All Comments on 'Husband Wakes Up'

More Please!!

I hope there is a part 2, because you didn't end this well. Andrea needs to go back home and deal with the train wreck she made of her life. Robert needs to tell her to leave him alone, or he will file a restraining order. Lastly, robert needs a good woman.

Is that the end? Will there be another chapter? Aside from the abrupt & incomplete ending, it’s a really good story. A little rushed in some places, maybe better descriptions of the characters....but it hooked me right away, I connected with the main character & it left me wanting more. Please finish....

not a bad start, but this seems unfinished

Of this story.

But an un-finished story never fares as well.

There is more, isn't there ?

You have the basis for a good story. It's good to see that the MC finally grew a pair and is now trying to get on with his life. But pick a point of view... is Robert telling the story? Is it Andrea? Is it an omnipresent narrator?

And another thing, if Robert is indeed American, he would refer to American football as football and not soccer. In the story, you do clear that up. I guess, for me, when you said he moved to another state, San Jose, California... it came as a shock. I would have thought you would have said another town like Edinburgh or London or another British locale.

Finally, some of the things that were presented in the narration should have really been said in dialogue. And other things that were said in dialogue, such as when he finally let her have it and brought up such things as being inadequate for her, should have been made mention earlier - possibly in backstory recap.

Hopefully, you can find this criticism to be constructive. You have a good story, but an editor would make it better. Oh, and because I made the mistake as well... if there is a second chapter to this story, you should have put "Chapter One" behind this one.

-1 for switch between first and second person tense in the same sentence multiple times

-1 for writing an american character who inexplicably thinks of soccer players as athletes and calls them footballers

-1 for started thread that go nowhere like the secretary and the whores plan to win him back from the hotel room

Glad to see that the guy stood up for himself. Don't give in

He finally realized how insecure he was and that he deserved better. Good for him!

He was lucky he didn't get off on her cheating. I don't think it's possible for someone to give up the cuckold fetish without a lot of determination and psychological help, and often not even then.

She will probably be up all night and still be trying to think on her way back east on the plane.... without a plan or Robert.

Definitely needs editing. First multiple times you go from first to third person (I to He), it's very confusing. There are additionally some spelling issues. Now to the story itself, utter garbage. All three characters are comically cliche. Doormat husband check, selfish arrogant wife check, selfish arrogant black man check. I assume is will be a multi-part story. The ex doesn't want him back because she loves him and she has seen the pain she's caused. No, she wants the benefit of a responsible loving husband ( i.e someone who'll be there to take care of the children and her) instead of the man-child she lusted after. She's made her bed and she deserves to lie in it.

This should have stopped when she started seeing her lover. He cannot under any circumstances take her back now that he has grown a spine.

I mean, I was glad to see the man finally get a backbone. His ex seems to only have selfishness as her motivating force in her life. Why would he take her back? Can't see any reason to consider that alternative. Sometimes we put up with a lot from the ones we love whereas, if it was coming from someone else, NO WAY! I accept it's the end of their story, but with the way you ended, makes it sound as if you have a chapter 2 in mind.

More then once you changed from first person to third person perspective in the telling of the tale and your finish left a lot to be desired. Are you planning another chapter to wrap this up?

Let her stay with you, but begin a torrid relationship with the Admin Asst.... NO sex with Andrea, but LOTS of sex with his new GF, whose interest was piqued by the dynamics, and who found she had a cruel streak.... have fun!

Get an editor. Constant changes in narrative perspectives.

If you plan on taking this where I think, don’t. If your lead character is stupid enough to hook up with this bimbo a second time I don’t want to read it!. Who would?

It's your first story, so it's hard to tell if this one will continue or not. Some criticism is harsher than it should be for a first story, try and focus on the constructive ones. I gave you 5 stars simply because it was finally a cuckold story where the man actually responds in a "legitimate" way or at least believable.

This is why I read some of the cuck stories. I hope the guys will grow a pair and get rid of the horrible abusive women. Its unfinished so please don't let him give in. She can go live in a Georgia trailer park where she belongs with her five or six kids.

smart man keep kicking the bitch to the curb she wants black let her have all she wants but just not him right on robert don't get stupid and take her back

You need an editor. You changed from first person third a few times at the end, which took me out of the story a bit.

You're obviously leveraging towards reconciliation, otherwise the story would have ended already. You have your work cut out for you if you expect to convince anyone that he should go back to her. Look forward to reading the next chapter.

