Lori a Fresh Start and a New Love

"There's no need for any antagonism or anxiety. There's nothing going on."

"Tab, this is as much my fault as yours. We never set boundaries for our relationship. I assumed you were committed to me, as I have been to you. When I get back, we will definitely set those boundaries."

That night, some of our early songs got a very angry treatment. I started them fast and furious. With the tube screamer turned to eight and the distortion channel set to six. I thrashed it out. Strangely, Marla was right there with me, her drums the perfect accompaniment. She let the sticks fly. The sound was like a thousand marching bands. The thunder roared that night. Amber, being herself, quickly followed suit.

What surprised me... the audience loved it. They thought they were getting some new contemporary arrangement, not a crazy chick with a guitar working out her anger. It set the tone for the rest of the tour.

With every day that passed, Tab called, as it was impossible to hide from. I tried deleting and blocking, then she just phoned Amber or Marls. Or worse still, Rhonda, because she couldn't be shaken off.

Amber knew what was going on, her Mum had explained things. "Don't get your titties in a tangle, cuz. You know how much Tab loves you. She ain't going to do nothing to put that at risk."

"Yeaah, but they're sleeping together."

"So what. Jesus girl. Even if she was sleeping with her, would that be so bad? I seen the way you fawn over that girl. I think your problem is you love them both.

"Lori, it ain't my concern, but I seen the way you look at that girl. Ask yourself this, which one are you jealous about?"

"What?"

"Look at it this way: are you mad because Tina is eating at your home ranch, or are you angry because Tabs is getting to sample something you wanted for yourself? Answer that question and your troubles are halfway over."

"Oh yeah, thanks, Judge Amber."

"Say it again, I like it. It got a ring to it."

'Fuck you, bitch."

That conversation made me think more than I wanted to admit. Before reconnecting with Tab, I definitely had a thing for Tina. I admit to being a little obsessed. After Tab and I found our selves, and everything fell into place. I assumed that we were expecting to be monogamous. Then I fell into Tina's web, and I was so relieved when Tab forgave my dalliance.

Although now the foot was on the other foot, and I didn't like it. Was it revenge? Were they falling in love, and it was me who was going to get left out in the cold?'

The more I pontificated, the more confused and anxious I became.

I was glad when the tour was over and we flew back into Auckland. I expected Tab at least to meet me at the airport. Renata was there with Honey and Kaylee. Callie and a couple of the other girls were there, but no sign of Tab.

When I asked, Renata said, "She rang today, and said she would like you to travel down to Pio Pio and meet her there."

"I just got off an eight hour flight. I'm not driving down there today."

"No, you must come home and relax. The girls are baking a huge dinner." As the girls unloaded the Surf at home, Rhonda started telling stories about the tour and her adventures. That gave me some spare time. I wandered down the back and phoned Tab. "Hey, Tab. What's happening. Expected to see you at the airport."

"Sorry, sweets, we've been really busy here. Tina has made some real progress. She has been clean for the last two tests.."

"That's good," I replied cautiously. "Doesn't explain why you weren't here to greet me. Do we, as in you and I, have a problem?"

There was that damn pause again. "It depends on you. I don't think it's a problem. But I don't want to discuss it over the phone."

Reading between the lines I said. "Will you answer me one question honestly. No bullshit, just a straight yes or no."

"Yes," she answered, but it was stilted with a long pause. "Lori, I would rather we talked about this face to face. Not on the phone."

"Have you been having sex with Tina?"

Again the fucking pause, it wasn't pregnant, it was multiple pregnancies. "Well, have you, yes or no."

"It's not that simple Lori. Can we talk when we're together?"

"Simply answer that question. It's not difficult."

"it is difficult, Lori. I love you, you mean everything to me. Please can't it wait until we're all together?"

"Tab, I know you well enough to assume the reason you can't or won't answer that question is because the answer's yes. Just tell me this much. Are you in love with her?"

It was hesitant, but she managed to squeak out guiltily, "Yes, I'm in love with her."

"And you've been making love?"

"Yes, all right. Have it your way. We'll do it over the phone. Yes, we have been making love."

"Is she in love with you?"

"I think so, yes."

