Invisible String

The party was a very solemn affair. Very chilled out. I noticed an elderly couple which I correctly assumed were her Parents. I located Nat and gave her the customary air twirl and received my customary neck hug and kiss. Apart from them, I also noticed a couple of people from our office. A couple of our marquee clients. A couple others I assumed would be friends or other relatives. All-in-all it was a peaceful affair.

Danielle introduced me to her Parents, who I guess already knew about me, we exchanged pleasantries and being the anti-social creature, I am, I found a nice cozy secluded spot and settled in with my soft drink. I was more than happy when Nat joined my company and we played some board game on my phone.

We were snapped out of our game-induced trance when I saw Nat seeing someone behind me and a second later when I felt a hand on my shoulder. And our trance-snapper was none other than Bill!

"Hello Sweetie! Fancy seeing you here Theodore!" Bill said.

"Teeedddy, you did not tell me you are Theodore!" Nat muttered, before I could reply, in her usual sweet way.

"Good evening to you too Sir!" I replied to Bill belatedly realizing he did not like being called Sir. However, he let that slip and gave me a squinted look and his assuring smile.

We made small talk for a couple of minutes and then Bill was on his way to meet other invited dignitaries. Nat and I continued with our shenanigans and somehow time lost its meaning and significance. When I looked around all the guests were gone, and only Danielle and her Parents were there at her place chattering around. I hadn't even given my present to Danielle and I started to get that feeling of overstaying my welcome.

I excused myself, much to Nat's dismay to give Danielle her present.

"Hey Danielle, sorry I forgot to give you this," I said presenting the packed novels to her, "I didn't realize time flowing that quick."

"Even we didn't give Danielle her present yet, you can give it with us," said, Mitchell, Danielle's Father.

"Well I don't mind, you've taken good care of my angel," added Alyssa, her Mother, pointing towards Nat who was looking at us from the corner of her eye.

Shortly after Danielle started checking her presents out. I gave her the "A Song of Ice and Fire" and the look on her face after opening the gift-wrap and that look was definitely amplified when she read the card I enclosed with the novels, which read "Valar Dohaeris, Khaleesi :)". Seeing her lips curl, my heart swirled.

"Thanks Teddy, I'd been wanting to read these for more than a year now... what's with Khaleesi, I think I can guess, but you do tell?" She quizzed.

"I mean Danielle can be shortened to Dani, and Dani is Khaleesi, right?" I answered.

She looked at the present, blushed and mouthed a thank you. Only if she knew she was already the Queen of my heart and I would gladly serve her always. Only if she knew. Only if I had the balls to tell her. I didn't then, so I smiled and took my seat beside Nat.

Mitchell, Alyssa and Nat bewildered what the hell we were talking about. Mitchell and Alyssa chose not to probe further, while Nat asked, "Teddy what is Khaleesi?"

"Khaleesi means Queen, Nat!" I told her to which she smiled and clapped.

Our attention was drawn towards Danielle when we saw Mitchell showing her a beautiful platinum necklace. Danielle's happiness started to rise at an exponential rate when her Dad was putting that necklace on her elegant neck.

I sensed a small disturbance beside me as I saw a small wave of sadness take over the happy face of Nat. That sadness was even more evident when Danielle was embraced by her Dad. For a solitary second even Danielle's Mom was happy, however, our eyes met and even she saw the sadness on her grand-daughter's face. Our eyes met again after and we shared a moment of knowing regret.

At that very moment I decided something. Something without giving fair thought to the risks involved therein. I knew I was invading in family matters; I knew my act could be considered out of the line by Mitchell, Alyssa and Danielle; I already overstayed my welcome and to top that with this... I knew I could be considered a simp or even worse it could appear that my intentions are to shoplift the pootie... but I knew all that weren't true, and I just couldn't bear to see Nat that sad. It was something I experienced a lot in my life along with the pain that accompanies it and I just didn't want young Nat to go through the same -- at least when I could try and lessen its impact.

I unclasped my platinum chain and called out Nat's name and patted her shoulder.

"It's your Mom's birthday and you look like your Mom and you are her daughter no, so even you should get a gift on her birthday, right? Right Sir? Right Ma'am? Right Danielle?" I asked.

After getting Nat's undivided attention and the nods of approval from others, I gave her the chain.

