Homestead

Author's Note: I've tried to limit the anachronisms as much as possible, but no doubt there are still many left. Also, although I did do a little research into the era, I'm by no means an historian. Please try to excuse any such inaccuracies.

*

"Sarah, it's really you!" the jubilant older woman cried as the young blond woman from the carriage emerged.

"Aunt Charlotte!" Sarah replied. The two of them hugged. Sarah couldn't help but notice how well her aunt had aged over the years. Although in her forties she looked closer to thirty. Charlotte had always been pretty, and that hadn't changed either.

"Come into the house dear. You must be tired... and hungry."

"The trip here was exhausting, Aunt Charlotte. If it's all right with you, I'd like to first sleep awhile."

"Of course dear, you can use my room. In the meantime, we'll get your belongings brought up to where you'll be staying. Have a nap. When you wake up, dinner should be ready."

When Sarah woke up it was already dark outside.

"My goodness, how long have I been asleep," she wondered. The trip from Georgia to Massachusetts had been a long, arduous one, especially the final carriage ride to Aunt Charlotte's ranch. Sarah's parents hadn't exaggerated when they said that Charlotte lived "in the middle of nowhere." Even with a map the driver had had great difficulty finding it.

That seemed appropriate for her aunt, however, as to the best of Sarah's recollection Aunt Charlotte had never been particularly well-liked by the rest of the family or even the community when she lived with them in Georgia. She had an outsider's reputation, and had become the black sheep of the family. Nevertheless, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures. The fighting had reached Georgia, and Sarah's parents were worried about her safety. And with that, they had sent her to live with Aunt Charlotte while they tended to their estate.

Sarah was feeling famished now. She could hear voices coming from the kitchen downstairs, so she decided to follow them. As she got closer, she could tell one of voices belonged to Aunt Charlotte. The other was of a stranger, a man.

"Good evening Sarah," Charlotte said as she entered the room.

"Um, good evening," Sarah replied, momentarily stunned. The man Sarah was speaking to was a rather tall, burly fellow in his mid to late thirties. He was also black.

"Sarah, this is Lewis, he's one of my ranch hands," Sarah said.

"Pleased to meet you miss," Lewis said.

"Likewise... sir," Sarah replied.

"Well, I need to get going Charlotte," Lewis said. "See you tomorrow."

After he left, Charlotte began bringing out some food for Sarah.

"I probably should have waken you up Sarah but you looked so peaceful I thought I would let you sleep a bit longer."

"Auntie, who is that man?"

"I told you, he works here."

"I didn't see any guest quarters on my way here."

"I don't have any. Lewis has a room here, in the house."

"Do Mother and Father know about this?" Sarah asked, stunned.

"No Milton doesn't, and I prefer to keep it that way. And as for Caroline, no, she doesn't know, but she likely suspects."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean sisters know each better than anyone else. And getting back to Milton, it's for the best that he doesn't know. He probably wouldn't have let you come here if he did."

"You're certainly right about that."

"Listen Sarah, I bought this ranch with the small inheritance I received after your grandparents passed away. It wasn't enough to have huge mansion, or guest quarters, or ranch hand quarters like you're used to at home. We live a small, simple life here. We work hard, but we're happy."

"'We,' as in you and Lewis?"

"Actually, there's also Hector and Jake. And if you must know, they're black too."

"You live all alone here, in this house, with three black men?" Sarah asked with astonishment.

"Yes, and I don't apologize for it or anything else I do in my life. I would expect better coming from the daughter of my sister. We come from a proud of line of abolitionists, Sarah, even on your father's side of the family. He and I have never gotten along well, but even I respected that about him."

"Yes, Father is an abolitionist too. The blacks that work in our house are all free. That doesn't mean, however, that he'd approve of this 'arrangement,' of yours."

"I know. Don't keep them as slaves, but otherwise still treat them like trash. That's the typical mentality of the so-called enlightened people of our time. Well sorry if you're offended that Lewis is my friend, and that I treat him and the others like human beings too."

"I'm not 'offended,' Auntie. It's just not something that's accepted by societal standards."

