tagHumor & SatireLesbian Test Ch. 03

Lesbian Test Ch. 03


"Then, allow me to give you my free lesbian test."

"Lesbian test? What lesbian test?" She looked from me to Joe and back at me again. "You guys are crazy. What the Hell is a lesbian test?"

"I devised a foolproof lesbian test," I said with a sly smile. "And I'm asking you to take it so that you will know, we will know," I said looking at Joe, "once and for all if you are lesbian or not, that is, unless you don't want us to know that you are a lesbian or unless you don't want to know if you are a lesbian and prefer women to men."

"Yeah, I can only imagine what you devised being a fool yourself," she said laughing. "Nonetheless, if it will stop all this nonsense about me being a lesbian," she said throwing her hands up in the air in an act of submission, "I'll take the damn test just to proof to you two fools once and for that I'm not a lesbian, not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian. Only, I don't swing that way. I prefer cock over pussy."

She said cock, again. Damn, every time she says the word cock, she breaks my concentration. Every time she says the word cock, I think of her seeing my cock, touching my cock, feeling my cock, holding my cock, stroking my cock, fucking my cock, licking my cock, and sucking my cock. Cock, cock, cock, I love it when she says the word cock, cock-a-doodle-doo. Damn, she's so friggin sexy and even more so now that I know she loves cock.

I love it how she says the word cock. It doesn't sound dirty when she says it. It sounds erotic...cock. The only other way she could make it sound better than she does is if she had an Irish accent or an Italian accent. I can imagine her saying cock with either of those accents in such a way that would make me wild with lust for her, not that I'm not wild with lust for her now.

In the way that she says cock, it makes me happy that I have a cock and that she's a cocksucker, that is, with no offense or disrespect meant to her by that remark. I mean that she's a cocksucker in every good sense of the word and about getting my cock sucked by a beautiful woman.

Kathy flopped on the couch across from Joe and me. Her skirt was short enough and her knees were parted open enough to give Joe and me a nice up skirt view of her creamy white panties. As a signal from our favorite movie, Animal House, I gave Joe the official John Belushi one eyebrow up sign and he returned my one eyebrow look.

She had shapely legs from years of gymnastics, dancing, ice skating, and now cheerleading. She was so choice. I only hoped to God that she wasn't a virgin.

I prefer more experienced and worldly women, not that I'm an experienced and worldly man, but a virgin doesn't have the appeal that it once had when my parents were my age. I didn't want the responsibility of popping a woman's cherry and being remembered only for that. Moreover, I definitely didn't want her to fall in love with me because I was the one and only man that she every fucked. That would be weird.

Yeah, I think that I love Kathy and it wouldn't be horrible that she fell in love with me because I popped her cherry, but I was still so very young. There were still so many women that I needed to experience first before marriage. I didn't want to be tied down to one woman right after graduating college. I needed to see the world first. I needed to experience some career women first. I needed to get a job.

"Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"Ready for the lesbian test, are you ready to take the lesbian test?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for this dumb ass exam," she said laughing.

We were always laughing. We always had a good time whenever the three of us were together.

"Dumb ass exam? I'll have you know that this test is based on scientific study that I have tirelessly worked writing over several minutes with my colleague Joe.

"I helped write the first question," he said.

"I can only imagine the deranged questions you'll ask me to prove that I'm not a lesbian. So, go ahead give me your foolproof lesbian test, Freddie."

"Do you give blowjobs?"

"Do I give blowjobs? What the Hell kind of question is that," she said looking from me to Joe and back to me again. "You guys are just perverted and Joe I'm surprised you helped write that question," she said laughing.

"Actually, I thought it was a pertinent question," said Joe. "A true lesbian would rather cut off a guy's pecker than suck it."

"Well, you do have a point there, only you just want me to tell you stuff so you can jerk off about it later while thinking of me sucking your cocks," she said making a jerk off motion by moving her hand back and forth as if it contained a (gulp)...cock. "Is that it? Is that what this lesbian shit and this lesbian test is all about?"

I had tingles everywhere when she uttered the word cock, again. In all the years I've know her, I never heard her talk like this. It made me drool a little when I watched her, as if watching her in slow motion, moving her hand back and forth in her feigned motion of giving someone, me or Joe, lucky Joe, a hand job. Suddenly, I was seeing Kathy in a whole new light, a sexual light. No longer was she one of the guys. No longer was she a tomboy. Suddenly, Kathy was a viable sexual partner, instead of just an imagined fantasy.

