All Comments on 'Journey of Discovery Pt. 05'

When will Jake get that enginneering job? Will Marie move with him? How about Jan? Will she leave Bill since he seem to like men more? Will mom have Jake's baby? Will Jan become pregnant too?

Some of the speech sounds clunky. Most people who haven't hsd elocution lessons, shorten words. Like saying 'do not' comes out as 'don't' etc.

Where the hell did that come from? The worst you had to say about the father was that he worked a lot. That was it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you throw in that he cheated on her. That's almost the same as Bill. You spent time building up Janice and Bill's relationship to the point that Maria uses it as the standard she wants to have, only to, again, out of nowhere, inject that it's not what you previously wrote.

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The cheating, the strain in Janice and Bill's relationship, Bill being bi and probably gay, were not supported by anything you wrote before and have the indications that you wanted them out of the way but didn't want to go to the trouble of putting the work into laying out reasons for them to go. You went for the quick and dirty.