Lessons of Darkness

I don't know much about demonic behavior, but that could just be her doing a little reflection. Nothing wrong with that, and Astaroth's probably exaggerating some stuff to try and rile me up so that he can catch me off guard. "Well if you see her, tell her that I said hi," I say, trying to downplay the whole thing.

It laughs. "Yeah I'm sure she'll be super stocked to hear from the guy who managed to find a heart in her to break. You got me impressed though, I'll tell you that. Any bloke who can break a succubus's heart is a step above the rest mate."

"I'm sure she's doing fine," I say. Not sure if I say so to challenge his account or to assuage myself though. It's really good at wrestling my self-control though.

"All right we're in sensitive territory. I yield, I yield," He says jovially, trying to get all buddy buddy with me. "But let me give you the Astaroth treatment, nothing to fear attached. If learning is what you're after I'm sure you can pick up a lesson or two from me just being me."

"Sounds like a plan," I say matching him in his cockiness. Deep in the back of my head though I'm steeling myself for whatever it has to throw at me. Something tells me not to underestimate this foe. It may be the toughest one yet. "So, how do we begin?"

"You got any suggestions? It's always nice when I get to hear what a person wants straight from the horse's mouth. The go to option of having this body go to town on you is always available."

"I love my wife and would never do anything to betray her," I stand steadfast with.

"Ooh your language just got a bit formal, getting a little defensive on me are you? Always a mark of an insecurity. And you seemed to enjoy it a whole lot when your wife was acting a whole lot more wantonly than she normally does. Maybe you're seeing there's room for improvement. I got the feeling you'd like her to change her demeanor a bit. What can I say? I adapt to the terrain."

"Questions of consent come to mind right now," I shoot back.

"Ok, maybe I overstepped my boundaries a bit but It's not like we're in the real world, it's all metaphysical in here baby. It's like having a dream that involves a beautiful lady worshipping your cock with her mouth. I know many a guy who would love to have that same dream."

"It kind of cheapens it though when one knows there's a demon doing the dreaming for them," I say.

"Mr. Black, don't you think that you could be putting up this front because you don't want to acknowledge monogamy is just killing your style just a bit? Having to be betrothed to a single girl till death do you part can make even the most devoted man shiver a bit. Why don't you let me give you a little break, it won't even be real. You can't cheat in a dream, can you?"

"I don't care, I want a different dream. We could spend this one playing Uno for all I care. I'm not cheating on my wife"

"You really think love thrives with a lack of variety, do you? I know I'm not at year 5 or anything when you would be more than happy to be awash in other women so I got to do a bit more convincing to do than I usually do. But here's the gist, you're going to feel trapped at some point in time, you're going to grow resentful of your wife and poof, marriage kaput. In fact one could argue that I'm helping your marriage by offering a cure for boredom.

"I'm going to take a pass on that. Find me something else to tempt me with."

"Aww, but I want to tempt you with this. Cause I can feel that no matter how much you want to deny yourself your urges, something about what I'm promising is really alluring to you. When you get down to it really, wasn't this," it says while pointing to the body that so accurately mimics Lilith's. "Just a bit better than your beloved Charlotte, if not a whole lot more? You know you may not find your wife so beloved as you keep telling yourself."

"If your goal is to piss me off then good going," I respond tersely.

"Ah come on, I'm trying to help is all. People get the wrong idea about demons, we generally try to help in our own sacrilegious ways. I don't seem to see many people getting satisfaction out of the church, otherwise I would be out of a job. If you really wanted to I'm sure you could find a way to hit self-destruct on this whole dream and wake up to the wife whose love for her you so insecurely defend."

He was right about that. Yet this does not seem like the type of ensnarement I can just walk away from. It will follow me if I turn my back on it. Instead I feel as if I must walk among it, figure out how it intersects with me and then clear its roots from me if I am ever to return to reality untarnished. It will haunt me like a dark cloud that will make many a sunny day gloomy in its midst if I just run. He knows this too, that's precisely why he's offering me this exact scenario as an out.