"Now go to your Grandpa and ask him to put this on you. Will you sweetheart?" I said to her -- referring her as sweetheart for the first time.

I could see that sadness starting to disappear as she bounced off towards Mitchell with the chain and I could see a smile erupt as he put it on her in the same graceful way, he put Danielle's necklace on her.

Nat's eruption of happiness resulted in happy tears enveloping her face as she tightly embraced Mitchell, Alyssa and Danielle. I could see Alyssa and Danielle's eyes well up as well when Nat came to me and embraced me with a warmth I had never experienced before. That happiness, those tears, that wholesome energy, at the end made me realize how worth it, it was to take all those risks.

Alyssa and Danielle quietly mouthed a thank you to me, while Mitchell walked me to the patio while his arm was draped around my shoulders.

"Thank you so much for what you did for Nat. She doesn't show but it hurts her. And that hurts Danielle. I'm her Grandpa, but some voids even I can't fill. She's an angel and it hurts us all to see her like that. And that chain, I know that's platinum and I know it must have cost-"

I interrupted him before he could complete. "Sir, please let's not talk about the cost stuff at all. I insist. I personally know how it feels. I know that pain. And I can't even imagine the quantum of it that Nat keeps bottled up. I just cannot see anyone going through such a thing. And with Nat, that desperation increases multi-fold."

"Danielle told us how well she is bonding with someone from her team. We were a bit surprised but definitely happy. Now seeing you we are happier. I can't put it into words, but what you did, what you do for Nat, means a lot to us. Thank you, Ted." Mitchell said holding my right hand with both of his hands.

"My pleasure, Sir." I smilingly replied placing my left hand on his.

I chilled around for a while before taking my leave. A very happy Danielle escorted me outside.

"Thank you so much Teddy..." she said holding my hand and kissed my cheek thereafter causing my heart to erupt in my chest and a cascade of circuit failures in the neurons of my body.

I managed to come back to a certain degree of normalcy within the next couple of seconds.

"Anything for Nat... and You..." I replied feeling rather bold. And to my own surprise, even more brazenly, I kissed her right back on her cheek and topped that off with a "Happy Birthday" with a blushing face and saw myself out.

After reaching the guest house that night, I gave myself the pleasure which boys are so experts at giving themselves. Well, as the post-nut clarity hit me, I definitely did feel guilty. But that guilt was short lived as that day was emotionally very overwhelming and on multiple occasions during the past, I restrained from giving myself that pleasure with Danielle being the subject of my venereal desires. Plus, what I did can be termed as worship right? In its own bizarre yet beautiful way.

As I tucked myself in for a peaceful sleep, I could still feel Danielle lips on my burning cheeks.

------------

The next few days passed very quickly, and I found myself back at my beloved apartment back home. I took care all the requisite relocation related stuff. All that was left was to meet Andrew for lunch. I kissed the door of my Elysium as I locked it and surrendered my keys. It was a very emotional moment for me.

I arrived at Andrew's place just five minutes before the designated time. I was greeted by Andrew, his wife and his daughter. We all exchanged pleasantries and made small talk as we were having our lunch.

After we were done with the lunch, Andrew and I had a little talk of our own out in his garden. Andrew always cuts the bullshit and is very straightforward in his communication.

"So, Ted, I'm very happy for you. It will be an enriching experience for you professionally working with Bill and Danielle and the others at the headquarters. But I also know how you feel about Danielle and you have a chance to become a part of her life as well." Andrew said without beating around the bush.

"I feel very strongly about her Sir. To be completely honest, Sir, I'm in love with her and I feel she's the one for me. But I'm not sure if she feels the same way. I know I must be honest with her with my feelings. But in my case, Sir, there is a huge risk that honesty would cost me my relationship with her.

"And I've gotten very attached with her daughter, Natalie, and if I open up my heart now, it would surely appear as if I'm emotionally manipulating Danielle to get in her pants by using Natalie. Trying to shoplift the pootie thingy. And that is definitely not what I'm doing. I really love Natalie. I see a lot of me in her and I don't want her to go through pains similar to mine. I'm scared if I make a move now, I will lose both of them from my life. I'm ready to live out my life without being a permanent part of their lives instead of losing them. They are too special to me to be lost that way." I knew playing innocent would be of no avail and I responded accordingly.

