All Comments on 'Icing on the Cake'

what a mess

...pay attention to details. Obviously Kyle can't be 32 with a 20 year old son

To my last anonymous commenter concerning Thomas, yes he can

Why can't Kyle be 32 with a 20 year old son? It is definitely possible for a 12 year old boy to get a girl pregnant.

There's a lot to say about this work. While it's nice to see who is who in terms of characters it doesn't help that this work feels disjointed. Is this a small chapter in a much larger story? A standalone with characters featured from other works? Are these characters just OCs that you like to toss together and have all kinds of sexual hijinks together? Aside from the characters, the story itself felt bland. There wasn't enough build up at all and it felt like I was being thrust from one sexual act to the other without so much as time to enjoy it. You transition from one sex scene to the other and it makes nothing flow cohesively, we go from Kyle fucking his mom to his son fucking his boyfriend and then random characters fucking each other with the only thing signifying a transition is the usage of "and then."

Which my god, reading that over and over almost made me hate the phrase itself. Using it a few times isn't a bad thing, but having it used nearly every single paragraph is a nuisance. It doesn't help that not much description is given for these characters so it's hard to imagine what any of them look like, nor the relationship between them. Like from this story alone I can't understand why Ciara and Victoria hate each other so much (not to mention how the hell did Ciara just casually walk into the home of the characters? Did she break in? Did she find the hidden key? Did she fuck a guard to get in or something?) If readers have to read your other works to understand anything that's going on in this one then you should let them know. Otherwise this is a confusing story on its own.

The sex scenes themselves were bland. And I mean BLAND. I don't want to discourage you but I'd really recommend reading other erotica stories or even reading fanfiction or finding tips to write sex scenes because reading lines such as "Kyle grinned and nodded, Marie taking him into her mouth. Kyle groaned in pleasure, his mother fondling his bloated balls." Does the exact opposite of turning me on and that's not good. Also some actions you describe the character's as doing doesn't make a lick of physical sense and in fact defies human physics to the point your characters either don't have bones, or must have broken their spines. How the hell does Thomas go from fingering himself and jacking his dick off in a standing position allow him to cum in his mouth? Something just doesn't make sense there.

Again, don't really want to discourage you but I don't think your characters being in their 30s yet having kids who are in their 20s somehow is the only problem you've got going on in this whole sordid adventure.....