All Comments on 'Kidnapped Ch. 02'

This chapter was 34 “Paragraphs” of which ten had three sentences or more.

According to chapter one, this chapter was supposed to be the sexy chapter and yet is was just the chapter that contained the “prerequisite consensual non-consensual” sex scene. Which to be honest was flat. Because you have done nothing to create a connection between either of your characters to your audience.

An experience like a kidnapping is usually a highly charged emotional journey. But there is no charge, no energy. So far both of these two characters are as bland as skim milk. Your antagonist is even kind and gentle enough to remember her dog. He is handsome. Patient. Gentle. Generous. Thoughtful. Everything she wants and more in a man...if only he wasn’t a mean old kidnapper. And based on this sex scene there was no need for a kidnapping in the first place.

Is there a story here? Is there a purpose? Is there a reason why the bad guy needs this good girl that justifies his actions? You know we should just be honest here and admit this is a romance novel isn’t it? Just cause he uses a set of handcuffs doesn’t mean this isn’t romance. And that is exactly what the story is really about isn’t it?

Be honest.

Anon-

I'm really trying to better my writing, and you're right. I wasn't happy with it when I posted it and I appreciate you pointing out that it could be better... a LOT better. It was really shitty and I shouldn't have posted it. Thank you again, I'm going to start on fixing it right now.