John

"No, John. No. You want an accessory, a beard to make people think you are a perfect straight man. You want someone who will be making six figures out of college. Someone who can support you and see you in your fancy name brands that will finally be new and not second hand."

"Em, that's not fair, I have never tried to use you for money, not once."

"Because I don't have any yet. I know you, John. I know what you want. A nice house, a nice car, nice clothes. You want all the status symbols that come with being perfect. Where are we going? Are we going to your house?"

"I am just driving, but sure. Since we are close and you suggested it."

"I did not suggest it and you drove here on purpose! I want to go back!"

"We can just talk for a few minutes, Em! Please? I need to talk to you! It's important!" he begged, pulling in in front of his trailer. "Just a few minutes? We can sit down and just talk. I can explain, ok?"

She sighed in exasperation and got out, letting him lead her inside. He pulled her all the way to his bedroom and it was the master bedroom. His father had given him the larger room. It was pristine and nice, even the comforter and sheet set matched the curtains and rug. You wouldn't know it was in a trailer at all.

He took her arm and set her on his bed, sitting next to her and holding on to her arm as he looked down at her. "Em... I have had plans for us for so long now. Everything I have planned, everything is centered around you! Doesn't that mean something to you? I know you care for me, you are in love with me even!"

"I was, and that's why it sucked that you led me on. I know the plans you have for me, John and I told you, it's not happening. You aren't going to use me, no matter how much I care about you. I have more self respect than that, John. I want someone who loves me for me, not for what I have and what I look like."

"Em, I do love you for who you are! You're my best friend! You have been my best friend for years!"

"John, you said you wanted to apologize, Do it. We will move on from there but I will never be more to you. Ever. I'm not even sure we can be friends anymore. I will try to forgive you, but you have to give me space."

"Em! I can't! I can't do anything without you, I need you!"

"To be your beard? So people don't know you're gay?"

"I'm not gay!" he said angrily.

"You are, John, and that's ok. It's fine that you are gay, it's who you are and I accept that. I do not accept you lying to me."

"I'm not gay!"

"John... you like sex with boys, you are attracted to men. You don't like girls. It's ok to be gay, this is a new era and it's accepted. You know that right?"

"It's fine for everyone else, but I am not gay!"

"Ok, John, if you say so," she sighed. "I am going to go."

"No! Em... I really do need you! ALL of my plans hinge on you and they have for years! It's always been you and... I can't handle it not being you, Em."

"John, if you need someone to play house with, I am sure you can find a hundred girls to play the part gladly, but not me. It will never be me."

"Emmerleigh!" he said angrily, raising his voice. "You are being unreasonable! You won't even give it a chance! You could be happy if you tried!"

"No, I couldn't. I am leaving, John, let me go. Let me go!"

"Em! Just calm down and listen to me! Please? I love you, Em. We can go get married right now and... I want to fuck you. Right now, I will show you."

"That is NOT going to happen, no way. Get that out of your head right now, I don't want that at all! And it's not just knowing it would repulse you, John, I am pissed at you. I am no longer interested in you in the least little bit!"

He stared down at her, building his courage, then leaned in and tried to kiss her.

She yanked back, turning away from him. "I said no! Let go, I want to leave!"

"I want to try!" he pleaded breathily. "Show you I can do it."

"I don't want you to try! I don't want you to be someone you aren't, John! Let me go! Let go or..."

"Or what, Em? What? You will punish me more than you already are? What more do I have to lose? I can keep you here and convince you how serious I am about you and what will it cost me? I am completely serious, Em, I need you. I love you! I can't and won't live without you."

"John... just calm down. Just, think rationally. I know you have issues with change and your plans and everything, but you need to take into account other people's plans. My plans matter too. My plans no..."

"You wanted me, Em! You wanted me more than anything and your plans included me for years! Why does that have to change? It doesn't! Nothing has to change, nothing at all."

"You are being ridiculous with this! Let it go. Let me go, it is not going to happen. Let it go, let me go. We can still hang out and be friends, but we will never be more. End of story. Now let me go or you won't even get that, all you will get is arrested with a kidnapping charge. Assault too if you don't release me."