"I'll stay for now," I respond.

"I figured as much, the offer on the table's a bit too much for you to just walk away from huh?"

"If that's what you want to believe."

"It is, it really is. Because it's Occom's Razor baby, the simplest answer is usually the best. And what could be a simpler answer than you wanting to experience a bit more of life? Try some variety for variety's sake?"

Why argue with him? I had already made my spiel known. Anything more would reek of desperation on my part. Yet I did have to find a way to best this demon, and the only way to do that would be to dive deep into this temptation he has brought before me. Have him thinking that he's gotten me so close to the fantasy he thinks I want that he lets his own guard down enough for me to defeat him.

"I am quite content with spending the rest of my life with her," I say trying to stoke the motivation of the demon in front of me.

"A lady of the church?" It asks me incredulously.

"Yes a lady of the church," I respond back matter of factly.

"You've seen her church firsthand, you've seen the people who worked their way up to the head of what's supposed to be a loving institution just to instill their fears into their constituents. All I know is that after I get done with people, they usually aren't afraid."

"Then show me what you think I want. Something that no fear could keep me from."

"All righty then, let's just start with some visuals, those always make for a better presentation. Begin with some observation before we work our way into participation," Astaroth says as it summons a different surrounding for us.

We find ourselves in my basement, staring face to face at another version of me and Lilith to match the carbon copies that exist beside them watching. The two are currently ensconced in the act of lovemaking that once upon a time that me and the real Lilith did share.

There is a deep love that comes through as I watch a version of the two of us rejoice in the pleasure they are able to bring to another. A connection I once had that could definitely rival the one I share with Charlotte, just one that wasn't bound for this material world. The possibility of spending my life with her still remains however, a road not taken with signs to turn back passing me by every mile or so.

The version of me with Lillith is certainly satisfied all right. No chicanery from Astaroth was needed to make that apparent. The way the version of the two of us that I'm watching now make love to one another is almost balletic in their precision. A past version of me trying to cherish each and every thrust he has with this dark being of perfection. Finding the love in a split second arrangement that had been remiss for the two of them for their entire lives.

I had found Charlotte almost immediately after this encounter, but what about Lilith? Had she found someone as equivalent in the deepest reaches of the netherworld? I doubt it, the person she would be seeking would not have found its way into the realm she currently inhabits. She would most likely find herself on her lonesome with no one to connect with on her quest for reciprocity. She might even go back to the way she was with a renewed sense of hopelessness, the thought of which made me shudder.

There were the two of us sharing such an exquisite moment, why could this not continue? Why couldn't the two of them bask in such rejuvenation that would keep them afloat from the forces of temptation as they had each other in their arms? Two beings who barely know each other, yet are committed to pleasuring the other to the fullest. Little thought to their own pleasure, only the assumption that building on the other's satisfaction will carry the two of them to faraway places that they had never dared dream before in regards to sexual gratification.

It is a beautiful moment between a human and a demon that I am baring witness to, no matter the fact that the human in question is me and the act they are doing is of a sexual nature. It is beautiful in the elation they radiate, all due to the fact the other's loins are in a close enough proximity to the other. Their loins' adjacency serves to build the bridge that allow the two of them such a chance at intimacy, to shirk off all the apathy that had come their way beforehand and find such bliss. Able to set aside their differences and work toward the common goal of their shared pleasure.

I want to cry at the beauty of it all, the empathy that was engendered all because of sexual intercourse. The proof that sexual need is a feature, not a bug in God's great plan can be found in this moment right here. That simple thrusting into a person can transcend its utilitarian function and become a synecdoche for the love that two beings can give to one another as long as they work in tandem. Made even more powerful by the fact that one person was born of Adam and Eve's seed and the other born of more nefarious origin's, with the latter now shirking her dubious beginnings to embrace candor in the face of the earthly pleasures she is sharing in.

Astaroth knows what I am feeling as I watch this moment. "You liked her, didn't you?" It asks.