There was one section where you shifted POV and person in one paragraph! Over a three paragraph section you shifted multiple time so abruptly I had no idea what was going on.

I don't play the role of Grammar Police since this is an amateur site. But you've got a LOT of obvious and annoying mistakes in the technical writing side of this messy tale. It also seems to be unfinished. Why would he give his family his address? Just use social media or e-mail to keep in touch. And what would make Andrea think she had any chance of getting him back? Back to the drawing board. This has too many holes in it.

Shit I’d never talk to this slut no less pay for a room. A useless piece of crud. I see this story is unfinished. I hope you do a better job going forward. This Andrea character is made to be a weak wimp.

Not one character that even remote provokes interest, much less empathy in this worthless drivel. Nobody like a doormat. No one should ever need to tell you that, lover1953. You took so long before this loser found a spine the story was over first and even then still had him behave like a nanny to the infantile selfish, bitch that was his ex wife.

This was not LW. It was barely IR. Perhaps had you realise it sooner it might have occured to you that if you want to write a story about a humiliation fetish, then maybe, just maybe you should publish it in FETISH.

1*

it is hard to lose buttered bread, TK U MLJ LV NV

Others have said it, the constant changes are a mess. Even in the same sentence:

"I inhaled deeply and decided that he couldn't leave a pregnant woman without a hotel room to stay in."

An editor will help you with this and use of words like exited instead of excited...I presume. They'll also point out that there is no end, unless it's a 2 parter, in which case maybe hint at it with either chapter numbers or to be continued.

Shame really as the husband, eventually, had grown a set and booted her, got on with his life and even when she came begging was effectively told to piss off. The only thing that would make it worse, if he backed down and took her and her bastards on.

Always commend the effort to write. You really need to get someone to proof your story. Very poor flow. You think faster than you write.

That being said, The marriage lasted 3 years to long. Just curious though, when they divorced did he take his chair by the bed with him. Just figured the neutered cuck would want a memento.

Can’t stand willing cuck shit.

Well, the effort is there. I've never been a fan of stories with spineless, wimpy cuckolds who claim to stay with their manipulative bitch wives out of "love".

No MM, it is not just you. There are lots of unfinished stories here, and not just in LW. Party of Five, which could be one of the all time greats here, is unfinished, and that's been years ago. Even attempts to re-do it went unfinished. Though in his defense, I read somewhere the author had a beef with the site. But I will grant you, it is certainly becoming more common recently. And worse, many times an author will leave a story hanging, and start another. SMH. I don't get it. But no, not just you. Lots of unfinished stories.

Thanks for the effort. Could have been better.

Psychiatric help for him was a nice touch. To allow yourself to go as far down the road he went is clearly a mental problem that requires serious professional help. With a "normal" woman a significant flaw; however, with this particular "type" of woman a fatal flaw.

Racist angle felt over worked and like a rather weak means of piling on. Guys want to get laid and would screw a green babe if she had big boobs or a nice ass. Husbands generally don't want their wives getting knocked up by strange cock nor to find themselves the primary care giver of another guy's kid. Racist angle could have worked better if it put out there from only her perspective ---- as her desire to humiliate him, as in obviously not his kid for the world to see.

Two star story.

About time that someone wrote the logical next chapter of these cuckold stories. The fictional bitches are so mean and the fictional husbands are so spineless. One wonders if these guys have a breaking point at all. So subject matter was good.

The writing style showed that you really need a good editor. It appears that you are unaware of some of the finer points of telling a story, such as keeping a consistent voice in a chapter. Switching from "I did" to "he did" in the same paragraph is forbidden. It interrupts the story's flow as the reader tries to figure out who "he" is.

I have read some of the comments and they can be quite harsh. Ignore them and the personal attacks on your character. You may want to delete those comments altogether. But listen to this - you need a good editor. Working with one will help you polish your work and you will get better.

R.

First the writing is terrible, flat out simple. Your switching between first and third person was excruciating.

Beyond that I always find it funny that critics attack a fictional character as if they were real. They are NOT, period. Like the majority I am sick and tired of authors who are so thrilled about the idea of being mistreated, put down, abused, emasculated, HUMILIATED by women that in their mind qualify as a loving wife is disturbing. If that is what you are into put it under fetish or petition Literotica for a category that gets you off. First time my wife or GF brought up the subject that she be allowed or expected to fuck others and I should be willing to allow it and stay home would arrive to an empty house. No fuss no muss, just a vacant empty feeling building. PLEASE if you want to keep writing learn how and where to post it. CUCK FETISH DOES NOT A LOVING WIFE MAKE.