"Well, I get what you are saying. And I'm not saying you to not be risk averse. All I want to tell you is that keep an eye open for an opportunity and don't be too risk averse when one presents itself. And based on what I've seen and what I've heard from Bill, Danielle never trusts anyone as much as she trusts you. And what you did for her daughter on her birthday definitely made a strong impression on her. So, I will go out on a limb here and say that there is a fair chance that she might feel the same way about you." Andrew replied.

"Thank you, Sir," was all I could come up with.

We were shortly joined by Andrew's wife and her daughter and we spent some time chattering together.

My cab to the airport had arrived and it was time to bid my farewell. I felt my tummy flutter and my body tremble as my emotions took over my being. I felt tears filling up my eyes and as Andrew offered me his hand for a goodbye handshake, I clung on his arm and hugged him very strongly. As I found my head nearing his shoulders I started crying uncontrollably. Though we were all work colleagues and all the professional stuff, I felt Andrew as a father figure. He gently rubbed my back and the flow of tears doubled.

After a couple of minutes, with a sense of normalcy had resumed, I got my goodbye hug from Andrew's wife and his daughter after I released Andrew from my death grip.

As I beelined for my cab, Andrew hugged me again, kissed my forehead and said, "Take care, Son."

------------

The relocation blues didn't show up the way they usually do. My new place was a nice two-bedroom apartment -- a thirty-minute drive from the headquarters. It was weeks before I could fully settle in, but this bad boy had the beginning of feels like my Elysium. Though rent was on a higher side, but the increment in my salary more or less covered the rent and the increased cost of living. Personal finance and other related matters pertaining to settling in a new country being taken care of, all I needed was a nice car -- and even that was settled in the next week.

Now work though was the same, but if felt different. When my secondment had begun, there were telltale signs of the intangible 'something' between me and Danielle acquiring a tangible punctuation. Development of grammar of the language of our "to-be" love was steady. I could feel that steady pace of grammatical development accelerate. That intangible 'something' was definitely becoming a tangible 'thing'.

Was it Natalie, was it that kiss which Danielle gave me or the kiss that I returned, was it that unspoken warmth from her Parents, I'm not sure, but there was this electricity. It was there before, but now I was sure it was mutual. Whenever our eyes met there was this underlying something -- the subtle change in the smile which she usually has, said that to me. We were a little touchy feely. I never remember Danielle touching my chest or her touch lingering on my arms or affectionate ruffling of my hair for that matter. And even I started those little touches on her arms. Handshakes felt they'd never end. I even gave her collarbone a small massage when it was late at work one day. We smiled at each other for no reason. I knew she trusted me, but these few weeks just seemed to elevate that trust to a feeling which I could term as faith. Either she thought I was a brother she never had, or she started to like me back. You can just feel when someone kinda likes you back. I felt it. I hope I did.

After an excruciating yet delicious torture things looked as if they were moving. The hope that Danielle started on the streets of my heart seemed to come out of its gestation period. The results were evident to me. Sometimes taking it slow pays off, but how much slow is too slow till it becomes an unbearable torture? I wasn't sure, but I sure as hell wasn't going to risk it. Yep, still the risk averse slow douche I was.

Another change was that instead of Nat coming over to the office on weekends, a few weeks after me settling down, I was a regular at Danielle's on Saturday for dinner. Those quasi-tuitions were amazing fun. Nat and I were at a stage where we could understand what the other was thinking sometimes, just by looking at each other and sharing a knowing smile. What surprised me though was that it was Danielle's Parents who wanted me to have those Saturday dinners with them. Maybe something about me being all alone by myself with no family melted Alyssa's heart or my extremely conservative almost risk-free approach on investments resonated with Mitchell, but they radiated a warmth and I enjoyed their company and they seemingly mine. The best part though was the hugs I got from Danielle when I left.

I know it's terribly frustrating of not doing anything when all things worked in my favour. But was it too late now? I didn't think so. Excruciating patience till now was something I employed, and I would continue to employ the same and have that little faith in myself and the bond which Danielle and I harboured.

------------

I was at a client's place of ours -- a very big listed corporation, a key client at the headquarters -- referred by us all as Radiant. Radiant was my second client post relocation and I'd already worked on this client during my secondment. Radiant was one of the most complex audits. Their ERP systems were different. They had a boatload of branch offices. There was tonnes of data to be worked with and complex accounting issues to be verified during the audit. It was fun!

