All Comments on 'Invisible Pt. 06 - The Demon'

Thank you for the story! Much appreciated. But wow... harsh punishment for the normal guy that didn't ask to be mixed up in Flat Cap's or Olivia's magic efforts. Not that he wasn't complicit, at least to some degree (because he really was just getting jerked around by the two of them), but the down-on-his-luck guy that was just infatuated with Olivia got dumped on in the end.

I don't know... seemed like he was just SUPER introvert at first...

And potentially *loved* her - or, at least, was obsessed with her (though not in the locking her in a basement way).

Then when he's where they are the first time, I don't see that he was doing anything that warranted their hateful response to him (so he was "looking" at them; they acted like he shouldn't look above the ground or something).

Then he's pulled into something he doesn't really have control over because *she* wants something *more*.

And seems to me I recall him doing something *nice* with his power - punishing his flatmate for effectively ruining Brit's life, even while giving *him* a chance to be decent.

I'm considering how things would have worked for him if he'd tried to be decent to Liv.

Gone to her and said "Hey I've this magic ring which is making me have to do things. Can you help me with it?"

"Oh sure, we'd love to help you. Just do everything we tell you to, you worthless piece of shit, until we're sick of using you then fuck off."

So, he wanted her...? He at least wanted her as a love interest. She just wanted him as a dildo. "Yeah, I'm satisfied now go away."

That ending was rather disappointing. You took a shitty loner, had him accidentally get demon powers from the shitty rich girl he obsessed over, and then after both of them use magic to be awful people to each other, his punishment is that his life is even worse than it was at the beginning?

Why not turn him into a stone fountain trapped in a perpetual orgasm? Or turn him into a bimbo. Or a dildo. Trap him in a locket that she can wear so "now he can always be close to her".

Sorry for the rant, but that ending soured the whole story for me.

Well fuck! That ending! Not what I was expecting and definitely harsh, but it was dealings with demons.

Great story. Congrats…

Absolutely loved the storey.

Thought it was the best I had read on here.

HATED the ending. I think you should rewrite it and cary on telling of their adventures together.

(Let him keep his invisibility somehow too)

Great concept right up until that terrible, terrible ending. Did you run out of story idea and slap that on the end and call it done?

Great story. Loved all the twists, honestly not cool how it ended. This was like how GOT ended, rushed and trashy. Loved the plot tho.

Horrible ending ruined story.good writing though

Horrible ending but still like the story. 12/10

My favourite were starting chapters it was very exciting. Especially the voyeuristic but and part. Overall great writing. Pls write more like this

I was really hooked (didn't like the ending, he deserved it but still..). Wish the series was not this short or maybe we get a sequel (demonic thing anything's possible).

It was all going great (till chapter 4) you didn't had to end it so shortly n abruptly. It felt rushed. This could have been a very long demonic universe type story or STILL can..(sequel pls.. since she is succubus get Tommy to have her revenge or continuation )

Not sure why there’s so much hate for the ending, I liked that it wraps up this way. It’s not often you have a mind-control story on here that doesn’t have the happily ever after ending.

I gave 5 stars until this chapter which got a 2 and I was considering a 1. I hated the way it ended. I get that he should not have enslaved her and he was even creepy before the ring.

However he never asked for the ring or powers, he never did anything to her, she did it to him and used him first. I get that she didn't know who it was but she was not innocent. If he kept the ring he would have become an enslaved demon, NOT by his choice but because Olivia cast her magic. SHE started all this, not him, her enslavement arguably was a fair consequence to her actions of enslaving him first.

Have Jennifer take the ring off ok, have Olivia leave him ok, leave him how he started as a nobody with no power (and maybe a lifetime of remorse that he threw it away) that I can understand. But Jennifer was a horrible person from page 1 and Olivia wasn't any better when she enslaved him just to seduce Jennifer. But to leave him with such severe punishment with zero consequences to the 2 girls, they just leave to live happily ever after. Jennifer was already a slut and Olivia now going to slut around to 'eat'. How is that balance in anyway.

All I can hope is that the author has another chapter in mind to correct it at least a little (doesn't seem like it) or decides to rewrite this one. But I can't think of anytime that 5 chapters of 5 stars so spectacularly turned into a train wreck ending.

I really enjoyed the first 5 chapters, but the last chapter just wasn’t right.

At first I thought it was that what happened to Tommy was unfair - he was very much the victim in all this, Olivia summoned him and then stripped what little he had off him and went off to live in a happy world with Jennifer

Then I realised that the problem was that the character of Tommy was written totally differently in this chapter, the Tommy in the first Chapters wouldn’t have used Olivia and her money in that way, and where did her not caring about going to nice places come from? Oh, it’s not special for me we eat out all the time…..

So I can cope with the unfair ending but what spoiled the last chapter was the way the characters were written

Honestly one of the most unsatisfying endings I've read. The last chapter doesnt mesh at all. Somehow Olivia becomes the good person at the end of this? How? Was tommy perfect? No, but he sure as heck was manipulated and pushed Into what he became. He was cornered into becoming a tool.

Train crash of an ending. Blew up a good story line. Olivia was the manipulator and the person with power.

Yup, story was going well and you killed it!

great story, good build up and well wwritten. But the end killed it. Yes, it is as good and fair to the charakter as an happy-end. And it is an happy-end, even for the false two women who behaving like an slut and bully. They bullied and exposed him for no reason and Olivia was the one who wantet to destroy his live from beginnimg on by converting him to her personal, unsatisfied sextoy. So if anyone deserved an bad end or end up to get used by someone else, it may should have been Jennifer and Olivia. But ok, in real live most attractive women use men with their arrogance... so fair end. Thank you for publishing the story.