Invisible String

"Basically all that I'm just trying to say, I understand how it feels. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes in a room full of people you just feel alone. It's like a vacuum. Like space -- dark... but it's up to us whether we want a solar system full of life in that space or a black hole....

"Yes, it sucks and yes it seems we cannot do anything about it, but just don't let that black hole be created. If you do there's a fair chance of you starting to hate yourself. It's very easy to charter down that path and lose your way when you start with 'it sucks', like in the present context. Once the black hole is created and you're sucked into it, things turn dark and tend to go out of control. And when that happens life isn't always 'Interstellar'. Chances of finding the assistance of 'fifth dimensional beings' and the consequent chances of getting out are very slim. Very.

"Nothing will come of nothing. Spiraling down in nothing breeds catastrophe. Don't allow yourself to spiral down...."

That shot of wisdom from Danielle left me stunned. Her opening up to me like that meant the world to me. Further I couldn't sense any detestation from her mannerisms; and that warmed my heart. I guess the happiness in my heart was shown on my face when I said, "Thank you so much Danielle for your words. I mean you have given the internal control system in my brain a heads up on the potential risk of perverse and material misstatement. And thanks-a-gazillion again!" Though after saying that I cringed. Hard.

"You're welcome Ted... and enough with the audit metaphors already haha!"

I smiled coyly and nodded my head while she continued, "You've had dinner?"

"Yes. In fact, I my body and my mind both had dinners. Food was for my body and Nolan for my mind..." I said as my mind reflected on her 'Interstellar' reference. Again, cringing hard at what I said. But that's me -- just don't know what to say, when to say and how to say it....

"Well, you can never have enough dinner then as far as your mind is concerned!" She quipped.

"Excuse me for my language, but usually Nolan's movies are associated with mindfuckery... but those movies actually make love with my mind!"

"Haha... Well 'Memento' -- how many times you re-watch it -- its mindfuckery! You can add 'Tenet' as well along with 'Memento'! 'Inception', for the first couple of times is definitely mindfuckery, but post that its love making of the highest order, and-" Danielle's speaking was interrupted as Bill and Andrew were approaching our table.

"What are you people doing here, when the party is on a crescendo in there?" Bill asked.

"We were discussing some of Nolan's movies..." Danielle replied.

"Don't tell me you were discussing -- Inception -- whether or not Cobb's totem -- the top -- stops spinning at the end... and not a word will be spoken about 'Tenet' if you guys have watched it because I haven't..." Andrew added.

"Well do you think the top stopped spinning?" I asked Andrew.

"Certain aspects are cleverly left to the interpretation of the viewer and that's the beauty of the movie..." Andrew remarked.

"That was a 'yes' or a 'no' question!" Danielle bantered, which had us all laughing.

We all spoke for a couple of minutes before Bill took his leave followed shortly by Andrew. Danielle and I followed the suit and continued our discussions in my car during the drive to her hotel. Our goodbye had a heavy emotional undertone to it. Nothing was stated overtly, but it was her last night in my city, right? that's why I guess we both felt it. Our deep talks earlier definitely played a hand in accentuating those feelings.

I bid Danielle adieu and drove to my place. As I tucked myself in, I hoped to meet Danielle again in my dreams, as I also feared I wouldn't be able to spend such time with her again.

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Saturday morning -- I was sleeping in -- the sound of my phone's ringtone woke me up. It was Andrew. I picked it up.

"Morning Sir..." I greeted him.

"Hey, sorry to wake you up Ted, but I need a little help from you..."

Wondering what kind of help he would need from me, I said, "Yeah Sir, please tell me...."

"My driver was supposed to drop Bill and Danielle to the airport, but he'll not be able to make it. Would you mind driving them there?"

I thought of saying Andrew about arranging an Uber, but then I could get some more time with Danielle if I drove them to the airport, hence I thought better of it. "Sure Sir... I don't mind."

"Thanks a ton Ted, I'll send you the required details."

"Sure Sir." I said and we disconnected the call. Shortly after the call, I received the details which Andrew referred.

