Know Thyself

Saturday, I checked out before joining a tour to see coffee, chocolate, and sugar cane. It was interesting to see how these three products were processed and how much they meant to the economy in Costa Rica. Again, though, I realized it wasn't much fun doing this alone. It made me miss Linda, and thoughts of my kids flooded my mind. I even thought how much better this would be with Angela by my side.

Loneliness hit me extra hard in that moment. I should have golfed that day.

When the tour ended, I drove to my main destination in Costa Rica. The itinerary had me spending two full weeks at The Westin Golf Resort and Spa in Playa Conchal. I intended to just relax and enjoy as many rounds of golf as I could schedule.

Driving to the reception area, I was struck with the beauty of the setting. Ocean views, mountains, hills, lakes, flowers everywhere, and the glorious scent of some of God's most pleasantly aromatic creations. Two solid weeks of 'me time' seemed like a brilliant concept. I hoped I was capable of doing next-to-nothing for that long. If I was capable, this was the place to do it.

Sunday started with a ten AM tee time. Unlike my lovely foursome in Monterey, I was partnered with three older gentlemen. They were nice enough, but their golf was terrible. None of them broke 130, while I managed to hit 84, which was near my normal score. I felt like a bit of an outcast in our group. They accused me of being a ringer and stayed to themselves. I longed to have the three lovely ladies of Monterey in my foursome.

I golfed the next two days, as well, but started forming blisters from the abnormally high amount of golf I was enjoying. The following days were spent getting a massage, using the exercise equipment, or driving around the area to see some sites in the village, but most to the time I lounged by the pool and read one of the many books I loaded on my Kindle, or just napped in the warm glow.

On Friday of that first week, I was resting my eyes after reading a while when I sensed something or someone standing next to me and shadowing me from the sun. I opened my eyes to the vision of a young woman. I couldn't see her clearly since the sun was directly behind her.

"Hi, Miss. Can I help you?"

"Could you, please? My friend is late coming down from the room and I need help with my suntan lotion."

"Really? You do know how cliché that sounds, don't you?"

"I know. But there's no one else around, and you look pretty safe."

"Safe? Does that mean I look like a boring old man that is past being attracted to lovely young women?"

"No! Oh, I'm sorry. My tongue sometimes engages before I think. I just... look, my name is Bambi and I really want your help. And, if you must know, I think you're damn cute no matter what your age."

"In that case, come here and I'll be glad to get your back."

Once she was a place where I could see her better, I was struck with her beauty. Bambi was as you'd expect a Bambi to be. She was a blonde bombshell with the look of a cheerleader and the body of sexual goddess.

"Here's the lotion. I didn't get your name."

"Sorry, I'm Anson."

She turned her back and undid her top so I could get maximum coverage. Something else immediately started to grow to its maximum. I massaged the lotion in and let the sensations of touching her tickle my imagination.

"Oh, Anson. That feels so good. You can stop in two or three hours."

A voice from behind me awakened my sense of reality.

"Bambi! I leave you alone for two minutes and you have your top off with some good-looking... wow! Hi there. I'm Candi."

"Candi, this is Anson. And I saw him first."

The two of them shared a laugh that only gorgeous best friends understand.

"Come on, Bambi. You know we always share everything."

"Okay. Undo your top and let him grease you up, too."

And with that I had a lovely redhead with attributes equal to those of Bambi sitting at my feet with her top off and her back towards me. I started rubbing lotion into her back when Bambi turned around with her top off. I had forgotten what young breasts look like, and hers were my definition of perfection. My reaction was predictable. My swimsuit tented as far as it would allow and Bambi didn't miss my arousal.

"Well, Candi, I know that Anson isn't gay. Little Anson is definitely not little anymore."

"I'm sorry, girls. I am a normal human male and you two are... you two are perfectly beautiful."

"Don't be sorry. Be proud. And from what I can tell, you can be very proud."

With that, Candi turned around to give me yet another eyeful of perfection as she felt she needed to see how big a tent I pitched.

"Okay, you've made me blush. So, Bambi, are you still sure I'm safe?"

"I hope you're not too safe."

They both replaced their tops to little Anson's displeasure, but restoring some of my comfort.

"So what are two lovely young women doing in Costa Rica? You're obviously American and, I would guess from the area near Philadelphia, based on your accent."

