tagHumor & SatireLesbian Test Ch. 04

Lesbian Test Ch. 04


"Yes, of course, I swallow. What he Hell else am I supposed to do with cum after I've sucked it out of someone's cock?" She stuck out her chest and beamed me a wide smile. "I'm not a spitter. I'm a proud swallower. It would be insulting and gross to spit out someone's love juice."

Love juice. She calls cum love juice. If that's not so Kathy, then I don't know what is. I was dizzy thinking of giving Kathy some of my love juice. Oh, my God. I can't believe she calls cum love juice. She's my kind of woman.

I imagined serving her breakfast in bed every morning and instead of giving her a glass of orange or grapefruit juice, I just pulled out my prick and inserted it in her mouth and instead of asking her to squeeze, I asked her to suck. Here's your love juice, Honey. Make sure you swallow all of it. It's good for you and you need the protein.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy with the imagined lustful passion of Kathy sucking someone's cock and swallowing. Then, I imagined her sucking my cock, me cumming in her precious, perfect little mouth, and her swallowing my load. I couldn't remove the image of me shooting my load of love juice in her mouth and watching her swallow. Oh, my God. I imagined her tossing back her long, lush, blonde hair before leaning down to take me in her mouth while I fondled her magnificent tits and fingered her nipples.

I regained control of my emotions in time to see Joe move his hand to his lap again to cover his growing erection. Fortunately for me my papers covered my bulging cock.

"Freddie? Freddie, are you okay? You look a little pale?"

"What? Did you say something? Oh, I'm fine, Kath, I'm fine. I'm just gathering my thoughts. Let's continue with the test, shall we?"

Fuck, suddenly, I was talking like Michael Jackson or Mike Tyson in a high pitched voice. I coughed, took a sip of my beer, and regained control of my voice.

"Okay, I'm ready for your next question," she said giving me her best smile. "You two are total morons," she said laughing. "But this is fun and funny almost."

I stole another quick look of her panty and imagined my face buried between her shapely thighs before continuing with the next question. I wondered if her perfect pussy was bushy, trimmed or bald. I figured she was trimmed. I wondered what her pussy tasted like and I wondered what sounds she made when she had an orgasm. I figured her pussy tasted clean and fresh and she made cute little sounds. I wondered if she talked dirty in bed. I hoped she talked dirty in bed. I wondered what she looked like in her panty and bra. Wonderful. I wondered what she looked like naked. Unbelievable.

I imagined licking her and fingering her through her panty before peeling her saliva soaked panties off and sticking my tongue inside her while fingering her click and licking the length of her. She was so damn beautiful. She was so damn hot. She was so damn sexy. I'd do anything to make love to her. Yeah, I'd even suck her pussy if I knew she'd reward me by sucking my cock after. Finally, I got a hold of myself enough to ask her the next question.

"After you look at a man's face, do you look down at his package?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess, all women do," she said looking from me to Joe and back again. "Don't they? It's like guys looking at women's tits. Only, we don't stare and leer at men's bulges the way that you guys stare at our tits and asses. We're more subtle about it. Guys never see us looking, that is, unless we want them to see us."

Wow, I thought to myself, all this time, I thought women were admiring my belt buckle when instead they are checking out my cock. Now, that I know they are stealing peeks at my bulging cock, maybe somehow I can use that to my advantage and be more forward with those women who are checking me out. I never knew that about women.

"We're not here to judge you Kathy," I said, "but just to ask you the questions of the official, foolproof, lesbian test. May I remind you that this is a professional setting and all information received shall remain in the strictest of confidence? Trust me, as you would your doctor. Nothing leaves this room," I said with a straight face. "Your secrets are safe with me."

"Bullshit," she said. "And if it's part of the test, I'm not getting naked, so get that out of your dirty, mini minds. You two are retards," she said with a laugh. "But this test is fun and funny...a little. Alright, what else is there? I have things to do."

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I just have a few more questions," I said preoccupied with the thought of her getting naked.

I couldn't wait to e-mail my friends this test so that they could test their female friends and girlfriends. I imagined writing a book, the Ultimate Official Foolproof Lesbian Test Book, by Freddie. I imagined signing autographs for grateful women who couldn't wait to thank me in person and buy my book for proving that they are not lesbians, not that there's anything wrong with being lesbian. Only, they were relieved, happy even, that they weren't because they preferred not to be. They liked men.

I imagined women lining up in my private office waiting to pay me to give them their own, personal, private, official, foolproof lesbian test. Only, some women would rather be heterosexual and, as a public service, a paid public service, that is, if I can sacrifice my time and energy in helping them prove that they are not lesbians but heterosexual women, then so be it. I will live my life unselfishly in helping women discover their real sexuality and sexual orientation. In the name of science and for the benefit of every young and desirable woman is the reason why I begin my career path as a sex educator and researcher ala sex therapists everywhere. Dr. Ruth, I love you!

"Freddie, you're doing it again. You're daydreaming. Hello? Earth to Freddie."

