Heels and Horses

She was shaking her head, I could tell she thought I wasn't paying attention, she figured I was just being irresponsible and frivolous, but I wasn't, I never was. I took our relationship very seriously, I would never hurt her. I certainly would never leave her by herself on our vacation.

She left. She didn't say goodbye, she never did. I was alone, but I wasn't going to be by myself and that was more than okay. Lyla could have her horses, while I have my heels.

***

Roman and I were talking with Sonia, she wanted me to wear something more dramatic, more feminine for my last full day in New York, with a man, with her.

"Do you always travel with so many outfits?" She was going through the closet, it was pretty big, it was full.

"I never know how I feel, how I want to dress until it happens. I like that about me, hah." I giggled, and they giggled with me.

She made me take off my conservative blue dress, the one Lyla was surprised I was wearing, and she made me put on my shiny, light cranberry, wrap dress. The front showed most of my legs from my thighs down, but from the back, it went down to my ankles. I wore tan pantyhose and had on cream-colored pumps and held my matching small pocketbook. She fixed my makeup and hair, pulling it over to one side to show off my big golden hoops.

She was holding my ear, "Mmm, do you want to do another piercing like me? This way you will be able to jingle when the holes heal?"

"Will anyone notice?"

"I'm going to guess that's up to you. You could stay small, or go big, but you have to wait a couple of weeks to go big."

I smiled, "Okay let's do it." Once again I was doing something drastic. She pulled a little device out of her pocketbook and soon I had another hole, another little gold ball, another thing to make me feel special.

"Okay, you are ready, you are now ready to meet my husband." And we did, he was quite wonderful, I loved watching them together. I loved that they were in love. After we met Ray, we went out for drinks, at a Russian vodka bar. Something different, we drank clear liquid my absolute favorite color, or lack of.

'But I'm gonna stick to you boy, you'll never get rid of me

There's no other place in this world where I rather would be

Honey honey, touch me baby, a-ha, honey honey

Honey honey, hold me baby, a-ha, honey honey'

We went to a museum, then a musical, surprisingly a musical about ABBA, something so wonderful, Sonia and I were perfectly over-dressed for the occasion. We took pictures in front of all the posters, the marquee, the men. We sang, we had wine, I let Roman kiss me in a sea of people, I let him kiss my three flowers.

We were in a cab, the four of us, it was tight, I was on Roman's lap. I called the two men from the card in my bag, the two I met when I got lost, the men who made sure I was okay, and I was safe.

"Hi, we will be at the bar at the Ritz-Carlton, meet us." And they did, I didn't even have to convince them, they were at the end of the bar with the bartender drinking mint juleps, waiting for me.

"Hey, Mercer and Spring!" They both stood up as we got closer.

I kissed them both hello like I have known them for years. Mel and Toni, easy names to remember, people were going to love them.

Toni was admiring my dress, feeling my shoulders, adjusting my boobs. "Do you always look this glam, you look even nicer than when we saw you spralled out on a corner downtown."

"Well, I had help both times." I smiled at Sonia and shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, I for one am so glad we ran into you, literally," Mel told them how I ran to the corner from the front of the restaurant, looked up, knocked into them, slipped, and dropped my phone. I was on the ground, my dress showing way too much of my legs. They gave me back the phone. I talked to Lyla, she was mad of course, she was going to bed. They helped me up, it took longer than we expected, they leaned me against the 'Don't Walk' pole. I listened to them sing, make passerby's laugh, I collected money. They said they made four times as much with a hostess and a bucket.

Everyone laughed, everyone now knows how clumsy I really am. I had so many more stories. I would never tell Lyla, I would never tell my ex-therapist. Roman held me tighter, held me so I didn't fall again.

"So you can really get us work?" Toni seemed suspicious.

"I can, I work for a talent booking agency, I have almost sixty acts. I am what you call a hand holder." Roman took my hand, with my long cream color nails, he smiled at me, at everyone. "I am pretty good at it, I know lots of places. I know so many theaters and clubs and even restaurants that want to hire, comedians, and singers like you two." I smiled.

Toni hugged me, he kissed my cheek. "More drinks!"

