. I told her how tempted I had been on that Pizza night when my hand brushed his cock.

In all honesty, I did feel a little bad about lying to Emily about certain things. But what can I say -- despite our candid and frank discussion, I still wasn't ready to divulge my secrets just yet. As Emily herself had said, part of the fun is discussing something where you know something that the other person doesn't. And that was certainly true of my discussion with Emily. I was juicing whilst talking about the whole subject, aware and remembering what Ben and I had already done. It was also a turn on to know that, whilst Emily didn't know the full story -- she probably knew more than she was letting on.

"Do you ..." Emily hesitated briefly. "Do you ... imagine him fucking you, when you ... use your dildos?" she enquired tentatively.

I feigned shock. "Emily -- what are you asking." Then I giggled and that gave it away. "Sometimes." I admitted.

Emily whistled lowly "Fuck Yeah. I would too -- and I will from now on." She added before covering her mouth with her hand in the age old response when we feel we've said something we shouldn't. I glared at her initially, but then it gave way to a broad smile and a big laugh.

"He's so huge isn't he." Emily declared holding her hands out at a distance of about 10 inches.

And that's when I lost it. It must have been the wine, and in my aroused and excited state maybe I'd forgotten what I had and had not admitted to Emily. "Could hardly fit him in my mouth, the first time." I declared.

Immediately I regretted my stupidity. My mind screamed curses at me and my pulse raced as I thought of how I'd get out of this one.

Emily screamed in delight of course. "I FUCKING knew it." She shouted triumphantly. "You fucking sucked him off didn't you? You fucking sucked your own son's cock." She howled. Her Head turned from side to side, trying to process and take in the huge revelation.

"It was a medical requirement." I offered lamely, realising now what a stupid and ridiculous explanation that was. Amber may have bought it, but Emily certainly wasn't going to.

"Wait... wait. You said 'first time'?" she questioned. "Fuck sis, just how many times did you blow him" she wailed, sounding more and more excited by the second.

I didn't answer her direct question. I tried to maintain the medical requirement defence for as long as possible. I told Emily that I had tried to jerk him off by hand (and explained what the first nurse had told me) and then I told Emily that Ben had complained I wasn't doing it right so that in the end, I decided to blow him.

Emily's eyes went wild with arousal, and she was licking her lips repeatedly. "And what about the other times?" she enquired.

Again I told her what the first nurse had led me to believe, that Ben needed to 'cum' regularly or he'd get infertile. Emily just howled. I mean she fucking bent over double with laughter. Despite my now desperate situation, I laughed too at how ridiculous the excuse sounded. Again, a part of me wondered whether I had chosen to deliberately misunderstand the nurse's comment -- just as an excuse to jerk my son off. It was a question for another time.

Emily calmed down and looked at me, her face taking on a more sombre look. "Seriously though Sis ... what was it like? Giving your son a Blow job?" she asked excitedly.

I told Emily that I wasn't comfortable talking about it and her response was to say that things made a bit more sense now (about the Pizza night and the sun lotion incident). I begged her not to tell Ben that she knew, and Emily giggled in reply. I knew what that giggle meant. It meant she had me over a barrel and we both knew it.

"OK. Tell me what it was like. I mean, did you ... did you lick has balls?" asked Emily suggestively sticking out her tongue and simulating a long licking action.

I told her not to be so disgusting and that there was nothing more to be said. I reminded her that she had given enough blow jobs in her time to know how it felt and I told her it didn't feel very much different.

It wasn't true of course. The blow job I had given Ben was insane in its effect on me. I was aroused to previously unknown level. My excitement and exhilaration had known no bounds. It was so intense and powerful that even there and then as I remembered it, I was creaming myself.

Emily smiled. "Still, it was your son -- so that must have made some difference." She enticed. "It must have ramped up your enjoyment and pleasure all the more? Did he ... did he come in your mouth or ... or on your tits?"

There was no hiding Emily's extreme excitement at this new revelation, and it was clear she was going to milk every last bit of enjoyment out of it (no pun intended). I asked her if she was disgusted with me, did it repulse her what I had done. I knew the answer of course, Emily was no more shocked or outraged than I was.

"No, of course I'm not disgusted with you. But c'mon Sis." Wailed Emily, sitting up and glaring at me. "You have to give me something. Was it tits, mouth ... or cunt?" She asked, her arousal clear in her voice as she spoke the last word.

"I feel cheap and dirty." I announced, for once voicing my emotional turmoil. "I feel deeply ashamed and ever so guilty about what I've done, Emily. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself." I wailed.

But of course, Emily didn't buy it. "I'm betting that you let him cum on your face." She asked flatly. "Did you?"

But I didn't answer -- I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to confront or confirm what a dirty disgusting mother I was. Because that is how I felt then, despite Emily's obvious excitement. She may have been exhilarated by the thought of what I had done, but I had been the one to do it -- and now, in the cold light of having my secret revealed, I felt guilty and ashamed.

I screamed at her to stop. I told her just how terrible I was feeling, embarrassed and uncomfortable. I felt that what I had done -- as a mother, to her son - was deplorable and reprehensible. I had acted wickedly, slovenly and disgracefully. I told her it was demeaning and degrading and I told her I felt utterly, utterly ashamed of myself.

My cunt gushed immediately.

Emily looked at me and smiled, perhaps seeing the contradiction in my eyes. Her tone was soft, kind and conciliatory and it soothed me somewhat. My heart was pounding, and my breathing laboured and so I tried to take comfort in her words.

"We spoke about this earlier, remember?" she intoned. "Nobody got hurt, sis. No one died. I get that you feel bad about it, but as I said before -- THAT is the turn on. Understanding that for a lot of people, it is dirty, disgusting and immoral. But then, also realising and accepting that you are hugely turned on by that. And admitting that it's OK to take pleasure from it." She finished, coming over to sit next to me and placing an arm around my shoulder.

I asked her, if she thought I was immoral or a bad mother, and Emily laughed and said no. That made me feel a little better, but the feelings and emotions were still swimming away in my brain -- refusing to take their cue and leave. I got what Emily was saying, fuck -- my cunt had got it straight away, but it was my mind that was struggling to follow. I asked her whether she thought what I did was wrong, and whether she thought it would harm Ben in some way. That was truly my main concern then. Once the reality of what I had done really hit me -- I had sucked my own son's cock, not once but several times. That was not something a person was going to 'get over' easily and I knew it would be as much a struggle for Ben as it would be for me.

Emily took my hand and tapped it, and for a second I was transported back to the memory of Amber at the hospital -- when she had done the exact same thing as I had revealed the exact same thing to her. And fuck me if the image of her tits didn't just swan into my head. Damn me to the clouds.

"Tits." I blurted, before realising what I had said. I'm still not sure if it was a reaction to the image of Amber's tits or an unconscious answer to Emily's earlier question. I treated it as the latter. "He ... he came on my tits." I stammered.

It wasn't true of course, the first time -- he had come down my throat and a part of me wanted to correct myself. But Emily seemed content with the answer so I let it ride. I told her I felt disgusted with myself, and worse so for actually taking pleasure from it. It was my first acknowledgement to her that I had enjoyed it, and a shiver went through my body and right down to my sopping cunt.

"It's OK." Cooed Emily softly. "A mother and son give and receive pleasure from each other all the time don't they? What can be more natural than that? Sure, it's sexual and not everyone in the world will understand that. But, and this is the important thing -- it's what you and Ben think about it that matters. Others can have their opinion -- but it's not their life and it's not their choice to make."