Lori a Fresh Start and a New Love

"No I don't, because you never told me."

"I was going to tell you when you came down after you got back from tour. It was going to be my big surprise."

"Sorry, but the big surprise is you were having sex with Tina. The fact you have all these plans to turn my farm into some kind of holiday park just finished me off."

"I wanted to tell you, but with the time zones mixed up, it never seemed appropriate. I know, I stuffed up again. I should never have organised so much without talking to you, but I knew once you saw what we wanted to achieve, you would be so into it."

"We... Who's we?"

"Tina and I. We started..."

I cut her off quickly. "You and Tina were discussing cutting up my farm, my home... Fuck you Tab. This gets worse rather than better. You fuck her, you break my heart, and now this. If I never see you again it'll be too soon."

"Sweets, please let me explain. Let me come down and talk to you."

"Tab, you have the girl you wanted. Just take that. Forget whatever other shit you had planned for me. Thankfully, we'll be off to London in about a month. I can hopefully find somebody who will love me."

"Don't say that. I love you, Tina loves you. We both love you." I took that opportunity to disconnect the call. I had heard enough.

Now I was totally confused, and nothing my tiny brain could throw up, helped one little bit. I decided maybe I needed to get off the farm. A short drive into town helped clear my head. Amazing what a little wind through your hair does for your spirits. Parking by the food market, I wandered down to the cafe, noticing the hairdressers chairs were empty. On a whim I walked in, and Hilda, the owner waved me over to a seat.

"What is it going to be Lori?"

"A colour, something new, maybe life would be fun as a redhead for a while. You know what they say, Hilda. Blondes are noticed, but redheads are remembered."

She smiled snidely. "You know what else they say... Blondes are wild, brunettes are true, but you never know what a redhead will do."

I giggled along with her. "Sounds like we've made our mind up then. Red it is, but not just red, some highlights would be nice."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I promise after this, nobody will miss you. It's going to take a couple of hours."

"Sweet, I got nothing planned."

"You had us all fooled you know. None of us knew you were Marylyn. Old Jenny down at the Op shop reckoned she knew, but you know what she's like. Oh, I loved your latest record. It was wonderful."

"Thanks doll... Glad you liked it."

"What happened to that girl who was singing with you? I think I saw her around town a couple of weeks ago."

"I think she's up in Auckland. She's just released an album of her own."

"Yes, I heard some of it on the radio, but I didn't like it. I liked it better when she was singing with you. I loved seeing you down at the pub. Made Sunday lunch so nice."

"Thanks, Hon. So what's all the gossip from around town?"

"There was some talk about some woman wanting to start up a home for wayward kids or something. I was talking to Janet from the council the other day. She said they wanted to bring in cabins. People were worried about what would happen having a bunch of wild young kids hanging around."

"Where were they doing that?"

"There were a couple of places. Old Fred, he's just up past your place. Apparently he was talking about getting involved. Certainly got folks backs up."

"Who was the woman?"

"I don't know her. Tabitha or something like that. She was talking to all sorts of people. She was a real go getter that's for sure, although it's all gone quiet now though."

As I sat with the foils in my hair as she made me a coffee.

I walked out with a new style and colour that gave me a real kick. Walking past the shop windows, I felt embarrassed admiring my reflection. I swear it took ten years off my age... Never a bad thing. It was too late for lunch, so I turned, heading down to the Cossie club. They did a nice roast dinner.

At the bar, I ordered a glass of wine, and Harry, a bloke who had a small holding south of my farm was there. He stormed up to me. "What the hell is all this talk about you bringing in bloody cabins for runaway kids. As if this town doesn't have enough trouble with delinquents and vandals around here as it is."

"Harry, I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"There's this bloody woman running all over town promoting turning your farm into a centre for runaways and kids in trouble. Pete told me she asked for a quote to deliver 12 cabins to your place. There's all sorts of bloody rumours."

"There might be, but they have nothing to do with me. I don't know who or what the hell you're talking about."

"I'm telling you, miss high all bloody mighty, we're not having any of them out of control bloody Auckland kids destroying our town. We'll bloody fight you all the way. I've already been down the council, I've rung our Minister of parliament."

"Good for you, mate. You do what you think's right. Just leave my name out of it."

