All Comments on 'Keyanna and Kevin'

did you collaberate with a fellow author on the names or what? 2 different authors using and spelling the last name of a vampire family the same way is just creepy. especially if this story is taking place in california now that they are out of school.

In dedication to my Friend (who is an author on this site) I used a few things w/her permission of course, to let her know how much I admire what she does, and for her encouraging me to post. She loved it and was honored by the gesture.

DI75

At first it was kinda creepy because my name is keyanna and my brothers name in kevin ( I had to do a double take when I saw the title), other than that good story.

missed a mistake that confused me a little bit. First kevin was watching her from the window and reluctant to get out of his car, then he opened the hotel room door for her. Was he already in the room or still in his car?

I'm all in! Hope to see an update soon!

I wandering have you befriended kalamazoo707 but cuz i read a last name that looked familiar. This is a good start and i cant wait to read the next chapter

Amazing................more please

I love this story . Good job i hope the next installment will be posted soon.

Do not let this beautiful story get lost or not finish it. Your have wonderful gift that is

writing so don't let it go to waste. Thanks!!!!!!!!

Would love 2read more of this story. Gud 2knw sex doesn't always have 2b jst that bt loving as well. Very refreshing frm the stories I'm used2reading and this is jst the first two chapters?? I think u'll be another added on my list of favorite authors on this site:)

Well done on your first post. I imagine it's a bit scary to put yourself out there! I really enjoyed it - you have a great writing style.

The only thing I would say (constructive criticism!) is that the first part of the chapter before you went into the back story about Donovan, was a bit messy in terms of tenses. You kept using present and past tense together and I think you need to decide which to use for the main, upfront story and stick with it. You can use either, but generally it needs to be consistent. eg 'I feel his hand wandering down my back' or 'I felt his hand wandering down my back'. Historically, I think, the past tense has been used, as it is a story that is being told. Increasingly, the present tense is used in some stories to make it more immediate, like it's happening right now.

I mean this comment to be in no way to be patronising - this story is great, it was just filling my brain and disoririenting me when I first started reading this chapter, but then settled down when you went into the back story about horrible Donovan - all past tense.

I'm looking forward to more from you - another writer to follow, yay!!

I can't wait to read the next chapter good job

This story sounds similar especially the 1st page.lol