Kyle the Eproctophile

"Tell him!" said Nicola.

"No, it's none of his business," said Chloe.

"Oh, what's this?" said Kyle, looking with interest at the pink bum that was sat on him.

"I'll tell him, then," said Nicola, and Stephanie giggled again. "Chloe had a client earlier today who is a kinky old bastard. He pays her extra to let him spank her. Me and Stephanie refuse to see him anymore, he is literally too much of a pain in the arse. So, he came round here this afternoon, and we could hear him spanking her for half an hour or more."

"Naughty girl!" shouted Stephanie.

"It was not half an hour, it was five minutes at the most," said Chloe huffily. Kyle looked at her sore bum cheeks resting on his chest.

"Oh, you poor girl," he said sympathetically. "Never mind."

"I don't care. It doesn't bother me, and he pays well, too."

Chloe's glowing bottom sat on Kyle's hairy chest. He could feel the warmth of her flesh against his. The girl strained for a moment, sitting very still and tensing the muscles in her abdomen, and screwing up her face with a look of deep concentration. A high-pitched fart squeaked out of her bum hole and between her cheeks and bounced off of Kyle's torso. The smell of it wafted across his face.

"I'm going to score that six, it wasn't quite as loud or forceful as our first two competitors attempts," said Kyle. "But actually, I'm going to give you a bonus point for being so high-pitched and sweet-sounding. So seven."

The girls all cheered. Nicola wrote a seven under Chloe's initial on the blackboard, and Chloe got up off of Kyle.

"OK," said Nicola, taking another sip of her drink. "The next round is always interesting, it is 'who's fart is the smelliest?' The same rules apply as the first round. That means pussy farts don't count! They have to come out of the hole at the back! As we have a tie for first place after the first round, we will go in alphabetical order for the second round. That means Chloe you're up first."

Kyle stood up and removed his trousers and boxer shorts. The ladies gawped at his impressively muscular and hairy body. He was a big man. Powerful looking. He didn't look like a priest at all with his clothes off, he looked more like a Greek god. He sat naked on the sofa and sipped his beer. Zeus drinking a can of lager.

Chloe approached. She bent over in front of the vicar, her curvaceous pink behind level with his face. The drunken cleric looked at the girl's bottom with excitement. His penis was fully erect now, and he began to absentmindedly stroke himself with one hand while he looked at the naked female flesh displayed to him. The crack of Chloe's arse loomed large before his eyes. She bent forward in front of where he was sat on the sofa, her bum hovering in front of his face, then opened her cleft with her hands, pulling her buttocks apart to display her bum hole to him. She forced out a resounding quack, aiming a squirt of foul scented air towards the vicar's face. He inhaled through his nose, a long deep breath in as he greedily sniffed up the gases that blew out of Chloe's bottom. Like a true connoisseur, he sampled her fart and deliberated over its complex bouquet before giving his verdict.

"It smells like rotting cabbage, and onions, but also meat," he pontificated.

Next, a moist parp from Nicola's curvy behind. Kyle's flared nostrils were there to capture the tempting aroma that issued from her bowels.

"Mature stilton, with a hint of silage."

And finally, a loud honk from Steph's pert backside.

"Rotten eggs. And shit."

Everyone laughed merrily. He scored Stephanie nine points and the other two girls seven each.

Nicola read the scores out: "In third with fourteen points is Chloe. Second is me with fifteen. And in the lead as we go into the final round, with a massive seventeen points, it's Stephanie!"

Stephanie whooped.

"Now it's time for our third and final round," said Nicola. "And it's everyone's favourite. This round is called 'whose farts are the tastiest?' also known as the 'fart-in-the-mouth' round. And it's my turn to go first."

Kyle finished his beer and then led down on the carpet. Nicola stood over him and then crouched down over his face, her bum hole over his mouth, her shaved pussy just above his nose, and when she looked down she could see his eyes looking up at her from between her legs. His beard felt scratchy against her buttocks, and she felt his lips press against her bum hole.

"OK, are you ready?" she asked him.

"Uh huh," Kyle hummed without taking his mouth from her anus.