You need to pay much more attention to POV (Point of View), adopt one and stick with it for the whole story. Try to find an editor, pay attention to her/him/them. Proofread and then proofread again. Read some stories by Matt Moreau. Pay particular attention to the comments he gets. Expect similar and worse headed your way. Thanks for sharing your story with us and good luck.

It takes a great deal of courage to post a story here, and the Loving Wives category is the one that gets the most abuse.

It seemed to me to be a bit choppy, if you didn't use an editor, you might consider getting one. We don't see our own errors very well, since "we know what happens next" and as I think someone else pointed out, we often think faster than we write. That leads to very abrupt transitions that a smoother flow could help.

I didn't like the husband a lot, he took too long to realize it was a losing proposition. But that's a matter of my taste rather than of your ability as a writer, so I don't drop the grade for that. The husband character seemed consistent after all (even if he did put up with more abuse than I would have), so that's actually the more important part to me. I can accept characters that are very forgiving (even if I would not be), or characters that are very judgmental, but you did avoid the trap of having him suddenly give in at the end even though he'd divorced her already. That would have been the sort of inconsistency that (for me) "snaps" me out of the story and seems poor style.

In any event, thanks for the first attempt.

The story is interesting in concept. It would be much better if it was proof read. Some parts switch between the first and third person view points without a clear defining line. Also the story is incomplete. I do not know whether that is intentional or not but it feels like either the author just stop typing or intended for a cliff hanger but failed. Keep at it

Story does have potential but you could really use an editor. You can look for one in the forums afaik.

Shes heavily pregnant witch you would assume to be present time. No you go on to tell about the baby being born. Witch is it? How can she be pregnant and already had the baby. That's when I stopped reading.

I liked the story and how he finally dealt with the situation without a BTB scenario.

Let her self BTB. As some of the other comments stated the writting was a bit off, but not being proffessionals, it is to be expected. It is the theme that is important.

Story ended hanging, so a sequel would be in order, hope he keeps his balls.

Mark

I agree with some of the comments about a wimpy husband. gets tiresome and not realistic. pretty all the guys I know once divorced don't care about the ex wife anymore. I am curious to see where this goes.

For the read.

Story by the numbers. Same plot we have read a hundred times in LW. Boring and predictable. You really need to work on your writing and for God sake get an editor! My fifth grader has better grammar than shown here. Seems After 60 you start to

Loose it!

I am also voting for a conclusion to the story. You will always have critics no matter how well you write. Practice makes you better, I am looking forward to your follow-up chapter (s) Thanks for what you shared so far.

cause it is incomplete. What happens next? Does he take her back? I hope not, but you left everything up in the air.

Divorce long before she had the opportunity to become pregnant

Hopefully if there is more he doesn't take her back.Plus there is no explanation how she found him.

It doesn’t SAY it’s the first chapter of anything so should we just assumed you dropped it there? Or that it will continue? Incomplete.

Thanks for all the comments. I know that this was not a great first story. I have edited it to fix some of the problems and hopefully it is a much better read. Enjoy and let me know what you think..

If that's it, and there's no indication that this is an opening chapter,then this is not much of a story. If Adamu is a professional footballer, then he is tied to a club who pays him and his wages can be sequestrated. Emotionally, Robert May still be in limbo but clearly once over the betrayal he will date again so should be all right, at least he has "manned up" at last. Andrea has made her bed and, once Adamu's short playing career is over, by the time her latest child/children are around 10, the child support will end and she really will be left holding the babies. Only 2* for me

You write....."Under the law it is presumed that the husband is the father of any child that is born while a couple are married". THIS NEEDS REPEALING AND A JUST LAW SUBSTITUTED.... with some urgency! This law could easily cause violence to the level of multiple murder WHO WRITES THESE ASSININE LAWS? ( I guess it was written BEFORE DNA TESTS)

I could not get very far at all. Cuckold stories are really sad, as is any submissive story where they get downtrodden, instead of cherished and protected. It is too heart rending.

Hope it turns out well for him, and the fuckwits get what they deserve.

you should finish it before you post it ???