"I did, I really did," I reply back quite honestly.

"Even more than Charlotte?" It asks rather inquisitively.

"That I am not prepared to say," I respond defensively. For what it's worth, Astaroth is getting to me much more than the rest. Good job Astaroth, it's just a shame that I'm the target.

"What about earlier when I was Charlotte? You seemed to enjoy that quite a bit. Dare I say it? More than the real McCoy? My Charlotte would never betray you, could you say the same about yours? Maybe, just maybe, fantasy is better than reality. I don't even have to facilitate it after a while. I can just show you the ropes and leave you to it to create whatever you want to experience.

Or if you're a bit too attached to reality you could always just re-summon Lilith again. I'm sure she would understand and be more than happy to forgive. You could spend all of eternity with a succubus who you've managed to convince to give up her purely seductive ways and attempt a real relationship with you. You lucky dog you."

I have no answer in this regard. I can only take the moment to consider that maybe what this demon has to say is correct. What if I had missed a chance by turning down Lilith? I still love Charlotte but what if I were meant to be with Lilith? Let me just entertain the possibility that I have made a mistake. Even if it's to be able face my lovely wife with the confidence that I am committed to her without any doubts.

But what if Charlotte did betray me? What would I make of her then? Though I may have experienced her carnally, I still have no way of knowing what her true intentions are. Her true intentions could just be crosses on the sand for all I know. I could not simply cast aside any suggestion from Astaroth's part as inherently false. No, I must find the reason for why its deception is striking such a chord within me. Even if it will just end up with me apologizing profusely to my dear Charlotte for ever doubting her.

This is all doubt, yes I know. But I know I must start at this bottom to make my way back to the comfort that I had known before this demon grabbed ahold of me. I must work through the doubt who Astaroth had laid beneath my feet instead of running from it. Confront it head on instead of dodging the weight it represents for me. I can't let it sink me, I must work my way back from this.

I think at the root of this all lies selfishness. An egocentrism that puts my needs above all else. I had broken off any continual relationship with Lilith out of a belief that it benefited both of us. A belief that in retrospection I still hold onto steadfast. I had struck up my conjunction with Charlotte because it resulted in a better life for us. I still believe in that. I believe our devotion to one another is righteous and will result in bliss for the two of us.

But Astaroth has brought some fear to the surface that was previously deep and hidden. The fear that I need to rely on Charlotte's love to be happy. The fear that she is secretly lying to me and I don't really know her. The fear that Lilith would have made a better partner for me than Charlotte.

I cannot let my need for certainty overpower what the two of us have. Yes, I cannot say for certain what dwells inside Charlotte's mind. However her actions in the recent past have all been to benefit me, or at the very least none of her actions have been to disparage me. She seems to have plotted a course towards our continued intimacy, a course I would like to continue to match her in. I want to be grateful for our time together, no matter what the eventual outcome is.

However the means how Astaroth transfixed me to begin with are still a cause for worry. It had seduced me through sexual activity alone. This means there lies lust in me yet. A lust that this demon seemed to believe, with reason, was its way in.

Had I exposed my exquisite wife to this lust? Had I already subjected her to the inhumanity that I thought lay dormant within me? The thought is almost too much to bear. A great shame hits me. I wanted to conjoin with her sexuality, interconnect with it in ways that would teach the two of us more about overcoming the physical obstacles that separate us. All through the revelry we obtain when we meet one another in such a carnal way. But were there some inclinations within me to make that connection more one sided?

The life of my mind had attached itself to her. It became clear that Charlotte could never be just a person to me, the happiness and satisfaction she brings to me will light my fantasies aflame and leave me wanting more. Fantasies and dreams all involving her would continue to enter my head, regardless of if Charlotte wants a place in them. The same intuition that came up with solutions to my battles with demons would have no off switch when it came to my sexual desires, with Charlotte just being a pawn in them.

