All Comments on 'I'm into You Ch. 05'

😮😅wow

I don't mind the bw/wm idea, in fact I've written several stories using that theme. It's the rough treatment and violence that bothers me. In my humble opinion, if you could tell your stories without that component, I think you'd get better ratings. Otherwise, keep writing and ignore the naysayers. I've been writing for some time with excellent ratings and as you say, no matter how good the story might be, some people just gotta hate. Chin up, shoulders back, seize the day.

racist bullshit, with the usual mythology

Your stories read well above master/slave mentalist kink. This is beyond just dominance and hostility. Sure there's a big gap between bw/wm stories and ww/bm shorts but the racist sadomasochistic Helinski syndrome smut goes way off the rails of mixed racial copulation and causes me as a reader to ponder your choice to continually post these shorts. I can't imagine how you come up with such things.

No one cares about that little thing you wrote! You shouldnt write about black women like that. Your settimg black women back when you write like this.

Thanks for making this longer! Though I wonder how where things will go this was an intense scene. To anon, this isn’t setting anyone back and if you don’t like the content why read? The prev four chapters were pretty clear what this story is

Good story, well written. Your stories are popular in the black woman community.

I read it to give it a chance. Your story is bad not because its interracial, bw/wm, it could have potential of enemies to lover trope. However this story craps on black women, its not dominate/ submissive or anything. Its straight of abusive and it reads that because he is a rich white man, this young black women should take it and be grateful for the opportunity. This is horribly written and needs to be revised or redone. It can be antagonistic relationship that changes. Maybe he is shallow and something changes. The characters are horribly written. If you are going to write a serial it has to be better than this.

Forget all those negative comments, this is a good story and I would like to read more.

How to make this story better:

1) Decide what the story will be then go hard in that direction. I honestly don’t understand what I’m reading. If this is going to be a dark high school bully romance, then go all in. Don’t have us wondering if he‘s going to catch feelings or what.

2) watch your character development: if she‘s in the top 5% of the class, she‘s got book smarts. Did she just get the scholarship? What have her observations been about the new environment? If she just transferred in, she‘s smart, so show her that way, NOT naive and clumsy.

Plus our hero - is he on drugs? He has no personality. If he‘s bigging her up in his head, let’s get a peek in his head. He literally flops between trying to feel her up and thinking about her inner qualities? He has not had one decent convo with her, if he‘s supposed to catch feelings. So don’t have him say dumb ish that you haven’t prepared the reader for.

3) work some more on the setups/settings for more credibility. Going to this dude‘s house at the drop of the hat? Not believable. Going to a party, then going upstairs and taking her clothes off? Also not believable. I mean, is this a boarding school or what?

It would be more believable to have him break into her own house/dorm (that’s what I mean by go all-in)… where does she even live? Where are her parents? Is she an orphan? So much backstory missing.

4) Backstory. I know you want to get us to the sexy, but the sexy won‘t work if we don’t care a lick about Sai and Jordan.

5) why is it necessary for her to hate herself? From the first paragraph. I don’t agree this is setting BW back. BW can also be the focus of hot and sexy obsessive love too. And she can be a sweet and submissive goodgirl, because BW are not a monolith.

And if she does have low esteem, show us what has brought her down. She started out wearing baggy unflattering clothes. Why? Is she short on cash? Does the scholarship not cover incidentals? Then a Julie-makeover later she‘s in a green bodycon dress at school? Did we miss something?

Don’t be afraid to rewrite this story. Heck, read some of the dark romance stories on the market to get a feel for the genre…

Oh... 😮 umm, seriously, people, I don't need any pointers on how to make my story better. It's either you like it or find something else to read. NO ONE IS Twisting your arm to read this or be HERE! No one remembers that! I think it's crazy to write a whole biography about the story and telling me your dislikes 👎. I don't care because I didn't ask for it. So at this point, please give me all the negative stars you want. Critiquing or criticizing me on this site is a little weird. Last time I checked, I'm not trying to get a book deal. If this style isn't your style of writing, please go away and seriously find something else to read.

If you don't like my boy, that is fine. If this isn't for You, that's also fine...But to write a whole essay. If you feel this strongly about it, how about you rewrite it the way you want it to be. Let me know when you’re done. Please send me a a copy, so I can read it. I'm not changing anything, and if you don't like it, begone satan.

I'm sorry, but this is extremely disjointed and confusing.