"That's why I don't live anywhere near society. I like to think of this homestead as a sanctuary from all that. We live here as we want to, without worrying about what other people think. Look Sarah, try staying here for a month and see how things go. If you're unhappy after that, I'll pay for your ticket home myself, with no hard feelings on my part."

---

Over the next month Sarah did the best she could to get settle in and, to her surprise, things went remarkably well. It was odd to be sharing the house with the ranch workers, but they were very nice to her and always respected her privacy. Sarah had grown especially fond of Jake, who, unlike the others he was much closer to her own age.

As Charlotte had warned her, life there was not easy, and everyone worked hard, but something about doing good, honest work seemed like the best thing for Sarah now. Despite being twenty years old and already a widower she had often felt sheltered from the "real world" living with her semi-wealthy parents, and besides, keeping busy also helped her worry less about them. A telegram she received from her mother Caroline a few days ago told Sarah they were safe, but she still worried.

One day Sarah was doing some sewing in the house, when Charlotte came in and sat down to help, striking up a conversation with her about how she was fitting in.

"Everything is fine Auntie," Sarah told her. "I think I'm going to like it here, even though I miss Father and Mother terribly."

They spoke some more about life at the homestead for a while, until Charlotte turned the conversation towards the men working there.

"I'm glad you're getting along with them Sarah, they are all so dear to me," Charlotte said.

"Yes, I've noticed," Sarah replied carefully. "In fact, I'm ashamed to even suggest it Auntie, but sometimes I swear Hector and Lewis are... flirting... with you."

"I see," Charlotte responded, her face getting a bit flushed. Now Sarah knew something was wrong, as her aunt was type who never got embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Auntie, I should never have spoken to you that way."

"No, it's quite alright Sarah; in fact, I should be the one apologizing to you."

"What do you mean?"

"The one thing I've tried to be my whole life Sarah is honest. My policy has always been you can ask me anything, anytime and you will always get the truth."

"I know, it's gotten you into plenty of trouble with the family over the years, especially with Father. He and Mother argued a fair bit before he allowed me to come stay with you. To be honest, Father has very little if anything nice to say about you."

"Don't worry, the feeling is mutual," Charlotte chuckled back.

"But I feel terrible about not being completely honest with you from the start. I wanted you to give this place a chance, and so I kept some things about it a secret."

"Like what?"

"As I told you before, Sarah, I consider this place a sanctuary from the rest of the world. I do and say whatever I want. It took a great deal of convincing on my part, but I finally got Lewis and Hector to feel the same way, and Jake too when he arrived here a year ago."

"Of course I understand that," Sarah said. "If the townspeople or anyone else saw how 'casual' you are with each other no doubt they would disprove. It might even prove dangerous to the men."

"And I'm glad to see how quickly you've adapted to this lifestyle as well, Sarah; you're much more open-minded than most people. However, I haven't told you the whole truth. As you might expect, it gets rather lonely being out in the middle of nowhere, which is why I'm glad to have my friends. We're there for each other when we need companionship."

After a brief pause, Charlotte continued, "And... and when one of us needs the type of companionship that can only come from the opposite sex, we're there for each other in that respect too."

"What?" Sarah asked in disbelief. "How can you say such a thing? I don't understand how this is possible."

"Because none of us are married or because Hector and Lewis are black?"

"Both," Sarah shuddered.

"That's because you've been brought up a certain way that I rejected a long time ago. Well maybe it's time you decided for yourself what the definition of right and wrong is, Sarah. For example, look at yourself. Married at eighteen to a boy you barely knew because Milton expected it of you. And then poor Joshua goes off to war and you're left a widow."

"It's the way things are, Auntie."

"But not the way things need to be, Sarah. After what you've been through, I would have hoped you would have realized that there's more to life than following the rules society says you must obey. Now that you've been here for a while, I was hopeful you'd see that this a place where the rules of the outside world need not apply and you can learn to be yourself."

"I still can't believe what you told me."

"Why? This is who I am, Sarah, and I'm not ashamed of it. I've never wanted to get married, so I never did."

"It's a crying shame, Auntie. Even being older I bet you would have no problems finding a husband. You're so warm and kind, not to mention still beautiful."

"Thank you, Sarah. And you're right, I've never had trouble finding men, but I have no interest in marrying one of them. Don't get me wrong; I absolutely adore men, and I've had many, many lovers."