"Good guess," Candi responded with a nod of approval. "We're taking the year off between high school and college to travel and see some sites. And, just so you know, we're both nineteen."

"Why would I need to know?" I knew what they meant, but I wanted to hear them say it.

"Just in case, you know, we get a little closer."

"I see. So, first, tell me Candi and Bambi aren't your real names, right?"

"How'd you guess?"

"Just a hunch. But that's how I know you now, so I guess those names will do."

"Good." Candi seemed to be the primary spokesperson for my two lovely companions.

"So, Anson, let me guess your story. We've seen you here for days all alone. We've already determined you're straight. I don't think you're divorced because you're not playing the field of all the available women around. I'm guessing you've lost someone recently."

My face betrayed the pain that was still there.

"Oh, my god! I'm sorry. I blurted that out and it's true, isn't it?"

As I nodded, two sets of arms took me in their care.

"I guess I don't hide it well. You're the second one to figure me out."

Bambi let a small tear run down her cheek. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yes. It's been a year and I'm fine."

We talked for hours as they swam or sunbathed. They made it clear I was with them from that point on, and that scared me a bit. I hoped I was a father figure, but a big part of me hoped for a lot more. No matter what happened, I wasn't going to push for anything more than friendship.

Candi again took charge after the girls huddled together briefly.

"Anson, we need to go shower and get ready for dinner. You are joining as our guest and chaperone to keep creeps away."

"I don't get a say in the matter?"

"No," she laughed. "It's settled. Meet in the lobby at 6:30 and you are ours for the evening."

"Well, if I have to belong to someone, I can't imagine better owners."

I showered and put on a nice dinner outfit. I didn't know what tonight would bring, but I really did get a kick out of them both. It felt like I was with my daughter's friends, and I remembered she told me some of them had their eyes on me. I still thought Traci was just trying to boost my ego, and I wondered if Bambi and Candi were doing the same.

*****

"Wow, Anson! You clean up well."

"You two are absolutely gorgeous."

Candi wore a black evening dress that really complimented her in every way. Bambi had a similar dress that was dark green. They both looked mature beyond their years, and sexy as hell.

We were seated in a semicircular booth where I had the pleasure of one vision of loveliness on each side of me. All through dinner our conversation flowed freely and I knew I was surrounded not just by beauty, but by two very intelligent young women. I was having a magnificent time and didn't want it to end.

The dessert plates had just been removed when a clearly planned attack took place. They each took one of my hands and placed them on their bare thighs. They held my hands in place and with their other hands started stroking my leg and moving towards little Anson. As they reached their targets, each kissed a cheek and Candi whispered in my ear.

"Anson, it would give us great pleasure if we could join you in your room."

As she made her intentions known, I felt both my hands being moved to a heavenly destination where panties would normally be. I turned to Bambi.

"Are you sure?"

She answered with a deep kiss of clear intent.

"Candi, this is what you want?"

"Absolutely. Both of us."

"Both? Why me, and not someone closer to your age?"

Candi's hand started to give much more active attention as she explained.

"There are lots of reasons. You're gorgeous, mature, a great guy, well endowed, single, and I could go on if you like or we can retreat to a more private location and we can show you."

*****

I was surprised I survived that night. Bambi gave me a little blue pill. I explained I didn't need it, but she assured me it would be a good idea with two women to satisfy. She was right. I felt like an apparatus in a gymnastic competition. They did things to me and each other I'd never experienced. From a pure sexual standpoint, that night was a highlight I was sure would never be matched. I was in places of the female anatomy I'd never gone before, and was probed in places and ways I had never imagined.

The three of us spent that night and four more together before they had to fly out. We promised to keep in touch, although I think we all understood there would be no point. For five days and nights, I had what many men only dream of, and as good as it was, I don't think I could do it again. It was the height of sexuality, and the height of an emptiness like I had never known. It was real, but it wasn't the right kind of real.

The day after Candi and Bambi left, I got up and was ready to return to the golf course. I hadn't even thought of the number of condoms remaining until I saw the box as I got dressed. I looked in and found only one left of the original thirty-six. Some had to be used for sanitary reasons as different orifices were enjoyed, but they still counted. Unless I was celibate for the rest of the trip, I guess Traci was going to win.