It was a wonderful end to my week in New York City, my vacation, my week on 33. We talked, we laughed, we shared, we had dinner. We finally said goodnight. I invited everyone to visit me in Pearl River.

***

Roman walked me to my door. "I thought you were making believe that you didn't live in Pearl River, you lived here?" He pointed to the hotel door, I took his hand and he was now pointing to my chest. I held it there.

"Mmm." I thought, I smushed my face, I had a tendency to think with my lips, my eyes. "I don't want to make-believe anymore. I'm too tired." I took him inside, I pushed him onto the bed. "Wait here."

I heard Layla next door, I heard the TV. I knocked on the door, she called me in, she was on her phone. I told her Roman was going to stay with me tonight, our last night. She shrugged, she was just a little surprised. "Okay, I guess." I was wondering if she was glad I wasn't being left alone.

*

"Doctor, you never told me your last name. Is it numerals? Maybe Orgy? Mmm, I think it's Holiday." He sat on the bed smiling at me, he seemed pretty surprised about the turn of events this week, he didn't bring up his forgotten nuptials since he told Lyla and me about them the first day we met. "Roman Holiday, I mean, Doc Holiday, I am having a little trouble, maybe you can help."

"That's what I am here for."

I spun around, I lifted my hair, my long perfect blonde hair. I didn't ask, he undid my little button on my dress, he undid the little belt, the dress fell to the floor. Once again I had my back to him wearing pantyhose, slight padding on my hips, and high cream-colored heels. I took off my bra and spun around.

"Doctor, I woke up like this, I have boobs."

"Do you, mmm, I guess I am going to have to investigate, where's my stethoscope?" And he investigated. We lay on the bed together, we kissed, He played with my hair. He kissed my three flowers, he kissed my breasts, my belly, my mound in my panties, hidden by the pantyhose. He was there for quite a while, longer than I expected, I was getting excited, I pushed his head, I wanted him to kiss me harder, more forceful, move me around. He started licking, he was making my stockings wet, his nose and chin pushing more against me. I opened my legs, he was between me, licking my thighs, then my crotch again.

I didn't want to cum just yet, I put my hand on his head, messing his hair. "Roman, thank you for this week, thank you for everything. Thank you for introducing Lyla to Tara and Greg."

He chuckled, he looked up at me, he moved his body on top of me, my breasts under his chest, his lips were now right in front of mine. "You know that wasn't planned."

"No? Well maybe the other Barbara called me, she told me to keep you occupied, she said you were sad."

"Did she?"

I shook my head yes, I kissed him, his cheek, his chin, his lips. "She did, I told her you wouldn't be sad for long, ha." I put my arms around his neck and kissed him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her having the same name, Tara was quite confused, I didn't tell her either, I was embarrassed. I'm also afraid she probably told Lyla more than you wanted her to know."

I started to think, "No she told her just enough." and we kissed again, he put his tongue into my mouth, I grabbed his hair, he wrapped his arms around me, I wrapped my legs around him. We rolled around the bed. I was on top of him, he was looking at my lips, playing with my hair.

"Barbara when you go back home, what happens to this beautiful hair?"

"The last couple of years, Lyla and her father made me get it cut. I had a crew cut once, I didn't care I wore a wig." I kissed him, he was probably imagining me with no hair. "Last year I wore a hat, but tomorrow I might wear it up in the ponytail, I liked that. I thought I looked so cute the other day, didn't you?"

"I did."

We switched positions I was now under him again. He placed his cock under my 'vagina.' I put my legs together, just to give him some room for friction, he started to move. I was loving this again, it was something I never thought about before. I was wondering if there was a name for it, is it something that people do?

"If I close my eyes, I can make believe you are making love to me."

He was tasting me, licking my neck, my flowers. He was too low, he wasn't right in front of me, this position wasn't good for kissing. We made eye contact. "Your eyes are quite blue and they are definitely not closed."

They weren't, I started having an incredible orgasm, I screamed, he chuckled. I felt his cum between my legs, under me on the bed. I wiggled my bottom I was having a wonderful time on vacation.

Maybe I didn't have to make-believe anymore.

***

***

'Honey honey, let me feel it, a-ha, honey honey'

"Why is this song so good?