"Many?" Sarah repeated, raising her eyebrows.

"Many," Charlotte repeated with a knowing smile. "They weren't all lovers as you understand the word, with emotional attachments and such. In fact, I've never been in love before as you probably define the word."

"I don't quite understand."

"Well, to use words your father would have taught you, I'm what you'd call a harlot, strumpet, whore, etc.," Charlotte chuckled.

"I thought 'whores,' only did it for money?" Sarah asked.

"Most people don't care enough to differentiate between the two," Charlotte replied. "To people like Milton, a woman who dares to have sex without being married is no better than a paid prostitute. And God have mercy on her soul if she actually enjoys it."

"But enough about that," Charlotte playfully continued. "How about I ask you how you could be under the same roof with three enormously attractive men and be completely oblivious of it?"

"I can't believe you're talking this way, Auntie. Most people would call it, 'unnatural.'"

"And I can't think of anything more natural in the world. My goodness, Sarah, you've really been indoctrinated into this backwards way of thinking. You're a woman and they're men. That's all that matters."

"That's not true and you know it, Auntie."

"It's all that should matter. And in this place, that means everything. I'd hoped that after being here a while you'd start to see things with your own eyes, Sarah, rather than keep those blinders on that your father gave you."

"I'm sorry, but I just don't look at black men that way."

"Not even Jake? My goodness, Sarah, you really are blind. I've done some travelling in my day, met men from different parts of the world, of all different races, enjoyed many of them as lovers, and after all that I can say with honesty that I've never met a more handsome man than Jake. Just talking about him now makes me feel like a giddy schoolgirl."

"And the two of you..."

"Have never made love," Charlotte finished, sighing with disappointment.

"Don't get me wrong, I wanted Jake from the first day he strolled out here, even told him so... it nearly scared him away. Like you, the idea of even admitting such feelings terrified him, although in his case that's understandable given the dangers he has to face in this world. Luckily, he decided to stay here anyway. Slowly but surely, I got him to let his defenses down. We've been completely open and honest with each other ever since."

"And yet the two of you haven't done anything."

"I'm sure you've noticed how Jake is much younger than the others. He was barely eighteen when he got here, and also quite immature. I didn't think he was ready back then."

"And now?"

"He's more than ready now," Charlotte smiled. "Except... except lately he's been asking me... about you."

"What?" Sarah asked, flabbergasted.

"Do you fancy him, Sarah? I know you've grown quite fond of Jake as a friend but are you able to put aside your racist upbringing altogether and see what I see: a kind, warm, passionate, and enormously attractive young man that cares about you?"

"I'm sorry Auntie, but I don't know what to say."

"Then you truly are blind. A few times... when Jake has gone out to the creek to bathe... I've gone down to watch him from a distance. And my god, Sarah, I've never seen anything like it. As handsome as Jake is clothed he's even more attractive naked. It's as if God took out a hammer and chisel and sculpted the perfect face and body."

"How could you, Aunt Charlotte?" Sarah gasped. "Does Jake know about this?

"Of course he does. Like I told you, Sarah, we don't keep any secrets from each other here. Jake knows how not having him as a lover is driving me mad and so he pretends he doesn't see me, but he knows. I've even done the reverse for him a few times. It's a little game we play to keep our sanity with each other. You should come with me the next time Jake is out there, Sarah. You might finally understand what you're missing."

"Auntie, that's so wrong..."

"If Jake knew he wouldn't mind. Sarah... he's crazy about you."

"I... I don't know what to say..."

"Say you want him too," Charlotte said.

"Listen Sarah, I know you aren't staying here forever. In a month or two your parents will summon you back home and you can go back to leading the dreary, boring life you led before. And most likely one day Milton will find another man for you to marry. If that's what you want, if pleasing your father is all you care about, then by all means do it. But until then, I'm offering you an opportunity to do what you want. As I've said again and again, we don't judge each other here."

"Auntie I... just have a hard time imagining a black man as a beau..."

"He doesn't have to be your beau, Jake understands that. Just have fun, enjoy being with each other, explore new feelings and sensations. Oh god, to be young again! I guarantee you'll have the time of your life with him."