He stormed off furious, his arms swinging like he was marching into battle. Wow, all I wanted was a quiet dinner. I was just about to walk off when Vanessa, the manager, walked over with a glass of wine. "Sorry for that, Lori."

"No worries, Vanessa."

"No he had no rights to go off like that, the silly old bugger." She handed me my wine and walked to a table where she sat with me. "Gee, your hair looks amazing."

"Thanks, Hon, I'm happy with it."

"You friend, Tabitha, I think she had a great idea. She talked to us whether we would be interested in helping with funding. I said we would, but needed more info."

"Vanessa, Tab had no rights to even talk about it. She never even spoke to me. I don't know where all this came from."

"Tina was here with her. The way they were talking it was like it was something you were involved in. Tina mentioned that one of the troubled kids went on tour with you?"

"Rhonda... She stays at Tab's place in Auckland and she's a student of mine. It was a gift."

Vanessa waved to Marge at the bar and she brought over another couple of wines. "Tabitha did say she was already running the house in Auckland, and the foundation you were forming was going to be a combined approach."

"I'm sorry, Vanessa, but I've only recently returned from an Aussie tour. I know nothing about that. All this has taken me complete by surprise."

"But you and Tabitha are business partners, isn't she your manager?"

"She used to be. She recently quit to focus on her own business interests."

"That sounds awkward. I got the impression you were besties?"

"We are friends, but she has her own focus. Sorry to be a nuisance, but I was hoping for dinner."

"Oh god, sorry, darling. Here's me rabbiting on like a crazy woman. Is the roast okay?"

"Perfect." Vanessa rushed off to order the food, but unfortunately returned to sit with me. Fortunately, all she wanted to talk about was music and people. More gossip than anything. It ended up being a bit of fun. The bonus being, she said the meal and wine were on the house.

Back home, I started to get a little angry. Tab had gone off completely. Talking to all these people and never once talking to me. Not even in passing, or as a casual conversation.

It wasn't just frustrating, she had made a complete fool of me in my home town. It hurt every bit as much as her cheating.

It was three days later when Tab turned up on my doorstep. I was down by the creek at the back of my property clearing away some debris from a recent flood. Water never came higher than behind the chicken coop, but it always brought logs and junk from further up the creek.

I was furiously cutting up the larger logs into firewood sized slabs for splitting. That was the good news from the flood, I was going to end up with a years supply of firewood.

I stood up, turned off the chainsaw, and was wiping my brow when I heard her. "Hey Lori."

Turning, I found Tab staring at me, tears collecting in her eyes and her hands clasped together tightly in front of her. "What do you want Tab. You know if I phone the cops, you would be arrested, like right now I mean."

"Lori, if you just give me a chance to explain what happened, then you can call the cops. All I want is a chance to apologise and try and explain."

"What's to explain, Tab? You already told me you had sex with her."

"I never denied it," she said, holding my gaze steadily.

"Then what is there to talk about?"

"Babe, I am not trying to make light of what we did. It was horrible, and I feel terrible."

"Can't have felt too terrible."

The tears started in earnest as she sobbed. "I felt guilty and terrible, and happy and joyous all at the same time."

"Well you have your prize, you need nothing from me."

She tried to move closer for a hug, but I wasn't having that. I placed my palm flatly on her chest. "No, Tab. You gave up your rights the moment you decided to have sex with her."

"This is all going to sound unbelievable, and I know you won't believe me, but we were both thinking of you."

"Thinking of me... do you know how ridiculous that sounds."

"Yes," she said with a tremulous voice. Then she gasped. "Oh my god... Your hair." She reached out to touch it, but I stepped back.

"Tab, what is it you want? It's clearly not me."

"Babe, it is you. We both want you. Tina wants you, I want you. It sounds weird, but while we were here, we talked a lot about you. She told me how she loved you, how she had fallen in love with you. Not Marylyn, she loved you. She had never even made love with you, but she knew."

"You're not making any sense, Tab."

"I know. I don't believe it either. She was so sick. She had the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. She was shaking and feverish. You must remember what it was like."

"Yes," I said with a melancholy sigh. "I remember it well."

"While I was comforting her, we hugged and talked about you. It was all she could talk about. How sorry she was that she fucked everything up, the band, the recordings, everything. All she wanted was to make it right."