"I think this is going to be a big one," tittered Nicola. "I've been saving myself for this round, but I'm not going to hold back now." As he looked up between her legs, he saw her face take on a look of concentration. He gently prodded the centre of her asshole with the tip of his tongue. His hand went to his penis and he was slowly stroking it as he waited for Nicola to fart. He heard a gurgling inside her guts, he felt her asshole expanding and contracting against his lips as she tried to force something through it. A rush of wind from her arse and into his mouth, a sound like an outboard motor being started, a vast cloud of pungent gas being forced into his open mouth. A tangy taste and a cheesy smell that flooded his senses. "How was that?" said Nicola, looking down at him. He couldn't speak, his mouth was still pressed to her arsehole, but he made a satisfied moan. Nicola laughed and stood up. The vicar was panting for breath and sweating while he was led on the floor. He was now rubbing his erection vigorously and staring at the girls with a maniacal gleam in his eyes.

Kyle scored Nicola seven.

Stephanie farted for him next. She squatted over Kyle's face and rested her anus on his mouth. She vented her bowels. It was only a gentle burble of wind from her behind, but it was fearsomely potent. It was so stinky and disgusting tasting that it made Kyle's eyes water.

Kyle scored Steph six.

So in order to win, Chloe needed to score a perfect ten with her final fart. She sat on Kyle's face. Her intestines were churning from the spicy food she had eaten earlier. She rubbed her tummy to encourage her guts to be productive. And then she let lose with the most astonishing fart that had been heard so far that afternoon, a long wet-sounding blast of flatulence that seemed to go on and on, changing tone and becoming more high-pitched at the end, the sound echoing in Kyle's mouth. Kyle was in ecstasy as he breathed in the shit-flavoured air directly from Chloe's pretty little hole.

Kyle scored Chloe the ten points she needed to win the competition.

Once the competition was over, it was time for Kyle to give Chloe her prize. Chloe knelt down by the sofa and bent over it, and Kyle knelt behind her. Steph crouched next to Kyle and took his prick in her manicured hand and wanked him. Nicola, to make herself useful, fetched a length of rubber hose from the kitchen. She inserted one end of this into Chloe's anus, and then blew into the other end of it, inflating Chloe's bowels. When the hose was removed, Chloe was able to do an enormous, reverberating fart, expelling the air that Nicola had blown into her. This process was repeated again and again, and Chloe was able to fart with incredible force, much to the other two girls' hilarity. Kyle's hard prick was hovering a few inches from the young lady's backside, and he could feel her farts blowing against his swollen helmet. Steph masturbated Kyle deftly and speedily, she was an expert at hand-jobs. Nicola slipped the hose into Chloe's back door time after time, filling her colon with air for her to fart out onto Kyle's cock. Although it was air she was farting out rather than the gaseous by-products of her digestion, the air that came out of her still stank as it took on the smell of the turds that were in Chloe's guts while it was inside of her. The room smelt incredible, with the combined smell of the three girls farts and Kyle's sweaty body. It smelled like the inside of the elephant house at the zoo.

The smell in the air around him, the beautiful, flatulent bottom bared in front of him, and Stephanie's skilful hand at work on him conspired to give Kyle the most extraordinary orgasm he had experienced in months. His semen spurted out in seven great gouts, splattering on Chloe's naked rump which continued to fart. Kyle let out a horrifying, animalistic roar, that sounded like an animal in great pain. His vision went blurry, he lost sense of time and space. He collapsed onto Chloe's naked body, slumping over her on the sofa.

It was only a quarter past four when Kyle came, and he had booked the brothel out until six. He and the girls sat around in the living room drinking more and chatting. The girls would occasionally fart in his face, but Kyle was not able to get another erection. His orgasm had been so powerful, and he had also drank so much alcohol, he was rendered temporarily impotent for the rest of the afternoon. His penis hung limply like a dead animal, and there was nothing he or any if the girls could do to revive it. Chloe eventually opened a window to let some fresh air into the room. Kyle drank four more cans of lager while the girls split the rest of the vodka and coke, then he showered and left. He was glad he had walked to the brothel rather than driving, as he was feeling incredibly drunk, too drunk to drive even for him. He wandered back to the vicarage, his head spinning with alcohol and lust.