"Damnit, Em, this is fucking bullshit! I demand you give me a chance! I know you, I have always known you, I just need to show you things can work! Please, Em," he pleaded, his hands gripping her too tightly in his fervor.

She whimpered, trying to pull away. "Please, John, you're hurting me!"

"Do you like it?" he asked huskily. "I love it, Em. I love pain, giving it, I can..."

"No! No, please stop!"

"Little John?" his father called from the front room.

John dove on her, clamping a hand over her mouth and pinning her to his bed.

"Little John? You here? We need to talk," his father called, knocking on his bedroom door."

"I'm here! I am tired, I will be out later!"

"I want to talk now, Little John! We need to have a sit down, it's important."

"Not now! I'm busy!"

"Is someone here? I told you no more guests until..."

"No! There's no dude here, dad, I just need a few minutes!"

Emmerleigh used the moment of silence to scream as loud as she could into John's hand.

"John?!? Is that Em?" his father yelled angrily.

"What the fuck?" John raged, then drew his hand back and backhanded her hard enough to make her see spots. "Don't ever do that again!"

Emmerleigh blinked at the wall dizzily.

"LITTLE JOHN, LET ME IN!" his father yelled, pounding on the door.

"No, not yet! We're still talking!"

"Em? Emmerleigh? Em?!? Are you ok? Little John, open this fucking door before I break it down!"

"Stay out of my room!" John screamed.

There was a loud crack and the door slammed open as his father's book kicked it in, then stepped in. Immediately, John jumped up and rushed him, half tackling him and shoving him out, then swinging at him before slamming the door shut as best he could.

Emmerleigh managed to turn her head to watch, but she felt sick and rolled off the bed in time to vomit on the floor.

"What the FUCK? Gross, you are cleaning that up! And it better come out of that rug! Get up, Em, we are not done talking!"

Emmerleigh rolled away from the puke and laid on the floor, feeling dizzy and nauseous, her head pounding. She worried about John's father. He was quiet now, was he ok? Was he hurt? An image flashed in her head of him in the living room sprawled on the coffee table, his back broken. She broke down sobbing as she clutched the rug.

John jerked her off the floor and dropped her on the bed, using a towel from his hamper to wipe her face off. He tossed it over the puke on the rug, then paced, his hands on his head.

"Here is what is going to happen," he told her angrily. "We will leave here, get married and maybe stay at your house until we are out of college. Maybe I will just drop out, get a job for now and we can get a place, an apartment temporarily. It'll be cool, we can make it nice. Have dinner parties and stuff, invite other couples over. Do a short lease until you get your job and we can buy a better house. I will show you, Em. I will show you that nothing has to change," he said feverishly, moving over her, his lips an inch from hers, then he hesitated. "We can kiss after you brush your teeth, but... I can show you Em. I want to fuck you. I want to," he whispered.

Emmerleigh shook her head slightly, but her head swam and thobbed. She whimpered as he rolled her to her stomach, then yanked her pants down and then off after a brief struggle with her shoes.

He kicked his own pants off, then moved over her as she whimpered and clutched at the sheets. She felt him start to stroke himself, trying to make himself hard and the wet sound of it, like he was using a lot of lube. She whimpered again.

He started jerking harder and harder, sucking in his breath and she looked over her shoulder at his closed eyes as he thought of someone else under him.

"Stop," she managed. "Please!"

"Yeah... keep begging, I like that," he panted quickly. He stopped and kneed her legs apart, then rammed his slick cock into her roughly.

Emmerleigh cried out in despair and pain as he shoved roughly, slamming into her again and again. She screamed and begged him to stop and her own screams rang in her head, sounding like they were rising and falling.

No.

It was sirens.

John jerked his head up as they got really close, stopping outside.

"What the fuck?" he demanded, yanking out of her and pulling up his pants to look out his window. "Fuck!" he yelled, his hands going to his head. "He called the fucking cops! What the fuck?!?"

The door slammed open and John put his arms out as a gun was pointed at him. Emmerleigh whimpered again, her sobs desperate as she tried to pull a sheet up. John's father slipped in behind the two officers and hurried to Emmerleigh on the bed, pulling the sheet up and rolling her in it to pull into his lap. She hardly noticed as the officers cuffed John, she hugged his father close and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Easy Em, you're safe now, I have you. You're fine, let me look at your face?"