Sometimes, you can look at somebody and see inside them. She believed every word, you can't make that up, the emotions, the fears. "As I held her, we cuddled, kissed. The kisses became caresses. The caresses became sensual, and yes, we made love. Afterwards, I cried and cried. It was so wrong and yet it felt right. It was her turn to comfort me."

I couldn't think of anything to say; how do you argue with insanity?

"I know it was wrong, sweets, we shouldn't have done it. We both knew it. But as we cuddled together trying to ease our conscience, she said, "We should be together, all of us. I love you Tab, but I love Lori as well. I know she loves me, I have always felt it. That's why I was trying so hard to get us the best deal. It's why I slept with Remi, he said he could make sure got the hottest deal."

"That's bullshit, Tab. You saw her, the way she was all over him."

"Yeah, I know, babe, but she thought she was doing the right thing. She is so oblivious to things around her. She got played. We've both been there. Never doubt that she did it for the right reason. She loves you, just like me. She's young, full of desire and energy. She wanted to do good."

She moved closer, and this time as her fingers glided through my hair, her fingers grazing my scalp. I didn't try to stop her.

"Babe, when she said we should all be together, it made so much sense. I never doubted your love for me, but I saw in you something else. You love her, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. As she and I got closer, I began to understand her. I felt it as well there's a vibrancy, a mellifluous splice. We're so tightly interwoven. The three of us, we are one."

"Tab, even if I bought into this. It doesn't make it right. All you had to do is wait, then we could have talked about it. That crap about you giving me permission to sleep with somebody else. You were planning to sleep with her before I even left."

"No, that was real. I have been thinking about this for a long time. You and I, do you remember when we first had sex?"

"Yeah." I snorted. "It's a hard memory to forget. It was the single most wonderful moment of my life. I should never have let you go."

"Life pulled us apart, drugs, fame, sex. We've both slept with other people, men and women, well you have."

I scowled. "Are you saying you've never had sex with a man?"

"No, never once," she said emphatically. "I'm a gold card baby. It doesn't matter. My realisation was, we've had sex with other people, but for me, there's always been this connection. Always, and I knew, if you did do it with somebody else, you would still be mine when you got back. Nothing would have changed, except you would have had one night when you didn't sleep alone."

Her hand caressed my scalp, and she moved closer, her other hand joining the party, her fingers creating orgasmic waves of euphoria. Her face closed in, our breath coalescing, our bodies coming together, melding uniting as one, her nipples prodding my own.

"God I love the colour, it looks so sexy," she purred. "I've never had a redhead."

"Liar," I mumbled, my words intertwining with hers.

"I'm sorry, babe. We should have waited, but lets not forget, you couldn't wait either. If I recall, you were the one who started this snowball rolling."

"Yeah, I know I'm not the person to be pointing fingers, but I thought we were going to try and make a go of it, you and me."

As her wet slippery lips slid over mine, she breathed into my open mouth. "I still want that, you and me, but think about it. Take away the anger and think about it. The three of us. This feels weird saying it to you, but here goes. I love her, Lori. Not in the same way I love you, but I have this amazing connection with her."

She was right, and I felt like a wave had just crashed over me and swept me away.

I harboured all this anger and jealousy, but it dawned on me: I was jealous of them both. It wasn't just Tab, or Tina. "You want an open marriage?"

She shook her head. No, I want a very closed marriage that has three people in it."

"I'm assuming you've talked to her about this?"

"Have I... God we talked this thing to death while you were on tour. That's what I feel guilty about. I wanted you to be part of it all. The kissing, the cuddling, the talking and planning."

"Do you actually think that sort of thing works? Shit, girl, have you ever been in a threesome?"

She giggled teasingly. "No, have you?"

"Yeah, but not like that."

She looked confused. "It was a guy and a girl. The fucking boss of Albatross records. He was holding it over me. I wanted to tour and open for Greta Somerlink. Jesus, I was only twenty, and he introduced me to heroin after we did some lines of speed, and then coke. I was so out of it. See, that's the problem. I've done so much stupid shit. It's hard to be mad at people."

"Oh, like hell. Shit you lying bitch. You got me evicted, you haven't talked to me since you got back. Can't be mad my arse."