I began to cry in a manner that Astaroth assumes to be in keeping with indecision, not from coming face to face with some of my weaknesses in an abrupt manner. "Think about how easily you had Charlotte and how much you had to work to obtain this." Astaroth says while pointing at the form of Lilith it is currently inhabiting.

"You risked life and death just to make your way into this gal's heart. Charlotte on the other hand, just threw herself at you after a particularly intense experience. You were just a cool down lap if you will. Do you really think that's enough to base love on? She will make a fool out of your love and in turn you will feel foolish forever granting it to her. You will lose the trust that gave you the ability to share your love in the first place. Stick with her and you will find yourself loveless and without any love to give, unlovable.

Divorce her and regain your chance at love. You could always leave this earthly plane and live with the perfect 10 that is Lilith. You'll have no competition for her eternal love. Unlike the Charlotte you mistakenly believe is so pure. She is the real temptress, not me or Lilith. She seduced you with the notion that such a pure being could fall for you and you took it hook, line and sinker. She'll just drain you of all your love, throw you away and use her innocent act on someone else. However she hasn't pulled you up just yet, there is still some time. Go and banish her before it is too late!"

I'm not quite the tabula rasa my parents raised me to be. Somewhere along the way human frailty crept into my spirit. What I do have are choices, choices to listen to my better half or choices to plunder the depths of my debauchery in hopes that even greater salvation lies there buried beneath the surface. I carry with me the potential to carry out evil, it is my duty to make sure that it just stays a potential.

I think my love for Charlotte has caused her great joy. At least I hope so. In fact what I have is greater than hope, it's faith. Faith that my presence in her life is one she cherishes, faith that my love for her helps bolster an already full life on her behalf. That is at least the incertitude I choose to believe is true while being ok if it just turns out to be a delusion. I know for a fact that my feelings for her are at least true and have faith that exposure to them will do Charlotte good on her path through life.

Yes I have fantasies, who doesn't. The problem lies in the wrath that sometimes occurs when those lofty ideals aren't met. To escape this land I would have to set fire to a fantasy. It wouldn't be about destroying it, it would be about being ok with watching it burn. To show that I can keep my cool even if the woman I love decides to turn her back on me.

I had to believe my life with Charlotte would be better than anything that I can create by just myself. Not to believe in the solipsism that tells me that my mind alone is what I can trust. That our two souls melding would give rise to greater accomplishments than what of either the two of us could do apart. Even if at one point she does choose to end our relationship with no decision on my part, I would have solace that my feelings for her were true and helped power me while we were together and hopefully for a time after.

This is my mind too you know, no way that Astaroth is the only one who can summon visions. So with that thought I summon my own creation, this one of the form of Charlotte, To let me say something to her.

"Charlotte, I love you. And I just want you to know that if you ever decide to end our relationship than that is ok with me. Naturally I would prefer it if you stayed with me but I want you to be happy, and if you think you can do that better than without me... Then go for it."

"Understood," says the figment of Charlotte, through no will of my own. "And likewise."

Astaroth looks dumbfounded. Clearly it had never seen the likes of true love before, only need, anxiety and how they relate to the experience some people misconstrue as love. "Yeah I was not expecting that. Don't really have any recourse in the face of that. Now I know why Lilith become so silent after meeting you.," Astaroth says stone facedly.

"You know to be honest I hadn't really planned a contingency in case of this. What can I say, first time's usually the charm. I guess I'll go bother someone else for now. Hopefully you'll let me just sneak out the back with whatever remaining dignity I have left. Even though you probably don't like me too much right now," it continues.

"Hey, this is what you do. I get it. Next time though don't pretend to be someone else's wife and suck that person's dick. That's not cool."

"All right I won't. Take care," the demon Astaroth says as it disappears from my mind forever more.

I had passed its test, I put reality over fantasy no matter what complications might arise with the former. In a way the acceptance of come what may had just made my love purer, as my love for Charlotte is no longer based on the destination that this journey might take us. I accept fantasy and still regard it as a possible benefit that will allow me to conceptualize new ideas to enact in the real world but will no longer be beholden to it.