All Comments on 'Hypnosis, Women, and Power Pt. 05'

trash, you made the boy a real prick who rapes his sister. one star and that is too good for this rubbish.

The only thing is your each part is too short. Its like summary. The moment reader starts to enjoy the story, it ends. Also, the character development and plot-developmnt is too fast and short. Though, reader gets what you are narrating, still it could make much more fun and erotic, if you develop a little more setting, background, feelings, expressions in each scene rather than just bumping into scene with his mom and sis. Provide details of what a character is feeling right then, whats she wearing, whats Takashi thinking, wearing, is it morning, noon, eve, etc... all such details in mid-length. My advise: rewrite this story with excitement, little more detailing, because the story has potential if written nicely.

Absolutely boring shit