Sarah looked at her aunt quizzically.

"Even though we haven't done anything Jake and I have talked about sex many, many times. I've taught him everything I know about it. Even though he's never been with a woman before I know he'll take to it quickly and become a fantastic lover."

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, Sarah? Before Joshua went off to fight, did you and he much of a love life?"

"Um, no," Sarah replied sternly. Charlotte knew she had struck a nerve with her niece.

"What do you mean by that?" Charlotte pried.

"I mean we only made love twice before he left and neither time was remotely memorable," she replied, speaking so quickly the words almost overlapped.

"I'm sorry to hear that Sarah. You deserve so much more from a man than that; I think you're starting to realize that now."

"I bet he didn't even make you cum," Charlotte added dejectedly.

"Auntie, don't talk like that," Sarah bristled.

"Why not, it's true, isn't it? My goodness, if Jake has picked up even half of what I've taught him... you'll see so many stars with him you'll think you're in heaven..."

"Auntie stop it, please!" Sarah cried. "How can I explain this to you? Don't you understand, you're the only person I've ever known who believes in these things. How can you expect me to believe that everyone else is wrong and you're right?"

"You're right," Charlotte conceded. "That is a lot of me to ask."

"Finally, you see my point of view!"

"What if I told you there was someone else you knew... someone who agreed with me?"

"I'd say you were lying," Sarah quipped. "There is literally no one I know who talks like you."

"Maybe they don't openly talk like me, but they agree with me. We live in such a repressed time, Sarah. If you're a woman who likes men then you're biologically drawn to them regardless of race. I can't imagine anything more unnatural than trying to undo those drives. There are some women who understand this, but do so with wickedness in their hearts; white women who have taken sexual advantage of their slaves, but I have no more regard for them than the villainous white men who have done the same. The women who truly think like me may be few and far between, but we do exist, although our numbers are likely only a handful."

"You still haven't told me who I know that would agree with you," Sarah challenged.

"Very well," Charlotte said uneasily. "I was sworn to secrecy about all of this but if it changes your mind about Jake then I'm willing to break that promise. The person who agrees with me is... Caroline."

"What?" Sarah asked incredulously. "Mother? I don't believe you. She's never said anything to me that might make me believe that."

"I know, which is why I must break my promise to her to convince you," Charlotte said apprehensively. "Do you remember a coachman who worked a few years for your family named Raymond?"

"Yes, of course," Sarah immediately replied. "Such a kind man. Very suddenly one day he became ill and soon after died of pneumonia. We were all very saddened by it, especially... Mother."

"They were lovers," Charlotte said plainly, nodding her head.

"What? I don't believe you!" Sarah cried. "You expect me to believe that Mother was having an affair? And with Raymond?"

"Yes, because it's true."

"I saw no evidence of this, and unlike you I was living in the same house with her."

"They did a masterful job of concealing it. No one knew besides the three of us."

"And how did you come to find out?" Sarah asked, her voice still brimming with anger. "Are you some sort of investigative detective now?"

"I didn't have to 'investigate' anything, Sarah, I knew about it all along."

"Sarah," she continued, "Caroline is my sister. Maybe you don't understand as you're an only child but there is a special bond between sisters that is unlike any relationship we have with anyone else. I was the one Caroline came to, all these years, crying, because she lived with such a cold and unfeeling husband. I was the one who shed tears with her when she spoke of how he went months at a time without so much as touching her, even though when he did those moments were anything but satisfying."

"I understand that you must be loyal to your father, Sarah, but the truth is that he's a very callous man and not even remotely loving as a husband. Maybe now that you're an adult you understand better how a woman has other needs besides the basic necessitates like food and clothing. She has emotional needs that her husband must fulfill as well. A woman who does not feel loved is not a woman at all."

"What about you?" Sarah sarcastically interjected. "You said you've never been in love and have no interest in marriage."

"I'm quite different than most," Charlotte chuckled. "For me, friendship and sexual relations with men are more than enough to keep me happy. But for a woman like Caroline... she needs love in all its forms... emotional, spiritual, and physical. Your father has no interest in any these things, and after living for years in misery Caroline finally allowed herself to find what she needed elsewhere. For that, I cannot blame her."