"Kathy, it hurts me that you, our dearest friend, would think that Joe and me, your best friends, are perverted and would jerk off over you and over the very personal information and answers that you share with us today while taking this official, foolproof lesbian test." With a soulful look, I gave her the saddest face that I could while pretending to wipe a tear from my eye. "I'm deeply offended."

"Oh, knock it off. I haven't fallen for that sad face since the fifth grade when I gave you my Chunky candy bar after you made up that story about your mother not feeding you for three days. I was such an easy target back then. I actually believed everything you told me. Okay, okay, go ahead and ask your stupid questions," she said. "I'm sorry. Go ahead and continue with your foolproof lesbian test." She shot us a look again. "You guys are pathetic, though. I know you'll be jerking off over this later. I can't believe I'm doing this."

I ignored her rip and continued with the test.

"Do you give blowjobs," I asked again.

"Yes, I suck cock."

Yes, she sucks cock, she said, cock, cock, cock. Oh, my God, she gave me goose bumps whenever she says cock and my cock twinges its acknowledgment to the thoughts of being sucked off by her.

"Do you like sucking cock or do you do it just to appease your lover? What I mean to say is, is it something you do because you know it's expected of you and he'd like you to do it or do you do it because you find it sexually stimulating?"

"Actually," she said with a smile, "I enjoy it. I love how a cock feels in my mouth," she said. "I love stroking him as I'm sucking on his cock."

I stared longingly at her perfect mouth and full lips while imagining her delicate tongue bringing my cock to an orgasm as she stroked me with her hand. I imagined fondling her tits and fingering her nipples before unloading all the cum that I had saved up for her in her mouth. It was a dream fantasy that I have had every night for more than five years come true to imagine Kathy sucking my cock.

Suddenly, her nipples made an appearance through her bra and blouse and I could tell she was becoming sexually aroused with her verbalization about giving blowjobs. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Her nipples were so big. Was it cold in the room? No. I could feel my pupils widening with the sight of her erect nipples. I looked over at Joe and he noticed them, too. How could he not?

Wow, who would have known that women get aroused and horny, too? I thought it was just us guys who were sexual deviates. I looked down at her right hand while imagining my cock being held and stroked by her before she took me in her mouth where I deposited my cum there.

"Well, I can see this will be a revealing test," said Joe. "I think she may be teasing us with her answers."

"I do enjoy teasing," she said. I enjoy teasing him with my tongue," she said while running her tongue over her lips.

"Tell us more," said Joe putting his hand over his erection in a way that I thought he was going to unzip himself, pull it out, and start masturbating to what she was saying.

After she moistened her lips with her tongue and gave each of us a sexual, sexy look, I imagined they glistened, as they did now, from my precum and from her sucking my cock. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel her tongue teasing my cock.

"I love the control that I have over a man when I'm blowing him," she said.

I couldn't believe she continued expanding on her answer. This test and her answers were more than I had expected. I was in a daze. I had actually closed my eyes and drifted off with the sound of her voice filling my background.

We had been out on a date and she invited me inside her apartment and we were sitting on the couch making out. We were French kissing and her kisses were getting me more and more excited. She was such a good kisser, the best kisser who ever kissed me.

While kissing and kissing her, I was feeling her tits and fingering her nipples through her blouse and bra. Stealthily, I unbuttoned her blouse and paused to see what that unbuttoned button revealed before continuing to the next one.

I saw the top of her bra. I saw her cleavage. I unbuttoned the next button. Now, I could fit my hand in her blouse. I cupped her big, bra clad tit. Immediately her nipple made its appearance known and I fingered it. There is nothing like the sensation of feeling a tit and fingering a nipple through a bra while French kissing.

Then, in one quick move, I unhooked her front snapping bra and began fondling her naked tits. There they were, her tits. She has magnificent tits with big nipples. I love her tits, so soft, so firm, they fill my hands. I couldn't wait to suck her nipples.

Only, just when I was about to lean down to take her nipple in my mouth and suck it, before I knew it, she had unzipped me, pulled out my cock, and had it in her mouth. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Kathy, my dream woman, was blowing me. She was really sucking my cock. This wasn't a dream. It wasn't a fantasy, but it was real. She was giving me the absolutely best blowjob that—

"Freddie? Hello? Earth to Freddie? Freddie, are you alright? Your eyeballs are weird. Maybe, you shouldn't have any more to drink or smoke," she said showing her motherly concern for my health and wellbeing.

