It's Just Boys and Girls

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked.

My reflection in the mirror stared back at me, silently. I worked on my best seduction face, pursing my lips together as I looked out through slitted eyelids.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked again. This time my voice lower, sexier. "There is nothing, and I mean nothing, I'd rather do, than be close to you. I want you to know... ahh, there... "

Damn it. Even when hitting on myself I didn't know what to say. Why is talking to girls so hard? Will this shit ever get any easier? Okay, one more try.

"You wanna know a secret?" I asked, sexily eye fucking my reflection. "I couldn't imagine anything ever, more hot... more hotter, than feeling you against me... naked..."

"MUM! MICHAEL IS TRYING TO GET IT ON WITH HIS REFLECTION AGAIN!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" I yelled at my very slightly older twin sister, Jessica, whom was now standing in the doorway to the bathroom. I spun around and threw my toothbrush across the room at her, missing as she ducked away out of sight. She had an annoying habit of just walking into the bathroom without knocking. Like seriously, is it that hard to get a little privacy without someone just barging in on you. Of course, that's what sisters are for. To be annoying. I heard her laughing as she galloped away down the hallway, excited to share my embarrassment with our mother.

"God damn it," I cursed, then looked back at my shameful reflection in the mirror. "Can I tell you something everybody already knows. There ain't a chance in hell I am getting laid tonight!"

Tonight was meant to be my night. It was meant to be everybody's night. The rumour is, that nobody left one of Aaron White's parties without getting some action. Apparently, the alcohol ran freely, and the girls even more so. One of my friends, a total nerd, told me that even he got to second base at the last party. And he is practically socially retarded and he also pissed himself in public last year. Even with that memory still fresh on everybody's mind, he still scored. My sister told me, promised me even, that I'll definitely get laid there. "I'll hook you up with one of my friends, squirt. And if that fails, I'll take care of you myself," she had teased.

She's probably about 20 minutes older than me, and her nicest nickname for me is squirt. And although the idea of my sister hooking me up with some sympathetic sexual stimulation was a weird thought, I oddly enough wasn't completely disturbed by the idea.

It was Saturday night. Usually I would be holed up in my room, headset on and barking "yo mamma" expletives at noobs during a grueling all-night gaming session. That was pretty much my life now. School and gaming. I don't really have many friends, mainly due to my mostly reclusive lifestyle, and I found myself with a mostly defiant attitude towards popular trends, mainly out of justification to not fitting in with those trends. I wasn't always like this though. Once, I had a lot of friends and found it quite easy to get to know people. But as I got older, and especially once girls had become my primary focus, I began to over-analyse everything. School, friends, behaviours, the world around me. But most of all, I over-analysed myself. Soon, I couldn't do or say anything without silently questioning how that was interpreted by my peers, whether they thought I was a dick and they were just humouring me. I started excluding myself from their plans and endeavours, and instead I just stayed home. And now here I am, an 18 year old with massive social anxiety, and a virgin.

Tonight however, I finally conceded to the pestering of my few remaining friends. A couple of nerds that I've known for years, but more recently have come closer to as I secluded myself from the masses. Much like myself, they found they didn't fit in with other people our own age, and mostly kept to themselves. They're two of the most genuine people I know, and that's why I still have something to do with them. They don't seem to judge me, and in turn I don't question their motivations.

As I was grabbing a bite to eat before heading out I had to snicker at my parents. Saturday is usually date night for them but this week Dad had made alternative plans with his buddies. Some sports thing I'd imagine. Lately, it seems that it has been sportsball night more often than it has been date night. What was funny, to me anyway, was Mum was trying her hardest to entice Dad to stay in with her for the night. She was attempting to use various euphemisms to disguise what could be in store for Dad if he stayed in for the night, so as not to get my attention to what she was actually saying. Because apparently I'm still a stupid naive child who doesn't know anything about sexual metaphors. My favourite was staying in to do some "interior decorating". It's a sad world when parents in their forties are getting more sex than eighteen year olds who have the reputation of going at it like rabbits.

