How I Met Your Mother

Listen...

I've picked her at a bar. With some line?

Me - just your average Joe. But she - oh - so lively, so beautiful... a student - studied chemistry. Well, there was chemistry between us alright!

Next thing I remember - we're at my place. Gotta hit shower first - I figured. To wash my junk and all that...

But!

Soon as the door closes she falls to her knees and pulls my pants down! "I like it nasty!" she winks. Licks my balls and shaft until I get hard... And then she impales herself on my cock, giving me the deepest throat, like you wouldn't believe it! Her passion, her energy! She sucked like a vacuum. It's not me - she fucked my cock with her throat!

Gives the cutest puppy eyes as she swallows me down to the last drop.

Right after that she jumps onto bed and says: "Your turn, cowboy!"

Now, I swear'ya. I never go down on a woman. Ever! To each their own, but for me - from licking where a cock goes there's just one step to sucking cock, and I ain't no fag!

But that woman... Oh, was there something in her, that made - me - fall on all fours and start eating her out - like a mad, hungry dog!

Her pussy tastes like a sweet ocean. I wanted to drown in it! And when she turned around - I didn't even hesitate. I bury my head deep between her checks, and start tonguing her bittersweet asshole. With her ankles on my neck and hand pushing me by the hair deeper into her, she came - shaking - from my tongue in her butthole alone!

We lay there kissing. She sucks on my tongue - imagine that! And I bite her lower lip. My hands explore her body: her hair, her neck, her perky little breasts, and down her toned belly.

She rips my shirt off.

"Just fuck me already!" Yes ma'am, on it!

Now, you ever heard of those... kegel? muscles? Thought that's a myth, but she could work them like you wouldn't think possible. Trust me - no sex toy ever could compare (and I've tried 'em all).

I slide my cock in, and without moving an inch she starts jerking it - up, and down, and in, and out - with her pussy muscles alone! There's no words to describe that! I thought her pussy will swallow me whole first time she did that!

She looked at me, smiling. She absolutely enjoyed the sight of my confusion. Reaches for my ear, asks "Surprised?" and whispers that she can do so much more.

Never in my life would I have guessed that such a shy and modest girl would be this wild in bed!

She drives me crazy. I grab her by the neck, and start pounding her like my life's depending on it. The bed shakes and creaks, I feel swat dripping, and we both moan like crazy. But she's too hot - even for my second time, I can feel myself getting close too soon.

I try to slow down, but she just hugs me, wraps her arms and legs around - leaving me no escape, and finishes off by contracting her pussy, milking every! last! drop out of me!

She's not finished yet, so - my cock still inside - I reach with my arm, and find her clit. There's no need to be gentle - I start rubbing and jerking it, working her up. She screams, and scratches my back, and bites my ear... Then comes so hard, her pussy clenching... Nearly ripping my fallen cock off!

Oh, was it something...

I get off her and fall by her side. We lay there, just breathing and looking at a ceiling. A perfect moment... Suddenly, it is ruined by one question.

"You... did put on a condom, right?"

Whoops. He-he.

---

Anyhow, that's how you came to be - over... 20? years ago now?

Now! I know how that sounds and I tell: your mom was no hoe. (She was the entire brothel, but! For me alone.)

...

Look, I'm sorry I wasn't there in your life (should've lead with that, dammit).

I was too scared of responsibility.

But I've changed - I'm changed man now! And we can still fix it, right?

I heard you a kickass lawyer now? That's cool!

Listen, I've got a problem you could h-hey?

Where you...?

Hey. He-e-ey!