"Sorry, I, uhm, must have dozed off. I guess I haven't been getting enough sleep after cramming to take all those final exams. Yeah, that's it. I'm sorry. Where was I?" I picked up the papers that had slid from my lap while I was fantasizing about her sucking my cock and leafed through them trying to quickly find the last question that I had asked her.

"You asked me if I sucked cock and I told you that I did. Then, you asked me if I enjoyed sucking cock and I told you that I did. Now, I'm just waiting for your next lame and perverted question. Sorry, what I meant to say was, I'm waiting for you to continue with the official and foolproof lesbian test."

Suddenly, it was happening again. Every time she mentioned the word cock, I couldn't help but think of her sucking my cock.

"Okay, yeah, sure, I remember now," I said looking down at my papers and trying to focus my thoughts enough on the words to read them. "Do you allow a man to cum his warm, salty and gooey load in your mouth?"

"That's crass. I can't believe I even agreed to answer these rude questions," she said looking at me as if I had just exposed my cock to her. You two are unbelievable," she said shooting us both a look that made me look appropriately shameful on the outside but I was tingling with eroticism on the inside anticipating her answer. Definitely, I couldn't wait to jerk off over this conversation. I'll be jerking off over this exchange with Kathy while imagining being sexually intimate with her for days. "Yes," she said giving me a dirty look. "I allow a man to cum his warm, salty, and gooey load in my mouth. I love it," she said.

She was playing the game, as I knew she would. She was having just as much fun with us as we were having with her. Now, I questioned her answers. Was she being honest? Who cares? She was driving the both of us nuts with her responses.

"Do you swallow?"


"What? What did I say? Gees, Kath, you act like I making all these questions up. These questions are all part of the official, foolproof, lesbian test."

"You did make all these questions up, you goof," she said. "This is your test," she said with a laugh.

"She's got a valid point there, Freddie," said Joe. Suddenly, I wondered who's side he was on, mine or hers? He was just saying anything to get in Kathy's pants. Only, he was just as transparent with his feigned concern for Kathy's embarrassment as I was.

"Is this really necessary? These are really personal questions," she said. Only, she didn't look embarrassed by my questions. She didn't seem uncomfortable answering them, so I persevered hoping she'd answer more and in the same sexy and erotic way that she had answered the previous questions.

"It is part of the test, Kath, honest. These are all pertinent questions that we need answered to determine if you are a lesbian." I looked at her. "Don't you want to know if you are a lesbian or not?"

"I know I'm not a lesbian, Freddie, but okay," she said. "Ask away. Go ahead and continue with stupid your test."

"After a man cums in your mouth, do you swallow his cum?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joe stiffen his posture. His mouth fell open and his stare was glued to her answer.

"Yes, of course, I swallow. What he Hell else am I supposed to do with cum after I've sucked it out of someone's cock?" She stuck out her chest and beamed a wide smile. "I'm not a spitter. I'm a proud swallower. It would be insulting and gross to spit out someone's love juice."

Love juice. She calls cum love juice. If that's not so Kathy, then I don't know what is. I was dizzy thinking of giving Kathy some of my love juice. Oh, my God. I can't believe she calls cum love juice. She's my kind of woman.

I imagined serving her breakfast in bed every morning and instead of giving her a glass of orange or grapefruit juice, I just pulled out my prick and inserted it in her mouth and instead of asking her to squeeze, I asked her to suck. Here's your love juice, Honey. Make sure you swallow all of it. You'll need the protein.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy with the imagined lustful passion of Kathy sucking someone's cock and swallowing. Then, I imagined her sucking my cock, me cumming in her precious, perfect little mouth, and her swallowing my load. I couldn't remove the image of me shooting my load of love juice in her mouth and watching her swallow. Oh, my God. I imagined her tossing back her long, lush, blonde hair before leaning down to take me in her mouth while I fondled her magnificent tits and fingered her nipples.

I regained control of my emotions in time to see Joe move his hand to his lap again to cover his growing erection. Fortunately, for me, my papers covered my bulging cock.

"Freddie? Freddie, are you okay? You look a little pale?"

In the next chapter Kathy takes the advanced lesbian test.


Thank you for reading my story. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. Please take a moment to vote, make a public comment, and/or give me feedback. Your support is why I write. Your feedback will motivate me to write a better story the next time.

If you haven't already, please take moment to add me and/or this story or any other of my stories to your list of favorites. Thanks, Freddie, Bostonfictionwriter.

To be continued...

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