I was picked up around 9pm. Mum yelled out to me as I walked out the door, "Don't get anyone pregnant!" It was a sweet thing to say, because in her mind there was a chance that I could get laid tonight. God I was well nervous when we arrived. My friends were failing at amping me up for the occasion and I felt sick in the stomach when we stepped out of the car... or I was hungry. The music was so loud I'm sure it could be heard from neighbourhoods away from here and I wondered how long before this party was going to be shut down by noise control. As I cautiously entered the property I immediately felt a rush of anxiety when I saw how many people were there. We passed by a sign near the entrance way that read, "Everyone here must be at least 18 years old" and I knew that Aaron White was the kind of person that would enforce that rule with extreme and strict adherence. As we wandered on through the crowd I estimated hundreds of kids there, all attempting to be heard over the blaring music, which caused a droning ambient noise to be constantly present.

I was handed a cup with some drink in it, I didn't know what it was, nor did I care at this point. I smashed that fucker back quickly and handed the empty cup back, to my friend's laughter. I became aware that my field of vision had narrowed to such a fine point that I was no longer aware of my surroundings. Another drink was handed to me which I downed as quickly as the first, and immediately there was a third handed to me, obviously in preparation for my anxious drinking that my friends were now used to. I grabbed the new drink and set off. I had no idea where I was going, but leaving my 2 friends behind I moved onwards amongst the droves of people. I do this, I hide in plain sight. It helps calm me down as I feel less self-conscious than I would being in full view on the outside looking in.

Soon, I started to feel accustomed to all the people and the noise, and my vision started to widen. I was able to take in more of my surroundings as my breathing started to regulate. I still had the drink in my hand so I took a couple sips as I looked around, taking in all the people. There were alot of girls here. The clothing they wore was so revealing that not a lot was left to the imagination. Now that I had calmed down I went and found my friends again and actually started having a good time. We kind of had our own dark little corner where we people watched and laughed about the made up commentary we were doing, imagining they were the stars in an animal documentary. We were the outsiders, we knew this, but it was fine. We were having our own good time.

Suddenly, out of nowhere a girl was standing in front of us. She was speaking directly to me but my mind wasn't registering the words she was saying. She was gorgeous though. No, not gorgeous, she was sexy. Her face was kind of plain, but what she was able to do with her make-up gave her a sultry look, along with her black, stylishly dishevelled shoulder length hair. She was dressed in minimal, yet tidy attire that went to great lengths to amplify her feminine charms. I recognised her from school, one of my twin sister's friends in the same year. She was no longer talking, just smiling at me, waiting.

"Huh?" I questioned.

"You, silly," she said, then grabbing my hand pulled me away from my comfortable, isolated corner. "Come on."

She led me out past the outside crowd of party guests, out behind an old rickety garden shed. She gently shoved me back against the wall as her hands went to the top of my pants and she cutely looked up into my eyes as she promptly undid my belt. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on as this girl, who's name I didn't even know, proceeded to undo my pants and giving me another cute smile she dropped to her knees in front of me. Luckily for me, my penis did know what was happening and was at attention, ready, as she reached her hand into my boxers and taking ahold, pulled him out to the chill of the night air.

I gasped as she started pumping my me, every so often she would look up at me and smile as she worked on me. I would awkwardly smile back, silent except for the occassional groan. Her fist moved up and down my shaft with increasing enthusiasm and I moved my hips slightly to match her hand. The reality started to hit me that I was getting to enjoy my very first handjob, somehow by some odd twisting of fate, or possibly a mistaken identity. I didn't have time to contemplate this however as I watched my nameless pleasure-giver lean forward and take me into her mouth. The feeling was earth-shatteringly exquisite as I moaned far louder than I should. She swallowed me down to the hilt in one go, then pulled back with just the head remaining in her mouth as she sucked and slurped on me for a moment. She continued this for maybe a minute more, max, before I felt that all too familiar feeling deep in my balls.

"Oh fuck! I'm gonna come!" I blurted out. She quickly jumped up and stood to my side as she jerked on my cock for a couple seconds more until I ejaculated unceremoniously onto the ground in front of me. She milked my cock for a moment before releasing me to bob gently out of my pants.