After what she's pulled, her actions should be good for a laugh!

Write the sequel and it might be better recieved.

She should just become a groupie for athletes. He could get her all the cock she wants I know a couple of girls that do that . They don’t care if he’s married or what .

Even tho this story is about a wife that cheated on her husband and ultimately leading to divorce I am inclined to give Andrea the benefit of the doubt,yes she broke her marriage vows,but its obvious she has learned from her mistakes after Adam did to Andrea did to Robert,and I truly think she is remorseful.

So yes after all that has happened I think Robert should take Andrea back but only after a ton of grovelling and begging,and much apologizing,and maybe marriage councelling I think they could rebuild their relationnship.Besides wouldn't it be a slap to Adams face if Robert and Andrea came out and raised two beautiful sweet girls and teach them right from wrong.I really wish Robert and Andrea get back together and live happily ever after.

Just tell her to get rid of the baby and the child though adoption and then they could talk about a reconciliation. Her doing that would be very hard and he would have his pond of flesh. She was a very stupid woman who had screwed up badly by lusting after a big black cock. Happens a lot it seems in the “loving wives verse”. 😂

You almost come across as someone working through some issues, seeing how many ways you can tell your story. Trying to see it from all the minute possible angles, like you might have missed something. That has occasionally happened on here, eviscerating your real world antagonist in fiction. Probably not. Either way, it reads pretty good.

And managed to get to the end, although had to jump a lot of t he start. Cuckolds may exist, but it is a fetish not shared.

Not sure where the loving wife in you tags comes into this story. There was absolutely never a loving wife, even in their backstory.

At least he grew some balls, but hate that you intend another chapter with the ex wanting him back.

Hopefully his balls don't shrink back to where they were.

Overall just a very sad tale of two very sad people who should never have met each other. Makes me sad too, but not like them.

I give 3 stars for writing. from the others it appears that you are getting better at writing. So keep trying.

As far as content goes you might want to get out and spend some time around real average men. There is no way any man would have put up with this shit. She would have had her ass bounced off the curb the first time she cheated. Since he accepted it and let it continue. No wonder she treated him like shit. He brought it on himself. As far as the second meeting. It's just a visit away from going back into the same shit. He didn't learn shit from this. If he had he would have had security remove her from the building and ban her from coming back. She got herself there, getting her skanky

ass back is her problem. Sounds mean huh!!!!! Well here is something to think about before you continue this.....If it is going to continue to be the same no backbone shit Please don't. But, If you do remember. Just because you have tits and pussy doesn't allow you a pass for treating people like shit. You reap what you sow. Male or Female you should be treated as you treat others. If you lay with shit then you are shit so don't feel shocked when you get flushed.

Bitch is delusional!

What about this for Part 2? He said she's still a beautiful woman who could easily attract lots of men. Then, just fuck her like a whore. It must be purely physical and nothing more. Compensate her for each service she gives, which she can use to support her financially. He will get even with her (plus sex) and she earns money. It's a win-win. He could even encourage her to get into porn and play the role of MILF to earn more money.

I can't imagine where the direction of the next chapter would lead. Crazy stuff but fun read. 5 stars to continue.

with the implication he i planning on taking her back - finish it already and in the future dont post incomplete stories

REALLY DO YOU THINK ABOUT PART 2 AND WHERE YOU WILL TAKE IT TOO. IF THERE IS TO BE HIGHER RATING YOU NEED TO FINISH THE STORY ONE WAY OR THE OTHER BUT FINISH. Rating 4 just hoping for part two

Once he has that cheap skank out of his office where she might embarrass him with her antics, cut her off and ignore her just like she did him for years. Have her served divorce papers with request for DNA testing to get an out from child support for her bastard. Never talk to her again. Live a life of joy and contentment without a thought of that slut except for the lesson learned of recognizing a self centered whore.

Working on part 2 now, but other stories are in production at the same time, so might be a while yet. Be patient.

Don't write part 2 with him getting back with her like some of the stories on Literotica in the LW section. So I'll give this a 4 star rating.

But I don't see where they are going to go as a couple from here. She wants old reliable, but that's the guy she emotionally bludgeoned to death. Keep writing. You tell a good story, and I am anxious to see where this one goes.

I understand there are people pleaser's out there but really. This cuckolding life style is way beyond being a people pleaser. For anyone to put up with that they wqould have to have some deep seated issues themselves.