"Sorry. Okay, here's the next question. Have you ever accidentally on purpose rubbed against a man's erection while in a crowded subway, an elevator, on a bus or in a department store at Christmas shopping rush?"

"Eww! No. Gross. Why would I do something like that?" Again, she looked from me to Joe and back again. "Is that what guys do? Do guys rub up against women hoping to get a cheap feel of their asses and/or tits? Is that what you guys do?"

"No, they only do that in Japan on crowded trains. We've never heard of guys doing that around here," I said hoping to deflect the topic of conversation back to her, but not until I gave Joe the official John Belushi Animal House raised eyebrow. "Okay, so far you've past the preliminary lesbian test. Congratulations. So far, on the surface and based on this exhaustive test, it's obvious that you're not a lesbian."

"That's it? See, I told you that I wasn't a lesbian," she said with a broad smile that made me want to kiss her. If I thought she was pretty before she smiled, she was even prettier when she smiled. She had a gorgeous smile.

"Wait, hold on, hold on, that was only the preliminary lesbian test," I said giving her my best professional looking face, as would a doctor give his patient. "So far, I'm fairly certain that you are not a lesbian, but you may have lesbian tendencies," I said nodding my head in a professional manner. "Now, I must give you the advanced part of the lesbian test to prove that you don't have lesbian tendencies and will not become a lesbian in the future."

"Oh, c'mon. You're not serious. This is foolish. How long will this take?"

"Not long, just a few more minutes. There are only a few more questions.

"Okay, go ahead, ask your questions. I'm ready," she said making herself more comfortable on the sofa and giving Joe and me a better view of her panties.

I imagined cuddling up against her, kissing her, and then reaching down to lift her skirt and feel her panty clad pussy before reaching my hand down the front of her panties to finger her clit.

"Freddie. Go ahead. Ask your questions. I'm ready. Freddie..."

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about the questions that I needed to ask you," I said looking down at my papers and adjusting them to cover my stiffening erection. "Okay, so how many hand jobs have you given?"

"Hand jobs? Oh, God, I have no idea," she said with the wave of her little, virginal hand, a hand that I've always admired while wondering what it would feel like to have her hand around my cock as she stroked me faster and faster and faster until I exploded all my love juice all over her precious, little hand and fingers.

"Well think about the first time you gave a hand job," I said feeling my cock twitching in my pants.

"Okay, it was quite a while ago. I gave a hand job to Kevin Murphy."

"No way! You jerked off freakin' Kevin Murphy? He's such a dork. She jerked off freakin' Kevin Murphy," I said to Joe.

"Kevin Murphy! Of all people? Why Kevin? He's such an undeserving lucky bastard to receive a hand job from you."

"Thank you, I think," she said smiling at Joe. "Yeah, well, it was after the senior prom and I felt sorry for him. He was a bit pathetic. To this day, I still don't know why I accepted his invitation to the senior prom. At the time, I was six inches taller than him and he spit every time he talked. I couldn't stand his laugh. I didn't know if he was laughing or sneezing," she said trying to imitate his laugh and making us all laugh.

"Gees, Kath, Kevin Murphy. Why?"

"Yeah, well, I know. What's done is done. It's in the past. Anyway, we drove out to Orient Heights and were making out in his car and he was feeling me up. I had this low cut dress with no bra and my tits were right there and so he had easy access to them and he did. If I remember back, I think he had my tits out. Yeah, definitely, he was sucking my nipples. I mean, his mouth was the exact height of my nipples," she said with a laugh. "I always get horny when a guy sucks my nipples, which is why I gave him a hand job. I love having my nipples sucked," she said putting back her head and closing her eyes while parting her knees just a little more to give Joe and me a nice view of her camel toe.

Joe squirmed in his seat and I could feel my face getting red with lustful desire. The thoughts of kissing Kathy while feeling her tits, taking out her tits, and sucking her nipples consumed me. It took all the self control that I possessed to continue on with the questioning.

"How many hand jobs do you think you've given?"

Kathy started counting with one hand, and then with two hands. When she got to ten, she continued counting all over again. She finally stopped at twenty-seven.


"Are you serious? You gave twenty-seven hand jobs?"

"No, silly, I've given way more hand jobs than that. I've given hundreds of hand jobs. I thought you meant how many different guys I've given hand jobs to."

I fanned my face with the paper while taking some deep breaths, looked at Joe, and rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe she gave twenty-seven guys hundreds of hand jobs.

"I'm going to go on to the next question," I said turning over my page. I was afraid to ask the next question. I was afraid that I might cum in my pants with her answer. "How many men have you blown?"

I figured, I hoped, she gave less blowjobs than she did hand jobs, for sure, definitely, yeah, hand jobs were easier to give and hand jobs were no big deal. They were just a hand job. Definitely, without a doubt, she gave more hand jobs than blowjobs. Now that I thought about it, a cock probably has never passed her lips, which explains why she's given so many hand jobs. She doesn't give blowjobs and is saving her mouth for her special someone, her husband...me.

Only, again, she started counting with one hand, and then with two hands. When she got to ten, she continued counting all over again. She finally stopped at forty-four.