"Ambulance is enroute," one of the officers told him. "Ma'am? How badly are you hurt? There's a lot of blood on the bed and a mess on the floor."

"I think he hit her, her mouth and nose are both bleeding," his father said as John stared numbly at the floor in front of him. "I think she has a concussion, look at her eyes."

"Sit tight, ma'am, we have more officers coming and the ambulance is two minutes out. Sir, we need you to answer some questions, then we need a statement from the girl."

"Em," John called. "Tell them this is a mistake. We are getting married and you are my girlfriend! Tell them you are fine."

"You don't get to speak to her," his father grated. "Or me! You put hands on both of us, Little John! You need to get your anger and self hate under control! Your choice is jail or help IN a facility as far as I am concerned. Em can make her own choice, but I hope she presses charges for everything! Em... was... did... did he rape you?"

"He started to, he tried... he was in the middle of it when the sirens came," she whispered, clinging to him. "He didn't... he didn't finish."

"Let's get you dressed," he said gently, picking her pants up and helping her into them under the sheet.

"Wait for the ambulance, please," one of the officers said quickly. "Why don't you move her to the living room though, the couch. There's the ambulance,"

"I will take her out to it," John's father said quickly, picking her up and carrying out of the trailer.

The next hour was it's own torture, letting the medics look her over and do a rape kit, answering questions and telling the police what John had done. His father stayed by her every moment, his arm around her and holding her other hand through it all. Even when they put John in cuffs and put him in the police car.

Once Little John was gone and she was alone with his father, she felt a little lost. She should go home or back to her dorm, but she wanted to stay right there and let John hold her. She felt safe with him and comforted by him.

She stayed there until dark when he finally jostled her. "I know you probably don't want to, but you should eat. Let me fix you something."

She gave him a small nod, but hugged him more tightly. He squeezed her back, then stood holding on to her and carried her to the kitchen where he set her on the counter to make them both food. He stroked her arm or half hugged her every time he was close, reassuring her and letting her know he was close.

After he fed her, he carried her to the shower and very gently cleaned her and she held him close as he did, just wanting his nearness. When he carried her to bed, she said nothing, just cuddled into him, then lifted her face to kiss his jaw before closing her eyes.

He woke her in the morning as he rolled slightly and dialed his phone, quietly calling into work. "Sorry," he whispered after he hung up. "I didn't want to wake you but I had to call in. how're you feeling? You up to some breakfast? Anything you want as long as it's scrambled eggs," he smiled gently.

She gave him a small smile. "I was really hoping for some scrambled eggs."

He grinned, then leaned in and kissed her gently. "Need any tylenol or anything?

"A whole bottle?"

How about two to start out with," he chuckled, getting up and pulling her up with him.

"Are you going to go to the station and bail him out?" she asked as he set her up on the counter again.

His face went a little dark. "Wasn't going to actually. I was going to let him sit and stew in what he did until his arraignment. I was going to show up there and talk to the judge... do you want to be there?"

"No! No... they have my statement. I will do whatever you want me to do as far as pressing charges. I think you are right, he needs real help, he hates himself so much and has zero empathy."

"Don't feel pressured, Em, you do what feels right to you. He will deserve it if you press charges..."

"No, you are right. He needs help, not to hate himself more. I will write a... whatever... for the judge."

"Ok," he said softly, leaning close and pressing his lips to her head. "Now no more talk about it until I get the call on the time. Today I am going to curl up with you on the couch, we are going to watch a hilarious scifi space western series, then the movie that finished it off. For dinner I will make us BLT's."

"Sounds perfect," she said softly, smiling. "But at some point we get to go to your room... right?"

"Mmm, of course. Wasn't sure you would want to but hell yeah. We can spend the day in bed if you want. The TV is smaller, but I don't care if you don't."

"I don't," she answered, blushing.

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss her before finishing breakfast.