"Why is it so loud?"

'You look like a movie star (look like a movie star)

But I know just who you are (I wonder just who you are)'

"Don't you like it loud?" I asked, I asked her like she was crazy. Lyla was packing but I was all ready, I have been ready for a week. Everything that was left was in the car, we were going to have our semi-exotic vacation. She picked it out. I went along with whatever she wanted.

'Honey honey, don't conceal it, a-ha, honey honey'

The Ritz-Carlton was four months ago, four long months without Roman's hands on me.

"Did you call the therapist?" I asked her.

"I did, she has my cell number, I'll be fine." Lyla started seeing someone, it was going well, and I started seeing someone else. I don't think I ever really needed therapy, but I go once a week anyway. Lyla takes anti-depressants, low dosages, almost a placebo her doctor told me. Me? Dr. P. has me on blockers, hormones, I take whatever she gives me, I never hide them in the cushions. She calls me Barbara.

The first time I walked into her office, I sat, I crossed my legs, I had my hands in my lap. She told me, "It says here on your chart you are on the autism spectrum and have a fetish. It doesn't say for what."

She looked at me, she seemed surprised I was dressed so nicely. I was wearing the dress that Lyla loved, it was blue, had a little belt. Usually, Lyla didn't even have an opinion about what I wore. My arms looked feminine, my legs looked pretty sexy in nude nylons. I shrugged, I didn't know how to dress for these sessions.

She looked back at my chart, the one from Lyla's father. "It says here you are on testosterone, awfully high dosages. You are on Cialis and a couple of different anti-depressants."

"Did they work?"

"Ha, apparently not. Haha." She laughed, she threw the chart into her waste basket. "So what seems to be your fetish, if there even is one. Do you feel comfortable telling me?"

Do I? I didn't really know, I thought, as I spied her feet, she had on nice two-inch brown heels below her desk, she had dark nails. I put my feet up on her wooden desk, I had my six-inch platform pumps right near her clock, right next to the picture of her children. My heels were nude, they showed the neutral color on my toes. "Mmm, maybe I like heels."

She smiled, her feet made an appearance next to her kids. "We all like heels, that's not a fetish, that's a hobby." She laughed, I laughed with her, I told her I bought my heels in Manhattan a couple of days ago, I went shopping with my friend Sonia. She painted my nails beige.

Dr. P. said she wanted to come with me next time. She never realized beige was an option.

*

Before I left that first time, Dr. P. told me I had an over-active imagination. Even an over-active libido. I was always walking around with some scenario in my mind, not paying attention to my surroundings. Coming up with some fantasy that was better and more interesting than real life. But I knew all that.

Roman laughed when I told him, told him about my first time with Dr. P. He said I should just write my fantasies down, write for some website, write for others like me. Someone is bound to read them and like them.

I was looking at him on my computer, we talked all the time, we were kind of dating. Then I started to think.

Wait, I actually have TWO maybe THREE, FOUR, teeny tiny itsy bitsy quirks. Everybody has some weird thing they do, Lyla has only one. When I was a teenager my mother caught me in a denim skirt, a pink top, she was livid. She found all of my clothes, she threw the little bit I had out. I started building scenarios in my head, little fantasies, little stories. I told Roman this over Skype, sometimes we talked for hours.

"They were in your head? You never wrote them down?"

"Never, I didn't want anyone to find them. The mind is the perfect vault."

"Wow, I can't wait to open that vault, keep me informed when everything spills out."

I didn't want to tell him, I made up these stories when I walked, when I was supposed to be sleeping, even when I was driving. My mind was always doing two things at once. So what if I got lost every once in a while, I was busy writing soft core porn, porn I liked, about me, about me meeting a man, even just meeting people. Just the regular stuff, crossdressing stories, maybe fetish stories, I didn't know, nothing too weird, though what is weird, plus there was nothing to throw a horse at.

***

I was wearing a tight short pink mini dress. I felt pretty great, I felt so relaxed and I was actually paying attention. The only thing making me distracted was my dark lips in the rearview mirror. Real-life had finally caught up to my fantasy life. I was driving, I was driving in my pink heels, and we were listening to ABBA through our speakers. I was singing, making up my own words, I was quite happy this morning.