Joe and I just looked at one another. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts enough to speak. I had no idea Kathy was a player. I had no idea Kathy was a sexual animal. I never thought of her in that way. I always thought of her as Kathy, my best friend, and the perfect women that I hoped to have a sexual relationship with and marry one day.

I was in shock that she gave hundreds of hand jobs and has given forty-four blowjobs to forty-four different guys. Holy shit. That's way more women than I've been with, for sure. Quickly I tried to think of how many hand jobs and how many blowjobs I've received from women. When I looked over to Joe, I had the sense that he was doing the same thing.

Faces of all the women I ever dated quickly flowed through my mind and I kept count of what sexual thing they did to me. Most times, it was me doing something to them, usually feeling their tits or if lucky enough, sucking their nipples. My count was disappointing and it was then that I realized that I should give myself a gay test after totaling only five hand jobs and three blowjobs.

"You've given forty-four blowjobs? Are you serious? I don't believe you." I tried to ask her the question without judgment, but I was incredulous. I was jealous. I was beside myself with sexual desire for her. I wished she'd give me a hand job. I wished she'd give me a blowjob.

"No, sorry, I've given way more blowjobs than that," she said with an excited look on her face that in all the years I've known her, I've never known her to have.

The words hit me like a baseball bat to the back of the head. I was jolted away. Suddenly, my mind drifted away and it was as if I was no longer in the room. This whole thing was surreal when she said, 'No, I've given way more blowjobs than that.'

Are you kidding me? You've given way more than forty-four freaking blowjobs? What are you a sex machine? Where the Hell did you find the time to give hundreds of hand jobs and forty-four different men who knows how many blowjobs? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was my dear, sweet, innocent and virginal Kathy, who, as it turns out, isn't so innocent after all. I was dumbfounded.

I gathered my thoughts. Okay, so what if she's given hundreds of hand jobs. So what if she has blown forty-four different men. So what? Obviously, she didn't fuck any of these guys. No doubt, she's still a virgin, which would explain the need to give so many hand jobs and blowjobs. Definitely, she was saving herself for her special someone, her husband...me.


That was all that I could say. I could not fix my mouth to say anything else, not another word. My mind was a blur of her going from one guy giving him a hand job and to another guy to give him a blowjob. Suddenly, I wondered if she had kneepads in her pink cheerleading bag that she carried to practice and to games on game day.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I misunderstood your question, again. I thought you meant how many different guys I've blown." She looked at me before looking at Joe and shrugging her shoulders. "I never gave it any thought until now being under the spotlight with this lesbian test."

"Kathy! I had no idea," I said with my eyes bulging out of my head.

"I was a cheerleader all through college. I was popular and we had a winning team. There were lots of drunken parties and as you can see, I like men and I love sucking cock."

Popular? Yeah, I bet you were. She loves sucking cock. All these years that I've been terminally horny, all these years that I've been lusting over Kathy, and now she confesses that she loves sucking cock and has given hundreds of hand jobs, are you kidding me?

"I'm afraid to ask, but how many blowjobs do you think you gave?"

"Oh, I definitely gave a lot more blowjobs than hand jobs, I can tell you that, for sure." she said. "Guys always want a blowjob rather than a hand job, any time," she said waving a hand at me and shrugging her not so sweet and innocent shoulders.

Are you kidding me? My dream woman, who has given hundreds of hand jobs to twenty-seven different men, now admits that she's given a lot more blowjobs to forty-four men. I couldn't believe my ears. Suddenly, I could feel my erection deflating with the thought of her giving so many men hand jobs and blowjobs when she never even gave me a French kiss. Suddenly, I wished we were never friends. I wished that I was one of those other guys. I wish I played freakin' football at her school instead of majoring in accounting at my school. Suddenly, instead of feeling like the player that I thought I was when I created this lesbian test, I felt like the loser that I truly am in front of the love of my life, my future wife.

I imagined us standing at the altar ready to be pronounced man and wife when the Priest turned to the congregation and asked, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." Suddenly, hundreds of men, some still wearing dirty football uniforms converged up the altar to surround us. They all wanted her.

"So, how many blowjobs do you think you've given?"

"Oh, easily a thousand, at least," she said.

Joey's mouth was hanging open and all the color drained from my face. The rest of my questions were kind of meaningless. I was meaningless. The pedestal that I had placed her on all these years crumbled before my eyes to reveal a giant cock oozing with cum and Kathy on her knees lapping it. My love for her was meaningless.

"I don't think I can go on with the test."

"Why? C'mon, this is fun."

"No, this test is stupid. I can't even ask you the rest of the questions. They are dumb and I'm embarrassed that I even talked you into taking this test. I'm sorry."

In the next chapter Kathy gives herself the rest of the test.


Thank you for reading my story. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. Please take a moment to vote, make a public comment, and/or give me feedback. Your support is why I write. Your feedback will motivate me to write a better story the next time.

If you haven't already, please take moment to add me and/or this story or any other of my stories to your list of favorites. Thanks, Freddie, Bostonfictionwriter.

To be continued...

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