Although Andrew might have already informed them, I still messaged Bill and Danielle about the change of plans and my arrival. Thereafter, I freshened up and drove to the hotel where they were staying.

I reached the hotel, got their stuff placed in my car. Danielle sat beside me, and Bill sat in the backseat.

Andrew had informed me about the change in plans well in advance. Hence, there wasn't any unnecessary rush to reach the hotel and the airport.

During the drive I was happy as well as I was sad. It was a strange feeling. It felt like the finale of a relatively long sports league. However, the future of the league being uncertain in my case and that was the primary reason for me feeling strange. Having Danielle in my life filled a certain hole, however, seeing her leave was simultaneously also creating a hole... The paradox of my life wasn't making any sense to me, while making complete sense all the same....

Though the train of my thought, or rather trains, were travelling in all conceivable directions, the final station was the same for all them -- that I was happy that I could meet Danielle and spend time with her. Learn from her. And maybe, just maybe was able to enter in her good books as an asset....

My intense brooding, however, seemed to go unnoticed. Even if it wasn't then no one asked about it. Part of that maybe because we were chattering throughout the way. I can sure multi-task!

A good thing about travelling in the chariots of chit-chat is that, long distances seem short and time seems to pass quickly. And that's why, when I was at the airport's entrance, it looked like I was at the hotel's entrance just a moment ago.

We reached the airport well within time and hence had around twenty minutes at our disposal. Bill invited me for a little breakfast with them. I parked my car and had that breakfast.

Well we can delay the inevitable, but the inevitable does arrive. That's why it's inevitable right? The moment to say goodbye had arrived. The moment spat in my face, 'I am inevitable', I so wanted to say, 'And I am Iron Man' but I didn't have the infinity stones....

Bill shook hands with me and wished me all the luck in the world through his warm wishes. Bill left for the usual airport stuff as Danielle said she'll join him in a couple of minutes. And my eyes were ready to secretly film those invaluable couple of minutes....

"I enjoyed working with you, getting to know you..." before I could say anything, she continued, "but tell me one thing, why something about you felt amiss today?"

Yes, that had me. I felt my stomach tremble, my eyes tear up and my whole-body shiver. Without thinking twice about it I ran to her and held her in my embrace. As I placed my chin on her shoulder, I felt the floodgates open and was sobbing uncontrollably. The tears didn't seem to stop, and I tightened my grip around her.

She hugged back and stroked my back gently with one hand and ruffled my hair with the other. That soothing touch calmed me down and I loosened my grip. After a couple of seconds, we withdrew from the embrace.

Danielle's warm smile was just the tranquilizer that my anxious soul needed. She gently placed her palm on one of my cheeks, wiped my tears and said, "It's gonna be alright Teddy...." She placed her other hand on my other cheek, drew me to her and kissed my forehead. Even Shakespeare couldn't describe what I felt then.

I could only mutter thank you....

"So, take care Ted. Hopefully see you for the year-end and even earlier if you can pitch another Z!" Danielle said.

I looked into her eyes and said, "Till then then...."

We smiled: our eyes still locked. That smile was different. I take the liberty to call it the lover's smile. That lover's smile was the perfect tool to bid farewell. I watched her leave. And the lecherous me watched the rhythmic sway of her hips... from the corner of my eye I also caught Bill smiling whilst texting someone.

I waved my hands at them both, smiled and left the airport. It felt like I was on the summit of Mount Everest and at the same time it also felt like I was at the bottom of Mariana Trench. I felt ebulliently happy and at the same time I felt pathetically sad. Doesn't make sense, right? It didn't make sense to me whilst making complete sense all the same.

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PART TWO

New companies were being pitched. Old ones were further penetrated. Kick-off meetings were relentlessly going on... you know the drill....

But....

The major difference this time around was that my mind, my heart and my soul had unanimously renamed my "heart-beat" to "Danielle."

I was ebullient and pathetic at the same time. I was, simultaneously, loving and hating the paradoxical oxymoron my life had become.

Sometimes it felt bad. But when it felt bad, it wasn't bad "bad", but good "bad...." My being was complex albeit in a simple way.