Lyla lowered the music, "I never told you this," I looked at her, she was even happier. "But you are a lot of fun, you always were. You always make me laugh. I love when I call you, you always say something weird."

"Do I?"

"You do you weirdo, now turn left and then a quick right." Lyla was in charge of directions, she was always 'right.'

"How far is Newville?"

"Almost four hours. Um, make a right." Lyla took a job with Tara and Greg on their horse farm in PA. She was interested that they had a Missouri Fox Trotter. She wanted to work with the horses, she wanted to learn, she wanted to help, she wanted to move away from Upstate New York. We both wanted to move away from her father.

"Just think we will be living pretty close to each other."

"Mmm." She was too busy looking at her phone, checking the map, we were now on the highway.

"Roman says I will be perfect for that job, it's perfect for a hand holder liked me." I giggled.

I talked to Roman almost every night, either on the phone or on camera. We were learning about each other. I wanted to feel more comfortable with him, I felt I was a young 'girl' with her first boyfriend, I needed to take it slow. He would make me call him in the middle of the night, he wanted me to touch myself while looking at him, he wanted to show me parts of his body.

"This is called virtual sex." He told me.

"The only thing virtual about this was that it was keeping my virtue intact."

He laughed, he said he couldn't wait to hold me, to taste me. We would try to come together, I always looked in his eyes, he always looked down towards my breasts.

"If I close my eyes, I could imagine you are here." He was begging me to visit, he wanted to come to visit me, but I told him lets wait, let's wait until I'm ready. I was now ready, it coincided with Lyla being ready. She was ready to move on, we already signed papers to get a divorce, maybe even an annulment.

"I feel so different today." She said as she opened her window, and let the breeze hit her face. "I feel like you."

"Really? Ha."

I was ready for a real relationship, I felt the fourteen months previous, living as a woman full-time, living with Lyla, and working as a 'woman' was helping me grow. Dr. P. said I was more than ready to start something new. I made her meet Roman online several times, sometimes the three of us had lunch in her office together. I even took my LapTop out for drinks, I wasn't by myself, I made believe I was holding his hand, playing with his manhood. I still had a great imagination. I told her I was missing him, she smiled, she understood.

She said she was going to miss him too, miss me, miss our sessions.

Roman was a Gynecological Surgeon, he delivered babies, he performed abortions. He brought life into this world and he helped women get on with theirs. I had to take online courses, I had to get a certificate. I was still doing both.

"Everyone can't wait to meet you," He told me. "I have been showing everyone pictures of our time in New York together, they don't believe me that you are real and I know someone so beautiful." He was teasing me, and I knew he couldn't wait until I was with him.

"And everybody just loves that pink prom dress of yours."

He made me happy, he had a plan. I was going to live with him, in the big house he shared with his office, in the middle of Pennsylvania. I couldn't wait to unpack, the moving trucks were there yesterday, everything I owned was in boxes, now in a formerly empty room. We got to know each other so much better over the last fourteen months, I felt so content, so relaxed.

He told me something, I recorded it on my phone, I wanted to listen to it forever, he said, "Barbara, I love you, I want you closer to me, I want to take care of you." I told him I wanted him to make love to me first. As soon as we saw each other in real life again, I wanted him to pick me up bring me into our new bed and make love to me. I wanted him to fuck me for days, I was completely ready. I finally caught up to my age. I was finally twenty-seven and a half in my head. Wait, I was twenty-eight, and I was finally in love. I was finally writing things down. I had over thirty stories on the web.

I turned the music up, and Lyla turned it down, "So what are you going to be doing?"

"Well, I'm going to answer phones, make appointments, maybe watch the patients' children, you know get people's personal history, help them, um, and hold their hands, that's what I do."

"You are going to be so good at that." She shook her head, "Oh turn right here!" She yelled, we were here, Doc Holiday's office and home were waiting for me.

I parked, Lyla hopped in the driver's seat, she waved and she took off. She took off for Tara and Greg's farm three miles away. I watched the dust trail after the car, her car. It was quiet, I got ready to knock, I held my hand inches from the white door.

I realized Lyla wasn't 'right' anymore.

***

The End

***