"Thanks for your honesty, Tab. I'll see you when I see you." I disconnected the call. My heart was in my throat. Breathing was impossible. I walked right down the back of the garden where the girls had built a tree house.

I climbed up into it and sat with my knees pulled up under my chin. I heard Amber calling my name as dinner was being served. I couldn't face them. The questions were going to be non stop. All I wanted was some space to breathe. I sat like that until well after dark, and I was tired. Turning my phone off. I went to sleep.

I had never wanted a fix more in the last five years than right then and there. If I had the needle, it would already be in my arm.

As it was, I cried. I cried harder than I had in a long time. The one decision I made was. I wasn't driving all the way down there to be given a dear Lori lecture.

If they wanted to shoot me down and cast me aside, then they could come here and do it in front of everybody. Fucking cheating sluts. Christ, they were in my home, in my bed, eating my food. Fuck them. One thing I could do was get them evicted. Tina had never once paid any rent.

Not that I'd asked for it. In the morning, I rang the King Country regional council and notified them that I had squatters moved into my house while I was away, and I needed them evicted immediately.

Of course there were questions. Did they have my permission, and I said no. I knew who they were, but they had no legal rights to be occupying my house.

I guess they were having a slow day, because it was less than an hour when my phone went mad. I was just walking out of the shower when Amber intercepted me. "Will you please call Tab? She's going of her nut. Something about cops turning up to evict them or some shit."

"Yeah, no worries, I'll get onto it."

She gave me a deep angry glare. "Was that you, did you organise it?"

"Nah, not me. First I heard about it."

"Aren't you supposed to be driving down there today?"

"I can't. I have the debrief session with the label execs. That's at eleven. They're taking me out for lunch."

"Lucky for some," she scoffed. "I didn't even get an invite."

Thinking she was serious, I said, "You're welcome to come. I expected you to be busy catching up with Honey and Kaylee."

She giggled. "I am, I'm just razzing yah. Please, call Tab first. She sounded really upset."

I was nearly at the label office when my phone buzzed. I recognised the police number and answered. "What the fuck is going on, Lori? The cops are here and they say you reported us for squatting. They're evicting us."

"Yep, that's right. Neither you or Tina have paid a cent in rent. You've been eating my food and using my appliances. I got an overdue account from the power company because you haven't paid any accounts. Jim, my neighbour told me there's rubbish bags piled up around the back which will attract rats."

"Shit, that's only because we didn't know what to do with them."

"Lies. Tina knows exactly what to do with them. I can't talk at the moment. I'm just about to walk into our tour debriefing. Don't bother calling, my phone will be off."

"Is that what you really want? You wouldn't even give us a chance to explain?"

"What's to explain, Tab? You and Tina have been shacked up in my home four over a month playing house. Having sex. Now it's time to move out. See yah."

I turned off my phone, and entered the meeting. The execs were happy with the tour. It had been a great success, and it had been a financial windfall. They wanted us to take a two month hiatus, then return to Aussie for the music festival season, and then fly on to the UK for a short whistle stop tour.

When I walked out. I jumped in the Surf, and headed south. What Amber didn't know is that I had removed all of my stuff from Tab's, and was now heading home. I guessed Tab would take the route through Te Awamutu. I decided so we didn't bump into each other, I would go through Pirongia. The road comes together above Otorohanga, but I expected them to be long gone by the time I drove through.

I was pretty hungry by the time I got to Te Kuiti, and went to stop at the Sunrise bakery. It was always our favourite spot when Tina and I were together. Some nice cheese swirls and a Lamington, my mouth salivated at the memory. Unfortunately, there was Tab's car parked out side. I drove further down town to Tiffany's. They had off street parking. The food was still nice, they just didn't have the cheese twisties. With my tummy full, I continued home, taking a stop at the Pio Pio superette to pick up supplies, milk, coffee, bread, margarine, some vegetables and meat for a week or so. I needed time to assess where to go. It had implications for the band, as well. Tab had poured her heart and soul into working with us, It was her booking that gig at the Blues club that got us moving.

Now, there was no way we were going to be able to work together. She was going to have to go. I knew that wouldn't sit well with Amber and Marla. Their relationship with Tab was great.

After unloading the groceries, I took the opportunity to look around the place. First off it was absolutely clear that the second bedroom hadn't been slept in at all. Secondly, Tina had taken all of her clothes and personal belongings. Even her car was gone.