On a fine Friday, sometime before lunch I was in for a shocking surprise. I saw Eve at Radiant. Eve was the last girl I dated. Our break-up was mutual and a very peaceful affair, but it shook me to the core and hurt like hell. I decided to take a break from dating altogether after Eve. Nine months after Eve, Danielle came in my life and drew away all the residual pain from that break-up.

Our eyes met; we did some small talk bullshit. I said about my relocation here; she said about her company becoming one of the customers of Radiant back in my ex-home country. Some relationship in-jokes were shared, and I was finally happy after five minutes to be back at my laptop. Though that happiness did not last long as some of the residual pain resurfaced and along with it some self-loath. My mood was visibly dampened, and I guess Danielle who came at Radiant's sometime post lunch was able to make that mood change in me. She said nothing though. That particular weekend was a long weekend with the immediate Monday being a holiday and I was looking forward to wanking some frustration off on Sunday and Monday -- compulsive dates which me and junior-me have, help me de-stress -- I do that sometimes.

I should've known that Danielle's silence had a reason. I knew that reason when she invited me to her place that day, pretext being a rewatch of "Avengers: Endgame" wherein we wanted certain clarity on the last scene of the movie involving Captain America. Well I liked the serendipity of it.

We left Radiant around 06:00 and reached Danielle's place separately, as we both had our cars. I freshened up a bit and Nat and I did our Maths stuff for an hour. To my pleasant surprise Mitchell and Alyssa arrived and even they were pleasantly surprised to see me. They had some business with Nat and Nat was off with her grandparents sometime after that. Now, what seemed serendipitous earlier that day seemed masterful planning. My heart was in overdrive mode at the thought of spending this time alone with Danielle.

Danielle bought the blu-ray of Endgame and set it up. But before she hit play, she asked, "So what was up with you earlier at Radiant?"

Pain started to resurface again. I had to tell her, couldn't beat around the bush now. Not after all the effort she put into this, even if the price was to dampen our evening together.

"Well, at Radiant, before you arrived, I had a small chat with an old flame of mine, Eve. She is the last girl I dated. I stopped going out after Eve...."

"That bad break-up?" Danielle asked.

"No. Break-up was not particularly sour -- it was mutual. But I took it real bad, it hurt like hell...."

"Why?"

"The night she called it off, she called it off after we made love. She said she wanted to get back with her ex. She said it's her and not me and all that customary crap. And then couple of days after that I got to know about a horrible plan of her ex. She was kind enough to not go with that horrendous plan, but all of those things combined had a bad affect on me. It took me some time to move on, but seeing her today that pain resurfaced...."

"Did you talk to someone about it, I mean your feelings after knowing all that you did?"

"No."

"Well, Ted you are guilty of repressing your emotions. You try to trace your feelings back to the source and that's an excellent thing, but sometimes talking to someone helps a lot. Remember ten divided by two equals five -- that is ten gets halved. You wanna talk now, cut that remaining pain in half? No one's gonna judge, whatever you say remains between us...."

"Right after we made love, Eve said great things about my tongue hinting about some sort of inefficiency of my love organs. That is a horrible thing to say right after you make love to someone. I'm already insecure about stuff and that was just twisting a hot knife in my fresh wound. Then as if this wasn't enough, she says about getting back with her ex. I thought Eve was the one....

"Anyways couple of days later I get to know that, this jerk of an ex wanted to fuck her right on my bed and that too right in front of me as I would get home from work. His plan was to cuck me, right in my home. My blood boiled. But I wasn't an asshole to Eve, so she apparently did not let this plan take place, but my self-esteem took a big hit there.

"There was just one saving grace... Eve had decided to get back with her ex way before she had let me known. So, she, all along, knew about the fate our relationship, which technically means that she was for all practical purposes back in relationship with her ex that night we made love and she called it a day. Since, she was in a relationship with her ex while she made love to me, it was me who cucked her ex. You know substance over form, right? Not even god knows how fulfilling that felt -- though it's unlike me to feel that way, but it did feel fulfilling." I rambled and rambled and instead of ten divided by two it felt square root of ten. Danielle does that to me.