Oh well. It was a price worth paying, but I really wanted the remaining condoms to be used for something or with someone more meaningful. My time with Angela felt like the right kind of usage. I wanted more of that.

My time in Costa Rica ended with more golf and welcomed solitude. After the energy spent with my two lovely young friends, I enjoyed being on my own. Now it was time to return to San Diego and enjoy Christmas with my family. I wasn't sure I could confess to Traci how her gift was diminishing so quickly. She would arrive in San Diego a day after me, so I had lots of time to figure out the right words.

Christmas in San Diego

It had only been a month, but it seemed like years since I embraced my kids. My trip seemed to alter the space-time continuum. The surroundings during my travels were so foreign that it felt like I was living a different life. I guess that's what vacations are meant to do. They give you an alternative reality to enjoy for a moment.

I can't say I didn't enjoy my time away, but the reality of separation raised a sense of dread regarding the extended portion of my trip that was to come. I gave away too much of my family time during my 'asshole' years. Was it wise to be away so much now?

I looked at my grown children around the family table and realized they have their lives well in order. That was a result of Linda's finest work. I was glad I was a part of their lives now, but I didn't need to be ever-present, the way I should have been when they were growing.

Brenda cooked a fabulous filet roast for our first dinner together after Traci and I arrived. The conversation was lively and loving. I felt a glow that I wished I had experienced more often in life. Then the conversation turned against me.

Caleb's face started sporting an evil grin as he started the assault.

"So, Dad. Traci told me about your bet. How many have you used?"

"Traci! I thought that was our secret."

"Oh, come on, Dad. Caleb and I share everything—especially if it's something that has the potential to let us pick on you."

"Well, I'm not telling. I don't want to embarrass Brenda or myself, so I'm not talking."

Brenda decided to throw me under the bus.

"Dad, I'm not embarrassed. I think it's great that your kids want you to have a sex life. I mean, it's not embarrassing that you know I'm pregnant. You do know how that happened, right?"

"Gee, thanks, Brenda. Yes, I know how it happened."

"Confess, Dad. It's good for the soul," Traci added. "Do you need to buy more yet?"

Caleb tried the opposite shaming tactic. "I bet both boxes are still full and he's embarrassed he hasn't scored."

Traci prodded, "Well, Dad?"

"Do I have to tell?"

In unison, my three tormenters shouted, "Yes!"

"Fine. If you must know, I have... this is embarrassing, you know!"

"Dad!"

"Okay. The first box has one left."

I looked around the table at shocked faces. Traci was the first to be able to utter a sound.

"Wait, you used thirty-one in a month? And twenty-five just in Costa Rica?"

Caleb found his voice.

"What were you doing? Filling them with water and throwing them from the balcony at vacationers?"

"No. They were used as intended."

"My father is a man-slut, and I am so winning this bet!"

Brenda couldn't help herself. "At least I know where my husband gets his out-of-control libido!"

Caleb couldn't let it go. "Dad, you can't leave it there. How did you need that many during the two weeks in Costa Rica?"

"I'm not going into details. Let's just say, two very lovely woman about Traci's age were... well, very demanding of my attention."

Three pairs of eyes stared at me. Their open mouths looked like they were trying to catch flies. I couldn't tell if they were impressed, repulsed, or confused. Maybe it was all three.

"Guy's, say something. You're scaring me."

Caleb took the role of spokesperson.

"I guess I'm shocked, surprised, and somewhat in awe."

Brenda turned to Caleb. "Honey, promise you'll be like your dad in thirty years."

That broke the silence as we all laughed, but Traci asked me the important question.

"Dad, how do you feel about all this? It's new territory for you."

"I've thought a lot about that. I felt a connection with Angela in Monterey. Traci knows about Alicia and, Caleb, I'll share more about that later with you and Brenda. That was rather scary. Costa Rica was like I squeezed all my 'sowing of wild oats' and 'a midlife crisis' into a few days. Before Angela, I'd never been with a woman other than your mother. Sex, for me, was never really sex. It was love. I was stupid enough to think it was all I had to do to let your mother know I loved her, but you know how wrong I was. So, this wild fling was really not who I am. And as much fun as I was having, I felt emptier afterwards as I did before I started this trip. I'm getting to know myself and understand what I am on a deeper level than I ever tried before. And I know what I want. I want what I had, or as close to it as I can get. And I want to really treasure it this time around."