I did get one happy surprise. At least they had been working outside. The vegetable garden was freshly weeded, and the edges all trimmed. The place looked to be in good order.

My phone went off again, and this time it was the police saying things had been tetchy during the eviction, so the police themselves had applied for and received a written non-trespass order and Tab and Tina were not allowed to step foot on the property.

"Thank you. That makes me feel so much safer." It's a small town, and I knew the gossip would have already started.

I knew the cop, and he asked, "What's going on, Lori, I thought you and Tina were pretty tight?"

"We were, she got involved with some dodgy people and she went off the rails a bit."

"Shame. I guess you guys won't be performing around town anymore?"

"Yeah, nah, 'fraid not dude. That's all gone."

That night, the phone rang and it was Tab. I could delete the call and block her number, but at some stage, we were going to have to talk.

"Whattya want, Tab?"

"What in god's name is going on? Why did you get us evicted? You called the bloody cops, Lori. You did all of that rather than talking to me."

"Didn't seem like there was much to talk about. I get it, all right. I totally get it. Tina's a hottie. You clearly have fallen in love. Good luck to you."

'Lori, it wasn't like that. You haven't given me a chance to explain anything."

"You had your chance. You could have met me at the airport like we planned and we could have talked. Christ, you couldn't even do that. You made me look like a fool. Here I was with a big bunch of flowers for you, and you're a no-show."

"I'm sorry, I wanted us to talk privately. There was no chance of that at the house. Tina and I thought it would be best if you came down there. Then we could try and explain things."

"You expected me to get off a non-stop flight from Perth, and then drive four hours down there?"

"No, silly. We knew you'd be tired. But we thought you could drive down the next day. We had everything ready."

"Yeah, for an ambush. You know the bed in the spare room hasn't even been slept in. That means you two were doing it from the moment you got down here. Then all you needed was to tell me. Sorry, Tab, I wasn't driving down here to be told I was no longer required. That you'd moved on."

"Oh shit, don't be daft, sweets, that not what was going to happen."

"Yeah right. Look, I'm not holding a grudge. I'm happy for you. It would make it impossible for the band though. So I'm asking you to step back from that. I'll take over until we can get a media person."

"Oh my god, will you stop already? Like, take a breath, babe. You have jumped to the wrong conclusion. I'm not walking away from the band. Shit, Amber and Marla are trying as hard as we are to figure out what's happening."

"I'll type up an email and update everybody. I'll include you, but it will be the last one you're included on. We can't work together after this, Tab. I feel totally let down. I thought we had something wonderful. The first time I'm out of the picture you invite Tina into your bed. How do you think I feel?"

"Lori, could you stop, just take a breath and let me try to explain things. It might change your mind."

"Tab, there's a no trespass order against you and Tina. Turn up here and you will be arrested."

I could hear that she was crying. "Lori, you've got it all wrong." She couldn't stifle the tears. "You're not giving me a chance. If you'd just listen."

The anger boiled away inside. Nothing I could do seemed to ease it. The indigestion was killing me. I pulled on my old jeans, and a Tee. An hour hater and I had another trailer full of rocks for the entrance way. I remembered how I got through my detox, and it was work, hard bloody work. I spent the day stacking and moving rocks. I chopped firewood. My back ached, and my shirt was dirty and drenched in perspiration. It felt good.

That night after a cold beer and a soak in the tub, I felt better. I had the volume down on my phone, but it was filling up with messages from everybody.

A quick bite to eat and I sent off the email explaining our basic schedule. No precise dates, just the label's desires.

As I ended the email, I added a section saying Tab had decided she was to busy to stick with the band, and was leaving us. I thanked her for her hard work and wished her well for the future.

I knew I couldn't hide forever, but I needed a few days to gather my thoughts. I didn't want to give Tab the satisfaction of seeing me cry. It's not like I wasn't doing enough of it. Every night I cried myself to sleep. The third day of moving rocks and the paddocks looked better than ever.

It was like that around here. You think you've got them all, then it rains and more rocks come to the surface. Still, it gave me a chance to work out a lot of my issues.

Thursday, I woke feeling quite strong. I scrolled through the list of missed calls and texts. I felt capable of talking to Amber, so gave her a call.

