All Comments on 'It All Starts With A Box...'

Im sorry I could only read a little way. one of my pet writing peeves as an editor is the 'he then' ,'he then' 'he does' just stop it. learn how to form sentences with variety and absolutely avoid then except when strictly needed. looked like it might be a good story and i did want to read so maybe u should clean it up an repost it ^^

Jim