I would not have put up with it as long as He did ..She is a Cheating Cow .If He is dumb enough to take her back She will be cheating on him in 6 months . Lesson learned ..

Great little story but what happened to the next part of the story. May have something to do with the low ratings

I am just reading this and wondering where part two is. How the he'll could he ever consider taking this whore back. Need to see where you go with it.

Very similar to Wife has regrets

I find out it's rated too high.

Paul in Oklahoma

Has the husband beating the shit out of Adam leaving him a eunuch with both knee caps destroyed. Then INS deporting him back to Nigeria.

And telling Andrea to piss off. This, of course AFTER the baby is born and people realised they were taken in by the tears of a conniving manipulative bitch.

No woman could be as stupid as that wife.

Anyone ever seen something like this actually happen?

I love over the top, insane, crazy beyond belief in this lifetime and every other lifetime stories. Pushing the limit of reason and common sense stories.

lover1953 is a writer in my favorites I always look out for new postings. Thanks for sharing author.

What the hell happened to part II?

First one was fine except the ending. To hard to believe the kids were his. Leave that out and that she wanted him back he said no and the rest is perfectly believable

Why do Literotica authors get off on writing about stupid husbands? Are there really that many idiots out there? He lets her blazingly cuckold him for two years and he is still waiting for her tp come back? Surely there isn’t anybody that couldn’t see the end and move his ass out before then no matter how much it hurt!!

Another by the numbers LW dumb ass wife, written like no living woman would ever be.

ON ANOTHER ONE OF THIS AUTHORS STORIES! MUST BE SAVING PARAGRAPHS AND DOING SOME COPY AND PASTING!

How can anyone who calls himself a man be so pathetic and spineless. The writer clearly captures what a narcissistic slut is all about but did they have to make hubby so clueless and weak? Can’t rate this one higher since the author seemed to want us to think it was ok to be a slut with no consequences and a moronic cuck. Ridiculous

There's apparently no "Part 2" coming, so let's end it with, "As he watched his heavily-pregnant ex-wife waddle away, Robert tightly balled up the scrap of paper she'd just given him, thus expending his last calorie of energy on Andrea, and tossed it into the nearest waster basket. She wasn't even worth uttering, "Good riddance."

He sure was slow to take action. At least one of them came out of it sane. She is just plain nuts!

Guys like Robert shouldn’t ever get married - not ideal for the gene pool

Same old BS CUCK story!!! Maybe he won't reconcile this time!!!

Unfortunately this story has repeated many of your other stories. The husband goes to San Jose, works in IT, ex shows up at his new job, same conference room, he pays for the hotel etc.

I agree with the other comments, this story is a variation on the same theme as your other stories 1 star

I love how you kids write a cuck story but end it with a divorce. You squeeze in all the cuck by the numbers horse shit, small dick, big black dick, pregnant, cut off from sex, humiliation.....yadda yadda yadda .

Then you insult the reader by giving him a spin at the end. This is was is called a smoke screen, as you know you'd be roasted for a straight up cuck story, so the divorce gives you the equivalent of plausible deniability.

In the end it doesnt work.

Moronic

Only a woman would think a man would raise another mans child that was created through infidelity. Only an idiotic woman would think a man would raise another mans mixed race baby created through infidelity. Nothing like going to a family function with CUCKOLD stamped across your face (and soul). How fun!

Should be in the fetish category

WTF is this? 1*

"He held his tongue in the hope that Andrea would start treating him even a bit more the way that she treated Adam." - Why would she? She has everything she wants now, why would she change?

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No way I would have agreed to raise the baby if she DID come back.

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Not that he hadn't already made himself too much of a cuckold, but NO. FUCKING. WAY would I change the kid's diapers and cook and clean for them!

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"But we married for better or worse." - For better or worse means for when the worst happens TO you, not when YOU do the worst!

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"Her desire to humiliate her husband was driven by the fact that he was the eternal nice guy who would give in to his wife in everything." - His being the "eternal nice guy" who would give her everything, made her want to humiliate him? It should have made her want to make him happy.

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Where is Part 2? lover has several other "Husband" stories, none seem to be a follow-up to this, and it's been 2 1/2 years.

Did she leave baby #1 in a storage locker back home?

dumb

Yup dumb, come on no one could stay with a wife that long. Holy shit, I'm fat as shit and I wouldn't have stayed with her.