They didn't leave the bed all day and she didn't realize until late in the evening that he hadn't brought his phone to the bedroom. There was a quiet moment on the show and she heard it ringing in the living room. He didn't move a muscle, ignoring it completely.

"What if that's Little John?" she asked.

"He'll leave a message. Let him squirm a bit, he deserves worse than being a little uncomfortable for a couple of days. Come over here and let me make you scream my name again," he growled, rolling over her and making her giggle.

Emerleigh didn't leave his house until the next day when he went to go before the judge, taking her statement with him for him to read. Even then, she went back to her dorm, showered, grabbed a few of her things and her laptop, then met him back as his trailer when he came back.

The look in his eyes when he saw her bag was a huge relief for her, she had been afraid he would have panicked a little at the connotation. Instead, he looked excited and extremely proud as he grabbed her bag and bent low, lifting her and tossing her over his shoulder as she laughed.

He never mentioned what happened and she didn't ask. He would tell her if he wanted to and she didn't really want to spoil things by talking about Little John. She wanted this moment, these moments. She was happy and she wanted to capture that and hold onto it.

She kept holding onto it, even as she began going back to school and he went to work.

She did find out that Little John was in a facility, a mandatory 90 days for all of his issues and what he had done. More if the doctors decided he wasn't ready.

Other than telling her where Little John was, John rarely spoke of him. She knew he went to visit sometimes and wrote him letters, but he never talked about it. She never brought it up.

As time passed, she began realizing he wasn't a phase she was going through. The longer she stayed with him, the more she wanted to stay with him and the more she fell for him. He was so gentle and good and sweet. His patience amazed her when she compared it to John's temper. What she loved most was the way he loved to spoil her and how incredibly loving he was.

He did like his alone time sometimes and she was fine with that. When he went fishing or rode on his motorcycle or worked on it, she did other things.

John was released from the facility, but he did not come back to the trailer. Emerliegh didn't ask John if he knew where Little John was, she assumed he did and left it at that.

The school year passed and summer came and went, her spending her summer on a paid internship at the place where she intended to work after she graduated.

She came home after her first day of her Senior year and John met her at the door, grinning at her as he led her in and showed her Little John's old room that he had cleaned out and made into a little office space and workspace for her to do her homework and study in.

She looked up at him, both happy and a little shocked. "What if he comes back?" she asked softly.

"He is living with Mack and his sister and boyfriend. He is staying on his meds and doing well I think, he has a job. Still not out yet, but he is working on it. Going to therapy. I told him at some point he could come over and have dinner and a sit down, but not until you were ready."

She nodded, turning pink. "You don't have to wait for me to be..."

"I want to. I want to, Em. You are important to me... incredibly important, especially now. I have come to... really care for you and I think you feel the same, yeah?"

"Yeah," she answered, her face going bright red as she looked down and smiled. "Even if you are a complete geek in hiding."

He laughed. "Never claimed I was a cool kid. I was tortured through highschool for how much I loved Star Trek. Tall skinny geeky kid, loved scifi, loved D&D, the other kids were relentless. I never cared, I did what I liked and had fun."

"But you are so hot? How could they..."

"Thanks for saying so," he grinned, his beautiful face lighting up. "That just made it worse, especially coming from the guys. I was a geek who didn't play sports and I wasn't like the other kids. They let me know it and because the popular boys didn't like me, the girls didn't like me either. I met Little John's mom our senior year, she moved here from Nevada. Hated it here. She paid me attention and I fell hard, not realizing what a horrible person she was. Always said I would never marry again after what she did to me."

"Little John never talked about her."

"Yeah, I am sure a good chunk of his anger comes from her leaving like she did."

"Was she pretty?"

"Stunning, but she had nothing on you," he grinned. "Come on over here, babe and help me peel potatoes for dinner so we can get in bed quicker."

Emerleigh grinned and let him pull her to the kitchen, but she turned him to face her when he opened the cupboard. "How about bed first, then dinner?" she asked.

He chuckled. "Except that never works for us! Once we get in there we don't come out for a while and you know it. Food first."

"Just a quickie?"

"You don't know the meaning," he laughed again. "Food first."

She laughed and put her arms around him from behind, pushing his shirt up to kiss his back.