Traci and Brenda, with tears silently falling, came to either side of me and hugged me. Caleb was smiling and fighting not to let his emotions show.

Traci changed the mood. "So, should I confiscate the other box?"

"No, Sweetie. I still have two women I want to see and I have hopes one of them may be the person I'm looking for. And if neither of them is Mrs. Right, I have to evaluate if what I feel for Angela is real or not. In any case, I want to be sure I do the right things with the right person. So the other box may, or may not be used, but as you said, I need to be prepared."

Throughout the holidays we shared warm loving times. Christmas Day, Traci and Brenda cooked another feast. We played games, talked, and laughed the day away. In the days that followed we went to two Christmas concerts, the San Diego Zoo, and caught a few recently released movies. I never wanted our time together to end.

On New Year's Eve, Caleb and Brenda hosted a party that included Traci, me, and about a dozen of their friends. We welcomed 2019 with hugs and kisses.

Everyone slept in until nine AM on New Year's Day. After all chipping in to clean up after the party, we watched the Rose Parade, then feasted on a traditional roasted pork dinner. The mood around the table was loving, but subdued as we all realized that real life began the next day.

Australia and Singapore

My flight to Australia was a long one. At a price equal to five times the amount I paid for my first car, I had the pleasure of sitting in a confined space for over thirty hours, if you include the stopover in San Francisco. The first-class seat was worth it, even though it was ten times the cost of coach.

The seats around me were monopolized by a group of five Australian women returning from a tour of the states. In first class you only really see the person right next to you if you're in the middle section between the aisles. I was seated next to Ava, a lovely woman near my age with dark brown hair, piercing blue eyes and an attractive but petite frame. I immediately shuddered when I realized her name started with an 'A.'

She introduced herself as we were seated. Once settled, I decided to chat with her since we were going to be together for a long trip.

"So, Ava, was this your first time in the States?"

"My first time anywhere. The girls had to talk me into it."

"Really? Why?"

"If you can't tell already, I'm scared to death of flying."

I thought of the old joke that there's nothing to fear about flying, but it's the crashing that should concern you. I decided to stifle my weak attempt at humor.

"Well, now that you've done it, did you enjoy the trip?"

"Your Grand Canyon and those tall-ass trees are spectacular. The folks are nice enough. Sorry to say, most of the blokes a bunch of ockers."

"Uhh, you may have to translate."

"Sorry mate. The men are pigs... no offense."

"None taken. Most men are pigs."

"You're a bit of a dag, aren't ya?"

"Is that good?"

"Sorry. I'll try to speak more American. Dag just means you're a funny guy."

"Oh, okay. So, am I an ocker, too?"

"Na. Ya seem to be a corker of a bloke. And you're spunk as hell." She laughed knowing I would be clueless.

"Uhh... what?"

"I said ya seem nice and you're sexy as hell. And now, you're blushing like a shy little sheila."

Just then the aircraft started to pull away from the gate and I watched this confident beauty turn white as she gripped the armrest.

"Are you okay?"

"Told ya. I hate flying. Do ya mind holding my hand while we take off?"

I held her hand, and continued talking to distract her. We were airborne for about a half-hour and were still holding hands. I looked at our hands and squeezed hers a bit.

"Is this okay?"

"More that okay. It's grouse, mate."

Landing in San Francisco and the eventual takeoff required more handholding and distraction. We chatted and she made a game out of trying to stump me with her Aussie lingo. I'm pretty sure she was making some of it up. About two hours into our flight and after our first semi-fabulous in-flight meal, she wanted to nod off and I agreed it was a good idea.

The seats were not made for two people to snuggle, but we managed to keep close. I was stroking her hair as she slept and began considering how I suddenly seemed to be a magnet for women. I didn't think I was all that attractive, but my single status seemed to put me in opportunistic situations that I'd either never had before, or that I'd never noticed. With thoughts and questions swirling in my mind, I fell asleep and dreamed of abstract scenarios I wished I could remember. I only had a lingering image of me, laying on a very large mattress, and calling out the next number like they do at a delicatessen.