I caught my breath for a second before looking at her, and sheepishly asked, "What was that for?"

"Exactly as I said to you before. I owed your sister a favour, so she asked me to get you off," she replied, nonchalantly.

"Oh," I said, feeling a bit silly now. "Was it just for me, because I can always... umm... return the..."

"That's not necessary, Michael," she interrupted. "I'm going back to the party now."

She turned to leave but stopped and looked back, "You have a cute dick." Then she was off.

A cute dick. What the fuck does that mean. Cute, as in soft or small or cuddly. Cute. Jesus, what the hell does it mean when a chick says your dick is cute!

I wandered on back to where my friends were secluded. A moment in my young adult life that should otherwise be a crowning achievement, now clouded over by my own inner toxicity. I just got my first blowjob, and then pretty much told I have a tiny dick. How deflating. Not to mention I'm pretty sure I only lasted a couple minutes. Fuck me!

I wasn't joining into the conversation much anymore, so deep into my own thoughts, and my friends began to pester me about what was wrong. Not wanting to kiss and tell, nor disclose why I was so bummed I just told them to drop it. But, looking out across the party I could see my sister and her group of friends giggling away. My nameless pleasurer-giver in the middle of the group, obviously retelling her tale and spreading the word about my tiny "cute" penis. The girls would giggle away as she spoke and I swear a few of them even looked over at me, taking measure of the joke that is myself. I started to feel sick in my stomach, and knew I was reaching the end of my tether before I either have a panic attack or childishly throw a tantrum at the next person that giggles in my direction.

I quickly excused myself without any hint of an explanation and left the party. The walk home was pleasant, with the cool breeze helping clear my head and soon I had come back down to reality, knowing full well that the girls weren't actually talking about me. I'm such an insignificant human that girls like that wouldn't waste their breath on me, and that was oddly reassuring. This allowed me to briefly enjoy the memory of not only my first handjob, but my first blowjob too. And a cute dick, well that must just mean it's a good looking dick. I've seen other dicks while watching porn, and some of them are outright ugly.

I arrived home around 10:30pm. Still slightly buzzing from getting some action at the party, but at the same time slightly annoyed at myself for the funk I put myself into by over-thinking everything. As soon as I walked inside, I heard the TV on in the living room and when I entered the room I was surprised to see a couple empty wine bottles and glasses on the coffee table, but no parents. Had dad decided to stay home for their "Date Night" after all...

"Ewww," I immediately cringed, out loud. I had a fair idea what they were up to and was thankful they didn't take full advantage of both us kids being out of the house to use the living room instead of their bedroom. As I walked into the hallway towards my room, sure enough, their bedroom door was closed as I passed by. "Ewww," I thought, again.

Rather than take the risk of overhearing my parents disgusting antics through the wall of my bedroom, I decided instead to take a nice hot shower before settling in for a late night gaming session. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet in the hallway, and curiously listened out for any commotion from the folks as I passed by their door. All I could hear was light snoring and I shook my head at how much old people just squander their spare time with sleep rather than doing something exciting. I carried on down to the bathroom and opening the door I strode on in...

"AAAARGH!" I yelled loudly. It was my initial shock reaction. There were two things I quickly took in as I entered the room. The first, was that someone had just recently had a shower, the steam and warmth still thick in the bathroom. The second thing I noticed, the main contributor to my surprise, was my mostly naked mother sitting on the toilet seat with both hands between her spread legs. She was leaning back with her head against the wall, eyes closed, dressed in only a black bra and matching underwear. She had one hand pulling her underwear to the side, as her other hand... as her... other... AAAARGH!

Mum's eyes immediately shot open as her legs simultaneously snapped shut, trapping her hands between them. "MICHAEL!" she gasped.

We stared at each other for the briefest of moments, both wide eyed, and unable to move. Deers caught in each other's headlights. Finally, but likely only a second later, I tried to speak, "I... I was just going to have a... a shower... but, I'll come back!" I quickly turned on my heels to make a hasty exit.

"Wait!" Mum called out behind me. I turned back to face her, mid retreat, and looked back at her. She glared back at me for a brief moment, silently, before pulling a hand from between her legs in order to point a finger at me. "Don't you tell anybody about this!"