In simple terms, though I was incomplete, I've never felt more complete before.

------------

I was dearly missing Danielle. As much as I craved her physical presence, for all practical purposes I knew it wouldn't be possible. So, I thought of having a symbolic presence. Danielle once told me that she liked platinum jewellery. Hence, I got myself a platinum chain and started wearing it regularly. The super-employee award I received for work on Z helped me tremendously with the finances as platinum ain't cheap. But when its love or when its war, nothing matters.

But I was completely oblivious to the fact as to how that chain was completely conspicuous on me, both literally and figuratively. The reason for the oblivion was maybe because I assumed no one could ever guess the real motive behind its purchase and they'd just assume that the know-it-all condescending jerk splurged the super-employee proceeds on an expensive metal.

However, I couldn't have been more wrong about my assumptions. One day, while I was in a review with Andrew, Bill happened to video call him. It'd be a fair guess that Bill knew about Danielle's penchant for platinum jewellery. And the conspicuous nature of the chain on me led Bill to tease me with Andrew joining in. Good natured teasing though, no malice.

Well that could mean only one thing. Bill and Andrew now knew or at least started to get a faint idea about my feelings for Danielle. That had me a little concerned. Just a little bit....

------------

Destiny seemed to be rather pleased with me and she had bigger plans for me.

Whenever it's about Danielle, I've tried playing it cool. But when I'm looking at her, I can't ever be brave, because she makes my heart race.

However, this "lack of bravery" was strangely a "bravery" per se. It made me kinda brave. And fortune favours the brave right? I know this train of thought doesn't make any sense, but when you're in love what does?

Let me give a little context....

The headquarters were inviting applications for a three-month secondment for assistant managers and senior associates. This secondment happened every year, but that year as I had met Danielle and my feelings for her were galloping towards their very zenith, the timing couldn't have been better.

Destiny gave my now dormant pursuits of Danielle a big fillip. I was brave and fortune favoured me

I knew this thing with Danielle was one-sided and I'd never act on my feelings, but there still was hope. This news made that spark of hope into a wildfire. The pessimistic 'sept of baelor' constructed in my heart was blown away by that very wildfire. 'Plus-infinity' the unquantifiable number, couldn't hold a candle to the surge of positivity in my heart at that very moment.

If my application would be accepted by the headquarters, then I would be travelling there, and I would get to spend three more months in Danielle's office. And I could spend more time around her. There even could be a chance that I might work with her again. To be around her. I couldn't bring myself to care that it would only be three months. Though nothing usually happens, but in three months a lot could happen. And odds do have a fickle ability to change.

I discussed my intention to apply for the secondment with Andrew and he gave his go-ahead. However, that wasn't without fair share of prying questions. He was subtly insinuating that my motives for this application were somehow connected with Danielle. However, he also knew that the secondment would be great learning experience for me, and I subtly reiterated that fact.

At that moment his approval mattered the most to me and I quickly submitted the necessary application.

After a week or so, as I logged in the morning and was checking my mails, I noticed the confirmation mail for the secondment programme addressed to me. The rush of happiness and excitement hit my body like a tsunami. I was so positively overwhelmed. I just couldn't stop myself from messaging Danielle about my secondment and her response was equally enthusiastic.

I knew that Bill and Andrew might know that my feelings for Danielle weren't purely platonic, but in that moment of superlative positivity, the little concerns I had evaporated.

During the weeks leading to my imminent departure to the headquarters for the secondment, I had finished up my pending work and transitioned the same appropriately. With the help of the concerned teams at office, I took care of the requisite compliances pertaining to international travel and also pertaining to the stay in the country of the headquarters.

The day before my flight, post closure of business, I had a rather emotional and heartwarming conversation with Andrew. I mean I was going to be away for just three months, but somehow it felt like I would never see him again the way I did since the inception of my employment with the firm. As I left Andrew's cabin post the handshake, each of my cheeks were glistening with a solitary drop of tear.

Once I was home, I finished the packing and took care of the other home related thingies. Sleep that night was anxiously peaceful.