I sneered at her, the smirk immovable. "I didn't mean I can't be mad... I just can't do it with a clear conscience. Everything I accused you of, I've done ten times worse. Yeah, I even fucked her first."

The kiss melted all my anger, but then the other images came into my head. "Hang on, I'm still mad."

"Oh phooey, why? You said you cheated first."

"I'm talking about all the shit I've been hearing since I got back. I just about got lynched down at the Cossy club. Some shit about cabins, runaway kids, some foundation. What the fuck was that shit about?"

She tugged viciously on my hair as she pulled me into a fierce ice-melting kiss. It certainly melted me; I could feel myself tingling and my pussy twitching, a familiar stickiness making me squeeze my thighs together.

As we separated, she said, "Could we make love first?"

After that kiss, the world could end, and I wouldn't care.

It was the first time I had made love to anyone in that bed, and I sniggered. "We're breaking in my bed. Two years, and nothing."

She giggled. "Then shut up and break it in, stop teasing me."

Then that bolt of lightening struck me. "Is it the first time for my bed?"

"Yes, we did it in her bed, and I can tell you this, it's uncomfortable as hell."

Afterwards, it was heaven. Her in my arms, her head on my shoulder, her teeth pulling playfully on my ear, nibbling and kissing, her fingernails dragging sexy tingling trails all over my tummy.

"Are you going to tell me now that you turned me into jelly."

She smirked slyly. "Creamy jelly." She sighed, taking in a large breath. "This is going to be long, so don't interrupt."

"Go on. I can't wait to hear this shit."

"Okay, it was while we were working. Every day, we worked around the property. I remembered you talking about the way you gathered the rocks and cut the blackberry, dug out the gorse. As we worked, Tina said how it helped, the physical part of it. There was something about pouring yourself into working on this place."

"Yeah, it got me through some dark times."

Grumpily, she retorted. "You said you were going to listen."

"I'm listening. Surely I'm allowed to agree?"

"Yeah, sorry. Anyway, it was during those talks. We started talking about how good it would be to get some of the girls down here, let them get their hands dirty. Carry some rocks, build something. The idea wouldn't go away and it got to the stage. I had to do something."

"Oh, you did that all right."

"I'm sorry I did all of this without talking to you, but I knew you'd love the idea. I got quotes from builders and housing suppliers. I talked to the council. I talked with the Lotteries commission, locals. It was all coming together amazingly."

"Don't you worry, I heard from some of the locals."

"Sweets, I'm sorry. I know I should have talked to you first, but once I started it just kept growing. Tina and I were making love, everything was going so well. She was so into the idea, she kept feeding my desire to do something good. Maybe that was driven by guilt. I don't know for sure."

"It took me by surprise, that's for sure."

"I know, I sensed it. I knew if I could talk to you, explain everything. I just knew you'd love the idea as much as we did. But then you shut me out of your life. Refused to talk to me and it all came tumbling down. I realised how much I'd hurt you. That killed me, and as bad as it was for me. Tina was worse. She's still a mess. I was seriously worried she'd do something silly. It's why I had to see you."

Her words churned around inside me. I felt my heart constrict when she got to the bit about her and Tina. Underneath it, though, there was a feeling of emptiness.

"You're serious?"

"Yes, I couldn't be more serious. I love all the girls who come through my home. I love the fact I can change their lives. I mean you've seen how you've impacted Rhonda. Now all the girls want to go on tour with you. There's a line up of girls wanting music lessons. Marla and Amber have been great, but the missing ingredient, is you."

"But how would it work? If I'm up there, who looks after this place?"

"Oh no, you got it all wrong babe. You, me and Tina would run this place. Amber and Renatta would manage the Auckland home. I wanted to form a charitable foundation. Drugs are killing the young people of this country. They get so fucked up on P, and shit. I want to help. When I got really serious, Tina said she would donate towards it, and I thought you might like to do the same."

"Holy shit girl. What the hell. I can't get my head around this."

"I know, and it's why I feel so guilty, and now it's pretty fucked up because I've had all these people who were on side with me pulling out. They accused me of being a scammer, because they had spoken to you, and you told them I had no rights to include your name, or worse still, didn't even know who I was. That one hurt."