I stared back at her for a moment, before a wicked smirk spread across my face. "Sure thing, Mum," I chuckled. Turning again, I exited the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

Well, if that isn't going to be the most embarrassing, awkward thing to happen in my life, then I'm really not looking forward to what will be. I shook my head violently on my way back to my room and quickly locked myself in once inside. Was I going to need therapy after this? I was already fucked up enough as it was. Did I really need to add, "caught my mother masturbating" to my resume?

It was at this point that while attempting to concentrate on my video game, that I subconsciously began to reflect on what had occurred. It turns out that my mother still masturbates, even at her ripe old age of 43. I had naively imagined that you wouldn't need to masturbate anymore once you started having sex regularly. Why would you need to? Especially when my mother, Jennifer, had what now appeared to be a great body. Surely my father, Michael, wanted to give it to her any chance he got. Wait, what? Mum had a great body! Now there's a realisation I never thought I'd have.

I had to laugh really. She must feel so embarrassed right now. More so than I felt. I was never going to let her live this down. "Don't you tell anybody!" she had said. Well mother dearest, I'm going to have some fun with this. Nothing too mischievous of course, but it's going to be a while before I have to clean my own room again.

The next morning I made my way to the kitchen, desperate for some coffee. While waiting for the kettle to boil I could hear Mum and Dad yelling at each other down the hall. Which wasn't all that unusual, nor was it ever that serious. Just the way they express themselves to each other whenever they have a slight disagreement. Eventually the yelling stopped and as I sat down at the kitchen counter with my coffee Mum entered the room, followed quickly by my slightly sheepish looking father.

"Morning, honey," Mum said as she went straight for the cupboard to grab a mug, avoiding making eye contact with me. She pulled two out, obviously one for Dad, so their argument can't have been too bad. "How was the party last night? Do I have to worry about being a grandmother?"

"Ha!" I laughed. "Definitely not. Last I checked, a girl can't get pregnant if she swallows."

"MICHAEL!" Mum snapped. Dad laughed but quickly stopped when Mum shot him a stern look.

"You in the dog-box again, Dad?" I smiled.

"Yes, he most certainly is," Mum answered on his behalf, continuing to give him one of her 'looks'.

"Well, you try to do a nice thing..." Dad started to say.

"You fell asleep on me!" Mum quickly snapped.

"You had me painting that spare room for hours, I was tired!" Dad whined, rather pathetically. Mum remained silent, just glared at him. The worst kind of response.

"Oh, that explains..." I started. Mum's death stare immediately switched to me, stopping me in mid sentence. Her eyes told me it best not continue what I was going to say.

"What?" asked Dad, confused.

I looked at Dad, then back to Mum. "That explains why Mum was up drinking by herself when I got home," I said.

"MICHAEL!" Mum cried, feigning annoyance. "You make it sound like I'm an alcoholic."

Dad just laughed as Mum handed him his coffee. "I think she prefers drinking alone. Anyway, I'm going back to bed to watch golf and nurse this headache."

Once Dad left I looked at Mum, grinning, "I bet drinking isn't the only thing you like to do alone."

"Oh piss off!" she hissed, looking around for something to throw at me, but given up when she didn't find anything suitable. "I'm embarrassed enough as it is without you reminding me."

I chuckled, to which she just softly smirked, shaking her head and staring at her coffee.

"So, did you get to finish at least?" I asked.

"No I didn't," she quickly answered, frustrated.

"That explains the mood then. I'm always grumpy if I don't get to finish," I joked.

"Ugh! TMI, Michael!" Mum scoffed, standing up. "I'm going to watch golf with your father!"

Later that day, I was all-in on an hours long gaming session and suddenly realised I desperately needed a toilet break, so parking my character in a safe spot behind an oversized shrub, I rushed down the hall and opening the bathroom door, rushed inside...

"AAAARGH!" I yelled loudly. It was again my initial shock reaction. Though, this time Mum was only using the mirror to put on her makeup. "You think you would have learnt to lock the door after last night, Mum."