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Fast-forward twenty-six hours, I was inside the company guest house which would be my residence for the period of secondment. Post settling in, sleep that night was peacefully anxious.

The very next day -- which was a Monday, obviously -- as I stepped inside the headquarters my mind could ridiculously smell Danielle! When I tried to apprise my mind about the absurdity of it all, my mind politely asked me to my mind my own business!

I was dressed in plain pale pink button-down shirt and black trousers and completed the look with a striped maroon tie. I made my way to the training room designated for the day-one orientation. There, I noticed other secondee's and somehow managed my way through the small talks. Around third of population had worked on Z's audit in their respective countries.

We broke for lunch. Time froze for me when I spotted Danielle -- the queen of my heart -- in the cafeteria. She noticed me -- yay! -- our eyes locked, and we exchanged warm smiles (lovers smile like those at the airport?)

I went up to her, shook her hand and said, "Well I couldn't wait till the year-end or mine a new client opportunity to work with you again, so here I am! How you doooin'?" The last part I tried to do my best imitation of Joey!

"During the last few months did you just learn smooth talking?" She quipped.

"Nice to see you too Danielle!" I replied and that had us both laughing.

"Well I see you got yourself some platinum," she said pointing to my neck. She smiled and I blushed.

We made small talk after that for a couple of minutes post which she took my leave. I have no difficulty whatsoever making small talk with her. I could make small talk with her all my life. Well, isn't that exactly what I want....

The orientations resumed. Last session was Bill's and we exchanged knowing glances a couple of times.

Post the conclusion of the session I exchanged personal greetings with Bill and after we spoke for a little while he said, "Well gear up Ted you're assigned to Danielle... now isn't that what you wanted!"

No, that's what I needed -- though I didn't say that to Bill. I was like a volcano filled with lava and ready to explode, but I did well to not let the smoke rise -- at least I tried my best. Be still my beating heart... I just smiled and shook my head. We continued our talk for a couple of minutes and then I took my leave.

I arrived in my room and then there was the blissful volcanic eruption enrapturing my entire body.

Want you, yes, I do

Bet you never knew it

Think you'd suit me fine

Want you all the time

And now I'm dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you

And now I'm dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you

My mind keeps singing when my voice doesn't. With my mind being the lead singer and my heart and my respiratory system the band members, we make a formidable band.

A band which keeps me awake and a band which strangely, at the same time, also helps me dream as it helps me fall asleep.

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Tuesday morning first thing, I took care of the admin and IT compliances. After that I was shown my designated desk which was right beside Danielle's! I was starting to feel those all too familiar feelings of waiting for Danielle as I settled in my assigned cubicle.

Danielle made a grand arrival in the office, which formally occasioned the grand revival of the feelings I harboured for her. She smiled, I smiled, we exchanged pleasantries and started working shortly thereafter.

Seconds turned into minutes; minutes turned into hours. I didn't remember the time flow as I was remined that lunch time was before us. It seemed that, I, never was away from her.

Love is a mystical cosmic paradox as the distance between people embracing it only brings them closer. I definitely felt closer to her than ever. I hope she did too....

Shortly we were back to our all too familiar routine. We'd log in early in the morning. Work for around five hours till lunch which was a twenty-minute affair. Followed by working for another four hours till snacks which was a ten-minute affair. We never sorta clocked time after that. Sometimes it went deep into the next day morning. Sometimes we'd log out early and work from our home offices while being connected on Teams. We almost always were together.

If you have faith, then hope never dies. But have you seen hope live and grow? Do you know how it feels when hope grows stronger and stronger with each passing minute? To see it acquire a tangible presence... to feel its force... I definitely did.

There were telltale signs of the intangible 'something' between me and Danielle acquiring a tangible punctuation. I could see the beginnings of a grammar which would structure the language of our "to-be" love. I just wanted her to teach that grammar or wanted to know that she already is technically sound in that grammar. All this talk in air, but I could definitely feel the force being strong with me. Dare I say, with us....

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Development of grammar of the language of our love was steady. Though it was still not completely tangible. But the pace definitely was upped a notch with the arrival of Natalie, Danielle's daughter.