"What the fuck is going on, Lori? The place is in chaos. What in god's name is happening?"

I had decided I wasn't going to tell anybody about what happened. It would remain my secret. "Amber, I know it's a shock, but Tab doesn't have the time to focus on the band any longer."

"Lori, are you back on drugs? Tab lives here, remember? She told us everything okay. I'm sorry Cuz, you must be hurting, but you gotta talk to her, Sis. This place is falling apart. There's Tab in one room bawling her eyes out, and the skank in another doing the same."

"Makes me glad I moved out."'

"Yeah, good for you, but I'm still here. You have to talk to Tab, Lori. It might actually put an end to this craziness."

"I've heard enough of her bullshit. I just want to move on with my life. What did you think about the tour proposition?"

"Yeah, it's a sweet deal. I've never been to the UK, so I'm keen as."

"Sweet, have you spoken to Marla?"

"Yeah, and she's just as enthusiastic. Cuz, you gotta talk to Tab, she's hurting and she's my friend as well. I never thought I would see you act like this. She's dying, girl. Every day a little more fire goes out of her eyes. She knows she fucked up, Lori. If you give her a chance, she simply wants to say sorry."

"Yea, yeah. She said it already."

"Lori, babe. There's so much more to this than what happened between her and Tina. She's got this amazing plan for all of us, and I tell you, girl, it's huge."

"It doesn't matter, Amber. Don't you understand... She cheated on me. I can never work with her again. Fuck, girl, I remember when you told me about that worthless fucker you married. When he cheated, you wanted to kill him."

"Lori, I'm not defending their actions. They did the worst thing. I get it; I understand more than most, but listen to me Cuz, there's a story behind it. You might be interested, you might not, but you gotta hear it."

"One day, but it won't be soon, I'll sit down with Tab and talk. Right now, I just want to pull out every lock of hair on her head, and scratch her fucking eyes out."

"You're my mate, Lori, and I do love you, my girls love you. But you're making a big mistake. What harm could there be in sitting down and talking with her?"

"I'm not ready, Amber. Maybe one day, but not today."

I was distracted as I noticed a regional council car pull to a stop beside the Surf. A young man and a woman climbed out. "Is miss Tabitha Ellery, available?"

"No she's not. I'm Lori Fairmore. I own this place, maybe I can help?"

"We're her to discuss the chalets Miss Ellery was looking at erecting here on site."

"I think you're confused. There's no chalets being built here."

"But Muss Ellery was adamant. She seemed very distressed when we explained the council bylaws, and that there is only room for ten, and that's if the sewerage system can handle it. We have the engineer coming out to inspect this afternoon."

"Look, lady. Let me make this very clear. I evicted miss Fairmore from the property five days ago, and she's now under a no trespass order. This is my property, I own it. I can tell you categorically. There will be no chalets getting built here. I think you would be wise to tear up whatever paperwork you have. She's a bloody fraud."

"Well I never. This is preposterous. She clearly sought our planning approval."

"Well, cancel it."

I scratched my head as I watched them reverse out the driveway. What in gods name was going on?

That wasn't the only weird visit I got. A company who specialise in building small holiday chalets arrived with plans and costings. He was most pissed off when I told him he had been led up the garden path.

"Well who the hells going to pay for the work I've already done?"

"You'll have to contact Tabitha Ellery. I gave him her phone number and email.

When the group from Child protective services turned up, I was at the end of my rope. I listened as they went over some hair brained scheme about this being a home halfway house, a rehab centre and a training centre. I exploded.

"Get out, the lot of you. Tabitha has obviously given you lot a very misleading story. This is my home, I own it. She has no right to talk on my behalf. Any ridiculous plans she has sent you can be thrown away. She apparently suffers from some delusions of grandeur."

They, like the others, left angry and unamused. I couldn't figure out what Tab had been trying to achieve, but by doing it behind my back just annoyed the hell out of me.

A lady from the lotteries commission was next, and she was really angry, suggesting if we didn't sort our shit out, there would be no chance of getting their support.

That night Tab called, and I had no choice. I needed to know what the hell was going on. When I explained all the people who had turned up, who I had turned away she sighed. "Oh god. Do you know how much time and effort I put into that?"